College Candy » monkeys

Overheard: Finals Edition

John - UConn — Sun, 10 May 2009 21:00:57 +0000

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Girl and guy, across dining hall.)

Girl: You’re beautiful! What’s your name?

Guy: Oh, thanks. You’re not very pretty at all.

(Guy, in the dining hall.)

Guy: I love space monkeys. But, you know, not in a t-shirt way.

(Girls leaving a class building.)

Girl 1: Oh, my God, that was complete bullsh*t.

Girl 2: Double bullsh*t.

Girl 3: Yeah. Fart fart fart.

(A professor, during an exam.)

Professor: Everyone, stop, take a break. This is a very challenging exam. I want you all to stop and think about puppies.

(A group of girls at the dining hall.)

Girl 1: I… I don’t know how much you guys talk about the Simpsons. It makes me uncomfortable.

Girl 2: We don’t even talk about the Simpsons that much!

Girl 1: No. You do. You don’t know what it’s like. You haven’t lived like me.

(Guys and girls clustered around a computer.)

Guy: Yeah, he’s pretty thirsty. And he walks really well for such an old guy!

(Two girls, arguing in line at a coffee shop.)

Girl: No, no, it’s like… the gay male equivalent of vagina dentata.

(Girl and guys, sitting on the grass outside.)

Guy: This whole week has been, like, hell.

Girl: If you needed a study break, you could have come and watched me projectile vomit this morning.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: … No! That’s your job! Your fat ass started all this sh*t, and your fat ass is gonna fix it!

(Guy, coming out of the bathroom.)

Guy: You know, you guys are slow. Like, if I didn’t tell you all, none of you would know I peed on the seat.

(Girl, at a computer.)

Girl: Guys, what’s “galactorrhea”? Is that where you sh*t entire solar systems?

(Guy, nervously walking up to a bar.)

Guy: Can I have… um, a Sex on the Beach? With… extra sex?

(Guy, yelling into a phone.)

Guy: No! Speak American! You’ve got a … a frickin’ Prime Minister! The only prime thing we have is prime rib! … And prime numbers!

(Girl and guy, talking in a hallway.)

Guy: How was studying?

Girl: Awesome. I got from Moses to “Space Jam” in only five Wikipedia pages.

Nudists, Monkeys Run Wild in Tokyo

CC Staff — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:40:29 +0000

If you woke up this morning and were dismayed again by the lousy headlines in the news about the economy, don’t fret — because it looks like there’s all sorts of chaos going on around the world. According to these two videos, it looks like Japan is having issues controlling public disturbances…

In the first video, we have a Western tourist flopping around naked in the moat around the Imperial Palace in Tokyo (where the Emperor lives). He’s having a grand ol’ time while local police try to woo him out.


And in the second video, a stray monkey gets stranded in a Tokyo train station, causing all sorts of ruckus from waiting straphangers as the primate leaps off into the crowd.

Monkey see, monkey do?

Medical Breakthrough, or the First Step in Monkey World Domination?

Jess - NYU — Thu, 29 May 2008 20:30:34 +0000

So there I was, mentally bitching about how complicated the Lost season finale is going to be tonight and how for the life of me I can’t follow Ikea directions, when I happened to stumble across this article. What’s the gist of this article? Well, basically, it’s all about how MONKEYS ARE CONTROLLING ROBOTS WITH THEIR MINDS.

I’m not joking. Seems like scientists have recently discovered how to get cute little monkeys to control a small robotic arm to help them grab food. A small grid “about the size of a large freckle” was surgically implanted in a few macaques, allowing them to use cognitive thinking to make a robot arm grab stuff they want. Scientists believe this is a huge step towards finding better ways to help human amputees.

Dr. John F. Kalaska, a neuroscientist at the University of Montreal, believes this new experiment, no matter how young, might someday help “patients with severe motor deficits to interact and communicate with the world not only by the moment-to-moment control of the motion of robotic devices, but also in a more natural and intuitive manner that reflects their overall goals, needs and preferences.”

I’m sure Kalaska and all the other scientists are right, but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking about monkeys in sunglasses systematically destroying the earth with giant, mind-controlled machines of death.

…I guess I need to lay off the SciFi channel.

Get to Second Base, Save a Life!

CC Staff — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 13:29:58 +0000

• Like this t-shirt is any worse than “Cinco de Mayo” or “Irish I Were Drunk“? (kctv5.com)

• If you’re going to rob someone of all of their worldly possessions, the least you could do is tidy up. (Yahoo!)

• The following gallery is a case of “So Ugly It’s Cute”! Be warned! (The Sun)

• Not only are these inmates eco-friendly, but they’re making ice cream! Italian ice cream! Mmmm (Reuters)

• Things to do when your… stoned? (COED Magazine)

Trend Alert: Animal Jewelry

CC Staff — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 14:50:22 +0000

I’m a total animal lover. Dogs, cats, monkeys, bunnies — they’re just so damn cute, I could squeeze ‘em.

Anyway, I recently noticed that jewlery designers are really embracing the animale love — seriously, it’s the call of the wild.

Monkeys, horses, birds, snakes, owls and cats are now wraping aroung wrists, hanging from necks and dominating finger-wear. Not gonna lie, I’m a fan and I’ve found some hot (not to mention adorable) pieces at decent prices.

Rachel Leigh Queen Bee Ring, $62; Kenneth Jay Lane vintage monkey necklace, $75.

Parrot Pendant Necklace, $5.80; Snake hinge bracelet, $24.