What? You forgot to buy your mom a card? A gift? That’s okay. All hope is not lost. I’ve got the perfect gift idea for you. If you want your mom to have a great Mother’s Day than just forget that she ever did any of these things…

1. Pulled out the naked baby pictures at parties.

2. Came inside at your middle school dance when you told her to wait in the car.

3. Looked at your outfit, raised her eyebrow and said, “that’s what you’re wearing?”

4. Walked up to that guy you were crushing on, and started gushing “You must be___. My daughter talks about you all the time.”

6. Refused to drop you off around the block when she drove you to school.

7. Called your by your embarrassing baby nickname in public.

8. Tried to use “you language” and ended up sounding like she stepped out of the ’90s.

9. Attempted to friend you on Facebook. And then poked you constantly. That is when she wasn’t leaving you “hi honey, how are you” comments?”

10. Bought you a really terrible outfit and expected you to wear it in public.

I’m sure you were cringing and nodding and laughing right along with me as you read all of these common Mom moves, but just for this weekend, let them go. Forget about ‘em. Because for every one thing she’s done that is on this list she’s done ten more amazing things that aren’t on the list.

Like making you chicken soup when you’re sick. Like helping you move into your dorm room. Like spending hours helping you find the perfect prom dress. Like paying for the perfect prom dress. Like always being there for you even when you didn’t know you needed her to be.

So at least for now, forget all that embarrassing, awful stuff your mom has done to you and just focus on the stuff she’s done for you.

Now go buy her a Hallmark card. I mean, come on.

Most of us don’t appreciate our mothers as much as we should. In fact, I’m pretty sure Kanye West was the only person ever to truly idolize and appreciate everything his mother did for him. I mean, the guy wrote her a song! And what did you do? Buy the woman some almost-dead tulips?!

Not only did those women push us out of their very narrow birth canal, but they’ve been doting on us ever since. Mothers have the hardest job in the world (2nd hardest: working in a chocolate shop and not eating any) and are constantly called upon to do more and more and more.

And they do it with grace.

Yet, they also usually do it without thanks. So, in honor of Mother’s Day this Sunday, I called upon the CollegeCandy writers to share their favorite things about the most important woman in their lives: mama. Because no matter how annoying she can get (especially now that she’s on Facebook), your mama loves you and you gotta show that love right back.

Share your love for mom in the comments section below (then show mom your comment as a nice, free Mother’s Day Gift….awwwww).

Leah – Ryerson University: She comes and picks me up whenever I need a ride, even if I’m out late, drunk and barely able to tell where I am.

Charlsie – Hollins: She never makes sense and now I know where my nonsensical self comes from.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: My mom is obsessed with rearranging her furniture. If I try to sit on the couch in the dark, I’ll fall because she moved the couch clear across the room.

Brithny – Duke: My mom is a triple threat- she’s Emeril in the kitchen, Martha Stewart in the living room, and Donald Trump in the board room.

Lauren – University of Michigan: My mom calls me 5 times a day to keep me up to date on the important things happening back home like, “The dog pooped in your closet,” or, “DSW has really cute purses!” Did I mention these calls start at 8am on Saturday mornings?!

Kathryn S.: When I was like six and didn’t know what “Fag” meant, I called my brother one.  My mom lectured me on the fact that it’s a very hurtful word.  I was raised an ally before gay rights were even on the radar!

Erica – Kent State: My mom is shorter than me (I’m 4’10″..so you can imagine how small she is!) but she has the biggest personality of anyone I know & says that her short stature is actually what forced her to be so driven, outspoken & assertive. Kinda inspirational, I think.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: My Mom is the most caring and selfless person I know.  And she can burp on cue!  That’s what I call skills.

Thu – USC: My mom occasionally experiments in the kitchen and being the food lover that I am, I end up trying her creations. Some are winners, others are not.

Sarah- Virginia Commonwealth University: My mom can correctly diagnose the patients on TLC’s “Mystery Diagnosis”… within the first 10 minutes of the show. The woman’s an English major, but apparently has a knack for diagnosing obscure illnesses that have stumped doctors for years.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: My mom is a bit awkward in that she responds to my Facebook wall posts via the notification email. Love ya mom!

Carly – Grinnell: My mom could play cards with me for HOURS. It makes me so happy.

Elise – Stanford: She always makes sure I say “Rabbit Rabbit” first thing when I wake up on the first of the month for good luck! And she’ll read my horoscope to me over the phone constantly.

Maddie – Tufts: I love my mom because she still proofreads my papers, and also because she continues to suggest that I try on her size 24 jeans even though she knows that’s not ever going work out in this lifetime.

Sara C- Fordham: My mother is a full-time grad student who also holds down a full-time job–not to mention taking care of my younger brother and sister, making dinner, doing laundry, etc. Every time I think I’ve reached my work capacity, I remember that my mom is balancing so much more (and she still has a better GPA than me!). She’s my motivation!

Kelly – Simmons University: My mom splurges on luxuries like weekly massages, but is incredibly cheap when it comes to the essentials. She’ll only buy generic brand tampons and disposable razors. It drives me crazy when I run out of razor blades and end up cutting up my legs with her crappy disposables! But I love her anyway, of course.

K – GWU: I feel comfortable enough to tell her “I fell down a flight of steps at a frat house last night” but she is still my mom and tells me to get my act together, without judging me. Gerri is the bomb!

Danielle – Boston University: My mom is hot and I’m so glad to have her genes. She seriously looks like she’s 35.

We love our mothers unconditionally. No matter how angry we get at them or how embarrassed our mothers make us, we continue to be on their side. They can yell at us, criticize us or even spend over $15,000 on plastic surgery in attempt to look like our identical twin and we will still love ‘em anyway. Wait, that last one has never happened to you?

Okay, maybe your mother hasn’t gone to the extreme like Jane Cunliffe’s mom, Janet, who believes that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Sure, your mother hasn’t spent thousands of dollars to change her nose, lips, breasts, hair and clothes, only to be mistaken as your younger sister. That was a bad example, but I’m sure she’s done something embarrassing that you’ve forgiven her for.

Nothing comes to mind? Well, I have ten “I-could-kill-you-I’m-so-embarrassed” moments below. Let me refresh your memory for you. If I forgot anything, please leave it in the comments, I like to know I’m not alone.

Moms are embarrassing when they…

1. Drive you to school in their pajamas.

2. Dress like you.  Juicy sweatsuits and belly shirts aren’t PTA appropriate!

3. Pull a Dina Lohan and gets all stage-mom on you.

4. Flirt with your friend’s fathers. Or your friends…

5. Lecture or yell at your friends.

6. Still lick their thumbs to wipe something off your face. For the last time, its a freckle and I’m 22 years old!

7. Try to set you up with anything with a penis.

8. Make awkward sexual jokes.

9. Wear Mom jeans. Enough said.

10. Use words like “underpants” in public.

Beware, your mother is on now Facebook. You don’t believe me? Well, CNN has the proof. They are reporting that women over 55 are the fastest growing group on Facebook. That’s right, your mother is sending you a friend request at this very moment.

Maybe you’re part of that lucky minority who hasn’t received that email yet, the email that will crush your boundaries and make you curse the social network’s very existence. That may be true, but your mom may still be just a click away from invading your personal Facebook space.  Studies show that “there are now about 1.5 million female users older than 55 on the site — roughly a 550 percent increase over six months ago.”

Unfortunately, my mother is among this statistic.

We became Facebook “friends” about a month ago and let me tell you, my world has never been the same since. At first, I thought our new virtual relationship could be fun. Maybe it would free up some of my cell phone minutes, make her feel more included and “hip.” Maybe I could leave her fun messages on her wall and tag her in embarrassing photos. Well… it’s not so fun. Not so fun at all.

If your mom has yet to find you on Facebook, here’s what you have to look forward to:

She will:

Write on your wall and sign it, “Love, Mom.”
Get confused and ask for your help. Again and again.
Sign up for applications and send you drinks and presents and puppies.
Question who people are, what they said and what it means.
Comment on inappropriate pictures, most likely by criticizing you.
Start conversations with “I was on Facebook and …”
Know what you’re doing and when you’re doing it.
Friend your friends.

Beware, Facebook is not mom-friendly. You will get frustrated, irritated, and embarrassed, so talk her out of it while you still can. If it’s too late for you, her new-found obsession should only last a few weeks. Laugh it off an start sharing war stories. Remember, we’re all in this together.

It’s comfortable, relaxing, heated – it’s the aquatic equivalent of sex itself! So why should you not have sex in one?

According to studies by a (virgin) urologist, hot tub humping may not be very safe.

The old rumor of man becoming infertile after too many trips to the tub has been proven correct – but how long must you stay in the water? A week?

If your guy’s testicles have been heated up to a rolling boil, yes – you should probably get out of the hot tub.

It’s also common knowledge that yes, you can get pregnant in a hot tub. make sure Aquaman wears a condom, and all of your troubles will be gone.

In other words, don’t let anybody – scientists, urologists, virgins, moms – deprive you of experiencing the ultimate. It’s all of our God-given right to experience hot tub sex.

Who buys a hot tub for relaxing anyways?

Just be careful that your parents don’t get to it first – that’s a Greek tragedy in itself.

Have you had hot tub sex?

I’ll have to admit that I’m horrible about calling home. For the most part, my life is just so damn busy and by the time I think to call, its way past their bed time. Fortunately for my mother (who has just learned to text… she never could get cell phones) she can harass me lovingly in about five different technological forms.

Point in case:

Mom 6/6/07 10:28 am: Hi call me!

Mom 6/6/07 1:33 pm: Please call me and let me know how u r!

I’m at the age now where I find my mother’s texts and blog comments endearing rather than annoying. But while reading the New York Times, I came across this article where a mother joined facebook much to the chagrin of her 16-year-old daughter. I can remember being that age, talking to my long distance boyfriend on IM, looking over my shoulder to make sure my mother’s back was still turned. In the day when families had computers to share, I was weary of my mother’s desire to see what I was reading or her questions as to why I was on the computer for hours every night. I can’t imagine if I had had facebook or myspace back then and the way I would have felt if she had joined as well.

Now I understand the mother’s point of view, “Can’t I explore my identity too? Why does everything fun have to be for them?” But there was a time, not too long ago, when I could see her daughter’s: “Everyone in the whole world thinks it’s super creepy when adults have facebook profiles.”

So for now, I will let my mom in on my life via the web. I don’t really care to tell her about my sex life, but if she feels the need to know then I won’t stop her from reading. After all, she’s only attempting to understand the going-ons of her daughter, and her friend, that she is just now really getting to know.