So that time of year is creeping up on us. The time when we must throw some clothes into duffel, fill the rest of the bag with dirty laundry, kiss our roommate and our bottle of vodka goodbye, and head home for fall break.

Yes, there are many up-sides to this little trip: we get a break from all the homework, we get to eat something other then cafeteria mystery meat for a change, and we get to curl up with Scruffy on the couch for a couple of days.

But with the comfort of being home comes a few downers as well. And I’m not talking about being woken up at 9am on a Saturday or having to empty the dishwasher. It’s those little comments from mom and dad that really get under your skin. And no matter how hard you try to be nice, you just can’t help but snap, say something mean and beeline to the car/airport (clean clothes and leftovers in hand, obvi) as soon as humanly possible.

Here are a few of the worst offenders:

“Honey, your pants look a little tight”
Yes mom, I realize that drinking 5 days out of the week and eating delivery pizza has done a number on my waistline. Am I happy about it? No. Do I know it is there? Yes. Is it helping that you pinch the muffin top and poke the underarm flab? Absolutely not!

“Have you found a nice boy yet?”
If by “nice” you mean “a tall pre-med student who considers hanging out in the library fun,” then no, dad, I have not found your ideal son-in-law quite yet. But I have hooked up with a couple of the guys on the football team who can barely form coherent sentences but have 8-pack stomachs you can bounce a quarter off of, if that counts for anything. Read More »

In case you’ve been locked in a soundproof, internet, cell phone, and calendar-free room for the past week, let me be the first to remind you that there’s a holiday happening this Saturday. A wonderful holiday full of tricks, sweets, and more grown-up treats. A holiday that lets every girl unleash her inner sex kitten, vixen, or Beyonce—provided she’s old enough. A holiday that makes it okay to wear anything, even glow in the dark pants. (Um… unless you’re a dude who wants to wear leggings. That’s never okay.)

But Halloween’s not all candy and luminescent trousers. You’ve got to be careful that you know how to get rid of full-face makeup before you make a move on that chubby but hilarious cutie in the SuperJew costume. You’ve also got to remember to watch the volume after taking him home. And try to manage your expectations about the encounter—this isn’t a movie, after all.

It’s also important to make sure you don’t accidentally raise the dead. Of course, if you do have any encounters with a zombie, it’ll be easy enough to find another final resting place for him—just stop into your local Walmart .

Either way, you’ll definitely have a ton of sweet pictures to add to your Facebook on November 1. And if your overindulgence on Saturday gives you a little bit of extra cushion for the pushin’, you can always call your friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon and get that flab turned into something fabulous.

Transformations: they’re not just for Halloween anymore.

Halloween is inching closer and closer, and each day there are new preparations to be made for your costume(s) and more invites to accept on Facebook. Luckily, this year Halloween falls on a Saturday, bringing out the true whackjob in all of us.

But just because Halloween happens on a weekend – allowing us to go balls to the wall without fear of vomiting in class the next day – it doesn’t mean you should disregard the basic No-No’s of this very religious holiday:

Walk of shaming- Everyone and their sister knows what you did last night when you’re walking (or even worse, biking) down the street in a sexy devil costume at 11am on November 1st.  Not that I’m condemning any Halloween nookie, but the blatantly obvious evidence the next morning ain’t so flattering.

Trying to conjure up spirits in the cemetery: Pretty sure they used to hang people for that, just F.Y.I.

Not dressing up: Don’t be that guy.  Besides, you don’t want to regret not dressing up because you’re a giant party pooper.  Yeah, times are tough; create something!

Dressing like a complete prostitute: To the point of people not knowing what the hell you’re supposed to be.  You don’t want to spend the night hearing, “Oh you didn’t hear? You were supposed to wear a costume.” Read More »

Who doesn’t want to have their cake and it eat too? Well what if you could have your cake, eat it and up your cup size all at the same time without doing permanent damage to your figure? It sounds too good to be true doesn’t it?

In Miami, a plastic surgeon is sucking out the fat in women’s unsightly muffin tops and injecting it into their breasts. Talk about killing two birds with one huge suction device. Minimize the love handles, maximize the love jugs. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Now that I think about it, it seems so obvious. Women have been getting liposuction for years. Why waste all that precious fat when it could be put to good use and make you look slammin’ in a halter top?

Honestly, I can see the appeal of this type of procedure. It’s essentially rearranging the fat on my body until it’s in its rightful place… my bra. Plus, just think of the days leading up to the procedure: “Sorry guys, I have to eat this entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s by myself. I have surgery tomorrow.”

So the next time the dreaded drunk munchies hit, I won’t hold myself back from ordering the large Domino’s pizza with breadsticks. In fact, bring it on. I’m really lacking up top and I’ve got some new skinny jeans to fit into.

So the fall semester is rolling round again. For you freshies that means the dreaded “Freshman 15.” For the rest of us it means the shame of gaining an undisclosed amount of weight even though we are supposed to be “adjusted” and know how to stay healthy while we’re away from home.

It’s not like we don’t know what is healthy and what isn’t – we do. And we all vow that the next year will be different – that we’ll stop getting seconds at the caf and drinking 6 nights a week – but then classes start, beer pong ensues and it all goes out the window right to our asses.

To most of us calories are just confusing; who the hell knows how many calories we actually consume on a daily basis. How much work we need to do in order to burn off dollar pitcher night.  How many calories we burn walking to the library? But those things definitely need to be figure out if we want to steer clear of the not-so-attractive muffin top.

So, I thought I’d break it all down in a way everyone could understand: comparing the things we love to eat to our daily activities.

There’s always going to be that day when you have two tests to study for and an essay to write, which means zero time to cook yourself a healthy meal. But perhaps those days will be a little further in between knowing that you’ll have to wash dishes for five hours the next day to burn it off:

Two Slices of Domino’s Cheese Pizza (540 calories)= 3 hours of vacuuming (which is probably 1,214 laps around that 10X12 box of yours)

One Order of “General Tso’s Chicken” From Your Favorite Chinese Place (844 calories)= 2 hours of running on the treadmill at the gym

One Grande Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte (330 calories)= 3 hours of taking notes in class

One Plain Bagel With Cream Cheese (436 calories)= 1 ½ hours of dancing at a party

One Bowl of Ramen Noodles (296 calories)= Walking around campus for an hour

One Subway 6” Philly Cheese Steak (520 calories)= 4 hours of doing laundry Read More »

So. Tempted. To. Give. Wedgie.

By now, we’re all familiar with the fashion atrocities committed by the male population.  No, sweaty dude, that mesh tank top does not look good on you.  Or anyone, really.  But women are not free from errors – actually, considering our traditional involvement with fashion, we make rather more mistakes.

In fact, that is the entire reason I read People magazine – the photo spreads that come out after major awards shows are priceless.  I mean, these celebrities have stylists!  How can these awful things happen??

Luckily, when I make a fashion faux pas, it usually goes undocumented.  However, it doesn’t always go unnoticed (thank goodness for my friends…the ones who truly care about me will tell me if I’m looking like a blind hooker as I’m walking out the door).  In the spirit of keeping our fellow ladies informed and aware (or end the unprovoked assault on our eyes as we walk down the street), we’ve made a list of the top five fashion faux pas’.

If you or any of your friends have done/are doing any of these…just stop.  Seek help.

Read More »

[Ever see something you want but don’t have the money to buy? Ever get sick of studying/watching TV and have the urge to get crafty and make things on your own? We know! Us too! We just don’t know where to start, which is why we got some of CollegeCandy’s craftiest writers to share their favorite DIY projects with everyone. These things are easy, fun and a great way to save some serious cashola.]

I, like most girls, have a complicated relationship with my body.  After years of self-torture and dressing in clothes that would probably work better as yacht sails,  I’ve come to the conclusion that my body is certainly not perfect, but it is mine.  Ever since I started going to college, I tried to capitalize on this love/hate thing.  I (mostly) know which things look good and which things would look horrible (oh, the visions that have entered my mind in various fitting rooms…*shudder*).  However, even after years of shopping experience, I was extremely interested to know that you can actually dress yourself thinner…without the expensive services of a Personal Shopper.

Whaaa??  Why did I not know this?  I mean, if I knew you could just shave pounds off by picking a different top, I would have chucked my sneakers, bought a box of Oreos and settled down for a happy life.  Okay, maybe not, but it would make my life a lot easier if I wasn’t always worrying about potential muffin top or whatnot.  These tips will make you look more streamlined and thinner, as well as giving you a step up to better dressing (not that you need it…I’m sure if you’re reading this site you’re super fabulous already).

Read More »

Last Christmas, a nice family got together to take a photo for their yearly holiday cards. Last week, that same family discovered their photo…in Prague…being used for a local grocery store chain’s advertising campaign. Weird? Weird.

That little sitch got us thinking about all the photos we post online. Truth is, you never know who can get their grubby little paws on your stuff once you’ve handed it over to the world wide web, especially considering you can never really take it down. Who knows what weird company (CollegeCandy.com) is going to pick up your drunken selfie and splash it on billboards (or websites) nationwide?

It can happen to anyone, even you, drunk girl dancing on a table in the bar. Just look how simple it is:

Read More »

Brace yourselves:  a new study has found that skinny jeans have the potential to cause you harm.  No, we’re not talking about the curse that is Muffin Top Disease, but something that has a more medical definition.

The study states that there are more and more cases each year of  girls with Tingling Leg Syndrome (or Meralgia Parasthetica, if you wanna get all Doogie Howser, M.D. up in here).  The study concludes that the most likely cause of this is continual pressure on your thighs (which tends to damage the nerves in them) coming from things like skinny jeans.

So…oops?

We’re written many stories about the benefits of skinny jeans (especially vs. fashion’s bastard child, the sweatpant) and recommended many outfits that included them.  While we of course don’t take any responsiblity if you lose feeling in your legs (and I would make sure it wasn’t those five mojitos you just had before you start freaking out), we wanted to throw a “my bad” out there for y’all.

Please note: just like the evil pain caused by sky-high heels, we think a little tingle in your legs is worth it for a cute outfit. Just sayin’….

Somehow you ended up with four 9am classes this semester. WTF? You can barely get up for your kickboxing class at noon on Fridays, and someone expects you to make it to class (ready to learn!?) by 8:50am the rest of the week?

Oh hell no.

You hope your professor doesn’t expect you to look presentable. Hell, he should just be happy you left yourself enough time to brush your teeth. Your morning routine is always the same: you roll out of bed at 8:30, grab the first pair of sweats you can find on the floor, throw your hair into a ponytail and run out of the house. You pop into the campus coffee shop en route to lecture and grab a coffee (“Giant, please!”) and something to munch on (“Give me the butteriest bagel you’ve got back there”).

What? It’s early and you need comfort.

You slide into your seat just as the Power Point appears on the wall in front of you. If it weren’t for the food, you’d probably fall right back to sleep; you’re just so comfortable. When class is over, you go to your next class, or to the library, or home for a nap. Whichever you choose, you sport the sweats for the rest of the day: through the classes, the breaks, the meals… Read More »