Unlike most people who only have their birthdays to celebrate every year, I am fortunate enough to have two days in my honor:

March 21st – the day my mother pushed me out of her womb

October 15th – National Grouch Day

Whereas I am always shunned, yelled at and abused for being a “royal bitch,” today I, and others like me, am celebrated for my general moodiness. I am finally vindicated for my annoyance at my roommates leaving their sh*t all over the house, for those mother-effers who can’t figure out what a turn signal is, and for the jerks down the street who keep playing that same damn Lil Wayne song over and over and over.

I don’t have to be ashamed for yelling at the Subway dude who put mayo on my 6 inch turkey on whole wheat with “absolutely no sauces, spices or mayo,” or for pushing the bitch at the bar who cut me in line and then got the last Amstel Light.

No. Today is my day. MINE. A day for me to be who I am and for those around me to celebrate it by leaving me the eff alone. Do not hug me, sing to me, or send me a card; all I want on this day is acceptance of my grouchiness.

And maybe for you people to clean up the damn kitchen. Is that too much to ask?!

Men are always complaining about women and PMS and all that jazz. To which I respond by hitting them…and then eating a candy bar. They just don’t understand; it’s not our fault that our hormones go completely nuts every month and make us want to scream/laugh/cry/murder someone/eat a cake in the span of about 4 minutes.

But maybe now they do?

According to Jed Diamond, there is a new syndrome being seen in men with symptoms similar to those of a PMS-y woman: Irritable Man Syndrome. Diamond claims this disorder sets in at about the same age as women go through menopause (40-55), but I am convinced it is affecting our college boys too…and not just on those days when their favorite football team just lost a big game.

While you may be tempted to dump this dude’s ass for his strange (and pathetic) behavior, you should be patient: it’s clinical and he, like you, just can’t help it.

Below are 5 signs your man is in the throes of Irritable Man Syndrome. Read More »