When I lived in the dorms I was always looking for a way to make food preparation really quick. Also, in case you were wondering, the healthy factor wasn’t really an issue. Pickles for breakfast, yogurt for a meal, leftovers at midnight. If it was in the fridge, I’d eat it.
Then came weekends, when my hungover ass would stumble out of bed in search of aspirin, water, and food. I was craving a homemade meal. I usually got…like, Saltines or something. So leave it to science to come up with the best thing ever created when it comes to both eating and being lazy.
You guys, it’s like that spray cheese crap your mom would never buy because “it wasn’t real food”! It’s like whipped cream only you can chew it! It’s the future!
If you’re like me you probably want to see it in action, so here you go. Prepare to be amazed:
But on those hungover mornings, try not to mix it up with your Reddi-Whip…I imagine that batter isn’t good for aching stomachs.
My brother met his wife on an internet dating site (and I heart her). I have countless family friends that have met their spouses on the internet. I have several close friends who are currently dating someone who they met online (and they are C.U.T.E.).
From the outside, I am a huge proponent of internet dating. The reason some of my ex-single friends found boy toys online? MY urging for them try it out!
“It’s really hard to meet people these days” I tell them.
“You know you aren’t going to meet the man/woman of your dreams at the bar”
“It is so not a loser thing to do anymore- soo many people I know met their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife online”
“Just TRY it”
And on and on I go.
Oh. My. God. I sound JUST like my mother! Read More »
I recently celebrated a birthday. It came and went as all birthdays do.
There were some presents given and drinks were drunk and my mom even called to sing me a rousing chorus of “Happy Birthday.”
However, I noticed this a year a disturbing trend I hadn’t seen in years past: The ever so casual Facebook birthday message…which is both really typical and totally impersonal.
I must say that while it was totally nice to see my comment page fully loaded with birthday wishes I had to remember that not every single one of my friends had dutifully remembered my special day. Facebook had kindly reminds everyone that I am connected with my birthday was coming up.
I find this to be a good reminder tool, but friends should not rely totally on the Facebook birthday wish. A card would be nice kids, or even a phone call. My address and number do happen to be listed right on my profile.
The Facebook birthday wish only says, “I feel an obligation to post on your birthday that I didn’t remember, but I have no time to do anything else.”
You’d go to the grocery store or movie theater as a kid, see those giant contraptions, and just need a gumball.
You’d die without a giant multicolored ball.
But your mom would always tell you no. And you’d hate her for awhile, because like, how could she deny you that amazing jolt of sugar?!
These days, I take a look at those huge gobs of processed chemicals and thank God my mom kept them away from my teeth.
As great as they tasted, I’m sure I’d have dentures by now had I always gotten one when I begged for it. This shot is an homage to those days spent screaming and stomping for a quarter:
Pour equal parts Jagermeister and blue Curacao into a cocktail shaker with some ice cubes. Add a medium splash of Red Bull. Shake briefly; strain into a shot glass, and serve…no whining required. Read More »
I am not ugly. I am not fat. I only have one chin, and I can certainly rock a pair of jeans.
Just not in pictures.
I. Take. Horrible. Photos. In fact, I think I am the most unphotogenic person to ever grace this good earth.
Candid pictures are the enemy, and everyone knows me as the girl who “untags herself” on Facebook. Even though everyone saw me partying it up on Friday night, like a top secret spy, I erase any and all remnants of my person once the pictures hit the internet.
Why? Well, I guess you could say I have a dash of low-self esteem. Growing up, I was a chubby kid until about 7th grade.
I still remember what it’s like to have huge cheeks that turn your eyes into little slits when you smile, and I often see myself as that chipmunked-out kid whenever a photo pops up showing me grinning like a moron.
Anything that makes me look the least bit chubby is immediately deemed horrible.
But I really think there’s more to my fear of pictures than living with the normal amount of 20-something image issues. I just flat out look bad in two dimensions. Over and over, time and time again, shot after shot, my face shines like a rich guy’s shoes and my face gains about 7 pounds.
Some of you are probably shaking your heads right now, certain that I just hate myself. But honestly, if the evidence wasn’t so cringe worthy, I’d put it up right now. Just to prove my point.
Okay so over the years my mom has nagged, yelled, lectured and given me advice more times than I can count.
Whether it be a problem with a friend or the way I am folding my laundry, my mom has something to say about it. I often roll my eyes or tune her out, but tonight I had an epiphany. I found myself five times saying “my mom always says….” Clearly my Momma knows what she is talking about! I bet yours does too (at least more than we give them credit for)
So in light of Mothers day coming up (and still no perfect present in mind) I thought I’d share a couple of my mom’s life lessons that I have found to be oh-so-true.
Mom’s Life Lessons
1.“Guys always think with their little heads not with their big ones” Read More »
I recently celebrated a birthday. It came and went as all birthdays do.
You remember gumballs, right?
I am not a freak.
Okay so over the years my mom has nagged, yelled, lectured and given me advice more times than I can count.
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