In yesterday’s Candy Dish, we linked out to a story that gave advice on how to be the best hookup. Not in a “do this with your tongue” sort of way, but more of a “be courteous and don’t overstay your welcome” deal. We thought the topic was a great one, but upon further inspection I realized that I didn’t quite agree with the tips that were given.

In fact, they made me sort of angry.

The writer’s tips can be summed up simply as, “Get up, get out, and make sure you look pretty when ya do it.” What? Is it 1950? Is there a reason the woman should have to tip toe (literally) around the sleeping prince? Should she have to exit quietly so as not to disturb his life?

You spent the night with a guy – which is your right – so why should you feel like a trampy nobody in the morning? Own it. Be there. Enjoy it.

In response to their post, we are going to give you our tips. And not make you feel bad for gettin’ frisky with a strapping young lad:

They Said: Get up and get out.

We Say: Unless you don’t like the idea of morning sex, we recommend sticking around for a bit. You are already there, why not enjoy a morning activity that both of you are clearly going to want? And if morning sex isn’t your thing, don’t sneak out. That just looks shady. Wake the boy up, tell him you had a great time but have to get back home, and kiss him goodbye.

They Said: Kiss Him Goodbye

We Say: We do agree with this one; no matter how bad the hookup (and you know some of those college boys have no clue what they are doing) give him a kiss goodbye. If you liked it, leave your number. It is a tad strange to spend an entire evening naked with someone and doing many a-naughty thing only to get all shy and run out in the morning. Plus, why should you run? You didn’t force this guy to take you home – he invited you. Don’t feel weird about it in the morning. Read More »

The walk of shame. The stride of pride. The slut strut.

Whatever you want to call it, we’ve all been there; Bra in the bag, a single sock, mascara running down the face, ducking behind buses and bushes trying not to be seen. It is a right of passage for many college students who – while embarrassed on the actual walk – take pride in the steps it took them to get there.

Good or bad, the Walk of Shame has become so common (even celebrated!) these days that designers are basing their new collections on it and companies creating ads around it.

We asked our writers to share some of their favorite Walk o’ Shame tales. Some made us laugh; others made us cringe. Most, though, made us wish we could have been there to witness the glory.

Kari – Florida State: My friend woke up in the chapter room of the fraternity house that threw an ENORMOUS lingerie party the night before, was too groggy/ still drunk to find her car, so she walked home instead. The street hosts about 5,984 different churches, so my lucky friend strolled past a bevy of proper southern ladies in their Sunday best (and in her skimpy Saturday night naughtiest).

Elizabeth – Baruch College: Some jeans of mine had a rip along the backside. The fella removing my pants managed to literally rip the pants off, leaving denim…underwear, basically. The only pants he had to lend me the next day were wind pants…with my heeled cowboy boots. They were too long for me and tripped me on the sidewalk on the way out. I fell on my face and his wind pants were bloody. What a walk of shame. He didn’t want the pants back. Go figure. Read More »

You pulled an all-nighter yesterday, and I’m not talking about the studying kind, and now it’s time for that dreaded walk of shame back to your dorm room. You managed to find your bra, but your low-slung jeans and barely-visible top couldn’t look more obvious as you wobble in your heels across the quad, and the eye makeup that looked smoky last night now looks like a finger painting. You knew this might happen, but short of bringing your backpack filled with your overnight kit to a bar, you didn’t have a choice.

Now, thanks to handbag designers like Rebecca Minkoff, you don’t have to choose between looking chic the night before or the morning after, instead, you can be prepared like a boy scout while not losing your mystique.

Rebecca Minkoff’s Morning After Bag was seen on the arm of Lindsay Lohan, a girl who takes her walk of shame not just watched by the morning joggers, but by tens of paparazzi and millions of tabloid readers. The bag comes in black mesh and black patent or tangerine (a favorite of Vanessa Hudgens) and is roomy enough for a change of shirt, face wash, maybe even a breathalyzer. $595.

For a more affordable option, check out the Urban Expressions Peterson Tote. The sleekly structured bag has front pleating, braided handles, and gold-toned hardware accents. The bag comes in tan, black, and brown, and at only $58 (currently on sale for $32), you can buy two or all three to match different outfits. Read More »

I woke up. Again. I don’t think I had slept longer than an hour all night. Could it be those last two Soco-Limes I guzzled, or the fact that I was not in my own bed and subconsciously didn’t want to drool on the (hot) boy’s pillow I was currently sharing? Regardless, light was finally filling the room, which could mean only one thing: this boy was about to wake up, see me and completely regret the last two Soco-Limes he had bought each of us.

I stared around the room, half willing the boy to wake up and prove me wrong – by initiating another round of lovin’ – and half planning my silent escape while he was still passed out.

It never changes. And I don’t think it is much different for anyone. No matter how great the evening was, no matter how hot you looked in that brand new going-out shirt and no matter the fact that he came onto you, we all spend some of the after-glow fearing the worst:

He is not going to remember what happened.

He is going to roll over, see me and freak out.

He is going to vomit from the amount of alcohol it took for him to find me attractive. Read More »

1. YOUR FRIEND’S ROOMMATE

In this wacky age of co-ed cohabitation, it’s common to spot a likely young man in your friend’s apartment. At first, it can seem natural to make out with him. You have so much in common! For example: you both spend a lot of time in his apartment! There is nothing more erotic, for two people, than seeing each other ALL THE DAMN TIME. Am I right?

I am wrong. Face facts: you are going to stop sleeping with this guy. I don’t know what you do with people you’ve stopped sleeping with, but I, being Amish, shun them for life. It is the only way. Unfortunately, this gentleman’s proximity to your friend means that, when you call a ceasefire on the boning – or when he calls it, which can happen – you’re going to have to stay friendly.

It’s going to suck.

2. DUDE YOU MET ON CRAIGSLIST

There is only one dude you meet on Craigslist. He has many disguises – horny lawyer, horny accountant, horny ice cream truck man – but he is the same dude. He’s a magical shapeshifter!

He’s also a shady perv. Dude You Met On Craigslist thinks that a perfect date would consist of tying you to his radiator and making you watch the puppet shows he performs with human organs. Some of them would be yours.

This may seem like a radical assumption, but I’ve had my fact-checkers look into this, and they concur: that dude you met on Craigslist is creepy.

Also, they are all dead. Read More »

Whether you are waking up after an intense night of serious drinking or a romp in the sheets with a less-than-worthy male, these tunes are perfect for curing the morning-after blues. Don’t worry, sh*t happens to everybody!

1. My Alcoholic Friends – The Dresden Dolls

Pretty much all my drunken regrets can be blamed on one thing…my alcoholic friends.

2. Lua – Bright Eyes

It’s true – everything seems simple in the moonlight.

3. You Learn – Alanis Morissette

At least, we hope you learn.

4. Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight – Amos Lee

This song is peaceful, calm and reminds you that it really will be okay.

5. Shameless – Ani DiFranco

Ani never apologizes, so why should you?

6. Hey Jude – The Beatles

Classic.

7. Dry the Rain – Beta Band

I don’t really know why, but this song always makes me feel better.

8. You Gotta Be – Desiree

Take Ms. D’s advice and be bad, be bold, be wise…next time you’re drunk and in bed with a random boy.

9. It Don’t Matter – Donovan Frankenreiter

If it don’t matter to you, it don’t matter to me…mmkay?

10. Walk in my shoes – Emily King

And just remember if people try to make you feel bad for your decisions….nobody else walks in your shoes, so what do they know?

Dear Ladies, I want you to ask yourself a question I often times ask myself on the shameful walk through an apartment which I hardly recognize on a hung over morning. The man at hand’s name is still new to me and I’ve left him snoring in his sheets. His roommates are awake and have no fucking clue who I am, so I wave awkwardly and put my boots on as quickly as possibly. I tell them to have a nice day and I just know, as I stumble down the building’s steps, one of them is asking the other:

“Wasn’t that their first date?”, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

So the question of doom is this, ladies:

Are you really a lady?

I’ll be the first one to rub hot wing sauce on my jeans. I can be as tomboy as they come… can’t break a nail cause I don’t have any to break…so I know that I’m not a stereotypical “lady”. But when it comes down to sex, I’m starting to see that the “Anything Goes” handbook I’ve been using for dating might not exactly be relevant anymore. Read More »

On a particularly uneventful night my senior year, I went to the bar to grab a few drinks with some friends. We were sitting there (looking fabulous) minding our own business when a man approached. Personally, I am not a fan of thick neck hair or large ears, so I turned away and gave my cocktail some much needed attention. It seems that, in the throws of serious intoxication, one of my friends seemed to be quite taken by this man.

She chatted with him, had a few more drinks, and eventually (while running her hands through his thick, luxurious neck hair) leaned in close and whispered, “I think we are gonna go.”

After spitting Apple Martini all over the unsuspecting male perched on the bar stool beside me, I attempted to gather my thoughts. Here was one of my closest friends, someone I care deeply about, making one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Sure he looks good now (though I can’t fathom what she thinks she is looking at), but what is my friend going to do in the morning when she rolls over and finds Chewbacca in bed with her? I couldn’t possibly let that happen; it could scar her for life.

So, I did what any good girlfriend would do: I told her that I had to puke and made her take me home, leaving Furry McElephantEars to fend for himself. Read More »

Oh, alcohol. How I love thee. You make my nights full of bad dancing, falling off my shoes, and thinking that guy across the room looks like Christian Bale. You make it easier to talk to him, and slur out sweet nothings such as “Let’s get out of here. I’ll pay for the cab.”

But, alcohol, you make me wish I never locked lips with the likes of you when I wake up the next day with that distinct morning after taste in my mouth, an exploding head and a not so attractive man (with nothing on except a sock) sleeping next to me. Things like “where am I,” or “what is his name again” run through my foggy head, and I realize that this is not the best way to find Mr. Right.

Drunken hook-ups. We’ve all had ‘em. Most of them, we want to forget. It’s totally hot in the moment and then … you wake up the next morning with makeup all over your face only to realize that there is no way you were the porn star you thought you were. And a relationship afterwards? Forgeddaboutit.

My favorite personal story of my own drunken hook-up took place during my freshman year of school. I woke up, I opened my eyes and I had absolutely no idea where the fuck I was. I lifted up the sheet, and oh my God—I was naked. At this moment I swore off alcohol forever (didn’t work). I just knew I was probably lying next to a forty year old divorcee with a massive beer belly and long toenails. I took a few deep breaths, counted very slowly to ten, and rolled over.

Read More »