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This week we zero in on two state schools on opposite sides of Kansas City – University of Kansas and the University of Missouri. The Big 12 conference rivals share rhyming nicknames (KU and Mizzou) but little else. How do the two joke-loving, panty-raiding, prideful colleges measure up?

1. Mascot Matchup

Kansas- The colorful Jayhawks are the pride of Lawrence, Kansas. Their infamous chant, “Rock Chalk Jayhawk!” was once proclaimed by Teddy Roosevelt as “the greatest college chant [he'd] ever heard.”
Mizzou- The mascot of Columbia, MO is named Truman the Tiger, after President Harry Truman.

Three credits to: Kansas. Check out the ominous/grandiose audio to accompany the Jayhawk squawk.

2. Terrific Traditions

Kansas- A website dedicated to KU history notes that campus periodicals were among the first to feature sex columns and frequently reported a regular Kansas activity: panty raids!
Mizzou- In addition to the annual Tap Day (where student leaders are “tapped” into honor society), another mainstay of  Mizzou culture is poking fun of their rivals to the west. Check out this hilarious collection of KU jokes.

Three Credits to: Mizzou. “How can you tell if a Jayhawk is a good cook? The PopTart is still in one piece!”

3. Die-Hard Downloads

Kansas- The school has a link to “KU Fun Stuff” including Jayhawk-themed screensavers, e-cards, and specialized “Hawkagami.” No, really.
Mizzou- Fans can get animated cell phone wallpaper and ringtones of popular chants on the athletics homepage.

Three credits to:  Kansas. The school has its own special origami. And tangrams. And paper airplanes. Does my college have that? Does yours??

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

Kansas– Paul Rudd, Rob Riggle, Betsy Randle (the mom from Boy Meets World)
Mizzou- Sheryl Crow, Jim Lehrer, Brad Pitt (attended)

Three credits to:  Kansas.  Paul Rudd is a mega-stud, and he graduated.

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

Kansas- 92.2% for the class of 2011
Mizzou-  85.6% for the class of 2011. (Both figures are courtesy US News & World Report.)

Three credits to:  Mizzou–though both are state schools, it appears the competition is rougher east of the Kaw River.

And the diploma goes to: Kansas! Hawkagami, fierce chants, and the chance to check out Paul Rudd at alumni events? Hollaa! (But please don’t tell my boss–he’s a Mizzou alum!)

So, my dad – an ever-proud Mizzou alum – recently decided to tell me about his beloved university’s Student Recreation Complex (a fairly new addition, erected in 2005). As someone who doesn’t even know the location of her own school’s rec center, you can imagine my apathy (I think my exact response was “Meh”).

Upon further information though, I understand what my dad was on about. Um, this architectural gluttony was modeled after Cribs and it even boasts its own Playboy-inspired “Tiger Grotto”. There is a sauna. There is a hot tub. There are waterfalls and palm trees. There is a curtailed version of the Six Flags sensation Lazy River, and – oh yeah – waiters to serve up wraps and smoothies poolside.

What’s that? You need a mani-pedi? A cucumber facial? A deep-tissue, reflexological, aromatherapeutic massage? All available on demand.

Fine, Mizzou students! When you’re finished there, why don’t you just wrap yourselves up in your towels of gold, slip on your diamond flip-flops, and ride your stallion-drawn carriage back to the dorms! Pfft!