So, only 2 days till Mother’s Day…

“Whaaaaat???”

Don’t worry — we have you covered. Here are a few gift ideas you can quickly whip together that your #1 Momma is bound to enjoy ( and 2/5 are FREE!).

1)    A Funny Video. Here’s a video you can easily (in 5 seconds) personalize and send to the lady you love so much. It’s sweet. It’s hilarious. It’s free.  It’s win-win.

2) A DIY card. If you love craft projects (who doesn’t?) skip the Hallmark card this year and make one yourself. If you have time, dry some small flowers (just stash any buds you can get your hands on in a book for a few hours) and glue ‘em on. Make it even sweeter by adding an acrostic poem. Okay, it’s cheesy, but I’m telling you, it always brings out the happiness tears.

Spell your mom’s name downward on a sheet of paper, and with each letter, start a sentence or pick an adjective that describes her. For example, for the name “Emily,” you would have lines starting with E, M, I, L and Y. (And no, “Embarassing,” “Makes me extremely annoyed,” or “Is a nag” are NOT allowed.)

3)    Food! Who doesn’t love customized chocolate covered strawbs? But order ‘em fast! (Luckily they do overnight delivery.)

4) Flowers. Cliché, but always appreciated, flowers are a great last-minute gift for mom. But if you want to add a bit of originality, skip roses and go for tulips or gerber daisies (my personal favorite and they last FOREVER, which means your mom will be reminded of you long after you skip town for the summer).

5) A Book. Get Mom started on her springtime reading with a new novel. Depending on her taste, I would recommend the following: Sophie’s Choice (depressing but worth it), Prodigal Summer (romantic and beautifully written) and Shopaholic Series (trashy but fabulous).

Most of us don’t appreciate our mothers as much as we should. In fact, I’m pretty sure Kanye West was the only person ever to truly idolize and appreciate everything his mother did for him. I mean, the guy wrote her a song! And what did you do? Buy the woman some almost-dead tulips?!

Not only did those women push us out of their very narrow birth canal, but they’ve been doting on us ever since. Mothers have the hardest job in the world (2nd hardest: working in a chocolate shop and not eating any) and are constantly called upon to do more and more and more.

And they do it with grace.

Yet, they also usually do it without thanks. So, in honor of Mother’s Day this Sunday, I called upon the CollegeCandy writers to share their favorite things about the most important woman in their lives: mama. Because no matter how annoying she can get (especially now that she’s on Facebook), your mama loves you and you gotta show that love right back.

Share your love for mom in the comments section below (then show mom your comment as a nice, free Mother’s Day Gift….awwwww). Read More »

Beware, your mother is on now Facebook. You don’t believe me? Well, CNN has the proof. They are reporting that women over 55 are the fastest growing group on Facebook. That’s right, your mother is sending you a friend request at this very moment.

Maybe you’re part of that lucky minority who hasn’t received that email yet, the email that will crush your boundaries and make you curse the social network’s very existence. That may be true, but your mom may still be just a click away from invading your personal Facebook space.  Studies show that “there are now about 1.5 million female users older than 55 on the site — roughly a 550 percent increase over six months ago.”

Unfortunately, my mother is among this statistic. Read More »

So, the thing about most of the annoying people on campus is that, most of the time, you can get away from them. Either you pass the class and move on, you simply ignore their sermons, or they generally exit your life just as quickly as they came.

Not all of them, though. Some annoying campus dwellers will be there. Always. Forever. And never go away.

Who am I talking about? Why, the  Frat House Groupie, of course!

Now, there are many girls who may seem to fall into this category that should not. These are:

1) Members of a sister sorority. It’s super common to see certain fraternities pairing up with certain sororities on campus; their bylaws/campus rules/international standards of fraternizing require that they have to make nice with the girlies and co-host events together.  Whatev.  Point is, if you’re hanging at the house one Friday night because they’re having an awesome 70s themed costume party and you see the typical group of sorority girls, those are the least of your worries.

2) Girlfriends or ex girlfriends of frat boys: These girls are expected to be there. After all, they aren’t just trolling the crowd looking for booty; this is their man’s house. Or their ex man. And they are still friends with all the boys. Read: they know people.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s move into the girls you should be wary of. There are generally two types of Frat House Groupies: Read More »

Childbirth is excruciatingly painful. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But ABC’s 20/20 is going to broadcast a segment on a new documentary called “Orgasmic Birth,” about women who said that giving birth was one of the most ecstatic (and orgasmic) moments of their lives.

In the segment, to be broadcast on Friday, January 2nd at 10 pm, Tamra Larter says that she spent part of her labor for her second child making out with her husband! “The physical touch and the nurturing was just really comforting to me,” she said, “[The birth] was happening, and I could hardly breathe, and it was like, ‘oh, that feels good.’”

Um. Ew?

Dr. Christiane Northrup, OB-GYN, was interviewed by 20/20 and reported that it is possible to experience orgasmic childbirth, according to “basic science.” She says, “When the baby’s coming down the birth canal, remember, it’s going through the exact same positions as something going in, the penis going into the vagina, to cause an orgasm.”

With all due respect to Dr. Northrup, I’m not buying it. And I think it’s great that Ms. Larter was able to get it on during labor (Sidenote: what’s her kid gonna think when he reads that ten years from now?), but either she has a really, really high threshold for pain, a really big va-jay-jay, or they must have slipped her the epidural without telling her. Also, if your baby gives you an orgasm, isn’t that moderately incestual? Just sayin’.

I have no children at the moment, and I have never given birth, so I guess you could say, “don’t knock it till you try it.” But I believe childbirth may be the one thing that you really don’t have to try to knock.  So, here are just a few reasons why I’m not expecting childbirth to be orgasmic:

1. An eight-pound baby is way bigger than a penis.

It’s true that the kid will be coming out the same way his daddy’s manhood went in, but even if that dad were Ron Jeremy (ew, btw), the biggest penis in the world couldn’t possibly compare to the size and weight of a healthy newborn. Read More »

Last week, it was revealed that one of our editors was slowly turning into her mother (gasp!). There was a lot of screaming, many tears and, finally, the acceptance that maybe we all had a little mama in us. It was bound to happen at some point – no matter how many times we told our friends to kill us when we started shhh-ing kids in movie theaters.

Sure, our mothers are great; they created us, afterall. But, there are still some awful habits we seem to be inheriting that are less than desired. This week, the CollegeCandy writers weigh in on the motherly habits creeping into their lives.

Devon – UCLA: I have to admit, I proactively try to not be my mother. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m talking to myself out loud more and more these days…..UGH! DNA

Sara – NYU: I am slowly but surely developing a Bronx Jewish accent. I am thoroughly f*cked.

Carly – Grinnell: I cannot stop giving other people food when they come over to my apartment. I will offer them cookies, muffins, tea, chocolate, full meals–anything! If they don’t accept, I feel inadequate.

Kari – Florida State: I work at a daycare and cringe every five minutes at the things that come out of my mouth. “I don’t care who started it, but I’m here to finish it!” and “Sharing is caring” are some choice picks straight out of my Mom’s vocab. Read More »

This is one of the worst news stories I’ve ever, ever heard.

Two young boys in the Czech Republic were kept for months in a basement dungeon by their mother. Not only were they sexually and physically abused, naked in their own urine and chained up, they were also forced to cut themselves. Why? So that their mother could feed their raw flesh to their relatives.

The entire torture was conducted in accordance with text messages from the leader of their “religious” group, the Grail Movement. This leader is referred to only as “The Doctor.”

And this is a true story.

The mother, who is currently on trial, now claims that she was brainwashed. She says she’s sorry and doesn’t know how she could have done such things.

I don’t buy it for one second. You know how this was discovered? A neighbor caught it on his baby TV monitor. According to various articles, that is because the mother had her own TV monitor hooked up so that she could watch the boys while they were in agony whenever she felt like it. To me, there is no coming back from that.

Now the questions seem to be (1) will the court buy the “brainwashed” excuse, and (2) how far is a religious organization allowed to go in the name of their beliefs? Read More »

So I just got back from three very long days of vacationing with my folks.

I mean, VERY long.

Here’s the thing: it totally sucked. I mean, I love spending time with my parents. I do. We get along very well. But three days of touristing in some random little rural town without any break from my parents EVER just isn’t my idea of a good time.

So here are a few tips that I wish I knew before I went. Good luck, you poor brave souls.

(1) Insist on having at least a little say in the location.

Okay, we went to this town in upstate NY (5 hours from their house, 3 from my apartment) for seemingly no reason. When I was informed, I did not question. Foolishly, I said instead, “Whatever you guys want.” Fatal mistake. You see, my mother decided that we just HAD to go see this giant kaleidoscope. Yes, that’s right: apparently, the basis of this trip was a giant kaleidoscope.

Anyway, we finally get to the stupid thing and they take one look at it and my dad says, “I’m not paying 10 bucks a person for this!”, my mom says, “I can’t lean on this thing for 7 minutes!”, and next thing I know we’re back at the motel trying to figure out what to do for the next three days. Read More »

I was always jealous of girls who had a good and healthy relationship with their mother. My envy was something that none of my friends could ever understand.

When they were around my mom, she was the coolest mom anyone knew. She made the most mouth-watering desserts. She was HILARIOUS and even outlandish in many scenarios. She was over-hospitable and generous in every way. She’d take me out with my friends and pay for their movie, their dinner, their shopping sprees…She was the mom that all of my friends wanted, or so they thought.

The unfortunate thing is that my mom probably should have been going to therapy her entire life — but she never did. The result has been pretty destructive to our relationship, and her relationship to everyone else as well. Read More »

Okay. Mother’s Day is almost here. And if you’re anything like me, you’re freaking out just the tiniest bit because A) you kinda forgot about this holiday until you saw a commercial last night B) your money supply is so low that you no longer get receipts from the ATM because it makes you too sad, and C) you’ve already maxed out every bath and body store within a 100 mile radius of your house, and your mom will disown you if you get her another bottle of bubble bath.

So what’s a poor girl to do?

Make some bitchin’ strawberry shortcake.

I have found that no matter what, strawberry shortcake hits the spot — especially with moms. It’s light, it’s fruity, it’s sweet, and with this recipe, it’s so simple you could whip it up while studying for that last final.

INGREDIENTS

2 quarts (32 ounces) fresh strawberries

1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar

1 12-ounce tube Pillsbury Golden Homestyle Buttermilk biscuits

1 7-ounce can whipped cream Read More »