Love It:

Why do we love any reality show? Not for the photo sessions; it’s obviously about the drama. The issues that come from 13 girls competing for the title of “prettiest” living together in a house is undeniable, and makes for many memorable moments. Remember when Shandi cheated on her boyfriend with the male model? Or when Joanie had her teeth pulled? How about Camille and her “signature walk” that was supposed to “make her famous?” And then there was Melrose always tried to give “advice” to everyone…

Bottom line: the “drama” in the show is funny! I’m sure it was a huge deal to Cycle 7′s Jaeda to get her hair cut short, but watching her melt down and cry because of it was hilarious for me!

If the contestants aren’t ridiculous enough, Tyra Banks is the creator and top-judge of the program. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tyra as a model and her talk show is a guilty pleasure on sick-days, but on ANTM she is just plain crazy. That being said, I will never get sick of  her wacky outfits and hairstyles, her bizarre criticism of the girls, her desire to be a photographer or her constant reminders to “smile with your eyes!” Plus she sings the show’s theme song! Girl does it all.

Finally, ANTM rocks because of one man: Nigel Barker. The multiracial “noted fashion photographer” and former model is so tasty. As if his face (and body!) weren’t enough, he also has that sexy British accent. Oh, and a wife. And two kids. But do you see any of them on the show? No. So for an hour each week we can dream.

Loathe It:

The show is getting boring. The same challenges are used yearly (we’ve seen the go-see challenge and ‘risque’ photo shoots practically every cycle) and it’s fairly easy to tell who’s going home on each episode because it’s generally the girl who gets the most interview time. Nothing is really unexpected at this point, the only thing that changes is what the girls fight about (granola bars?) and who wins.

I don’t know if this bothers anyone else, but I personally hate the constantly-changing real-model judge. First it was Janice Dickenson, then Twiggy, and now Paulina. Janice, even more than Tyra herself, was absolutely ridiculous, which made for some very hilarious and uncomfortable situations. Twiggy took some getting used to, but just as I was starting to warm up to her, Paulina had to step up! And homegirl is kiiiind of a beezy. Thank goodness Miss J (and Nigel!) are still on the panel, or the whole judging thing would be snooze worthy.

The biggest problem with the show however, is that the actual contestants seem to be getting more and more boring, in both their looks and actions. Where are the edgy girls? Or the girls of different races or culture? I don’t see them anymore! If that wasn’t bad enough, apparently when this cycle was filming, producers and camera people actually had to create drama for the girls to fight about so the show would be semi-interesting. It seems that competitive, tall, pretty girls just aren’t entertaining anymore. For this reason, the producers of the show have cooked up a great idea for the next season: allowing ONLY girls 5’7” and under to compete. Are short girls more evil memorable? We better hope that they are, or the next season will be even worse than the last two!

Final verdict? As long as Gossip Girl stays on Mondays, and Grey’s is on Thursdays, I’ll continue to devote an hour each Wednesday to Top Model (because what else would I do?). Otherwise I guess I’ll be seeing Tyra and the gang in syndication on VH1. Maybe.

Are any of you still watching ANTM, or are you over it? Let me know in the comments section!

Whenever we need to make a difficult decision, we make a list. You know, like when we were choosing our favorite cupcake bakery, when we were choosing what to spend our tax refund on, or when we weren’t sure which we loved more: our Prada backpack or our Skechers.

So when are constantly faced with the awful decision of which annoying celebrity is more grating on our nerves, we make a list. Yes, this is a decision we feel the need to make on a weekly basis. We have a lot of time on our hands.

Moving on.

This week’s showdown is between two celebs that continue to invade our lives, no matter how hard we try to avoid them: Rachael Ray and Tyra Banks. Who is makes us want to kill ourselves more? We wish we didn’t have to choose. Let’s break it down:

Career
Rachael Ray landed herself a show on the food network cooking thirty minute meals. She also wrote about cooking thirty minute meals several times. Honestly how many times can you find “new” way to make tacos in a timely manner? Apparently not enough because Rachael then came out with her own cooking magazine. If that wasn’t enough Rachael Ray, we can watch her talk show and Dunkin Donuts commercials as well.

Tyra Banks became a runway model as a teenager and made a career out of it early on. Runway shows, catalogs, TV modeling competitions… she even likes to think she is a fashion photographer. This chick has exhausted the modeling angle and we seem to eat it up. After Victoria’s Secret, Tyra decided to go back to her TV career and became a talk show host. Oh, and don’t tell me you forgot about her recurring role on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air?

Point: Rachael Ray. Rachael won by a magazine. I’m sure Tyra is throwing a tantrum to start her own magazine as we speak, but for now the over-exposure point goes to Rachael.

Talk Show
Rachael Ray likes to wake her guests up in the morning with the voice of a raspy menthol smoker. Seriously, someone needs to lay off the shouting and suck on a Luedens for a few. After a brief talk session, she nauseates her audience with the fresh smell of simmering chili. Why is this a morning show again?

Tyra Banks has a talk show as well, but Tyra mainly likes to talk about herself. No matter what her guests have done, Tyra can one-up them with a fun little anecdote. Homeless guests? Tyra will talk about the time she pretended to be homeless. Overweight guests? Tyra will put on a fat suit for a day and tell us about it. Big boobs? Tyra has bigger boobs. Don’t even try to go up against the hostess with the mostess.

Point: Tyra Banks. Tyra tries to do it all… and fails. You can’t have both! You are either a crazy guest, or a crazy host – never both!

Over-used Catch Phrase
Rachael Ray:
EVOO - Rachael used this gem so god-damn much it is now in the Oxford English Dictionary. I really wish I was joking.

Yum-o! – Why can’t we just say “yummy”? Is it really that different? Why Rachael, why?

Sammies - Once again, I ask why not sandwiches? It’s not that far off and saying the full word will still allow you to complete that meal in under 30 minutes. I really don’t like this cutesy abbreviation trend we have going here. She needs to be stopped.

Tyra Banks:
“Smile with your eyes”- I’m sorry, this can’t be done. We can look happy with our eyes or smile with our mouth, but one cannot smile with their eyes.

“Fierce!”- Not everything is fierce. Runway walking? Yes. Eating a hamburger? No, not fierce.

“I have two beautiful girls standing in front of me….“- We hear this every freaking episode. Enough! We get it, you like repetitive monologues. They are models, they are probably pretty, one has potential…you don’t need to keep saying it.

Point: Rachael Ray. Tyra may be repetitive (and batsh*t crazy), but Rachael is just plain irritating. Really? We need to abbreviate extra virgin olive oil? Oh wait, we need to explain our abbreviation, which defeats the point of an abbreviation? Well then, Rachael gets the point for most annoying catch phrase.

Photos
Rachael Ray posed for an FHM spread a few years ago. She tried to look sexy in a variety of shots where she licked a spoon, washed some dishes and cooked a turkey.

Tyra Banks made a career out of modeling. These days she seems to critique photos more than she poses for them.

Point: Rachael Ray. Both ladies like to ham it up, but maybe Rachael should leave it to the professionals (even if we do like seeing her vs. hearing her talk). Perhaps Tyra could help her find the light… or learn how to smile with those eyes.

Celebrity Idol
Rachael Ray wants to be the next Martha Stewart (give or take the waspy accent). She even has the magazine and television show to prove it. Maybe we’ll even see Rachael in jail sometime soon; that would be fun. She could talk about how much she misses EVOO and make 30 minute meals out of whatever gruel they serve in the clink.

Tyra Banks would love to take over for Oprah. She even has that excited yelling thing down. Little does Tyra know, there is only enough room in the talkshow town for one Oprah, and that one isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Sorry Tyra.

Point: Tyra Banks. There is only one Oprah. Don’t even try.

Celebretard Prize: Rachael Ray

Fact is we connect to others by learning about them. And everyone has something to share (even if it’s a secret love for The Food Network). So to give you yet another reason to procrastinate, we started ‘The Five Questions We Ask Everyone’ (and five just for that one person) because we know whether we’re schmoozing with an A- list celeb or your local bartender, you’ll be equally entertained.

We watch America’s Next Top Model (and all subsequent marathons) for 3 reasons:
1. The crazy chicks.
2. The crazy judges.
3. Nigel Barker.

He’s hot, talented and has the sexiest accent on earth. And he agreed to talk to us! We tried to sit down with Nigel in person (sans shirt), but the guy is just too busy taking pictures of models in exotic locations (we spoke to him from Canada) and doing good deeds around the world (he works for tons of awesome organizations). So we just imagined him sans shirt while we picked his brain on the phone. Nigel told us a bit about himself, gave us some much needed photo advice and lured us in to ANTM’s 13th season, which is airing now. We didn’t think it was possible, but after getting to know the guy we love him even more.

Swoon.

1.  What is one of your craziest, most ridiculous college memories?
It’s one of those things that was quite a long time ago (laughs). I can tell you one thing that I remember that has haunted me ever since. I went to an English boarding school and we put on the musical Grease and I played Danny, who’s the lead. The reason why it was particularly funny is because it was an all male cast and my Olivia Newton Jon was played by another guy. It was sort of the amorous scenario where I was holding my love interest in my hands but it’s actually some sort of bearded rugby head trying to sing back to me in this sort of soft falsetto. When you look at how serious people were, that’s one of my most excruciating and more ridiculous college moments.

2. What are the 5 things you can’t live without?
Without sounding extremely cheesy, straight off the bat I’d say my wife, my son and my daughter. But obviously, other than them, I could never live without good wine, Guinness, cheese and almonds.

3. What’s your motto or life advice that you life by?
“If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievement as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.” It’s weird considering what I do, that I’m a judge in a talent show. It’s important to realize what you do and even if you’re cleaning bathrooms, it’s still important.

4. You said you like to sing, so what is one of your favorite songs?
The stuff I used to sing would make you laugh if you knew. I actually was a backup singer and went on tour with Barry Manilow. But I’m afraid I’m a rocker at heart and I’d have to say Led Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven. That’s almost as cheesy as Barry Manilow these days when they play it so much on the radio but I still love it.

5. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I try to live day by day and see what’s happening and obviously as a photographer and someone in the creative industry you’re constantly changing and moving. I’m moving more into film work and I would love to be directing motion pictures by that point.

5 Questions Just for Nigel:

1. How did you get involved with America’s Next Top Model?
I knew Tyra Banks and I had worked with her before. It wasn’t like other shows where they are put together by production companies or networks that are looking for celebrities and stars to fill roles. The difference with Top Model is everyone that went on the show knew each other, we were all in the industry, we all worked together, and we were friends. I was asked to do a photo shoot initially as one of the photographers and I got a callback right before I was going to do my shoot saying “Listen, we saw your footage and we like you, would you be interested in having a more permanent role?”

2. What do you think is the hardest part about being in the beauty and fashion industry.
I don’t think there is anything really difficult, I think we are very, very lucky. It isn’t a hard industry; I find my job extremely easy. I definitely work hard and get tired but who doesn’t? If I’m going to look around at people and say, “Oh goodness, I have a hard life” who am I trying to kid? I take my hat off to people who really save lives and do difficult things. I think for us, we really have an easy job and for me it’s a means to an end – it’s something that helps me with the things that are more important.

3. You say “more important things.” What do you mean?
I’m a spokesperson for the Humane Society in the United States, the Protect Seals campaign spokesperson. I also work on the Protect Sharks Campaign and I’m a spokesperson and Wish Granter for the Make a Wish Foundation. I shoot the national ad campaign as well as grant wishes. I think I’m up to 24 wishes I’ve granted now. I also just got back from Africa because I’m a spokesperson for the Elizabeth Glacier Pediatric AIDS foundation. We shot a documentary and a series of photographs for an exhibition in Tanzania reporting on the state of the country’s pediatric AIDS programs and how they’re advancing.

4:  ANTM has been around for a long time. What can we expect this season -  anything different, anything new?
It’s always something different and there’s always something new. That being said, it’s the old classic recipe. We don’t change that up too much. It’s like your favorite food; you don’t want it to change too much. But what we do have is fresh ingredients and those are the girls. This season happens to have a particularly rowdy bunch of girls, which is always fun. That being said, some things happen during judging and photo shoots that have either never happened before or when they have happened have been so scandalous we questioned whether to put them on TV or not. This season was full of those moments. I don’t know what it was, if there was something in the water or if it was something with this group of girls. It was one of those great seasons that only comes along every three or four seasons for us.

5. Do you have any advice as to how to ensure good pictures every time?
There isn’t a golden bullet for these things. There’s all kinds of boring advice as well as fun advice; The boring advice is if you know you are going to have a photo shoot, for example it’s picture day at school or it’s Christmas and you know you are going to be taking pictures, try not to drink beforehand. Try to drink plenty of water, try and get a good night’s sleep.

People have a tendency to model in candid pictures and a candid picture should be just that. If you are the model try and forget the camera as much as possible, even if it means looking at your friends and squeezing and tickling each other so that you actually get off the subject for that moment and you’re going to get a much more natural and memorable shot.

I frowned and scrolled back up to the picture. Hm. Come to think of it, her legs don’t look like they could be snapped in two by a twelve-year-old. But plus-sized? She didn’t really look plus-sized. I was perplexed. The consistent theory was that this “oversized” model was picked from the beginning as part of Tyra’s personal agenda to make reality TV history. Or something. Making a point that you don’t have to be skinny to be pretty.

It’s a great message, it is. Except this Whitney character really isn’t not skinny. But in the context of an industry full of waifs, she instantly becomes the fat girl. It’s like picking the hottest guy in a classroom only to find that he’s less attractive on the street among other civilians; you can’t base your judgment of a person in the confines of one element.

Further Googling of Whitney Thompson ensued, and my chest started to tighten as I searched for what size she was. I felt compelled to know, and I felt even worse that I cared. Why should I? This girl’s size doesn’t affect me. And I don’t want to care, but I grew up knowing to care because of the connotations of size. I care because she’s probably around my height, 5-11 (and a half, close but not quite six feet), and so whatever label she gets is probably going to apply to me.

Most of my friends probably have an average height of 5’4″ and I grew up having conversations with people who couldn’t imagine anyone actually being anything bigger than a size six. At my smallest, on a very very good day and with a very forgiving label, I’m an 8, but pretty much always an even 10 and a 12 for my work pants (tall girls, I highly endorse BCBG for suiting). Bringing that size up in conversation always gets a great response, the widening of eyes, then the consequent rolling of them and the “Yeah but you’re tall.” Like it never occurred to them before that a size ten girl isn’t overweight. But even if I’m not fat, I’ve been made to feel that way since I can remember.

Yes, I’m tall, and maybe you can’t see it now, but I’ve been dieting since age 10, and it took me till the end of high school to get out of the chubscout stage. And still, I wasn’t self-classified as skinny. You never are if you’ve ever struggled with your weight. I was felt and looked better, that was it.

You can see why I refuse to discuss my actual weight altogether. Good for crazy-ass Tyra wearing her weight screenprinted on a bathing suit for the cameras, but for me? Thanks, I’m all set. I’ll leave it to the imagination of the masses before hearing gasps over that sizable number, or have someone try to kindly justify it with my being a “bigger girl.” It’s all about connotations, alright? “Big” is not an acceptable adjective. It’s like telling a girl who’s naturally very thin she looks anorexic. You’re striking a nerve. People don’t have control over their genes, you are what you are and you make lemonade with those lemons of DNA. There’s no need to always say what you’re thinking; if you’re different at all, you know what’s on an observer’s mind before they state the painfully obvious anyway.

Finally, I find a website that advertises Whitney Thompson as a size 10. Which means that I could borrow her jeans, I am also plus-sized, and the mass population considers me fat. Which must mean that even I could be a plus-sized model… even though I’m not plus-sized.

If I were thinner, I’d be happier, right? Because then I’d be just like everyone else… and only comparing other superficial things with them instead of it being my weight or my size. So the media teaches us, every day. I wish the weight had never even been an issue. The girl takes great pictures. Let her model in peace.

At this point, lectures from former women’s studies professors are popping in my head, saying that the labels are socially constructed and if we didn’t buy into them, they’d lose any sense of validity they have. Writing a paper and understanding these concepts and putting the idea into practice are just not the same, unfortunately. Alas, I am but one woman and these things take time.

Hypothetically, of course.

The three remaining girls, Saleisha, Chantal, and Jenah, battled it out for the last two spots with a CoverGirl commercial. Jaslene even makes an appearance, looking even manlier than usual, to coach the girls. They all, more or less, did a good job on it, though Mr. Jay did find some time to scold Jenah for letting her insecurity come off as bitchiness.

Pot calling the kettle bitchy, perhaps?

The girls then headed home to have the same “I’m so going home conversation they have before every elimination—the ANTM equivalent of the “I’m so fat,” “No, you’re not. I’m totally fatter.”

It’s Jenah that gets sent home the next day, and I can’t say I’m too distraught over it. I’m a fan of her pictures, but during panel she always looks messy and congested to me.

I’m usually ready for all kinds of craziness when it comes to the finale runway show, but Tyra manages to make me shake my head in bewilderment every time. This show was no exception—could anyone else not help but laugh at the judges’ super-serious arrival down the runway, especially Tyra’s slow motion bird walk? That was SO a walk Miss Jay would make fun of had she been an ANTM contestant.

Chantal and Saleisha strutted down the runway, sharing the stage with Jaslene, and of course, costumed performers on stilts. Now, I’ve never been to a high-fashion runway show, so perhaps I’m in the dark here, but don’t designers sometimes—just sometimes—have normal fashion shows, minus any kind of moving platforms, circus tricks, and basically anything else that makes the whole walking thing even harder for the models?

All was going well until one of the costumed men on stilts toppled over right as Chantal was walking past him. And walk past him she did! I get it, you’re not supposed to stop in the middle of a runway show—but if you’re not going to help him up, at least try to recover and not look completely horrified for the rest of your walk!

Despite this, I was rooting for Chantal, but I had to admit, compared to Saleisha, she looked like she was walking down the cereal aisle at the local supermarket. Pretty, but not f-i-e-r-c-e.

And the judges agreed—Chantal was sent packing, and the “practically plus-size” Saleisha took the win, joining all the past ANTM winners in modeling oblivion.

Were you rooting for her all along? Still hate her hair? Don’t care and only watch the show for the sexy that is Nigel? Discuss!

The girls arrive home to find a note from Tyra telling them that she is sending them to “the great mall of China.” C’mon, that’s pretty clever!

The girls head to the mall in the morning in search of an outfit to recreate the look of one of the four beauties they heard stories about—and this is where some eyebrow-raising model sabotage begins. After wasting time wandering off on the other side of the mall, Bianca runs into Jenah—and gleefully tells her that she just has to check out that area, knowing full well she won’t find much.

Jenah gets back in time to show off her outfit in a casual runway show and gets her sweet revenge by winning the challenge. In addition to getting a dress made especially for her and a friend (Chantal), she also gets one-on-one runway lessons from Miss Jay. We’ll see how those help her if she makes it to the final two!

The next morning, the models head to the Great Wall to be made over into warriors. And their photographer is, drumroll please—Tyra! Is there anything she can’t do? (Oh right: sing, act, make music videos…) Both Chantal and Jenah do well, though Tyra takes issue with Jenah not knowing who she is. “She’s a good model, but who is she?” asks Tyra.

Right, let’s pretend this is a soul searching competition. It’s barely even a modeling competition!

Bianca ends on a good note, after allegedly being painful to watch for 40 frames, according to Mr. Jay, and then Saleisha has her “best shoot ever.” After their individual photoshoots, the girls face a new challenge—posing all together. You could cut the tension with a (non-fat margarine) knife.

Judging is as brutal than usual, with Bianca being told that she’s awkward and that modeling doesn’t come naturally to her, and Jenah getting a counseling session from Tyra about being homesick. Saleisha’s photo, her leap captured in mid-air, is most striking. At the judges table, there’s fake discussion of whether or not Bianca, not being a natural, has time to learn to model—when in reality, they’re all about a decade too late.

Chantal, picked as the strongest model in the group folder, gets called up first, followed by Saleisha, and it’s Jenah and Bianca in the bottom two. In the end, the judges decide not to send Jenah home for being homesick, and Bianca tearfully says goodbye and packs her bags.

Don’t miss next week’s episode—the season finale!

Heather in last week’s photo shoot

In case you missed it (shame on you!), here’s your America’s Next Top Model recap!

I know it’s trendy to hate Tyra, but I think I kind of love her. Who else would make a ANTM challenge out of having models serve as muses for seemingly crazy student fashion designers creating dresses out of an Easter-blue three-piece skirt suit? The designers all seem confused, but all of the dresses actually come out looking great.

Once the models all have to do a runway walk showing off the designs, coupled with saying a few lines about how they inspired their dress, it becomes clear what the actual purpose of the challenge was—cringe-worthy awkward NEVERENDING silence from Heather, who draws a blank when she gets to the end of the runway. Seriously. Longest silence ever.

Silence that went into commercial.

And, if you were anything like me in high school, you’ll recognize it as that deafening silence when you blank on a presentation in front of the class and starting making awkward noises in place of words, while silently wishing for death. Saleisha ends up winning the challenge—a photo shoot with Seventeen magazine—and picks Lisa and Bianca to do it with her.

When they get home, tensions high, Saleisha, Lisa, and Heather argue over who gets the shower first. Naked. While they’re all still in the shower together. Take that, Real World!

This week’s shoot, “Model Wasteland,” brings the girls to the middle of a desert, where Mr. Jay greets them and tells them that the emotion to convey, while standing next to a burning car in a formal dress, is “desperation fabulous.” Love it. Heather can’t let go of her frustration from the challenge and does only a so-so job, but even worse is Ambreal, who sits her butt down Indian-style on the ground as if she’s gathering around for a campfire. My favorite is Chantal, who just nailed it and looked f-i-e-r-c-e.

Judging takes an exciting turn when Tyra informs everyone that they are going to China! Everyone minus the girl who gets cut that night, of course. Ouch. Way to rub salt in the wound, Ty-Ty. Bianca is called first, and it comes down to Ambreal and Lisa, which befuddles me, because even standing next to each other, I find Lisa so much more striking than Ambreal. And thank goodness Tyra sees it too and sends Ambreal home!

Next week, park yourself on the couch to see how the girls manage in China—and for more awkward, long silences when they shoot a Cover Girl commercial.

Hopefully you took the disappointment like a lady, and used the recap episode as an opportunity to make asinine judgments and predictions as to this cycle’s winner. I know I did!

To recap the recap, so far we’ve said tearful goodbyes to clueless but loveable Mila, forgettable Kimberly (who?), snooty Yale priss Victoria, bikini waxer Janet, and ice queen Ebony. I’m still mourning the loss of Janet, who SO deserved to win, and not just because she pretended to give Tyra a bikini wax during the first episode—but alas, I’ve had to name new favorites, predict my new top 3, and of course, speculate as to why each girl will get kicked off.

My completely unscientific yet completely overthought conclusions about the girls still in the running:

Ambreal: Will likely do well in the next photoshoot (which from the looks of commercials, is a music video that I pray Tyra won’t be starring in this time), but will meet her downfall a couple of episodes later when her progress stagnates and Tyra makes some trite speech about not wanting this enough.

Bianca: Will coast for a few episodes, not getting called out first and not getting stuck in the bottom two, until she has a bad photoshoot—at which point, words like “potential” will get thrown around a bit before she gets the boot. Ok, fine, I just don’t like her.

Chantal: Will probably be the next to go. I predict awkward dancing in the music video shoot and accusations of being too commercial, and not edgy enough—but then again, who had the bright idea to give her long blonde extensions? Zzzz.

Sarah: She’s not thin enough to be America’s Next Top Model, and not heavy enough to be America’s Next Top (Plus-Size) Model. Outside, in the real world, her weight is normal. So what does that make her? A beautiful girl who can reach the top shelf at the supermaket without standing on her tippy-toes. Oh, and it also makes her eliminated.

Saleisha: I’m guessing she’ll be sent home in the fourth-to-last episode. At that point, the judges will ooh and aah over how all the girls really made progress and what a tough decision it is, and she’ll get sent packing because she can’t walk a tightrope, pose, and act out a monologue at the same time or something.

Top Three:

Jenah: She’ll be the first to go of the top three. She’s just a step below Heather in beauty and a step below Lisa in photoshoot performance, which means Tyra will doubt—say it with me now—just how much she wants this.

Heather: I have no doubt she’ll rock the runway walk-off—but the CoverGirl commercial will be what sends her home. Sorry, Heather fans! I love her too and don’t think she comes off that awkward on each episode, but I foresee problems when it comes to filming the commercial and delivering lines.

Lisa: We have a winner! Or at least I do. She’s been rocking the photoshoots and even the judges have said the other girls are jealous of her performance. And I can already see her face on a CoverGirl ad. If that doesn’t earn her a completely useless modeling contract, what will?

But hey, that’s just me. What are your predictions for the rest of the cycle?

This week on America’s Next Top Model, things get yummy when model Tyson Beckford comes to the house and has the girls act as spokeswomen for items in their kitchen. The word “moist” is thrown around a lot, thanks at least in part to Tyson Beckford’s presence, I’m sure.

I’m glad to see Tyra’s whole awareness and environment crusade goes further than the first episode, with both the challenge and the photo shoot spreading a good message. First, for their challenge, the girls film a public service announcement for Keep A Child Alive (they’re the ones behind the “I Am African” campaign) in teams of three. No one does particularly well, but Jenah, Ambreal, and Heather win.

Heather gets a photo shoot with Mary J. Blige, while the other two get gift baskets, which, uh, sucks.

Next up is my favorite photo shoot so far in this season (and certainly more enjoyable than the fashion gargoyle shoot last episode). This time around each girl portrays a recyclable material. Thumbs up for making recycling fashionable, Tyra! Heather, dressed up as aluminum cans, looks stunning in head-on poses and works off of last episode’s criticism of her fondness for side shots. Ambreal looks awkward, but who wouldn’t, dressed up as car parts? I can barely take a decent picture after practicing my MySpace angles in dim lighting, let alone dressed as an exhaust pipe.

It’s Ambreal and Ebony in the bottom two, and Tyra’s melodramatic and stoic process of handing out photos (seriously, the way she pulls out each photo, one by one, looks like it’s being played in slow-motion) is broken when Ebony announces she wants out. Tyra looks as disappointed as I was that she couldn’t stick it to her, but she makes up for the unceremonious cut by giving a speech about not liking quitters. Way to have the last word, Ty-Ty!

I can’t help but still love Ambreal, despite her trouble with the shoot this week. There’s something very delicate and feminine about her. I’m hoping she kicks it up a notch and joins Heather in the mental top three I’ve created (Ambreal, Heather, and Lisa, a fellow Jersey girl).

Stay tuned for more Tyra and more drama next week!

And who knew a bunch of girls could make a house look like the aftermath of a week-long frat party? Words are exchanged about “respect” and such, which inevitably means a huge blow-out fight is brewing about who left their cereal bowl in the sink or pubes in the shower.

Looks like the overall theme for this week is “try not to die,” with Tyra serving up one death-defying stunt after another. Is she PMSing? The girls start off this week learning to pose during movement—specifically, jumping on a trampoline and striking a pose, which proves to be difficult and mildly dangerous for some. And as if that wasn’t awkward enough, the second-hand embarrassment continues the next day, with the challenge being to pose in the air. On an ice-skating rink. I’m sorry, but if you’re having trouble jumping on a bouncy trampoline, I’m afraid that ice won’t help matters.

Each girl is assigned an emotion to convey during their in-air pose. Heather barely gets up off the ground, and Ebony‘s “sorrow” pose is described by Seventeen magazine’s editor-in-chief as “corny as a cornfield,” which is corny in and of itself. Lisa wins the challenge, which befuddles all the girls for some reason. They all chat about how they think she’ll be voted off next, and then pick on her when she gets home. Am I missing something? She’s definitely one of my favorites. C’mon girls, catty jealousy is so middle school.

The photoshoot, held on the roof of a very tall building, is one of those annoying “let’s get costumey and cheesy.” Yep, the girls are going to be “fashion gargoyles.” WTF? I’m not really seeing the gargoyle part—it looks like “fashion jazzercise S&M” more than anything, with neon tube dresses, capes, and goth makeup and accessories. I think I may have seen some pleather too. In the form of a high-cut one-piece bodysuit. I get the whole “pretty-ugly” high-fashion thing, but this is just plain ugly.

Tyra actually looks fantastic at judging (for once) in a strapless black dress, and Twiggy is started to look like my mother (hey, my mom’s kinda hot, what can I say?). The judges try to get Ebony to smile, who for some reason always comes to judging looking annoyed and confused at the same time. Lisa is first to get her picture, and Ambreal and Janet (no!) are in the bottom two. In the end, despite my praying and lusting after Janet’s hair, it’s she that has to pack her bags. Looks like I’ll have to pick another favorite to get me through the rest of the season. Perhaps this time I’ll choose based on talent instead of fiercest haircut.