Let me take you back to a simpler time: my sophomore year of college. I had recently been dumped by my longtime boyfriend, and after about a month of taking solace in Half Baked and Friends reruns, I was finally ready to put myself on the market again.

I went to a party with my friends and proceeded to get drunker than I had been since my senior prom. A few hours and several sketchy mixed drinks later, a curly-haired boy started dancing with me. He wasn’t exactly my type, but since I was on the rebound and, let’s face it, not exactly in the best position to be making decisions, I went with it. I had never randomly hooked up with someone I had met at a party before, but I was convinced that doing that tonight would make me forget all about what’s-his-face.

After an indeterminate amount of time, Curly told me he was leaving. “Okay!” I yelled.

“The thing is, I want you to come with me,” he delicately screamed over the dulcet sounds of Lil John and the Eastside Boyz’s “Get Low.”

“Okay!” I yelled again. Read More »

I was home for another long break from school. I was tired and cranky and sick of my mother breathing down my neck to do my laundry, clean up after the dog and “get my ass out of bed before 11am just once this week.”

In attempts to cheer me up, my brother and his wife invited me to join them that night at a bar event. It was a big Hanukkah party that would be full of all the Jews I hadn’t seen since my high school days. Considering I had lost about 30 pounds and some unfortunate bangs since then, I agreed to go. I wanted everyone to see how sexy and awesome I looked as a more mature college girl.

I put on the hottest outfit I could find (which was difficult considering I only brought pajamas home on this little break), straightened my hair, layered on the makeup and went. My brother picked me up and we spent the entire car ride discussing how awkward this night would be.

“We’re making a beeline for the bar as soon as we get there.” We all agreed. Read More »

It was a normal night of drunken debauchery, probably escalated a little bit due to my freshman girl status. My friend Tess and I had gone on Spring Break with a few senior guys, and we had since attached ourselves to them, thinking we were way too cool to hang out with boys our own age.

Definitely trying to impress the older crowd, we had taken a few too many shots and were hanging outside with the smokers.  Our friend Scott standing with his arms around both of us – me on the left, and Tess on the right, cigarette in her hand. Scott brought us in for a dual hug and the next thing I knew, the cigarette landed squarely in the middle of my forehead.

Did it burn? I have no idea. Did I cry about the hole in my forehead? Probably, but still, I have no idea. All I know is the next morning I woke up face down in my bed, with Tess sleeping at the foot of the bed like a dog.

Read More »

[We go to bars. We meet cute boys. We make ill advised decisions. We move on.

Sure, that’s a bit of an oversimplification. It leaves out the emotional repercussions that I know all too well. But, so far as actions go, it’s a pretty accurate description of my pattern.]

We finally settled on a bar. Two girls, and a boy interested in one of them swigged Corona Lights. I sipped on a vodka and Diet Coke. Now, I wonder if my beverage of choice was more recognizable than my face. I lose weight. I gain weight. I change eye shadows and get tan. The vodka diet never changes.

I saw a guy across the bar and smiled at him. He smiled back. I smiled again, this time pleased that he had returned my expression of interest. He whispered to his friend, and began to approach. My heart skipped a beat.

“Hi. Are you Ava?” Read More »

It was one of the many nights when I should have stayed in and done homework, but decided/was forced to go out with my roommates for a night of belligerence. Standard.

I’d been seeing this guy and I was starting to get over it, but I still wanted him to go out with us anyway. I mean, I needed someone to flirt with/take home at the of the night and he was an easy kill. The night progressed as our nights out tended to: shots, pitchers, mixed drinks, and dancing…lots and lots of dancing. The kind of dancing that you’d rather do naked. And the kind of dancing that inevitably ends to doin’ it naked.

We stumbled our way home and after some drunken snacking on chips, cheddar goldfish crackers, and some random mac and cheese, lovaboy decided to start hinting that he was ready for “bed.”  Since my roommate was fast asleep (Read: completely passed out in a drunken stupor), we decided to do it in the bathroom. Yes, we were a considerate pair; we wouldn’t want her waking up and seeing some naked booty 6 feet away. Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

I was out at a classy lounge the other night (I can legit say this now that I have entered legality), when a nice young gentleman started to make passes at me. Like any normal girl, I was wary of speaking to a stranger with a receding hairline but, thanks to a slightly humorous opener, I kept talking to him long enough to find out that he was an attorney. I practically humped his leg like an excited dog. And not because I’m a gold digger who thinks that an attorney can buy her lots of Gucci and Botox.

It’s because for the last three months I have been cooped up in my room under a hot desk lamp studying non-stop for the LSAT. And in my “drunken haze” (I had one beer, which got me tipsy…what? I’ve been studying!) it seemed that there was nothing more exciting than finding someone who had also studied for the LSAT.

Yup, that’s right – my life had been reduced to excitement over someone having filled out similar bubbles on a similar standardized test. Read More »

It was the first party in our new house. Our boxes weren’t even unpacked yet, but our new neighbors (who all happened to be very cute boys) were having people over so we thought we’d join in too. I rifled through my duffle bags to find a low-cut shirt and a pair of jeans to wear, dabbed on a bit of makeup and was ready to mingle with my new friends.

Fast forward 3 hours and I’m drunk and wading in a kiddie pool (that just happened to show up on my porch) with a guy I didn’t know.

“Uh, I’m gonna go downstairs and dry off….” I slurred as I attempted to stand up.

“Want some help?” He responded. Always being the one to have to work for booty, I was excited by how easy he was making this.

“Sure.” I wanted to be demure, mysterious and sexy, which I’m sure I was as I tripped out of the kiddie pool, thus exposing my thong to the entire porch.  Still, he followed me inside and down to my basement lair. My bed was covered in boxes and clothes that I attempted to seductively brush aside. And was unsuccessful. I ended up with a giant paper cut up my arm and 15 broken picture frames that dumped out of a box as it hit the ground. Read More »

I was working late on a Friday night and the guys at work convinced me to hang out at the bar afterward. My mom was in town, so I went to a little martini bar with her after work and actually stayed out pretty late (for her).  When she went back to the hotel at just past midnight, I called the guys to ask where they were.  They all answered they were in a local dive bar not too far away.  I headed over and did a couple rounds – they were nowhere to be found. I texted, called – nothing. So I decided they were having too much fun to answer at that moment (we’ve all been there) and I sidled up to the bar to have a drink and wait for a bit.  No sooner had I ordered than some creeper had latched on.  I was trying to be polite, but made it clear I was waiting for people.  He kind of smirked and asked, “Well, where are your friends, then?”

“Um…I don’t know. They’ll be here soon.”

“Well, while you wait, you can sit at my table.”

Meh.  I wasn’t doing anything, so I headed over and stood near his table with his friends (also creepers).  After about three minutes, I decided that more drinking was needed.

“Oh wait, I see my friend at the bar. Sorry!” I practically ran away, desperately searching for any guy standing alone.  Bingo. Japanese guy with his back to me. I rushed up to him and tapped his shoulder.  “Hi, this is weird, but I need you to pretend to know me because I need rescuing from those guys over there in the booth.”

He looked bemused and simply shrugged his ascension. Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

One evening after senior year of High School had just finished, my boyfriend and I were lying around watching T.V.  On That 70’s Show, Donna and Eric had just gotten caught having sex in their car.  The policeman took them home and I could feel their embarrassment as they had to explain what happened to their parents.

“That’s it,” I told my boyfriend, “I’m not having sex in the car anymore.  Look what happened to Donna and Eric!”

“It’s just a T.V show, this stuff doesn’t happen in real life,” he reassured me. I believed him.  After all, many absurd things happen on That 70’s Show that would never happen in the real world, right?

So the next night when my boyfriend suggested we go for a drive, I thought why not?  We went down a long dirt road in a nearby town and parked at a lake.  After sitting by the water we went back to the car and started fooling around in the back of his Jeep.  After we had sex and were lying in the back on top of blankets, I noticed another car pull into the lot.  I assumed it was just going to turn around, but then the light started getting closer and closer and I soon realized that it was not the headlights of a car, but rather a flashlight.  And on the other end of this flashlight was a policeman.  Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

Last week, my boyfriend and I met for dinner in Manhattan and ended up going to his friend’s apartment afterwards to hang out. It got pretty late, and one of the roommates said that we could crash in an empty room (the guy who lived there was vacationing in Brazil) if we didn’t want to go all the way uptown in the rain.

Although I had my doubts about sleeping in someone else’s bed (What if he has some bodily lice? Is it so wrong if we have sex here? Where am I?), we decided to accept the offer. After all, we were in a fabulous building in the financial district overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge, and I was starting to get a headache from a little too much red wine at dinner. Navigating the subway wasn’t looking too hot.

In the morning, when we thought that everyone had left the apartment, my guy and I took a shower together. Why we felt the need to shower in someone else’s apartment (with someone else’s loofah), I do not know, but we did. And, since everyone knows that joint showering is no fun without at least a little touching, we decided to have sex. Hey – it seemed like the cleanest place to do the deed in someone else’s house, there would be no need for cleanup, and, well, it’s just inevitable when you’re in a steamy bathroom with your devilishly good looking boyfriend!

Needless to say, it got pretty hot and heavy…. Read More »