[Everyone’s got a morning after story (though some are WAY worse than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

By now you’re almost half way through Winter Break. You’ve got the major holidays behind you- Christmas eve, Christmas day, New Year’s- and that means pretty much all scenarios involving getting drunk with your family have expired. How’d you do? Make it through with minimal blows to your self-respect, pride, and squeaky-clean image?

If you’re like me and live in a house of crazy, you hit the bottle. Hard. And so did your mother, father, nineteen year-old sister, great aunt, bizarre gay uncle, both grandparents, and that random cousin you think is hot (but he’s only like…a third cousin through a second marriage, so it’s okay).

I suppose this submission isn’t so much a “Morning After” as it is a “Week After,” because let me tell you, the occasions on which I embarrassed myself this holiday season were hardly contained to one evening. Sure I could pick one moment to elaborate on, like when my mother explained to her sisters that all the nice boys at school were so interested in me. Of course I had to open my mouth (full of wine-stained teeth) to correct her. The “nice boys” are only interested in one thing. And I just happen to do that one thing really, really well. Then, naturally, I thanked her for giving me so many popsicles as a kid because I sincerely believe that’s where I get my technique. Read More »

Everyone’s got a morning after story (though some are WAY worse than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I was one of the good kids in high school. I didn’t drink. I didn’t do drugs. And my close friends were the same way. During my senior year, my best friend’s parents went out of town and left her in charge of the house. Naturally, she decided to have a party. In our minds, that meant inviting some boys over and hanging out. Not your typical “my parents are out of town” rager, to say the least.

So at 8pm that night, I told my parents I was sleeping at her house and headed over. When I got there, the other 6 or so people had already arrived, including our friend Jordan who was home from his freshman year of college for the weekend. And with him, a “cool new thing” he tried the weekend before.

“Dude, you just mix Robitussin and orange juice and it’s the coolest thing ever. And it’s not like drugs so it’s legal and you won’t get in trouble. But it’s really fun. I did it and was just, like, so happy for, like, 4 hours. Then it goes out of your system.”

He made it sound so fun, so easy, so consequence-free. Plus, being that I’d be heading off to college myself the following year, I thought I should try it. Explore my horizons a bit. So Jordan mixed the concoction for 4 of us (the other 2 were lame…or as I later found out, the smart ones) and we drank up. Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (but most don't involve parental units) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I saw him at my first sorority mixer. He was the social chair of his fraternity and from the moment he checked my name on the guest list, I was in love. He looked dreamy in his designer jeans and flip flops, his hair perfectly floppy. And he knew my name. Well, at least for that moment.

I spent a year cyber-stalking him, convincing my sorority to plan more events with his house and then pussying out whenever I had the opportunity to talk to him. He was older, wiser, and definitely a highly sought after guy campus wide; there was no way he’d ever notice me.

And then, like a gift from heaven, we ended up in a summer term class together.

The class was small, only 30 people. When I walked in the first day (looking like a hot, sweaty mess thanks to my crappy house’s lack of A/C) and spotted him, I could barely contain my excitement. Finally! An excuse to talk to my knight in khaki cargo shorted armor. If only I didn’t have pit stains… Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some are more traumatic than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

After months of leading me on, the boy I was falling in love with decided to hook up with one of my hall mates. I probably wouldn’t have even found out had I not woken up early that Saturday morning to go for a run…and found him walking down the hall with his shirt inside-out and his shoes in his hand.

I said nothing, just walked by him and ran down the stairs. It wasn’t until I was a mile into my run that I sat down and cried. A big cry. A snot down the face cry. And just as quickly as it came, it was gone. I wiped my nose on my wife beater (which I promptly threw in the garbage when I got home), got up and ran back to my apartment building.

“We going out tonight,” I shouted to my roommate when I got back. “And I’m getting hammered.”

“Uh, OK.” She responded from under her covers. “I’m just gonna need a Gatorade first, but I’m down. What’s the occasion?”

“Ben’s an a**hole.” I sat on her bed and explained what I’d witnessed that morning. She didn’t seem surprised – she’d never liked him – but she supported me anyway. An hour later, we were on our way back from the grocery store, trunk full of Jello shot ingredients. Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some are more traumatic than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

After four long and frustrating years of sexual tension, my high school crush and I finally had our first hot makeout sesh the first week of college. That is if you consider making out with some nature special about tarantulas playing in the background to be hot. Regardless, it happened and I was oh so excited. I didn’t want to take things too far that first night, so I acted coy, pushed him away, buttoned up my shirt and left.

We spent the next week flirting on IM and, since he lived in the dorm next to me, running into each other randomly on the way to class. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t so random. Maybe I spent a lot of time outside hoping he’d walk by. Either way, he called me on a Friday night and asked if he could come over. Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (though some are way more disturbing than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

Every time my roommates and I have a party we tape our kitchen cabinets shut, empty out the fridge and hide all of our food in our locked rooms. We want to protect ourselves from those random drunk idiots that may come through and steal everyone’s sh*t, eat all their food and make a big mess.

A few weeks ago, I realized I was that random drunk idiot.

Bored at home after 6 weeks of summer with the parentals, a bunch of my friends decided to make the 45-minute drive back to campus for the night. One of our friends was still living up there and taking classes, so we decided to party and crash with him. It was your typical night full of drunken shenanigans: we chugged 64-ounce Long Islands on an outdoor patio, danced in a sweaty basement bar with no windows, then stumbled down the street with nowhere to go.

We were standing on the corner in front of our favorite liquor store where we had just purchased 6 Boones Farms and a 30-pack of Natty Ice (and I pocketed a bag of PB M&Ms….) when a party bus pulled up. We didn’t know where it came from, we didn’t know why it was there, but it was $5 to get on, the guy would take us anywhere we wanted to go, and when the bus stopped at the corner we watched a very drunk girl fly forward and tumble to the ground as Lady Gaga blared from the speakers…

Duh, we got on. Read More »

Was there anything more exhilarating, more energizing, more exciting than grilling a friend over AIM in 7th grade about what base she got to with her boyfriend?  Of course at that point, first base was getting matched up with a guy during an intensive game of M.A.S.H, second base was making out in the back row of a movie theater while your friends sitting next to you giggled, and third base was letting him feel your training bra over your shirt.

Nowadays things sure have changed. Replace an AIM sesh with a hungover brunch recap story and the movie theater make-out with a trip to the closest pharmacy for plan B. These are the bases redefined for our college years.

First Base – Everything is getting hot and heavy on the dance floor and the guy  (Matt? Brett? Pat?) you’ve been dancing with for the past hour suggests you step outside for some fresh air. And in this scenario “step outside for some fresh air” means let me suck your lips off on the front porch while we pretend like there’s not someone passed out in his own vomit next to us. Hands and tongues are flying everywhere and at some point you make the call that it’s totally appropriate to let him unhook your bra, just for a second, like a minute, okay…where is your bra? Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

It all started with lime green spandex shorts. I thought they were the perfect thing to wear to the Glow theme party. And the St. Patrick’s theme party. But those lime green spandex shorts really only spelled trouble for me.

The first time I wore them, I ended up leaving Crack House (yes, it is as disgusting as it sounds) with a junior with whom I bonded over our shared love of Natty Ice. Coincidentally, he had a ton of it in his apartment. The next morning, I woke up with a throbbing headache on a bottom bunk. I barely remembered the night before, except that I had gotten horribly sick in his bathroom. Not. Cute. Read More »

[Everyone’s got a morning after story and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

Freshman year actually scares me. Like, for real. The things I did make me wonder how I ever survived it. And here is a story that will make you wonder the same thing. This particular tale takes place on a Wednesday. The day before a big Philosophy exam. And after attending a ball game with some close friends (and overdosing on hot dogs and cracker jacks).

I don’t know if it was the extravagant, vibrant atmosphere of a baseball game, but my close knit group of friends and I came back to our dorms and decided the sky was the limit for us. It was time to drink. And the drink of choice?

99 Berries. Read More »

[Everyone's got a morning after story and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we'll post it - anonymously, of course - right here!]

It was one of the first warm nights in a long time and everyone on campus was throwing impromptu house parties. I knew I’d be walking all over campus, so I ditched my plans for a dress and heels and opted for jeans and flip flops instead. I met up with some of the girls in my sorority and we headed out to one of the many parties of the night.

A few hours and about 8 games of beer pong later, we ended up at some friend of a friend of a friend’s house. Not one of the 4 girls I was with knew anyone who actually lived in the house, and after doing a few laps around the backyard realized that we didn’t really recognize anyone at the party either.

“Let’s just go inside, pee, and then we’ll move on to the next party.” Cindy suggested, and having already broken the seal long ago, we all agreed. Read More »