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An open letter to a man riding a horse.

I’m sure Tyra Banks has sweet dreams every night. She’s got tons of money, goes to Harvard (kind of) and she’s about to release a book, called Modelland, which is sure to win the Nobel Prize in Literature. So how could she ever have a bad night’s sleep?

Well we’ve decided to make a list of what Tyra’s worst nightmares would be if she had them, and the nightmares of a retired Victoria’s Secret model are TYRA-FYING.

1. Forgetting how to “Smize”

Tyra basically invented smizing (that’s smile with your eyes for those of you not up-to-date on Tyra lingo). She probably smized right out of the womb because she didn’t have real teeth yet. If she went to a photo shoot and forgot how to smize, her empire would crumble.

2. Getting Fat Again

We all remember those pictures of Tyra in a bathing suit that wasn’t very flattering. She was getting criticized left and right for being too plump, and then she told everyone to “Kiss my fat ass!” on her talk show. It would have been empowering, except she lost the weight soon after and was back to looking like model Tyra.

3. Reuniting with America’s Next Top Model Losers

This nightmare is actually a reality. Next week, a new season of ANTM premieres, and the model hopefuls are all losers from previous seasons.  This means we will get to see more of Bre “you stole my granola bars” Scullark and Isis “the transgender one” King.

Here at CollegeCandy we like to consider ourselves quite the fashion go-to girls. I mean, we tell you where to shop, what to buy, and how to wear it. So it’s only right that today, the first day of Mercedes Benz Fall 2011 New York Fashion Week (gah, that’s a mouthful!), we offer you our two cents on what’s to come.

But not so much on the clothes themselves, or even the designers. We’ll leave that to the professionals. Instead we’d rather focus on everything else. So here’s what’s coming your way from the runways of New York over the next 7 days. Well, besides the great clothes, and the good looking guys, and the gorgeous models, that is.

1. The ugliest clothes you’ve ever seen. They’ll be hideous. Unflattering. Out of proportion. They will break every fashion rule that has ever been made. No one will ever wear them. And no one will ever want to. But for the entirety of Fashion Week people will rave about how brilliant the designers are, and how great the clothes look. And sure they will probably inspire some really cute outfits from some less than Fashion Week-worthy designers, but those clothes? The originals? Those won’t be worn again. Not even by Blair Waldorf.

2. “New trends” that were also new when your mom was your age. True story. We don’t realize how quickly trends resurface in fashion but all of these new styles that we’re currently loving were loved a long, long time ago as well. Two weeks ago I was watching Glory Daze and an unsuspecting sorority girl opened the door in an oversized sweater and leggings. If it hadn’t been for the horrible side ponytail I would have thought the show suddenly jumped ahead 20 years.  So all these new trends you’ll see this week that look like they could have come straight out of the ’70s? They did come straight out of the ’70s.

3. Rachel Zoe’s collarbone. And plenty of other people’s collarbones, as well. Skinny arms. Toothpick legs. And lots and lots of teeny, tiny waists. Love it or hate it, Fashion Week is about the skinny people. So be prepared to be shocked into a sugar coma. Because, personally, there’s nothing I want to do more after watching super tall, super thin models walk down a runway than eat lots and lots of ice-cream. Or jump on the treadmill. We’ll see how it goes. To each her own, you know?

4. Some really weird makeup. Smoky eyes below the eye. Shaved eyebrows.  White liner. Bright lips. If anyone rocked these looks to class, or even on the red carpet, people would look at them like, well, like they shaved their eyebrows. But during Fashion Week it’s fabulous. It’s cutting edge. It’s trying something new. It’s treating the models like a canvas, manipulating them to better present the clothes, which, yes, I totally get. I understand the point of it all, but the makeup is still pretty weird.

5. Anna Wintour’s Bob. The editor-in-chief of Vogue. This woman is synonymous with fashion. And with her page boy bob and oversized sunnies. She’ll be there, loving a select few items while also internally tearing apart all the rest. The woman is like a real life Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep’s evil boss to Anne Hathaway’s scared intern). So watch closely to see if she nods or shakes her head. Or better yet, watch to see if she purses her lips. You remember what that means right? Absolute disaster.

Now that sounds like fun.

Cheeseburgers and soul food, my ass.

In a few days, I will sit down with my Thanksgiving leftovers and watch Victoria’s Secret models strut down the runway wearing moon boots and neon Pink spaghetti strap tops.  Rest assured, I will ogle at their non-existent fat, their perfectly tanned abs, and luscious extensions. I will see myself, flawless, wearing a freaky Pink concoction, and shove the last bite of stuffing in my mouth.  I will wonder how the models are able to walk, even though they are structured like Barbie dolls.

I will hate every single perfect model, not because they are perfect (OK, maybe a little bit because they’re so freaking perfect), but because they are big not so fat liars.

No, I’m not talking about the whole “false advertisement” aspect of those overly padded bras.

What I’m referring to is a recent newscast in which the Victoria’s Secret models sat down to have a little discussion about their number one BFF on the planet: food.  According to the leggy ladies, they love, love, love to eat – everything from cheeseburgers to soul food – especially before a Victoria’s Secret fashion show!

Pause.
Process.
Rage.

You’ve got to be f**king kidding me.

Call me crazy, but the last time I ate a cheeseburger with fries, I didn’t feel like putting on a pair of skinny jeans, let alone ripping it up on the runway in front of millions of people while wearing go go boots and wings. And contrary to what these bombshells are sayin’, I’m pretty confident every woman on earth would agree with me. Look Angels, anyone with a brain and a pulse knows you models don’t go gaga for a Jucy Lucy.  And if you do, you aren’t gorging on one before (or within 6 months of) a VS Miracle Bra photo shoot or runway show.

Let’s get real here. Stop with the games and just tell us the truth – you do a BioCleanse, eat celery for the days leading up to the runway show and pray the combination of hunger and the heat from all those camera flashes doesn’t make you pass out in your lacy thong.

I know what you’re doing. You think talking about fatty, delicious food will make you more “real” and make the rest of us mere mortals feel better about ourselves. But – NEWSFLASH – it doesn’t. In fact, it’s making me feel worse (which is making me want a brownie….) When I see your perfectly sculpted body in my monthly VS catalog or those never-ending legs come walking down the runway, I want to know how hard you worked to get there, not how much you claim to love chili fries. My jiggly thighs want to imagine the hours you spent in the gym while I laid on my couch with a bag of Doritos. My cellulite speckled ass wants to hear about the Bikram classes you took painfully early on Sunday mornings while I slept off a hangover. My under arm fat wants to feel your hunger pangs after a lunch of lettuce with a little balsamic vinegar sprinkled on top while I was mowing down a Chipotle burrito.

Not one ounce of me wants to hear that you gorge on mac ‘n cheese for every meal and still look like that. I don’t buy it so stop it. Stop lying. Stop pretending. Stop talking about cheese grits (mostly because it’s making me hungry). Just tell it like it is, 6-hour workouts and all. Then put on those boy shorts and padded bras and do what you do best: look hot nearly naked so I’ll see you looking perfect and want to buy whatever you’re wearing.

That is all.

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. Sometimes with mean words. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like sexy halloween costumes!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Photoshop has given the world some wonderful gifts – the ability to get rid of those red demon eyes you’re rocking  in pictures or erase that tequila bottle that mysteriously appeared in your hand (seriously, there must have been something on the lens, mom) before the pics hit Facebook, the power to waste incredible amounts of time laughing at crappy airbrushing, and, of course, the chance to discover what your holiday cards will look like once Jensen Ackles leaves his wife to be with you (no? Just me?). Photoshop has also committed some unspeakable horrors in the name of beauty and advertising, because we needed even more unrealistic expectations of attractiveness, right?

Recently, Rachael Leigh Cook (remember her?!) spoke out against the practice of airbrushing, going so far as to say that since false advertising is a crime and photo-correcting is essentially false advertising, then photoshopping in the media should be a crime. That’s quite a statement there, Rach – let’s go to the polls!

In one way, I’m totally with this argument; there’s no way it should be legal to airbrush a model’s skin in a foundation commercial (don’t even get me started on false eyelashes in mascara ads) because it IS legitimately false advertising. If a product/system/whatever is supposed to make your hair shiny or your skin smooth or whatever, they shouldn’t be able to just go in and make it look that way with a computer! That’s a dirty lie!

And while I hate to get all moralistic about it (hey, I get it, it’s a business and you do what you gotta do) how far can we really afford to push the perfection envelope? Didn’t women have enough body issues back in the day when it was just really hot models in pictures without all of the touch ups? This isn’t just setting an unrealistic standard of beauty, it’s setting one that is literally physically impossible for anyone, including the models in the actual photos, to live up to.

But, at the same time, if you go so far as to say photoshopping is illegal false advertising, there’s really no good place to stop. By that virtue, makeup and hair dye are false advertising, and so are push up bras and heels. In fact, almost everything we use to enhance the way we look would fall into that category, so where do you stop?

There’s also the fact that, while I think it’s reprehensible to create such a bad example for young girls growing up to try and live up to, it’s also not our place to legally mandate standards of beauty. If such-and-such company wants a model in their ad to look like she has a freakishly long neck and is missing several vital organs, well, that’s their prerogative, and we don’t really have any more right to tell them that their view of beauty is wrong than they do about ours.

Lay it one me, girls, what do you think? Is photoshopping bad, wrong, maybe even illegal? Or is it a tool for justice and good being wielded by the wrong hands? Duke it out!

You might have noticed that lately, magazines and TV are being applauded for finally displaying “average” looking women. From America Ferrara starring on Ugly Betty, to Tina Fey on 30 Rock, to Glamour giving Crystal Renn her own spread, it seems like the media industry was actually making some headway in this department!

But here’s the thing- Crystal Renn is actually smaller than the average lady (and I’m willing to bet she’s not overweight by medical standards), America Ferrara is stunning, and as for Liz Lemon? She’s hot! I mean, you can’t slap glasses and a sense of humor on a gal and turn her ugly!

A recent post by Feministing examines my point in more detail. Author Chloe poses the question, “if Tina Fey, Lea Michele and America Ferrera are ugly, what hope is there for the rest of us?” Amen, sister Chloe! I’ve always been frustrated with the jokes about Michele being ugly (would anyone else give their right arm to look like her!?), and the Liz Lemon-bashing has never resonated with me either. Yeah, these characters might have some unfortunate wardrobe choices, but let’s face it – they’re (WAY) better lookin’ then the average chick.

Even the Washington Post agrees. Ezra Klein writes, 30 Rock “didn’t have the nerve to cast an actually frumpy actress in Liz Lemon’s role. About half the jokes focus on Lemon’s looks, and they’re all undercut when the camera focuses on the slim, beautiful Tina Fey.” In other words, not only does it not make sense to poke fun at these women for the way they look, but if these actresses are cast as the unattractive characters, what does that mean about the rest of us? Much like those super skinny models walking down the runways at Fashion Week, calling Liz Lemon ugly is setting the standard of beauty higher and higher, where perfection by modern standards is basically unattainable.

This article really makes me think. Is this movement towards average-looking characters actually a step backwards? I mean, what kind of message is the media sending us when Ugly Betty isn’t even ugly!?

What do you guys think?

It was truly an incredible experience. I had the opportunity to both work backstage and watch the shows. I got a truly unique perspective and learned some very interesting things about the goings on of fashion shows. Here are the five biggest things you don’t know about your favorite designers’ biggest events.

1. The models are people too (kinda).
The models actually are, for the most part, friendly. I know, it’s shocking. Some are rude, but generally they’re nice. They also eat. A lot. Before one show, I watched a group of these pin-thin girls eat mountains of Double-Stuf Oreos, gummy worms and cheese. Gross, right? I can’t decide if that makes me hate them more or a little less. At one show I was told there wasn’t enough food backstage. The models threw such a fit about it that the designer ended up ordering boxes of pizza for them. So yes, they eat. And they can read. And yes, they are very, very scary skinny. And a lot of them are super young, even as young as 15 or 16.

2. The hair and makeup is absolutely stunning.
Okay, so I’m a little biased due to my obsession with hair, but the amount of effort poured into each look is incredible. The lead hairstylist shows a whole team what they want to create for the look and their favorite two products to use. Some of the most popular backstage? Redken’s Fabricate 03 Heat Texturizer; Thickening Lotion 06 Body Builder; and their brand-new style connection line, Wool Shake, Matte Sponge and Velvet Gelatine. You’d never think hair is important (it’s the clothes that matter, right?) but it truly complements the clothes and brings the entire show to life.

3. The prep-work vs. actual show time.
PR people and the designers pour everything into Fashion Week (which you might know if you’ve been following Kell on Earth). In the industry, it’s the most important time of the year. I cannot stress enough how crazy people get over this event. Full blown, Britney 2008 cray-cray. You know how accountants have a busy season? Well, this is our busy season. Only it’s with sequins and press releases instead of Excel spreadsheets and audits. Months go into designing and creating the clothes for these shows, setting up the venue, picking the perfect stylists, finding models, inviting celebs and so on and so on. And the end result? About a 10-15 minute show.

4. Nothing is ever on time. Ever.
People are shocked if a show is running on time. If it’s not the set, it’s the music. If the hair’s done, the make up isn’t. If everything is running smoothly, then rehearsal inevitably cuts into the actual show time. Marc Jacobs used to be notorious for always running behind, but these past few years he’s been the timeliest of all. He also took an nontraditional route with…

5. The celebrities.
Marc Jacobs didn’t let them into his show because he claimed they were “boring” and distracted from the clothes. And he’s right. Well, about the second part. I could hardly call my experience sitting mere feet away from my hero, Christina Hendricks, at Badegly Mischka “boring.” But it was distracting! I mean, come on, how can you focus on the clothes when Anna Wintour’s daughter is sitting RIGHT THERE and you’re just wondering what kind of badass life she lives and then, boom, before you know it, you’ve missed the entire evening wear line.

Last night’s episode of Project Runway made me realize three things:

1. When models aren’t walking the runway, they have zero sense of personal style.
2. Many of the designers on this season of PR would make great designers for Delias or Forever 21.
3. I should have had one more drink at happy hour if I really wanted to enjoy this show.

Yeah, I said it. No matter how much they try and make this season of Project Runway match those of the past, it’s really just falling flat for me. I don’t know if it’s because some of the designers are old (I don’t need to see Epperson tear up as he sews a frock) or because none of them are Christian Siriano (or even Stella!), but I find each episode more boring than the next.

I had some high hopes last night. And not only because I had some cocktails before the episode began. I really thought the challenge – dressing models for an industry event – would lead to some serious drama, both on and off the runway.

Instead, I watched as some really beautiful women explained some really God-awful ideas (“I want to look like a classy, chic, elegant…tiger.”) to the designers. I mean, really? A bright blue jump suit with gold rope? That sounds eerily similar to what I wore in my tap recital…when I was six…and we were dancing to “The Good Ship, Lollipop.”

Don’t get me wrong; some of the models had a really awesome sense of style, but it’s now clear that modeling means looking good in clothes…that other people put on you. The end.

But I guess I can’t complain about the entire episode. I mean, there was still drama on the runway. Mostly in the form of some nasty crap on display. Johnny designed his look after something he saw in a David’s Bridal ad, Nicolas somehow made his size zero model look fat, and Logan’s dress looked like something thought up in the backroom at Hot Topic.

And those dresses only looked worse next to the gorgeous looks of Louisa, Althea and Ra’Mon. Even Epperson’s dress was hot, with or without a bra. I’d wear any of those looks. Though, I’d probably bra-up for Althea’s look, too – no one needs their boobs bouncing around that much.

Obviously the judges agreed, because Althea was crowned victorious. She’s super cute and talented (the only person on the show I truly like), so I was excited. Ok, excited is a strong word. But I was feeling really good until the stupid, stupid judges (who were pretty mean this week, no?!) let former-meth-head Johnny squeak on through yet again. I understand that no one wants to send this guy on another downward spiral. I even understand that Qrystal’s dress was pretty bunk. But JOHNNY SUCKS.

Just look:

Would you wear any of that stuff? I don’t care how pregnant/bridsemaidy I was, I wouldn’t rock Johnny’s designs if someone paid me. I’ve got a reputation to mantain! Maybe being clean and sober isn’t so good for his design esthetic.

I’m just sayin’…

Of course, before we got to meet the new designers in the main event, we had a little taste of some of our favorite designers from previous seasons in the Project Runway All-Star Challenge. I was more than happy to spend two hours with Chris March, Santino Rice, Daniel Vosovic, among others, but after seeing the snooze-fest of a cast that is season six, I wish I hadn’t been teased with such greatness.

Yeah, I said it. I think this season’s cast is bo-to-the-ring. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

The All-Star challenge was star studded (Nicole Kidman, what?!), suspenseful (“Project Runway on steroids,” according to Uli), and fun to watch (except for Jeffrey’s new ‘stache – what the eff was up with that?). And it had a fantastic ending for my favorite designer in PR history, which I won’t share here in case some of you missed it. (It was Daniel! Sorry, I can’t keep it to myself. I just love him so much and he should have one the first time around!!)

Once King Daniel was crowned, it was time for the real deal: the Project Runway Season 6 premiere. I ran to the bathroom quickly (turning the TV up loud enough so I wouldn’t miss a moment), then grabbed a snack and settled in for amazingness.

And I waited.
And waited.

Yup. A full 60 mins went by and I got nothing. Sure, some of the new designers proved they had the talent to be on the show, and some of them brought the weird, but did any of them have a Christian/Santino/Jay McCaroll personality? One word: nopers.

Granted, I did enjoy watching the challenge. In fact, I was quite relieved when I heard it was to design an outfit that showcased who these people were as designers and innovators, because in the past the crazy-weird challenges sometimes led to early dismissals of people that could’ve stayed longer. This was an open challenge and really let us see what each of these designers were about. And what did we learn?

Apparently Johnny is all about crying.
Ari is all about being a super-freak.
And Mitchell is all about showing off his model’s lady parts.

And who got to judge all this madness coming down the runway? None other than Lindsay Freaking Lohan. As in repeat-rehab, fire-crotch, tanorexic Lohan. I couldn’t believe it! Lindsay Lohan…was working! And she looked good! And she spoke eloquently! And I seriously had issues wrapping my mind around the fact that this girl – the queen of the crotch shot – was judging other people’s designs. But she did a great job and gave some pretty good feedback.

Even to freakaleak, Ari.

For a moment I thought she was going to love that spacey soccer ball design because:
1) It’s super short, which is perfect for vajayjay flashing, and
2) Ari looks JUST. LIKE. SAMANTHA RONSON. Did anyone else see that? OMG, it was eery.

Anyways, Christopher ended up winning the challenge because of his cute black ruffle dress (which was one of the only memorable ones, right?), but I also LOVED Ra’mon’s (love his name too) navy asymmetrical gown. It just screamed Red Carpet.

And while I’m sad the biggest freak of all got sent home (seriously, that girl wanted to make clothes that could turn into tents with water filtration systems??), I’m not sure I could handle her spandex onesies for another episode. Auf….er…See ya later, Ari!

Project Runway is finally coming back tomorrow night. They’ve kept us waiting for-freaking-ever and now it’s all coming back in a MAJOR way.

…with a few slight changes.

The show will still have supermodel Heidi Klum, fashion designer Michael Kors, and Elle fashion director Nina Garcia returning as judges, as well as the additional guest judge each episode. But after five seasons in pedestrian-friendly New York, the hit reality competition for aspiring fashion designers has moved to both a new city, car-jammed Los Angeles at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, and a new network, Lifetime. And now that the lawsuits between the Weinstein Company, NBC Universal (owner of Bravo), and Lifetime are thankfully over, we can enjoy our fashion porn in peace once again.

Like most, I was a little peeved when PR left Bravo, but the new star-studded L.A. setting has provided some amazing new opportunities: major guest judges such as Christina Aguilera, Eva Longoria Parker, Rebecca Romijn, and Lindsay Lohan and some fresh inspirations for new challenges. As Michael Kors has hinted, ”L.A. can be the most laid-back and the most glamorous. It’s the land of bikinis and gowns.” As such, this season the designers will take on challenges centered on the beach and the red carpet, and also create garments as a tribute to movies and Hollywood.

I am still not quite over the fact that I have to watch Lifetime (the same network my mom boasts as her fav), but I gotta say: I’m really excited to see what this new season has to offer.

Like the brand-new spin-off called “Models of the Runway,” which will air after the show. Unlike seasons past – when the model competition was complete BS – we’ll be getting a behind-the-scenes look at the fashion competition from the models’ perspective. The show will follow 16 models competing to be paired with the winning designer of “Project Runway” for a $25,000 cash prize from L’Oreal Skin Genesis and a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine.

But wait, there’s more! In honor of the big return, there will even be a 2 hour all-star challenge, featuring previous Project Runway contestants competing for a big-ass prize, airing before the season premiere! Do you miss Jeffrey Sebelia? Santino Rice? Uli? (God, I miss Uli!) You can get them all in one place for a delicious 120 minutes of goodness.

Yeah, that’s like 5 full hours of Project Runway heaven. In one night. After a full year with nothing but reruns. Talk about making a comeback. Let’s just hope this binge goes better than my first kegstand after 3 months without drinking… Seriously, as I grabbed onto the sides of that barrel of Keystone, a little Tim Gunn appeared over my shoulder and said “I’m concerned.”

God, I missed him.

Join Brithny every Friday morning as she breaks down all Project Runway drama. Auf Wiedersehen!