
Hi Mom, it’s me. Your first born. So I saw you’ve gone ahead and made yourself a Facebook account. Fabulous. While I fully support the older generation hijacking their way onto what was once my favorite social networking site, I’d really like it if you adhered to a few guidelines before going buck wild with all those bumper stickers I know you’re dying to send people.
Really, it’s just a few things to be mindful of while uploading daily inspirational quotes. Think of this as a handbook of helpful suggestions, not a list of strict rules and regulations.
1. Private messaging is a beautiful thing. I don’t want to know what’s going on between you and you high school sweetheart or why you don’t list that you’ve been married to dad for the past 35 years. Your wall is for things you want the WORLD to see. If it’s not on the up-and-up, make sure your conversations remain private.
2. I know who you are. Speaking of messaging, when you leave a note on my wall, you don’t need to include “Love, Mom.” I see your picture. I see your name. I know it’s you.
3. Don’t add anyone who you don’t actually know. I don’t want to worry when I see that you’re now friends with Ganjup Nepsal and Tikizi Hanazulu, two men who I’m sure told you how proficient they are in international banking. Wanna know a secret? They’re lying.
4. No baby photos. Spit-up is never cute. Regardless of what you say, my head was amazingly too large for my tiny baby body. Did I mention my head was covered in bright orange hair? And that you took to dressing me in a variety of fancy plaid dresses? There’s a reason why I hide the photo albums when my boyfriend comes over. Some things are better left on a need-to-know basis. Read More »

















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