You’re at a house party or a bar… or in line to get into a house party or bar. It doesn’t matter. Wherever you are, you’ve just spotted a very handsome boy and you want to talk to him. You turn to your friends and point him out.

“OMG, girl, he IS hot. Go to him,” they say. Then you spend the next 5 minutes debating the best conversation starter/reapplying lip gloss/yanking your shirt down a wee bit lower to show off the girls. When everything is in order (“Do I have anything in my teeth??” you ask your friends as you flash a big, toothy smile), you move in.

Due to some extreme Power Houring before leaving the house, your friends are feeling rather rambunctious. As you make your way to get a drink, they shove you into the boy. Not part of the carefully laid out plan, but that move has been known to work wonders in the past. Read More »

Before my boyfriend and I were “officially” dating, he rarely stayed overnight. He had some weird moral stance on that topic, but it was totally okay to get it on and then peace out. Whatevs. Anyway, the few times he did stay over just happened to be when he mysteriously (and belligerently) found his way by foot, by DD, or by other interesting means of transportation to my dorm.

On this particular night, Alex (names have been changed) called me to come let him into my dorm. I didn’t realize how truly schmammered he was until I found him hiding behind the vending machine waiting to jump out and scare me. He picked me up and proceeded to carry me into the elevator. Thank God he didn’t try to carry me up the three flights of stairs to my room.

As Alex drunkenly tried to make out with me in the elevator, I already knew this would be a long night. I was particularly upset because I had an 8am class the next morning and it was already 1:30. We finished the journey to my room and I begged him to be quiet as to not wake my roommates. After yelling “OKAY!” I shoved him into my room. Read More »

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like why you can’t get any sleep – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I’m not really sure if you’re the right person to ask but I’m really not sure who else to go to with this. Basically, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 months now. We just started to have sex but he can never seem to…keep it up. I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing (or not doing…), and I don’t know if this is something we can fix? Is there something I should do? And how do I even talk to him about this? He gets really upset after it happens (or doesn’t happen) and I just don’t know what to do here. This has never happened to me before…

A: Thank you for trusting us with what is, undeniably, a delicate issue. It’s funny.  If women have issues with decreased libido or sexual performance, we tend to discuss these things with our girlfriends, ask questions openly, and put our cards on the table. But men- forget it! You don’t hear men sitting around the coffee shop discussing their erectile dysfunction. But I wish they would. Making it a taboo subject shrouded with embarrassment serves no one.

I don’t know how old your boyfriend is, but the incidence of erectile dysfunction increases with age. If your boyfriend is young, chances are good that his issue may be caused by a medication side effect (anti-depressants are classic erection killers) or alcohol or drug use (alcohol increases the desire but decreases the performance). If he’s older, health conditions like high blood pressure or diabetes could play a role.  Often, the problem is psychological. Perhaps he’s worried that he’s not pleasuring you, and the more he worries, the more he droops.

Try talking to your boyfriend, but make sure not to do it in bed. He’s already feeling fragile and vulnerable when he loses his woodie, so there’s no point adding salt to his wound. Bring up the conversation when you’re both fully dressed. Let him know you care about him and genuinely wish to find solutions so you can both enjoy each other’s bodies. Ask him how he feels and share how you feel in a gentle, nonjudgmental way. Suggest that he see his doctor, who might be able to help him investigate the issue. If drugs or alcohol regularly play a role in your sex life, try skipping it or play around with morning sex, when men tend to be a bit more randy.

Do what you can to make him feel safe. The more he feels pressured to perform, the more likely he is to lose his erection. You may find that it helps to break the cycle by avoiding intercourse for a while. Snuggle.  Kiss.  Fool around. Try oral sex or manual sex if you wish.  But stay around from sexual acts that have an expected outcome.

Keep in mind that your relationship is relatively new, and some things work themselves out in time. Perhaps, he’s just so into you that he gets freaked out. If none of this helps and you’re committed to making this relationship work, consider seeing a sex therapist.  His doctor may even recommend Viagra, if he’s a good candidate for it.  If you really care for each other, you’ll find a way…

Wishing you bliss,
Dr. Lissa

- Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, will be published by St. Martin’s Press in Fall 2010. She invites you to join her Pink online community (www.owningpink.com/forum) or read more of her writing at Owning Pink (www.owningpink.com).

You’re at a house party or a bar… or in line to get into a house party or bar. It doesn’t matter. Wherever you are, you’ve just spotted a very handsome boy and you want to talk to him. You turn to your friends and point him out.

“OMG, girl, he IS hot. Go to him,” they say. Then you spend the next 5 minutes debating the best conversation starter/reapplying lip gloss/yanking your shirt down a wee bit lower to show off the girls. When everything is in order (“Do I have anything in my teeth??” you ask your friends as you flash a big, toothy smile), you move in.

Due to some extreme Power Houring before leaving the house, your friends are feeling rather rambunctious. As you make your way to get a drink, they shove you into the boy. Not part of the carefully laid out plan, but that move has been known to work wonders in the past. Read More »

Q: My sex drive is through the roof, and I can easily have sex twice a day, every day…but my boyfriend is a different story. He’s fine only having sex once or twice a week. We’ve been together for almost a year, but we’ve been fighting about this more and more lately, usually after he brushes me off if I’m trying to “seduce” him, at which point I usually make passive aggressive statements about how I should find someone who DOES want to have sex with me. I feel bad for saying it, but I’m also starting to believe it! Aren’t guys supposed to dream of having a girlfriend that wants to have sex all the time? What should I do?

A: I can sympathize–I’m also the sex fiend in my relationship, and it can be really frustrating. Here’s the thing, though — I don’t think twice weekly sex is really a problem, at least not in the way that once-every-3-months sex would be a problem. Seems to me that’s it’s just a preference and not indicative of how attractive and sexy he finds you. Only you know for yourself if it’s a dealbreaker or not.

I think a lot of the frustration might actually be coming from how the situation is handled, and less so the frequency of sex. Start by changing how you fight. I completely understand your passive-aggressive reaction (and I’ve so been there), but it’s only making him more defensive and not open to talking about it. Try bringing it up during a neutral time–not before, during, or after sex (or the rejection of sex)–and explain it to him in “I” statements: “I don’t feel good about myself when you brush off my advances.” Read More »

In yesterday’s Candy Dish, we linked out to a story that gave advice on how to be the best hookup. Not in a “do this with your tongue” sort of way, but more of a “be courteous and don’t overstay your welcome” deal. We thought the topic was a great one, but upon further inspection I realized that I didn’t quite agree with the tips that were given.

In fact, they made me sort of angry.

The writer’s tips can be summed up simply as, “Get up, get out, and make sure you look pretty when ya do it.” What? Is it 1950? Is there a reason the woman should have to tip toe (literally) around the sleeping prince? Should she have to exit quietly so as not to disturb his life?

You spent the night with a guy – which is your right – so why should you feel like a trampy nobody in the morning? Own it. Be there. Enjoy it.

In response to their post, we are going to give you our tips. And not make you feel bad for gettin’ frisky with a strapping young lad:

They Said: Get up and get out.

We Say: Unless you don’t like the idea of morning sex, we recommend sticking around for a bit. You are already there, why not enjoy a morning activity that both of you are clearly going to want? And if morning sex isn’t your thing, don’t sneak out. That just looks shady. Wake the boy up, tell him you had a great time but have to get back home, and kiss him goodbye.

They Said: Kiss Him Goodbye

We Say: We do agree with this one; no matter how bad the hookup (and you know some of those college boys have no clue what they are doing) give him a kiss goodbye. If you liked it, leave your number. It is a tad strange to spend an entire evening naked with someone and doing many a-naughty thing only to get all shy and run out in the morning. Plus, why should you run? You didn’t force this guy to take you home – he invited you. Don’t feel weird about it in the morning. Read More »

So, you met a hottie out on the town. Against your better judgment (because you can imagine what your mom would say if she knew what you were doing), you went home with him. And it was fun. Really fun. Your clothes are strewn around the room and if you weren’t so exhausted from the marathon romp session, you would be a bit more worried about where the hell your underwear was at the moment.

You pass out as the sun begins to peek its way out from behind the tapestry haphazardly hung over the window, the gent’s arm wrapped around your waist.

Then you wake up. You turn over the boy has his back to you. He’s snoring. You run to the bathroom to pee, trying not to wake him up, but hoping at the same time that you do. After all, it’s sorta awkward; you can’t just leave without him getting up. That would be weird.

You come back into the bed (after searching frantically in the bathroom for some mouthwash/gum and fixing your hair/makeup so you still look fresh) and he stirs. You make a joke about how tired you are and throw yourself into the bed. Random conversation ensues and most likely includes discussion of hangovers, how much you drank last night and how that water you chugged before bed was just divine.

And then….what? You know what you want to do. You want to have morning sex. Who doesn’t? Morning sex is the best way to start the day. (Some people think Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, but you and this boy both know the truth.) It is pretty much a given at this point, but neither of you really know how to broach the subject, mostly because you are both sober now and things are slightly awkward.

Read More »

It isn’t always easy to find new friends after college.

Unlike freshman year in the dorms, the real world doesn’t provide you with a place filled with hundreds of people just like you looking for new people to drink (and hook up) with. Well, I guess that might happen if you move to Murray Hill in New York City, but for the rest of us that just isn’t a reality.

It seems that most of us make our new real-life friends at work. Which makes sense; we spend so much time at the office (and, oftentimes, need a few drinks afterwards) that it is only natural to get close with the people alongside us. For the most part this is a good thing; there are many times when the only thing motivating you to get to the office is the opportunity to see your buds.

But what happens when things go a bit too far?

Last week I mentioned a friend of mine who explained to me his love for morning sex. Well, that friend also happens to work with me. Actually, I work for him; he’s my boss. Now, this isn’t as creepy as it sounds; he is only 29 and we do hang out socially. But, as I work here longer we get closer and closer the line between personal and professional continues to blur. Read More »

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After talking to my friend about his latest foray into the dating world – and his love for early morning sex – I started thinking.

Not that it takes much to get me thinking about sex. Since I am not having any. And everywhere I look it seems that people are having it. All. The. Time.

I remember the first time I ever had an early morning romp. I climbed into bed with my then boyfriend, set the alarm for class the following morning, and fell asleep. I was awoken the following morning not by my alarm clock, but by a very delicious nibbling on my ear. Followed by an even more delicious round of sex that may have acted as the alarm clock for the rest of my (8) roommates.

Then I ate 2 bowls of cereal, a few waffles and grabbed a bag of pretzels on my way to class. And it all tasted so good. In fact, everything was so much better that morning: the birds were singing, the sun was shining, and I was in a great mood. Even with 3 straight hours of lecture and a night of paper writing at the library ahead of me.

Other people noticed the difference, too: Read More »