So I just got back from three very long days of vacationing with my folks.

I mean, VERY long.

Here’s the thing: it totally sucked. I mean, I love spending time with my parents. I do. We get along very well. But three days of touristing in some random little rural town without any break from my parents EVER just isn’t my idea of a good time.

So here are a few tips that I wish I knew before I went. Good luck, you poor brave souls.

(1) Insist on having at least a little say in the location.

Okay, we went to this town in upstate NY (5 hours from their house, 3 from my apartment) for seemingly no reason. When I was informed, I did not question. Foolishly, I said instead, “Whatever you guys want.” Fatal mistake. You see, my mother decided that we just HAD to go see this giant kaleidoscope. Yes, that’s right: apparently, the basis of this trip was a giant kaleidoscope.

Anyway, we finally get to the stupid thing and they take one look at it and my dad says, “I’m not paying 10 bucks a person for this!”, my mom says, “I can’t lean on this thing for 7 minutes!”, and next thing I know we’re back at the motel trying to figure out what to do for the next three days. Read More »

I lost my virginity at a 4-hour hooker motel in Bushwick, Brooklyn during a rainstorm at 3am. It was actually meant as a casual escape from a breakdancing party where I did not feel I fit in. Before I knew what I was doing, I was leaning close to the bright-red ear of my then-boyfriend and whispering that I thought tonight was the night. He grabbed my hand and we left without saying goodbye. And the rest is history.

But I digress. From what, I’m not sure.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yeah, it’s a wild story and it was, actually, a very wild night, but we were safe (well, as safe as you can be in Bushwick). We used condoms. And to me, that’s all that matters.

I feel like the current trend is to act overtly sexual and then be really, really embarrassed about the actual act. It’s okay for 10-year-olds to wear lip gloss and bikinis, but it’s not okay to talk about sex itself. Read More »