First, let’s just acknowledge that this is real life. Snooki, whatcha got goin’ on there? I can’t tell if you’re dancing with the plant for laughs, or if you’re actually trippin’ balls in public. Better yet, I can’t tell why someone hasn’t set this to a sick tecno beat yet!
But really, Snooki does not look like she even knows what day of the week it is. Clearly no one could have selected that ensemble (ugh, those boots!) with a sober mind. Girlfriend, if you need help, please go seek it. Don’t make your next reality debut be on A&E’s Intervention.
The time has come to put away the self tanner and slow down the fist pumping. Tonight is the season finale of Jersey Shore. Waaaaah (Snooki voice). Season 3 of everyone’s guilty pleasure has brought us a lot of drama, a lot of toilet issues (from Deena’s constipation to JWoww’s public urination to Ronnie’s bowel movements on steroids), and a LOT of smushing.
Which makes me wonder…
The gorillas of the shore house obviously get it in with a lot of grenades chicks, but are they any good? I mean, get past the abs (Pauly/Sitch), the arms (RonRon) and the giant cannoli (Vinny) – do these boys really know how to please a lady? I mean, Ronnie’s got to be good; why else would Sam keep coming back for more? And Vinny’s obviously got something going on to leave Snooks in tears. But what about Sitch? Or Pauly? With all that practice, they’ve got to know what they’re doing, right? Read More »
I'd rather have a doctor stick his thumb in my butt than have to watch this episode again.
For last night’s delightful mid-season, “let’s just show 15 minutes of party footage and a few gratuitous shots of JWoww’s body” episode, I decided to consult my most brilliant pop-culture dude friend to get some input from the male perspective on the whole matter (think Joel McHale, and that’s basically him). From Deenasaurus to Sam and Ron’s dysfunction, we cover it all.
We can all agree that Sam and Ronnie are the most irritating people on the face of the earth. With that said, it’s a welcome relief any time a Jersey Shore episode directs their attention elsewhere, particularly to the living fembot, JWoww. I personally look to JWoww for most social cues, particularly her taste in pasties and the fact that she’s opted to develop a tranny voice with Newports. Those are things that I admire in a woman. Which is why I was thrilled when MTV decided to devote an entire episode this season to her.
Let us also not forget another beloved cast member who we didn’t see in Miami. Um, no I’m not talking about Deena. I said the word “beloved,” not “so annoying she gives us a headache and what the f*ck is that yellow thing perched in her crusty hair?” I’m referring to, of course, the duck phone. I feel that since the Duck made such a great appearance in last night’s episode, it’s only fair that we chronicle this gem of a “very special Jenni episode” based on the calls made on the duck phone… in order of quacking. Read More »
It seems like a lot happened on last night’s Jersey Shore. There was fighting, t-shirt time, Karma, family dinner, work, JWOWW’s cleavage, a Sam/Ron fight and smushing. And to top it all off, there were emotional flashbacks to Miami. Holy hell, I need a vodka Red Bull just to keep up.
While it was hard to follow at times (much like Vinny at Karma), it was the perfect opportunity for us all to see how each cast member will be spending their time in Seaside Heights this season. So let’s take a look, shall we?
Vinny:
What Vinny should be doing is sending Snooki daily thank-you notes for telling America how big his Italian sausage is. What he will be doing is taking on The Situation’s role as Smush-master and stuffing anything with two legs and a taco in the “guest room” of Camp Guido. Oh, and while the girls are putting their clothes back on and waiting for their cabs, he’ll go all MacGyver/Sandlot and help Snooki and Blast-in-a-Glass get their ball back.
The Situation:
After getting robbed by Vinny and rejected by every girl in Seaside despite taking his shirt off every chance he gets, Sitch will eventually give in, put down the peanut butter and jelly sandwich and hook up with Deena. In her cowboy hat. Then he’ll cook a lot of meat on Sundays and bagel sandwiches every other day of the week. Obvi, this is all in addition to GTL. Read More »
If you’re a devoted Shore fan, no doubt you will be celebrating the crew’s return to Seaside in straight up fist-pumping, hair scrunching Jersey style. Here are the essentials you need to throw your bash:
House music
Bust out the DeadMau5, DJ TLX, Tiesto and Crystal Castles or whatever’s hot on your playlist right now. Pretty much anything you can beat that beat to will be acceptable.
Snooki’s Book
When the commercials hit (every 6 minutes), read some brilliant literary passages straight from the mind of Miss Nicole herself. Check out this article where PopEater compares Snookers to her equals, the likes of Faulkner, Fitzgerald and Didion. Read More »
You might not have noticed this, but here at CollegeCandy, we’re kind of TV addicts. Comedies. Dramas. Dramedies. It doesn’t really matter. As long as it’s on, we’ll watch it. And if we’re not there to see it, we’ll DVR it and watch it later.
But there’s one genre in particular that holds a special place in our hearts. That’s right, you guessed it, I’m talking about reality TV. Who needs actors and scripts when reality is just so damn entertaining all on its own? The people we watch, the situations they put themselves in, just can’t compete with figments of the imagination. And love ‘em or hate ‘em, reality shows have altered our lives and pop culture as we know it.
So, since it’s early on a Monday morning and there’s nothing on but the news (boring) and some Proactive infomercial (it’s too early for Avril Lavigne’s skin problems), let’s count down the top ten reality TV shows that changed our lives.
10. The Real Word. What? Do you think I have no sense of history? This is the longest running show on MTV. One of the longest running reality TV shows of all time. It set the standard for hot tubs and co-ed bathrooms and super dramatic fights that often involve throwing things. It’s a classic. It had to be here.
9. Iron Chef America. Or Top Chef. Everyday Italian with Giada De Laurentiis. Or Throw down with Bobby Flay. Basically any show that makes me hungry… while also teaching me what an amuse-bouche is. Or how to reduce cooking wine. Or the beauty of scallops. Seriously, why do I know these things? Oh yeah, TV. Read More »
Since last week’s letdown of an episode, it’s time to come to terms with the fact that Jersey Shore is no more. At least until January. You might be asking yourself, “But, but, but how am I ever going to get my Jersey fix without my eight seven lovable guidos/guidettes entertaining me on Thursday nights?”
I know. It won’t be easy getting through the cold months of November and December sans “OHHH YEAH” and “Tee-shirt tiiiiiiiiiiime!”
But have no fear, devoted J.Shore lovers. Luckily, the cast and the Jersey Phenomenon isn’t slowing down anytime soon, despite what last week’s South Park might indicate.
The Reunion Special Oh snap, Jersey Shore IS on tonight. In reunion form. If it gets anything remotely close to how those Real Housewives reunions go down, it should be a good time.
Last night’s episode of the Jersey Shore finally put the last nail in the Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino coffin. Oh well, at least he has mad cooking skills to compete in Top Chef. I personally was heartbroken watching him go from house Papa Bear to ultimate entitled creepshow. From kicking out girls to cockblocking “the world” to parking wherever he damn well pleases, he was the biggest embarrassment to the episode.
Not to mention, our blessed jewel Ryder left Snooki and left us pulling our Ed Hardy trucker hats over our eyes and weeping for a better life in Poughkeepsie. Wahhhh, I’m so sad my all-expense paid trip to Miami doesn’t measure up!
The real only way to sum up the episodes is through the top quotes of the night. Read More »
"Let's all play with our hair and brush our eyebrows for awhile. GIRL TIME!"
Was I watching an episode of Jersey Shore or “Antiques Roadshow” last night? It was hard to tell due to the fact that the show was so dull I almost felt like checking to see what was on PBS. No offense to you PBS, but you’re not exactly bringing in the fist pumps every week.
We’re all so very glad that Angelina has moved out and on but to be quite honest, the show was just not as entertaining. It was like she was the Herb Brooks or, for a more relateable reference, the Heidi Montag. She provided an outlet for everyone to hate on, and without her in the house, they start directing their hate towards each other… and the show plunged into mundane drama. The Situation was revealed as an ultimate scumbucket, Sammi got more airtime playing with her eyebrow and avoiding eye contact with Jenni, and Vinny’s Miami Love Story was the main plot point.
Of course, we were all relieved when Pauly D would burst out in his deranged Kool-Aid man voice, “OH YEAH, CHAMPAGNE, YEAH!!!” but that still didn’t quite cut it.
I’m not saying I miss Angelina, but I wasn’t impressed with this episode and her lack of presence definitely showed the negative traits of our beloved J.Shore cast. Below, please follow along as I detail the reasons why this episode was a warzone epic fail. Read More »
You might not have noticed this, but here at CollegeCandy, 
Since last week’s 
How to Screw Up the First Date
Why Jennifer Lawrence is the Coolest Actress Ever
Men in Black Take on The Avengers
Jeopardy Without Trebek?!
Stop Sleeping With Your Ex!
