[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to editor [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,

Here’s the deal: I’ve got this guy that I’ve been friends with since Freshman year. We see each other at parties and are kind of always on the outsides of circles that cross paths, you know? Cut to a couple of months ago after this party where we both had a bit too much to drink– we hooked up. And it was AMAZING. Best sex ever. Since then we’ve been spending a lot of time together, but the thing is that neither of us wants a serious thing right now. We’re only 21, you know? We want to keep our options open, but we don’t want to lose what we’ve got either. So I’ve heard about people having “open” relationships, but I don’t hear about a lot of them that ever end up well. So I guess my question is: what are the rules to an open relationship? Are they different for every open relationship? How do you hash those out?

Thanks, Dude.

Girl With A Dolphin Tattoo

Dear Girl With A Dolphin Tattoo,

Totally get where you’re coming from, and yes, there are a lot of pitfalls to an open relationship. Some figure they’re doomed to be temporary just based on the nature of them, and I’m not entirely certain those critics are wrong. Of course, I’m not really sure they’re right, either. It all depends, like every relationship, on how you two grow with each other rather than away from each other.

I do think that EVERY relationship is like…well, a snowflake. No two are the same. No two have the exact same dynamics or a pair of partners with the exact same needs. There’s no recipe for a long-lasting relationship, open, poly, closed, monogamous, whatever! There’s only what you two decide is best for you two. This, of course, doesn’t mean that I don’t have an opinion or two, maybe even a couple of pointers, or some mild suggestions…

First off: How much do you want to know about the other people you’re being…open…with? There are pros for full disclosure and pros against full disclosure. Some think if you’re hiding someone, then it’s serious. Some don’t want to know, because it ignites a jealous streak. Is it a case of TMI or Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?

Second issue: Priority status. You’ve got go the extra effort to let each other know that “you are my number 1 guy!” (It’s funnier if you imagine Jack Nicholson saying it while groping at Bob the Goon’s pleather jacket).

You have to be totally upfront and honest with each other about what you want, what you need, and vice versa. You can’t shy away from tough conversations, and you can’t leave questions unanswered. What goes unsaid is probably going to be the toughest challenge, because you know what’s being left unmentioned has a name and a vagina.

Talk it out, be clear about what you both want and don’t want, and then play it by ear. And as your needs change, you need to tell him. As separate as you want things to be at times, you need to make sure the times you are together are the most intimate times.

Opening Up Possibilities,

The Dude

Is it just me, or does it seems like lately you can’t throw a condom in the air without hitting a cheater in the head. It seems like cheaters are everywhere these days and although it shouldn’t surprise you that countless acts of infidelity are happening everyday, you may be interested to know the various reasons behind such adultery.

A new study performed by researchers at the University of Guelph in Ontario in partner with those at Indiana University looked into various motivations for why couples commit infidelity. The study, involving 918 men and women in monogamous sexual relationships, found that those who are less confident in their sexual performance or are unsure that they are living up to their lovers’ expectations are nearly three times more likely to cheat. This anxiety about performance is a new and interesting addition to the many findings about cheating. The study also confirmed that risk-taking men or men that are easily aroused are also more likely to stray. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to cheat if they are dissatisfied with their current relationship. Read More »

A new sex study shows that a growing number of teens and young adults are not having sex. The National Center for Health Statistics released the study, which found 27 percent of men and 29 percent of women between 15 and 25 years old have never had a sexual encounter. The last round of data released in 2005 showed that 22 percent of young adults had not had sex. This study is considered to be the most in-depth federal report ever released. In order to avoid confusion, the study went into more detail than previous versions, even defining things such as oral sex. While just under 30 percent of males and females have not had vaginal intercourse, 62.6 percent of females and 64 percent of men said they’d had oral sex. Other findings showed young women as being more experimental with their sexuality; women are twice as likely to have a same-sex encounter than men. A higher percentage of women in this age range identify themselves as either bisexual or homosexual. Researchers attribute this to women feeling it is more socially acceptable for them to be experimental so they are more apt to admit to their experimentation.

Read More »

Researchers from Florida State University released a study on what makes men monogamous. According to the study, relationship status determines how attractive men find women during different stages of their menstrual cycle. Guys that are single find women most attractive at the peak of ovulation – also known as the best time to get preggers. Alternatively, committed guys find women less attractive when they are more fertile. So for guys in a relationship, finding a woman less attractive at the peak of fertility is seen as reducing the temptation.

Need another reason not to go down on a guy? US scientists said there is strong evidence linking cancer and oral sex. In the US tobacco use has been outranked by HPV as the leading cause of oral cancer. The study shows that oral sex is still sex, and the more partners you have the higher the risk of getting any STI. The real message in this? Protection is key no matter what type of sex you’re having.

Read More »

Realistic conversations that focus the truth about sex seem to be few and far between. We see crazy sex on TV, read about headboard-ruining sex in books (thanks, Breaking Dawn), and hear our friends share their sometimes-slightly-exaggerated stories. Hell, we even hear the absolute horror stories from guys like Tucker Max. But when do we ever hear what’s actually true? What’s normal, and what’s not?

I tried my best to find the truth about sploodge last week and we’ve already covered movie myths about sex, so this week I’m going to take a crack at some general misconceptions about sex. The lies we’re all fed by our friends, by the media, and by our own unrealistic expectations; let’s forget all of that and take a straight-forward look at the not-so-romantic but very realistic parts of sex.

It doesn’t always just come naturally. Sometimes sex is really awkward, as much as we want to believe it’s this natural and organic experience. It can be messy, and tender intimate love-making isn’t always what happens. With contraception, sounds, positions, and a multitude of other things on our minds, sex becomes a little less romantic and a lot more mechanical. While the times will come when it’s like being swept away in a wave of passion, sometimes things don’t happen that easily. Even two people who are madly in love can have sex that doesn’t end the way both partners expect it to. As with anything in life, sex isn’t always going to be perfect – and that’s okay. Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like whether we're too celeb obsessed!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

With Tiger’s ladies coming out of the woodwork (seriously Tiger, where did you find the time?) and Ashley Dupre telling everyone who’ll listen that call girls – *ahem*, escorts – save marriages, it seems like everybody is weighing in on infidelity – and we are not about to be left out!

Now admittedly, I’m a monogamy person, but I do get that some people just don’t want to/can’t cut it that way and I give them a little slack. And I have to say, if I were to find out that my guy was sleeping with someone else, (after I finished grinding his man-parts into the floor with my pointiest shoes) I’d probably feel better about him seeing an escort than just some other woman – at least with a call girl, it’s just sex. And I will also admit that call girls tend to be classier about the whole things than mistresses – you don’t see nearly as many of them trying to cash in on sleeping with a celeb. There’s something to be said for being professional about the whole thing, after all, escorts make their living on being discreet and have a lot more clients to lose if they’re seen as blackmailers. Read More »

Can we handle an open relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been talking about an open relationship. The distance between us (Boston to LA) is starting to get really hard and our relationship is suffering because of it. But we love each other and neither of us is ready to give up. We’ve tried everything to make this work and now we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with any suitable alternative to our current situation.

Since I decided against dropping out of school to become a porn star in LA (sorry to all my male readers), it looks like our best option at this point is an open relationship. We’d get what we needed when we were apart (attention, orgasms…) but still have each other when we were finally back together. Theoretically, I’ve never really believed that monogamy is human nature, or that being with multiple people means caring less about each one of them. So in an ideal world, an open relationship would eliminate our loneliness without affecting our love for each other.

Sounds pretty perfect. If only I were totally convinced that’s how things would actually play out in the real world…

Let’s break this down. Read More »

It’s back-to-school time, and I’ve been spending some time lately thinking about what college means for our sex lives. College is our time to explore anything that interests us to find out what we really like and what type of people we want to become. We explore different majors, career paths, friendships, relationships, and sexualities. College is the first time in our lives most of us can really embrace our sexuality, explore it, and figure out how to truly enjoy it.

I go to a women’s college, so my first year was filled with questions from friends back home asking if I’d become a lesbian. My answer: so what if I had? And why did they care?

Despite the freedom we gain in college from adults, we are still constrained by our peers’ expectations of us, which can make it difficult to remain true to ourselves and create a healthy personal (and sexual) identity.

Here are some tips I hope you girls (and guys) can keep in mind while exploring sex in college. Read More »

[The following post is courtesy of Vanessa Cullins, M.D., Vice President of Medical Affairs at Planned Parenthood. If anyone knows anything about the importance of testing and sexual health, it is Dr. Cullins.]

Here’s a disturbing tidbit:  A U.S. government study found that an average of 14 percent of college women become infected with a human papilloma virus (HPV) each year. At the end of a three-year study, 43 percent of college women were infected.  Why should you care?  Because in some cases HPV can lead to cancer. To avoid HPV infection, girls and women should be vaccinated with Gardasil, which prevents infection of the types of HPV that cause 70 percent of the cases of cervical cancer in the U.S.

Here’s another: An estimated 19 million Americans are infected with a new sexually transmitted disease (STD) each year and, by the age of 25, half of all sexually active young people will contract an STD. In fact, at least one in four teenage girls already has an STD.

Read More »

Q: I was dating a guy for a month when a conversation about one of his friends turned into a talk about “us.” It hadn’t been anything serious, but I said I think that seeing each other as often as we did, it really should evolve to a relationship. The boy panicked.

This is someone who called me half the time, took me for a fancy dinner on my birthday, WANTED to hang out, asked that I not hook up with others (and I know he wasn’t either) and actually liked me, and yet, there he was telling me he could never be a boyfriend to anyone right now and that maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore. It was actually a really disturbing freak-out. We haven’t spoken since. What gives?

A: Oh man, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? He’s totally into it, but bolts when we try to take the natural step forward.

I’ve never been a great mind-reader so I decided to take your question to someone who might have a bit more insight into the male mind–my boyfriend. So what’s up with a guy that wants to act like a boyfriend until you actually say the word “boyfriend”? Read More »