There are only two things I didn’t do enough in 2008: read about Barack Obama, and drink. And, like any two problems, it turns out you can fix those with a simple drinking game. But I don’t this to be some namby-pamby Johnny-come-lately one-night drinking game. For better or worse, I want this drinking game to last as long as Barack Obama is the president. For the next four years, I want Obama streamed directly into my life. And I want to be really, really drunk.And unless our national situation shapes up soon, you probably will, too. So:

The 2009-2013 Barack Obama Presidential Term Drinking Game.

- Drink every time Obama shoots a three-pointer as a publicity stunt. Drink again if he makes it.

- Drink every time an annoying conservative blogger photoshops Obama in a compromising political situation. Chug if it’s hilarious, like “PHOTO EVIDENCE: HUSSEIN OBAMA SHOWN WITH MINIATURE TALIBAN RADIO TRANSMITTER AND 40 VIRGINS UNDER TURBAN.” Chug and sob if FOX decides that bad photoshops are “news.”

- Drink every time Obama is implied to have planned or caused the following events: the economic crisis, 9/11, the Iraq insurgency, the Pearl Harbor bombings or the assassination of Julius Caesar.

- Drink in celebration every time one of the Big Three auto industries makes a full-featured, attractive, affordable electric car (please get out of the car, first).

- Alternately, take a shot every time one of the Big Three goes bankrupt or gets bought by Toyota.

- Drink every time any senior Democrat says “worse before it gets better.”

- To avoid mass pan-American blackouts, times when Obama says “hope” or “change” will be reduced to one-quarter of a drink each.

- Drink every time Obama pisses off the Russians (missile defense system in Poland, anyone?) Drink again if Putin responds with more shirtless martial arts videos.

- Drink every time Obama is hotter shirtless than Putin anyway.

- Drink whenever Michelle Obama is compared to Jackie O.

- Drink whenever Barack Obama is compared to JFK, and drink to calm your nerves whenever you see him in an open-air venue (was anyone else inexplicably terrified during the election night speech?)

- Drink whenever Obama is shown with any kind of nasty un-Presidential personal technology.

- Drink whenever Obama’s cabinet is described as a “second Clinton administration,” a “throwback,” a “dynasty” or anything similar. Chug if Bill Clinton ends up with an official Obama administration post.

- Drink every time someone paints an Obama mural in a European city.

- Drink a Shirley Temple every time Obama makes a speech in a predominantly Muslim country.

- Take one drink for every point Obama’s public approval ratings fall below 50%. Hopefully, this one won’t kill anyone outright through alcohol poisoning.

- Drink every time the Obama girls don’t get arrested for drunk driving or fake IDs. Heh, heh.

- Pound a few shots if, upon taking office, Obama turns out to be an evil overlord and replaces the Washington Monument with a giant statue of himself. Pound a few more if the statue shoots lasers from its eyes.

- Finally, until the Dow makes it back over, say, 10,000, drink every time you’re able to afford it. Obama might be smiling up a storm in office, but the next four years could be rough.

Print a copy, keep it in your pocket. Be ready whenever, wherever. And play responsibly, yeah?

Look for common ground.

In today’s modern world, even religious leaders are beginning to emphasize the common ties of religion rather than the differences. It’s important for you to learn to do the same, if you really want to make it work with a guy. If one of you is Protestant and the other Catholic, you’re already halfway there toward reconciliation, really; the fundamental points of doctrine are the same. If you’re interested in religious discussion, make an effort to point out where you agree. For example, Jesus is a prophet and a holy figure in Islam as well as Christianity. Sufis and Buddhists agree that meditation techniques are important for reaching higher spiritual states. Jews and Muslims agree about dietary restrictions and the importance of respecting God through very similar laws. There’s common ground for everyone!

Respect differences.

Anyone who is a proud member of a religion clearly holds that religion’s tenets and practices dearly. If you like to drink but your boyfriend doesn’t on principle, it’s unwise to try forcing him. Religious traditions go back centuries and not everyone wants to quickly abandon family traditions or practices just to be more likeable or easier to date. A meaningful Serious Relationship is built on mutual respect. That also works in the other direction, though — if your boyfriend/girlfriend has expectations of you based on his/her religion, you have no obligation to fulfill them! So, for example, respect his choice not to eat pork, but don’t give up bacon just because he doesn’t like it. If he can’t respect your choice, it’s unfair.

Talk.

A great deal of the conflicts among religions in the wider sphere are caused by misunderstandings. That’s true on the individual level too! Before you become alarmed that your guy is a different faith than yours, ask questions about what he believes in. He may be able to dispel common misconceptions or urban legends about his religion. You may have a lot more in common than you thought.

Make your choice.

When it comes down to it, if you’re really invested in the Serious Relationship, then it’s important to think seriously about whether you’re willing to be involved in an interfaith relationship. Is it truly important to you to be with someone of the same faith? Or are you flexible on that score? By being honest about what you want, you may be able to learn a great deal about your boy or girlfriend, and gain insight into a world you thought you’d never understand. That alone is worth trying for, if you’re willing to be open-minded about it.

[Photo courtesy of nationalcenter.org]

Here’s what I don’t understand (well, here’s one of many, many, many things I don’t understand):

Why does every guy in New York who approaches me want to know my ethnicity?

And I’m serious about this. Because, look. I live in New York City. There are more Jews (such as moi) here than like everywhere ever. I should not be so unidentifiable.

For me, there are two varieties of these guys. The guy cited above fits into the first category: guys who guess. And they always guess Italian, Puerto Rican, or Greek. Seriously. And I am pale like the squishy underbelly of a cabbage.

The other category of guys are guys who want to know if I’m Jewish. These guys are usually Muslim or Israeli and nothing in between. I don’t know why either group bothers–I’m too Jewish for the Muslims and not Jewish enough for the Israelis. So it goes.

And why, friends, why oh why for the love of all that is good and not annoying, why do they need to know my heritage in the first place? When did this become an acceptable thing to ask a stranger?

Please, let’s go back to the relative peace of the days of “hey beautiful” and “baby you so fine.”

And in the meantime, this little Belarussian Jew will be snuggling up to her Chinese-American boyfriend and whispering naughtily in his ear, “Hey baby, what’s your heritage?”

And then probably getting dumped.

You, being the sort of unconvential individualist that you are, discover that you’re the wrong gender. And in the process of changing your gender, you find yourself reconsidering your outlook on life, mostly in the form of your religion. So you change your gender and you change your religion and you get married and start a life. It might take a while for your parents to come to terms with it, but eventually they’ll accept you for you. Right?

Not so for Issa Fazli, a Muslim woman turned Christian man.

Issa, whose name means “Jesus” in Arabic, found happiness with a woman in New York, but each set of their influential Muslim Pakistani parents had a major problem with it. So you’d think the couple would have been suspicious when their parents offered to throw them a party back in Pakistan.

But they weren’t. And then their lives started to suck.

Because when Issa and his wife Saadia went back to Pakistan for their Big Fat Pakistani Wedding, they were greeted instead with a maelstrom of hurt.

But their parents weren’t just upset. They were vengeful. Each set of parents used its influence with the government to make life completely miserable for the Issa and Saadia. When the couple tried to leave the country to return to New York, they found that the airports insisted that they needed their parents’ permission to buy plane tickets!

Of course, the couple then made the mistake of registering as Christian federally, completely screwing themselves even further. They then claimed their families were paying off people (including Issa’s own bodyguard) to try to kill them.

Issa and Saadia are now safe back in New York, but this whole thing has probably really fucked them up.

Personally, I am a Jewyjew dating a non-religionized Asian man. Our parents would prefer we date within (in my case) our relgion and (in his case) our race, but it’s been four years and they’re kind of over it.

Of course, neither of us has changed genders.

I don’t know. It seems pretty nuts to me. What do you think? Why isn’t it possible for us all to just shut up and love each other already?

There are actually 10,000 students that believe the show would clash with Asian values and more specifically Islamic. Believing that the company sponsoring the show, Maxis is responsible for exposing youth to a moral decay. Apparently Stefani is believed to contribute to the systemic erosion of morality in Malaysia when in the states we thought all she did was make great dance/rock music and design cute clothing lines.

Apparently a subject of great controversy “The Sweet Escape Tour” will not be escaping to Malaysia anytime soon. Stefani has cancelled the dates because of the stirring controversy being reported. But none the less Gwen has always been moral, never overly overtly sexual or disempowering.

If anything Stefani was always the great role model, the fabulous mother or the talented musician never ever the smut-peddler! Looks like Stefani will be sitting this one out in Malaysia but the show must go on. The sweet escape tour continues to Australia and then she is off to Japan for a much sweeter reception from millions of screaming Harajuku lovers. But we mustn’t forget she is after all Just a Girl, not with a moral vengeance, just a great musical talent and flawless public persona.