Heading back to campus? Psyching yourself up to lug giant suitcases across the quad? Rinsing out that Nalgene in hopes of filling it with a cran / vodka combo? (Protip: just fill it with cran and watch all the drunk people say things everyone will forget except you.)

Whatever your attitude or mode of moving in, most likely the majority of you will be settling into dorms you’ve never lived in before. At first, everything is clean and vacuumed and smelling like Glade. At first, it seems like you’ve picked the absolute best place to sleep, study, and veg out after a giant Econ test. But then.

The weekend happens. And suddenly it hits you like a splatter of what you hope is cake: you’re smack dab in the middle of a party dorm.

Here are a few ways to tell you’re living in the Bermuda Triangle of beer and screaming.

As you’re moving in, you notice that you’re the only one dragging a suitcase into your room. Everyone else is hauling dollies of 12 packs.

Your roommates are really friendly! Or…why are their eyes drooping like that?

The community fridge is stocked with liquor, sour cream, and mixers.

The community cupboards are filled with cheetos, salsa, pork rinds, and Alka Seltzer.

It’s Monday night, you’re reading Proust, and it sounds like the people in the room next to you are throwing…what’s that? Quarters? And then cheering? Read More »

Two accessories are universal to everyone’s college experience: a black NorthFace fleece and a Nalgene bottle.

I joined students nationwide in their fear of collapsing of dehydration in their respective college towns. Nalgene-carrying has become a trend to be reckoned with. Much to my dismay, as well as that of 75 or more percent of the collegiate and camping population, the company has decided to recall its hard plastic bottles within the next few months.

The containers are made with bishephonol A (BPA), a product which is suggested to cause “aggressive cancers,” per National Geographic Adventure blogger Steve Casimiro.

Hold up. Haven’t Nalgenes always implied an attempt to maintain a healthy lifestyle? Don’t they help to ensure drinking those 6 to 8 glasses of water a day, and then some? They were part of the whole outdoorsy-but-not image on campus. Sure, they weren’t really unbreakable (I’ve ruined 2, myself), but they seemed so… harmless. How unnerving to think that something so basic, so innocent as a water bottle, is now up there with cell phones, cigarette smoke, and artificial sweeteners as a carcinogen.

Casimiro writes:

“a study from California published in April shows that BPA directly alters genes in breast cells so that they resemble cancer cells…. Earlier this year, in the first direct test for bisphenol A migration in water bottles, University of Cincinnati scientists found that BPA leaches from polycarbonate containers at room temperature whether the bottle is old or new. More alarming, when the bottle has hot water in it, the chemical is released up to 55 times faster.” Read More »

Unless you’re a terribly unfortunate soul, I suspect at some point in the next three months you’ll find yourself enjoying the great outdoors, perhaps lounging on the beach in your new bikini, hitting a few balls at the driving range, or having a romantic picnic with your summer boy-toy.

Unlike far sweeter countries like Germany we can’t drink outdoors here, which is a crying shame if you ask me. While I wish I could spend my summer drinking beers on the subway in Berlin (only the best way to pre-game ever), I’m stuck in the USA, for better or worse, until I can raise some much needed capital to get me out of here and canoodling with manly Deutsch men and their oh so alluring accents.

So in the meantime, I thought I’d share a few good ways to still get buzzed while working on your tan. No brown bags either—looking like a hobo has never been in style, unless you count the grungy 90s I suppose… Read More »