I knew it was a bad idea for Jennifer Lopez to have a baby.

I knew it. My reasoning, initially, was that there is NO WAY that she wouldn’t be the most selfish mother on the planet earth. I figured, she’ll pop out two super demons and quickly drop them off with some nanny named Maria that she can holler at in Spanish on how to raise her children, while she exercises her famous ass off on the Stairstepper and gets back to taking over the world… one floppy umbrella hat at a time.

Oh no, instead she has decided to breed a new set of materialistic, cashmere wrapped, $169 dollar onesie wearing, BABIES. I understand that money is all “perspective” but for Gods sake, what happens when they spit up on their cashmere blankie? Does it become a dish towel, or toilet paper??

The babies don’t know the difference, the parents do. Therefore, J.Lo’s ridiculous spending is just validation that she has an irrational case of diva behavior. Even Beyonce would be impressed by this.

Let’s give you the run down: Read More »

Okay, so I admit it. Sometimes, when I babysit, I totally go into the fridge and eat some food.

And every once in a while, I let the kid stay up past his bedtime, because, I mean, making them go to sleep when the sun is still up is just wrong.

I may not be an angel of perfection when it comes to taking care of other people’s kids, but at least I don’t get them stoned.

Earlier this month, a 15-year-old Florida girl was arrested and charged with felony child abuse after smoking a joint around the little kid she was babysitting—and posting a picture of it on MySpace.

The girl (who’s name is being withheld by authorities because of her age and massive stupidity) was charged as a juvenile and released into her parents care after the arrest, but the possibility that the state attorney’s office will charge her as an adult later is quite high (haha. Get it?). Read More »

What happens when you combine mediocre fiction with a lame film script and a girl who has a hard time being believable in anything?

You get The Nanny Diaries.

Apparently, Scarlett Johansson’s new movie is not just bad, but super bad (and not in that funny, quirky movie of the same title way). Critics everywhere are devouring it and spitting it back out, leaving only the incorporable Laura Linney unscathed. They say she does a good job being a rich bitch.

Everyone else? Horrible.

ScarJo included. Critics picked apart everything from her “leaden screen presence” to her “flustered mannerisms that smack of one too many Woody Allen projects” (seriously, the guy loves her. It’s weird).

As someone who hasn’t been able to believe Ms. Johansson in almost anything she’s done since Lost in Translation, I can’t say I’m surprised.

She’s hot, I’ll give her that, but I’m not sure a family comedy is her forte. I’m not even sure comedy is her forte. She smolders, sure. But she doesn’t pop. Or make me laugh. Ever.

Plus, even though the book was a bestseller, it certainly wasn’t literary gold. You can’t just cut up a beach read and put it on the screen, especially when you’re dealing with issues like class, money, and absentee parenting. Read More »

I grew up watching the Nanny. Chances are you did too. I babysat during high school and was a nanny during college. And a lot of you probably did the same thing. As women we have always been shoe-ins for the child care field. I always knew that if all other job prospects failed in the city, I could be nanny even though I despised the idea. Now, thanks to the rise of the manny, that occupational field is hard to break into as well.

The concept of the manny was recently made popular by first time author/billionaires daughter/Upper

East Side mommylite Holly Peterson with her novel, The Manny. The book is based on Peterson’s own experiences with her 19 year-old manny John “Sunshine” Margaritis; whom she hired to help her son break through his tantrums as well as to take care for all three of her children. Read More »