I was one of the fortunate fanboy fanatics to have seen the 12:02am showing of Marvel’s The Avengers last Thursday. And HOLY SH*TBALLS!

The number one reason, Ladies, why you should go see this movie – and you DEFINITELY should run to see this movie – is because…IT’S A GODDAMN GOOD MOVIE! (Apologies, Allfather for the blaspheming.)

Joss Whedon’s pulled off one of the greatest magic tricks in the annals of cinema. It’s a movie filled with leading men who already have their own following, epic stakes, monsters, and still manages to be character-driven.

What you’ll take away from the film aren’t the explosions resulting from an alien invasion, it’s the explosions of personalities colliding and finding ways to not just co-exist but connect to one another. Ladies, let me give you the rundown of “must-see” reasons that this film is for you:

Strong female protagonist:
Scarlett Jo. It’s no secret that she was shoehorned into Iron Man 2. While getting a decent treatment, she was a pawn in an overcrowded and overburdened sequel. Here, Whedon goes back to his bread and butter, crafting a performance tailored to an actor’s strengths, and those strengths include intelligence. Just when you think he might have let her go and given her a plodding plot-driven moment to get from point H to point I, he gives you a reversal that makes you realize that The Black Widow’s been done more justice in this film than in the majority of her comic book career.

The Chris’s:
Evans ass in lots of it in blue spandex…some even in khakis. And Hemsworth’s divine biceps. Whedon has definitely given more eye candy for y’all than for us…and we were given Scarlett Jo and Cobie Smoulders – I mean Smulders. Ladyboners galore await you.

The bravery to have fun:
The dialogue crackles louder than the gunfire…and Robert Downey, Jr. being, well, Robert Downey, Jr. Rarely do you see a big budget studio mandated popcorn flick that provides a master class in comedic timing. Half of this movie is spent in anticipation of the punchline, and they’re almost all perfectly timed.

It’s made for you:
It’s a movie that doesn’t talk down to its audience. Action films, particularly those associated with comic book properties, have a stigma that they’re dumbed-down storytelling. Popcorn flicks. Folks, this is the rare popcorn flick that is absolutely filling. Whedon’s at the top of his craft. The care given to character, a camera that is almost always checking in so that you never get lost, and capturing the moments it needs to keep everyone engaged. No character is forgotten for the sake of pacing and every featured character has AT LEAST one moment that allows them to not just play a part, but inhabit a human being that has needs, wants and fears.

Joss Whedon’s made a damn near perfect genre film. Whedon is completely in tune with what the audience is expecting, what we want, and when to give it to us. And even gives us a few extra gems that we didn’t know how much we’d enjoy.

Fantastic performances from the principles and the supporting cast. Real people amidst a fantastical world that’s been finally cemented after years of hype. A razor-sharp script that treats its audience with respect and passion. This isn’t a movie, it’s an experience…with a vengeance!

Joss Whedon: I kneel before the master.

Assembled,

The Dude

[Lead image via lev radin/Shutterstock]

My guy friends convinced me that I needed to go to a midnight showing of Fast Five in IMAX. Not my typical genre of choice, but I was pleasantly surprised with the film. Unfortunately, the projector broke before the end, so I can’t tell you how (allegedly) awesome the final car chase scene was. But I can tell you how cool it was to watch everyone in the theater throw cups at the screen…

Fast Five picks up with fugitive Dominic Toretto’s struggle to break out from prison and his subsequent hide out in Rio. Of course “one last job” must happen and a gang is brought together to rob Rio’s top drug lord. American FBI Agent Hobbs, played by Dwayne Johnson, comes to Rio to track down Toretto. Car chases and explosions ensue. Alright, it’s not that complex, but it’s pretty cool to watch.

And just to prove to you guys that I’m not ashamed to admit I’m wrong (Birthers, I’m looking at you to follow my lead), I bring you the list of the week.

Top 4 reasons why I shouldn’t have judged Fast Five by its cover (…or trailer…):

Car chases can be fun. Who knew, right? But it’s hard to not feel secondhand adrenaline rush while watching Dominic and Brian escape trouble just in the nick of time. It’s a lot more lively than the Royal Wedding at least. And there’s a little bonding moment when the guys race police cars down the street. Not gonna lie, the whole movie sort of made me want to hop in an expensive car and race Vin Diesel down the street.

It’s not actually anti-feminist. I initially thought that the only women in The Fast and the Furious franchise were half-naked chicks sitting on cars. Turns out, there are kind of some badass female characters. Mia is hot, smart, a hella good driver. Oh, and she bagged Paul Walker’s character so she’s clearly doing something right. And there’s an epic female police officer working on Hobbs’s force. Girl power, yo.

Hot men. Okay, so you probably could have gathered this one from the trailer, but there are some sexy men in this movie. Vin Diesel, you have some epic muscles. Paul Walker, don’t even get me started on your eyes. Ludacris, I could literally never get enough of you. And Dwayne Johnson, just, marry me. That’s all.

It might actually be funny? No, they obviously didn’t hire Hollywood’s top comedy writers to pen the script, but that’s part of the fun. Fast Five is self-aware of itself as a face-value action flick and they work it. The cast has surprisingly good chemistry and honestly they all just look like they’re having a good time. Some of my favorite scenes were when the gang was just sitting around riffing or Dwayne Johnson was delivering some of his tough guy lines.

So, if your guy friends try to drag you to Fast Five this weekend, don’t knock it til you try it. That was my mistake, and now I’ll never hear the end of having to admit I was wrong.

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In Insidious, two parents are forced to cope with strange and supernatural occurrences that follow one of their three children’s mysterious comatose state. The film starts out strong, and even superior to most modern horror films. Unfortunately, due to lack of risk-taking, unoriginality, and a bizarre turn in the second half, Insidious falls into the realm of C-grade horror films.  And here is the list of the week, brought to you by those three fatal flaws.

7 Modern Horror Films that Insidious Could Have Learned From (also known as “Top 7 Movies You Should Rent Over the Weekend Rather than Seeing Insidious”):

The Blair Witch Project: Insidious shows far too much of what we’re meant to be afraid of. The reason that the first half is much scarier than the second is because the audience is forced to guess what exactly the source of our fear is like. The Blair Witch Project was a pioneer in not showing too much, or enough even. The creators knew that our imagination is a lot scarier than what you can put on that screen.

Drag Me to Hell: On that same note, if the film insists on showing us what our imagination can do better, it should compensate in other areas. If a movie wants to go corny and over the top, it needs to horrify us in some other way. Drag Me to Hell shows the forces that Christine is dealing with, and they can be laughable. But the film takes advantage of that cheesiness and gives some gross-out scenes that will make you cringe. And it also perfects the “creepy jig” technique (don’t ask).

Hide and Seek: If you want to be freaked out by a pale kid who draws creepy pictures, look no further than Hide and Seek. Obviously this film played that particular game better (pun intended…LOL?) because it stars Dakota Fanning and Robert De Niro. Okay, it’s not a critic’s favorite, but it’ll creep you out more than Insidious.

Orphan: I’m always embarrassed to admit that Orphan scared me more than most horror films do. But, I have to give credit where credit is due, so I am willing to put my shame aside. One of the reasons that Orphan is so freaky is because there are no limitations on scaring the bejesus out of the little kids in the film. Those kids went through everything (bare in mind that the little girl is deaf and yes it used against her and to scare us). Insidious has so many opportunities to get the same reactions from its audience, but it tiptoes away from them. The children are so far removed from the conflict that they’re gone most of the time.

Paranormal Activity 2: Combine the lessons from The Blair Witch Project and Orphan and you have Paranormal Activity 2.

Scream: Scream is the best horror-comedy of all time. And horror-comedies are practically impossible to do well (take my word for it, I’ve tried to write them). The trickiest thing about that particular genre is creating a balance between freaking out the audience and making them laugh. But also, very importantly, the film must prepare its audience for said laughter. Scream does this; Insidious does not. The comic relief in Insidious comes late to the party, which results in confusion as to whether we’re supposed to be laughing.  If you were planning on seeing Insidious, take the money you would have spent, put it in an envelope and bust that envelope open on April 15^th for a midnight showing of Scream 4.

The Uninvited: If you’re going to leave us craving for a good twist, give us one. Insidious had the potential built up to blow minds and keep the audience excited and invested until the last second. If a psychological element, such as the one in The Uninvited, had been thrown in there too, I would have been salivating.

The Shining: Not as modern as the rest, but my favorite movie of all time, so it has to have a place on this list. The Shining has a monopoly on creepy twin girls. Just don’t go there.

All that being said, Insidious really does has some redeeming qualities; it’s just not the college demographic. If you’re still curious to check it out, go for it, but take your middle-school-aged brother as well; he’ll get a kick out of it and that’ll make it more fun for the both of you. Don’t take a date that you’re craving to cling onto because they’ll likely just be weirded out that you’re actually afraid. The film has some awesome techniques with color and lighting. Honestly, the first hour was really impressive, I just wish they had scrapped and rewritten the last half.

In The Adjustment Bureau, Matt Damon plays David Norris, a politician who falls for a dancer (played by Emily Blunt). Norris accidentally discovers that the world is run by a group whose job it is to keep everyone on their own life path; this “Adjustment Bureau” manages everyone’s fate. The Bureau tells him that he must stay away from his love interest or there will be dire consequences. It’s an enjoyable romance-action-adventure with some science fiction-y/fantasy aspects.

I find it hard to not enjoy Matt Damon’s movies; he’s honestly one of my favorite actors of our time. Although sometimes it is hard to watch him without getting “I’m F*cking Matt Damon” stuck in my head… (Just like I can’t watch Mark Wahlberg without thinking, “Say hi to your mother for me.”) But, I digress. He’s great and very believable as an optimistic politician. In fact, if Matt Damon actually did run for president, I probably would vote for him. As for his co-star, I don’t usually find myself overly impressed with Emily Blunt, but she was surprisingly likeable in this film as well.

The real show stealer, though, was Anthony Mackie who plays Harry, an Adjustment Bureau member who takes a particular interest in David Norris. His has the same stoic quality of all of the Bureau members, but he acts with his eyes to set him apart from the others. He is completely mesmerizing. And it’s saying a lot that he rivals Matt Damon for attention, just saying.

The Adjustment Bureau is surprisingly unique for a contemporary movie. It has its corny parts, but the film is cautious not to overwhelm its audience with cheesiness. There are religious undertones, but they are relatively subtle, which leaves the viewer to decide what to take away from the film. There are also a couple of sly references to global warming, which make a point but it doesn’t come across as propaganda. Although it would be nice if all of our politicians took such an interest in solar panels…

It drags at times; honestly, I think they could have cut out ten minutes or so. It is an interesting genre blend, as I mentioned, which sometimes had me questioning what kind of movie I was actually watching. But, that is part of why it’s exciting and unique.

Take a date to see The Adjustment Bureau this weekend if you get a chance. It has a nice blend of romance and action-adventure to keep everyone happy. Plus, it’ll get the conversation going at coffee afterward.

Click here to get Meredith’s take on other new releases.

Cedar Rapids is the story of Tim Lippe (Ed Helmes), a by-the-book insurance agent who has to go to Cedar Rapids, Iowa to present at an insurance conference. Three past attendees of the convention teach Tim their more free-spirited ways.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m tough on comedies in general. In fact, I seem to be getting a rep as a movie snob… (See: Easy A and No Strings Attached). But at the end of the day, all I really want is a comedy that will respect its audience. I think Cedar Rapids is the perfect example of that.

The writing is sharp, but it is also backed up by a clear plot that never disappears for the sake of a joke. It doesn’t cater to what it could so easily be – a fish-out-of-water story or a buddy comedy. And, luckily the cast members who are often known for their overzealous acting style (Ed Helms, John C. Reilly), really give great performances, even understated at times. Cedar Rapids refuses to dumb itself down for its audience. And it certainly won’t overwhelm you with endless strings of pop culture references just for a laugh.

I love Ed Helms, but when I saw the trailer for this film, I worried that he might have started to create an acting niche for himself. After all, we all saw The Hangover. We know that he can play a straight shooter who goes through some crazy partying and comes out the other side a changed man. But, after I saw Cedar Rapids, I realized that Helms isn’t falling into a niche; rather, his character from The Hangover can be viewed as an oversimplified version of Tim Lippe. Helms has us cheering for Lippe from the beginning, but it comes from a much subtler place. We’re never hit over the head with Lippe’s likability; instead, Helms plays him with endearing naïveté that never comes across as unnatural.

John C. Reilly does a lovely job as well. He takes on a role that should encourage many comparisons to his roles in Step Brothers and Talladega Nights, but he gives his character a lot of great quirks that are completely role-specific. I would like to mention the hilarious The Wire references that Isiah Whitlock Jr. has – he was actually a cast member on HBO’s The Wire and there are a couple of nods to that.

Cedar Rapids isn’t just another buddy-comedy that you’ve seen a million times. Instead, it’s a short and sweet story that will make you laugh. The writing is sharp, the acting isn’t overdone, and unrealistic situations aren’t used for a cheap laugh.

Click here to get Meredith’s take on other new releases.

When I groaned after No Strings Attached ended, my friend turned to me and said, “If you hate romance, don’t go see romantic comedies!” And those who have read my reviews before probably already know that I’m not a sucker for romance. So you would think that I might enjoy a comedy about platonic sex buddies Emma and Adam (played by Nathalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher). They have their simple romance-free rules, just in case they start falling for each other. But as we all know, in the world of romantic comedies, rules are made to be broken. Corny jokes and unrealistic situations ensue.

Portman and Kutcher are beautiful people, no one can deny that. It’s not hard to watch them on screen. But after seeing Portman’s work in Black Swan, there’s just no comparison. She is capable of challenging herself as an actress, but No Strings Attached is the kind of movie that comes out a hundred times in a year. A girl with commitment issues “unexpectedly” reveals that her heart isn’t made of stone. Not completely original. I’m not yet convinced that Kutcher can take on tougher roles than the cute, flawless love interest, but he owes it to himself to at least try something new.

There are a lot of minor characters who the audience is forced to become invested in, but don’t get any reward. Abby Elliot, known for being a current cast member on SNL, could have used a lot more screen time. The same goes for Mindy Kaling (The Office), Olivia Thirlby (Juno), Kevin Kline, and Ludacris. And there’s a puppy, who’s a complete scene-stealer. Unfortunately rather than getting to know their characters, we’re forced to sit through almost two hours of Adam and Emma will-they-won’t-they.

Every movie has some redeeming qualities, though, and this one has two: its use of technology…and Ludacris. Unlike the majority of this unrealistic movie (Adam’s dad gets together with Adam’s ex-girlfriend just for an example off the top of my head), the use of technology was actually clever. When Adam and his friends analyze text messages and voicemails going back and forth between him and Emma, it was pretty reminiscent of some conversations between my friends. (Ever have one of those conversations: “OMG, he texted me ‘hi.’ What do I say back?” and then debate possible responses for an hour?) That’s the one great thing about romantic comedies; they’re usually not in production for an extended period of time, so they are pretty relevant.

Overall, if you’re unlike me and are looking to lose yourself in a simple romantic comedy with a couple of clever, check out No Strings Attached. It will definitely deliver. If you’re hoping for a movie with a little more meat that makes you feel something, go watch one of the Academy Award front-runners instead (try The King’s Speech if you haven’t seen it yet).

Click here to get Meredith’s take on other new releases.

In, The Tourist, a mysterious woman named Elise (Angelina Jolie) diverts the attention away from her actual criminal boyfriend by using an American tourist in Italy, Frank (Johnny Depp). She meets Frank on a train and pretends to be married to him in order to divert the attention of the police and the mafia. The trailer wants you to believe that it’s more complicated than that…but it isn’t.

Today’s review is coming to you in three parts: best picture, best actress, and best actor. That’s right, those were all of the Golden Globes that The Tourist was recently nominated for. And I’m going to tell you why that fact is perfect proof that the films of 2010 have been a disappointment.

Nothing about this film was remotely interesting. If you don’t believe me, you can ask the two girls who got up and left five minutes into the movie (they had the right idea). Honestly, this movie is a complete joke in every sense of the word. More of a joke than Sarah Palin’s reality show.

The dialogue is slow and uncomfortable. The plot has holes. It takes place in a beautiful city, but the sequences don’t even use the gorgeous setting to their advantage. There are two semi-twists, but by the time they come around, you will be so bored with the story that you will not care. WHY GOD, WHY. I’m seriously just getting angry writing about it. Which begs the question, why was this nominated for a Golden Globe? Please tell me. Because I have no answer for you. I almost asked for my money back, which I didn’t even consider doing when I saw Due Date (see that review, read it, multiply all of my hatred times ten).

The Tourist stars Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, who are, like, really pretty. For those people who weren’t aware, WORRY NOT, every time Jolie’s character, Elise, walks into a room, everyone in said room turns around and stares at her. Yes, literally everyone. But, believe it or not, these two may have been part of the reason that the movie made my want to gouge my eyes out. They have no chemistry. The dialogue is awkward and forced. They seem completely disinterested in each other actually.

Don’t see this movie. I’m serious. I would rather watch that video of Miley Cyrus on salvia one hundred times than have to sit through The Tourist again. That’s right, I’d sit through the squawking that is, “IS THAT MY BOYFRIEND? IS THAT MY BOYFRIEND?” in order to avoid a film that has been nominated for multiple Golden Globes.

Click here to get Meredith’s take on other new releases.

Black Swan

Portman is getting a lot of Oscar buzz for her role of Nina, and she is deserving of a nomination acknowledging her performance. Thanks to her second-guessing attitude and innocence, Nina is immediately recognizable as the embodiment of the “virgin White Swan” that the director describes he is casting. But, the question is whether she can find that place inside of her and let go enough to play the Black Swan. As one would expect, sexuality plays an important role in this “transformation.” And the film isn’t afraid to really go there, so to speak. It is pretty common knowledge that Mila Kunis (who plays Nina’s rival, or the incarnation of the Black Swan, Lily) and Portman have a sex scene in the film. And it’s not subtle. In fact, some of Black Swan’s hardest to watch scenes are actually of that nature, because it can be excruciatingly uncomfortable to see Nina transform from such innocence (as Mila Kunis’s dad will tell you). But that is the reason that Portman will likely get an Academy Award nod for this role – she can convincingly go through Nina’s bizarre journey.

Black Swan could be any old thriller, but Aronofsky makes it hard to turn away. His use of color, or lack thereof, obviously is crucial to a film that is intricately drawing parallels between its characters and the characters of the ballet (particularly the Black Swan and the White Swan). Fortunately, rather than coming across as formulaic, Aronofsky’s use of blacks, whites, and grays fit seamlessly with the characters and their surroundings. Look out especially for Nina’s apartment building and its eerie starch white walls and dark black doors. The same goes for the use of mirrors; something that could have been merely a cliché symbol for Nina’s inner struggle is instead a staple. What would a dance studio be without mirrors?

Aronofsky also knows exactly the pace that he wants the film to have; he choreographs the action, seamlessly fitting the unnatural events with the classical music and ballet theme. By incorporating his own symbols through colors, mirrors, and music, the directing itself makes Black Swan visually stimulating. The film is definitely worth seeing, especially to marvel at Portman’s acting and Aronofsky’s direction.

Click here to get Meredith’s take on other new releases.

That being said, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 is actually a good film. Even though its title is quite the mouthful. The acting is well done (with some notable exceptions, which I will get to). The directing is impressive, with the help of some wonderful set design. And the underlying themes of the film will always be prevalent, but they work particularly well now.

You’ve been living under a rock, you say? Good, because I’m about to explain the plot of Harry Potter, so brace yourself. Part one of the seventh film in the series picks up at the end of summer. (Need a reminder of where we left off? Get it here.) Voldemort’s rise to power is in hyperdrive. Ever the multi-tasker, Voldemort is trying to find and kill Harry while also searching for another unknown mystical object. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are trying to find some mystical objects as well. Horcruxes are divided up parts of Voldemort’s soul that need to be destroyed in order to kill him. The BFFs are also coping with the death of Dumbledore (and trying to understand the weird sh*t he left them in his will). Ron and Hermione remain crazy for each other, but still won’t make out already.

And you thought you had problems just because they stopped selling Four Loko at the convenience store.

Daniel Radcliffe and Bonnie Wright, who play Harry and Ginny respectively, are not very good at pretending that they like each other. Which is fine, because they have about four seconds of screen time together, but their crushes are just impossible to believe. They are so awkward, then they randomly kiss (pretty sure they don’t speak a word after that), then he doesn’t mention her for the rest of the movie. Okay, true love.

On the other hand, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson are really given their chance to shine in this movie and they are impressive actors. If it was never really clear why Ron and Hermione were Gryffindors, except to be Harry’s loyal best friends, this film makes it clear by really showcasing their bravery. In a way, Grint and Watson allowed their characters to grow up with them, which is why their romantic relationship seems believable as well. Unlike Radcliffe and Wright, they weren’t afraid to push their characters to develop. Keep in mind, Radcliffe does a fine job as Harry, but he definitely does not exceed expectations when it comes to Harry as a romantic entity.

The series, in general, has a lot of themes that are worth exploring. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 is able to really push the theme of equality, and it could not have come at a better time. Bullies degrading others because of the way that they are, or were born. People who have been doing the same job and working with the same people for years, but then they are removed from that position because of who they are. People who have to hide the truth about themselves, because if they are honest, they know they will be tortured. In the film, this happens in the form of the Ministry of Magic weeding out their “mudblood” employees. And I hope that in Part 2, the film will do a great job of reminding us that it gets better.

If you haven’t seen the other six films or read the books, you’re probably not going to have a clue what’s going on. But I would encourage you to check the series out, because it does have a lot of heart, and one day your kids are probably going to ask you about it. If you enjoy Harry Potter or are a die-hard fan, I don’t think you’re going to be disappointed with the film.

Click here to get Meredith’s take on other new releases.