It was the first party in our new house. Our boxes weren’t even unpacked yet, but our new neighbors (who all happened to be very cute boys) were having people over so we thought we’d join in too. I rifled through my duffle bags to find a low-cut shirt and a pair of jeans to wear, dabbed on a bit of makeup and was ready to mingle with my new friends.

Fast forward 3 hours and I’m drunk and wading in a kiddie pool (that just happened to show up on my porch) with a guy I didn’t know.

“Uh, I’m gonna go downstairs and dry off….” I slurred as I attempted to stand up.

“Want some help?” He responded. Always being the one to have to work for booty, I was excited by how easy he was making this.

“Sure.” I wanted to be demure, mysterious and sexy, which I’m sure I was as I tripped out of the kiddie pool, thus exposing my thong to the entire porch.  Still, he followed me inside and down to my basement lair. My bed was covered in boxes and clothes that I attempted to seductively brush aside. And was unsuccessful. I ended up with a giant paper cut up my arm and 15 broken picture frames that dumped out of a box as it hit the ground. Read More »

I was working late on a Friday night and the guys at work convinced me to hang out at the bar afterward. My mom was in town, so I went to a little martini bar with her after work and actually stayed out pretty late (for her).  When she went back to the hotel at just past midnight, I called the guys to ask where they were.  They all answered they were in a local dive bar not too far away.  I headed over and did a couple rounds – they were nowhere to be found. I texted, called – nothing. So I decided they were having too much fun to answer at that moment (we’ve all been there) and I sidled up to the bar to have a drink and wait for a bit.  No sooner had I ordered than some creeper had latched on.  I was trying to be polite, but made it clear I was waiting for people.  He kind of smirked and asked, “Well, where are your friends, then?”

“Um…I don’t know. They’ll be here soon.”

“Well, while you wait, you can sit at my table.”

Meh.  I wasn’t doing anything, so I headed over and stood near his table with his friends (also creepers).  After about three minutes, I decided that more drinking was needed.

“Oh wait, I see my friend at the bar. Sorry!” I practically ran away, desperately searching for any guy standing alone.  Bingo. Japanese guy with his back to me. I rushed up to him and tapped his shoulder.  “Hi, this is weird, but I need you to pretend to know me because I need rescuing from those guys over there in the booth.”

He looked bemused and simply shrugged his ascension. Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

One evening after senior year of High School had just finished, my boyfriend and I were lying around watching T.V.  On That 70’s Show, Donna and Eric had just gotten caught having sex in their car.  The policeman took them home and I could feel their embarrassment as they had to explain what happened to their parents.

“That’s it,” I told my boyfriend, “I’m not having sex in the car anymore.  Look what happened to Donna and Eric!”

“It’s just a T.V show, this stuff doesn’t happen in real life,” he reassured me. I believed him.  After all, many absurd things happen on That 70’s Show that would never happen in the real world, right?

So the next night when my boyfriend suggested we go for a drive, I thought why not?  We went down a long dirt road in a nearby town and parked at a lake.  After sitting by the water we went back to the car and started fooling around in the back of his Jeep.  After we had sex and were lying in the back on top of blankets, I noticed another car pull into the lot.  I assumed it was just going to turn around, but then the light started getting closer and closer and I soon realized that it was not the headlights of a car, but rather a flashlight.  And on the other end of this flashlight was a policeman.  Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

Last week, my boyfriend and I met for dinner in Manhattan and ended up going to his friend’s apartment afterwards to hang out. It got pretty late, and one of the roommates said that we could crash in an empty room (the guy who lived there was vacationing in Brazil) if we didn’t want to go all the way uptown in the rain.

Although I had my doubts about sleeping in someone else’s bed (What if he has some bodily lice? Is it so wrong if we have sex here? Where am I?), we decided to accept the offer. After all, we were in a fabulous building in the financial district overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge, and I was starting to get a headache from a little too much red wine at dinner. Navigating the subway wasn’t looking too hot.

In the morning, when we thought that everyone had left the apartment, my guy and I took a shower together. Why we felt the need to shower in someone else’s apartment (with someone else’s loofah), I do not know, but we did. And, since everyone knows that joint showering is no fun without at least a little touching, we decided to have sex. Hey – it seemed like the cleanest place to do the deed in someone else’s house, there would be no need for cleanup, and, well, it’s just inevitable when you’re in a steamy bathroom with your devilishly good looking boyfriend!

Needless to say, it got pretty hot and heavy…. Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

I will admit it, I’m an awkward girl.  I’ll say goodbye to someone and then walk in the same direction as them with a stupid grin on my face.  I’ve messed up high fives more times than should be legally allowed.  I’ve called my roommates good friend (whom I’ve known for months) “Tyler,” when his name is “Lucas”…HOW DO YOU MESS THAT UP?  I’m able to take a perfectly normal moment and transform it into a typical scene in any Wes Anderson film (it’s a gift). The trouble is, I don’t realize how incredibly dorky I must look until looking back, and slapping my forehead accordingly.

So by the rules of physics (which I am unsurprisingly sucky at) it would only make sense that I would take this persona I’ve been cursed blessed with and apply to almost every sexual encounter I’ve experienced.  Well, of course, the beginnings are more of learning experiences rather than “fun timez.”   Now let’s time travel back 7 years when it all began…

Cue the hazy flashbacks and dream-like sound effects. Read More »

Mmmm. Mysterious dark spots on the floor.

You wake up with one thing on your mind and one thing only: water. You want to drink it, you want to bathe in it, you want to take advantage of all of its healing powers. You stumble out of your room and head to the kitchen. When you take one step out the door, however, you realize this is a mission you cannot accomplish without shoes.

Thanks to last night’s party, your house is a disaster. There are empty beer cans everywhere, the floor is soaked with beer, and for some reason there is an empty jar of pizza sauce on the floor and marinara hand prints all over the kitchen walls. And [vomit] the smell. Gross.

You dig a pair of flip flops out from under a pile of dirty clothes and head to the oasis that is your Brita in the fridge. You tear the duct tape off of the cabinet (because obviously duct tape will prevent drunk people from rifling through your things) and grab a cup. As you chug your 3rd glass of that sweet nectar from the gods, your roommates, also wearing shoes, start trickling into the kitchen. Read More »

We college girls love our morning-after recaps: reviewing the highs and lows (or extreme lows…like slipping on dirty bathroom puddles and falling to the ground) with our closest friends. We laugh, we look at pictures, we wipe last night’s mascara off our faces.

This morning, after a night filled with glamorous Oscar parties, I have to wonder if the celebs are doing the same. Is Kate Winslet sitting in bed flipping through all those selfies she took with her Oscar? Is Dev Patel sipping coffee with Frieda Pinto laughing about that awkward conversation she had with Sean Penn? Is Sophia Loren regretting all that Botox she injected in the limo ride over to the show?

And what do you think Hugh Jackman is up to? (Note: We imagine it doesn’t involve a shirt. Mmmm.) Read More »