I almost wish I lived in the 1500s so I could bang Michelangelo.

There, I said it, and I’m only a little embarrassed about it. I just returned from a two-week sojourn to Berlin and Florence, and the single most amazing thing I saw (and have perhaps ever seen) is Michelangelo’s sculpture of David.

Nothing has ever, ever made me want to get with somebody so much.

Until you see the sculpture in person, it’s easy to pass it off as a commodity. No picture can do it justice, and it’s hard to understand just how incredible it is without seeing it for yourself. The main thought going through my mind as I stood there looking at it, though, was, “Holy cow. How the hell could Michelangelo sculpt a man as anatomically gorgeous as this one? He must have used himself as a model, because the details are just too precise. Michelangelo must have been freaking hot!”

This might seem ridiculous, but trust me, it’s not. There are details on David that pictures just don’t show. The veins in the arms, the just-so rippling of the hip and thigh muscles, the soft framing of the bone structure in the hands…it’s all there, and I am convinced that no artist could ever create that kind of detail without using a reference. And when you’re sculpting a nude that’s the same sex as you are, the easiest reference to use is yourself.

Conclusion: Michelangelo must have been ripped. Read More »

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought to yourself, “I don’t need to lose weight, but I totally want to tone up”?

Let’s say that you fixate on ‘toning up’ your arms and that you start doing bicep curls with three or five pound weights and a high number of repetitions per set. But after two weeks, you don’t see any results, so you give up.

Do you want to know why that didn’t work?

Because there is no such thing as toning up. All of those bicep curls that you do with three pounds weights? That starts you down the path that you want to go on, but what you’ve got to do is put down the puny weights and pick up those heavier bad boys.

If you were working with three pounds, move up to five; if you were at five, move up to eight and so on. Do 12 reps, rest for a minute, repeat the set and after another one minute rest, complete the final set of twelve. You don’t want to do two or three sets of 12 – 15 reps with such ease that you didn’t actually work the muscle.

Yes, the heavier weights can be intimidating but that’s no reason to stay away from them. Perhaps you’re afraid of ‘bulking up’. Well, fear not, because women simply lack the testosterone to bulk up and look anything remotely like those scary ginormous body builders. Read More »

My mom invited me to join her for a few sessions with her private Pilates instructor. Might I add that my mother did not mention to me that I would have to pay for half of said lesson until after the fact, which was quite a surprise to me. But, the money was totally worth it…even if I can’t really afford to do it ever again.

Not only did this woman work my muscles until they shook, but she taught me exactly what I needed to eat afterwards to optimize our one-hour session: protein and fiber. And she was so right.

Ever since that fateful day, I have been following my workouts with a big dose of protein and fiber. Sometimes it’s eggs and toast. Other times a little peanut butter on some whole wheat crackers. Usually, though, I don’t have time to make a hearty snack or meal after my workout (since I am usually running 20 minutes late to work as it is), so I depend on a good old protein/nutrition bar of some sort.

Let me tell you; if I eat one more freaking Luna Bar I am going to go crazy. Read More »