Watch out, grams. That game could kill you!

Swine flu is ruining everything. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t kiss without thinking I’m going to contract the disease of the pigs. And now, apparently, I can’t play beer pong.

Officials at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (yeah, I’ve never heard of that place either) have reported 21 cases of swine flu that they have cleverly traced back to a game of beer pong. One single game! But is anyone really surprised? What can’t you contract from a game of beer pong?

The first time I swore off beer pong was during an outbreak of mono at my school. I thought I was being proactive about warding off the disease. That is until I came back from Spring Break in Cancun and was immediately rushed to the hospital with an extreme case of mono paired with dehydration and probably a little bit of alcohol poisoning. So, much for that.

Next, it was oral herpes. If you play beer pong, you will get oral herpes, and DIE. Fantastic. I spent half the party staring at people’s mouths and strategically placing myself a team ahead of the dude with the suspicious lip sore. I was like the Nancy Drew of STDs. No one likes that girl.

Swine flu, mono and a multitude of STDs later, I’m beginning to wonder if my love of the game is worth it.  If you’re going to contract the kissing disease, it might as well be the result of a great makeout session, not a game of beer pong. Especially if you lose. Read More »

Prepare to have your heart broken: “As she put him into his cage for the night last Thursday, Dr. Pepperberg said, Alex looked at her and said: “You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.” He was found dead in his cage the next morning…” (New York Times)

Does every art teacher have to be a hippie? I mean, c’mon! That’s like saying all female gym teachers are lesbians… (Chicago Tribune)

What if universities called your house every time you missed class? What if they called your entire school? For some reason I don’t think my mom would have done what these moms did. (tampabays10.com)

$160 = a 5-year supply of Ben and Jerry’s. You just have to find a criminal. Wasn’t this a Nancy Drew book? (local6.com)

Just in case you’re like, the one person who doesn’t check PerezHilton everyday and haven’t seen his own ads on his own site, his show is on tonight. So, you might as well watch so you know what the hell he’s going to be talking about all day tomorrow. (VH1.com)