“It’s not the size of the wave, it’s the motion of the ocean.” (Though I think the size of wave definitely helps the motion of the ocean…don’t you?)

But for those of you who are all about size, you need to start dating Europeans. Make that Frenchies…and steer clear of the Greeks (sorry, guys, we still think you’re fun to look at, what with your godliness and all).

As a part of a campaign to promote wearing the proper contraceptives to young’uns, the German-based Institute of Condom Consultancy performed a survey of weewee size and found that Frenchmen averaged a whopping 6 inches, whereas Greeks were a good inch shorter.

(Editor’s Note: For some reason I am really craving a baguette right about now…)

So not only are the French demanding les condoms grande, but they are gettin’ all the girls, have one (inch) up on the Greeks and bragging rights for quite some time. I just hope this doesn’t start some sort of war; we don’t want to have to teach our grandchildren about the Battle of the Bulge.