Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I can’t believe I’m actually writing this but–I’m having an affair with my mom’s boyfriend.

I know. It’s terrible. But it’s complicated.

My mom was never much of a mom to me. Me and my sister lived with her and her husband growing up and she never really cared about us. She always did things with him and left us home alone. I’m older so I always took care of my sister but I was a kid too and I definitely made some mistakes. Me and my sister are really close but she moved out as soon ad she could drop out of high school.

I still live with my mom because I’m trying to go to school and make something of myself. My mom’s husband left like two years ago. Shes been dating this new guy for about a year.

I don’t know why I did it but I hooked up with her boyfriend two months ago after I had a fight with my mom. But we kept hooking up and now I think I’m falling in love with him. He always tells me he’d leave her for me. But I’m scared of hurting my mom. I’m also scared because when she finds out she’s definitely going to kick me out and I still have two years of college left.

What should I do?
Not Sure Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Okay, kiddos. Today we have a very special issue of Ask Tuffy Luv. Today we’re gonna–gasp–learn from our mothers. (Even though, yes, they annoy us sometimes. OK, a lot.)

I know that seems odd. But, readerinos, Aunt Tuffy gets ever so many letters from all of y’all about things I KNOW your momma taught you. So, in one fell swoop, Tuffy gonna answer the basic kinds questions she gets week after week, just by telling you what your mother already knows.

(1) Be Faithful.

Momma sez: You’re probably going to want to have a serious partner someday. Don’t blow it now by blowing through tons of guys (or girls) and burning bridges. You’re gonna form bad habits and you’re gonna get a bad reputation. So don’t cheat. It’s nature’s bad karma, donchaknow?

(2) Use Protection.

Giiiiiirl, don’t be bringing no grandbaby round! Okay, fine, bring the grandbaby. Momma will looooove that grandbaby. But, precious, I just want you to be the best you that you can be. You need time to grow and to be in a good place and in a good relationship. Besides, you don’t want any of those nasty STDs, right?! Momma knows you don’t.

(3) Long Distance is Hard. But So Is Any Relationship.

Sweetheart. You’ve got to follow that sweet heart of yours. Long distance relationships are very difficult, so if you have your doubts, don’t waste your time and energy. But if you think in your heart of hearts that he (or she) really might be The One, you’ve got to give it a shot. Trust yourself. And if it doesn’t work out, don’t punish yourself–learn from your mistakes and live your life the best you can. Read More »

Question for Tuffy Luv? Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m quite upset that I have to write to you again, but you gave such great advice last time that I would love hear from you again. I’m the short-skirted floozy who wrote to you about a month ago, and unfortunately, the situation has NOT improved. I’ve been following your advice – I wear my conservative clothes to her house, and even wear bike shorts under my dresses and skirts. I attend all the family functions to which I’m invited and spend quality time with the whole family when I’m at his house instead of hiding out in his room. We even made them dinner and dessert one night!

Recently, the boyfriend and I went on several weekend trips, which, given that he’s 19, shouldn’t be a huge deal. Momma wasn’t pleased with the idea, but she eventually gave in and let it go. We figured that maybe she was finally realizing that he’s growing up and away, like all children are supposed to. However, with back-to-school looming, the leash is getting shorter and shorter.

It all started the other night: His whole family was at a family friend’s house. Momma got a little tipsy and started spouting off about “bitches who steal sons away from their parents and never let them talk to them again.” She said she wished she had a daughter (she has two sons, BF is the older) because “a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he chooses a wife” and how “girlfriends never realize that it’s the mother who raised them and she just gets to reap the benefits.” This was all in front of me; I was sitting right next to her at the table. It all seemed quite pointed, given that I’m BF’s first girlfriend and his younger brother has yet to have one.

Just today, Boyfriend let her know that he was going to the mall with me to pick out some new clothes for school. She began to make an issue out of how the clothes we buy together never seem to fit him. The only clothes we have ever bought together are a pair of nice khaki Dockers that are, as far as I can tell, the best fitting pants he has. Then she went on about how I spend money carelessly and make him spend more that he should. His father asked him why he couldn’t just go shopping with his mother, and he responded by asking why he couldn’t just go with me. His dad said “Because your mother is paying” and BF responded “Well, then I can just pay.” He told them we had dinner plans and he had to leave. When we got back tonight, he told her he didn’t buy anything, just tried things on, because we could get better discounts online. She asked where he was buying from, and he told her American Eagle. She’s strictly a Kohl’s/Walmart person. She rolled her eyes and said something about how it was too expensive, especially with shipping. I let her know that they had a  promotion where if you spent $75+ you got free shipping, that the clothes were buy 1 get 1 half off, and we had a 20% off coupon on top of it. She just responded “And what can you get for $75 from there? Jean and a T-shirt? I want to see these clothes before you order them.” (Yes, really.) Read More »

Some women have been blessed with the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing skills any ’50s housewife would be jealous of. You know the type – they go to their friends’ houses bearing baked goods, they know how to get that tricky stain out of delicate material, they’re just all-around nurturers.

I, on the other hand, find myself lacking in every aspect of domestic maturity. I dread doing laundry, I get extra excited on the rare occasion that my pasta comes off the stovetop instead of out of the microwave, and I gotta be honest, kids kind of piss me off.

For a long time, I’ve embraced this about myself. I was convinced I could just get by on take-out and who really needs children anyway? But as I approach my senior year of college, it’s beginning to hit me just how close I am to living life in the real world. In a very short while, it’ll be frowned upon to live like I do – laundry piling up, cabinets stocked with Easy Mac, dishes (read: shot glasses) sitting in the sink.

If this is truly some sort of natural instinct in women, when will it kick in for me? And why hasn’t it already?

After a lot of thought, I think I know what’s holding me back. It’s not that I just suck at these household duties – I am so afraid of what it actually means to perform them: growing up. Read More »

love my mommy!

We love our mommies. So very much. In fact, I spent all weekend baking, shopping, dancing and watching the Betty White SNL with my beautiful mom for the momentous Mother’s Day. My mom is the coolest, most beautiful, intelligent, sincere woman in the entire universe. She gives great advice and shares clothes with me. Not like a regular mom, she’s a cool mom.

You know what though? It’s Monday. 9 AM on a freaking Monday. Mother’s day is dunzo, the kitchen is covered in funfetti frosting and I’m here to pick apart all those goofy little sentiments that dear old mom would dole out all through my childhood. Some I hear myself repeating and some just don’t make sense.

10. “They’re just insecure, that’s why!”
Said when you come home crying about the school bully. Not true. Moms are just too tired to explain a sociopath to a child.

9. “Beds are NOT meant for bouncing on!”
Oh yeah?

8. “A little birdy told me”
Usually a teacher, someone else’s mom or a relative. Damn birdies.

7. “Never go to bed angry”
Unless someone really, really screws you over. Or if it’s over your ex-boyfriend. Read More »

So, only 2 days till Mother’s Day…

“Whaaaaat???”

Don’t worry — we have you covered. Here are a few gift ideas you can quickly whip together that your #1 Momma is bound to enjoy ( and 2/5 are FREE!).

1)    A Funny Video. Here’s a video you can easily (in 5 seconds) personalize and send to the lady you love so much. It’s sweet. It’s hilarious. It’s free.  It’s win-win.

2) A DIY card. If you love craft projects (who doesn’t?) skip the Hallmark card this year and make one yourself. If you have time, dry some small flowers (just stash any buds you can get your hands on in a book for a few hours) and glue ‘em on. Make it even sweeter by adding an acrostic poem. Okay, it’s cheesy, but I’m telling you, it always brings out the happiness tears.

Spell your mom’s name downward on a sheet of paper, and with each letter, start a sentence or pick an adjective that describes her. For example, for the name “Emily,” you would have lines starting with E, M, I, L and Y. (And no, “Embarassing,” “Makes me extremely annoyed,” or “Is a nag” are NOT allowed.)

3)    Food! Who doesn’t love customized chocolate covered strawbs? But order ‘em fast! (Luckily they do overnight delivery.)

4) Flowers. Cliché, but always appreciated, flowers are a great last-minute gift for mom. But if you want to add a bit of originality, skip roses and go for tulips or gerber daisies (my personal favorite and they last FOREVER, which means your mom will be reminded of you long after you skip town for the summer).

5) A Book. Get Mom started on her springtime reading with a new novel. Depending on her taste, I would recommend the following: Sophie’s Choice (depressing but worth it), Prodigal Summer (romantic and beautifully written) and Shopaholic Series (trashy but fabulous).

Most of us don’t appreciate our mothers as much as we should. In fact, I’m pretty sure Kanye West was the only person ever to truly idolize and appreciate everything his mother did for him. I mean, the guy wrote her a song! And what did you do? Buy the woman some almost-dead tulips?!

Not only did those women push us out of their very narrow birth canal, but they’ve been doting on us ever since. Mothers have the hardest job in the world (2nd hardest: working in a chocolate shop and not eating any) and are constantly called upon to do more and more and more.

And they do it with grace.

Yet, they also usually do it without thanks. So, in honor of Mother’s Day this Sunday, I called upon the CollegeCandy writers to share their favorite things about the most important woman in their lives: mama. Because no matter how annoying she can get (especially now that she’s on Facebook), your mama loves you and you gotta show that love right back.

Share your love for mom in the comments section below (then show mom your comment as a nice, free Mother’s Day Gift….awwwww). Read More »

Beware, your mother is on now Facebook. You don’t believe me? Well, CNN has the proof. They are reporting that women over 55 are the fastest growing group on Facebook. That’s right, your mother is sending you a friend request at this very moment.

Maybe you’re part of that lucky minority who hasn’t received that email yet, the email that will crush your boundaries and make you curse the social network’s very existence. That may be true, but your mom may still be just a click away from invading your personal Facebook space.  Studies show that “there are now about 1.5 million female users older than 55 on the site — roughly a 550 percent increase over six months ago.”

Unfortunately, my mother is among this statistic. Read More »

So, the thing about most of the annoying people on campus is that, most of the time, you can get away from them. Either you pass the class and move on, you simply ignore their sermons, or they generally exit your life just as quickly as they came.

Not all of them, though. Some annoying campus dwellers will be there. Always. Forever. And never go away.

Who am I talking about? Why, the  Frat House Groupie, of course!

Now, there are many girls who may seem to fall into this category that should not. These are:

1) Members of a sister sorority. It’s super common to see certain fraternities pairing up with certain sororities on campus; their bylaws/campus rules/international standards of fraternizing require that they have to make nice with the girlies and co-host events together.  Whatev.  Point is, if you’re hanging at the house one Friday night because they’re having an awesome 70s themed costume party and you see the typical group of sorority girls, those are the least of your worries.

2) Girlfriends or ex girlfriends of frat boys: These girls are expected to be there. After all, they aren’t just trolling the crowd looking for booty; this is their man’s house. Or their ex man. And they are still friends with all the boys. Read: they know people.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s move into the girls you should be wary of. There are generally two types of Frat House Groupies: Read More »

Childbirth is excruciatingly painful. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But ABC’s 20/20 is going to broadcast a segment on a new documentary called “Orgasmic Birth,” about women who said that giving birth was one of the most ecstatic (and orgasmic) moments of their lives.

In the segment, to be broadcast on Friday, January 2nd at 10 pm, Tamra Larter says that she spent part of her labor for her second child making out with her husband! “The physical touch and the nurturing was just really comforting to me,” she said, “[The birth] was happening, and I could hardly breathe, and it was like, ‘oh, that feels good.’”

Um. Ew?

Dr. Christiane Northrup, OB-GYN, was interviewed by 20/20 and reported that it is possible to experience orgasmic childbirth, according to “basic science.” She says, “When the baby’s coming down the birth canal, remember, it’s going through the exact same positions as something going in, the penis going into the vagina, to cause an orgasm.”

With all due respect to Dr. Northrup, I’m not buying it. And I think it’s great that Ms. Larter was able to get it on during labor (Sidenote: what’s her kid gonna think when he reads that ten years from now?), but either she has a really, really high threshold for pain, a really big va-jay-jay, or they must have slipped her the epidural without telling her. Also, if your baby gives you an orgasm, isn’t that moderately incestual? Just sayin’.

I have no children at the moment, and I have never given birth, so I guess you could say, “don’t knock it till you try it.” But I believe childbirth may be the one thing that you really don’t have to try to knock.  So, here are just a few reasons why I’m not expecting childbirth to be orgasmic:

1. An eight-pound baby is way bigger than a penis.

It’s true that the kid will be coming out the same way his daddy’s manhood went in, but even if that dad were Ron Jeremy (ew, btw), the biggest penis in the world couldn’t possibly compare to the size and weight of a healthy newborn. Read More »