Sometimes you see/read the craziest things on the internet (two girls, one cup…) that can make you laugh hysterically or get really angry (or – in the case of two girls, one cup – make you hurl).  Today I read something that made me do both.  A blogger on thedailybeast.com scribbled a little article about our generation and the increase in narcissism.  Not only did the article indicate that most of us are narcissistic sluts, but it also said that our “I can do and have anything I want” attitude is preventing us from focusing on close, emotional relationships.

Wait, what?

I don’t know about you… wait, yes I do. We’ve all been force-fed the idea our entire lives that we need to focus on ourselves and build a strong character so we can be independent enough to survive. We’ve been taught since birth that if we want something we need to do whatever we can to get it for ourselves.  How is going after what we want and expecting the best lives for ourselves suddenly narcissistic?!

Is it wrong to like myself and want to do things just for me before I settle down to have one of those close, emotional relationships? Or to, I don’t know, look for my perfect mate? No, I think not.

I’ll admit that some of the examples of narcissism in our generation cited in the article are genuinely crazy: you’d have to be clinically insane to hire paparazzi to follow you around for the weekend (and besides, aren’t they busy with Brangelina?) or get a professional photographer to take your Facebook photo (if you do this, you are lame).  But that’s not the norm.

And, sure, Twittering what you had for lunch or thinking that you could be the next Chelsea Handler may be a little more narcissistic than people of the past, but so what! If you can’t love yourself, who will?  The consensus is that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else (thank you, Dr. Phil, Oprah, Tyra, etc.) and I guess we’re just better at that than previous generations.  The ability to love and focus on oneself should not be a scapegoat for our apparent lack of traditional relationships, as the article has made it out to be:

…a few unreturned booty texts and some one-night stands might be the least of the collateral damage wrought by the narcissism epidemic. Narcissists are myopically focused on how they appear to the world. Translated into the realm of romantic relationships, the message comes across as: I’m great, and you’d better be, too.

I’d rather be a narcissist with a good job and a great sex life than a pushover in a dead-end relationship who can’t stand on her own two feet (not like those are the only choices – I’m just saying).

I say screw this article!  I AM awesome and whoever I date better be just as awesome.  No, I’m not completely obsessed with myself and no, my life isn’t perfect.  I just want to be an independent, strong single lady with a positive attitude.  We have the world at our feet, why not try to grab up as much of it as we can?

Enter Liz Funk, who knows the ins and outs of being a “Supergirl,” as she calls it: a girl who believes she must achieve perfection in every area of her life. Simultaneously a student, author, blogger and freelance writer, Liz is both living the dream and fulfilling her prophecy that young women today face enormous pressures to be successful. At just nineteen years old, she published her first book while balancing life at Pace University’s Honors College.

In the book, Supergirls Speak Out: Inside the Secret Crisis of Overachieving Girls (now available in stores and on Amazon.com) Liz investigates how societal forces impose dangerous pressures on young women to succeed—pressures which can often lead to depression, eating disorders, or other devastating emotional traumas. It is a godsend to any young woman who ever cried upon receiving that “little” envelope from Harvard or clocked hours on the elliptical just to maintain her size 6 frame.

I got the chance to speak with Liz about her book, her passions, and life as a Supergirl. I not only admire her success, but respect her for articulating a problem that affects too many young women. We are proud to feature her in our College Candy series, “The 5 Questions We Ask Everyone,” and wish her luck as she continues her nationwide book tour.

The 5 Questions We Ask Everyone:

1.    What is your favorite college memory/the most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?
I went to college in New York City, and my first year there, my friends and I got a flier for this rooftop party in a really dangerous neighborhood of Brooklyn that was a fundraiser for urban farming.  We went because there would be cheap alcohol and because it sounded fun, and when we got there, it was literally in a terrifying neighborhood, on this sketchy warehouse rooftop; people were doing drugs out in the open and there was a band with the lead singer wearing a snorkel mask and a red Speedo.  It was something out of a movie!  But we had a ton of fun!  The view was incredible.  I’m all about nice views in New York City.

2.    What are the five things you can’t live without?
My BlackBerry, Red Bull, champagne, Aveda leave-in conditioner, and my Coco Mademoiselle perfume. Plus, my family and friends.

3.    What’s your motto/advice you live by?
“I am open to exploring the wonder of my life.”  A life coach who I interviewed for the book, named Cathy Wasserman, told me that and I say that to myself everyday.

4.    Your favorite song to belt out in the car/for karaoke?
This is embarrassing: “Burning Up,” by the Jonas Brothers.

5.    Ten years from now you will be….
Hopefully still writing books, and maybe having something to do with Hollywood?  I really like screenwriting and I’ve been thinking about L.A. a little bit lately.  Plus, I need to be somewhere with warm weather.  As much as I’ve loved living in New York, when I’m in the warm weather, I am so happy almost all the time.

And now five questions specifically for Liz:

6. You have published your first book before finishing college! Would you say “Supergirls Speak Out” is more of a cathartic memoir or an attempt to discourage young women from trying to accomplish so much, so fast? In other words, how do you reconcile the message of your book with the fact that you are “Supergirl” yourself?

I think that because I’m a Supergirl, I gave an extra bit of insight to the book.  I think that if a writer who was covering this topic wasn’t a Supergirl, she might have trouble trying to wrap her head around the fact that a young woman on a Saturday night who doesn’t have plans is more likely to stay home and finish a paper due eventually or do a pilates DVD, instead of going to the movies and eating a box of chocolates by herself, because being a Supergirl is about always trying to improve yourself.  Because I was on the same page as most of the girls who I interviewed, it makes it easier for the idiosyncrasies of the Supergirl psyche to not get lost in translation.

7. A lot of young women who want to become writers seem to follow a similar formula for success: find a college with a good writing program, become editor of a campus publication, land an internship/job. How did you deviate from this “traditional” path, and did you ever have doubts along the way to success?

To be perfectly honest, I did what I did largely because I was a Supergirl and because I wanted my career to make me matter.  But I also wanted to write about issues in Generation Y because I don’t think that when adult reporters and commentators take on quintessentially Gen-Y things, like sexting and gossiping and posting racy photos on Facebook, that they get the story right, because they’re not really in the trenches and Gen Y is complicated!  There are some sociologists and media commentators lately who have been writing about how Generation Y is narcissistic and over-entitled and it’s so not true, and we need young writers and commentators in the media, speaking out and serving as a check on the media’s power.  Also, I had a feeling when I was younger that I wanted to be a freelance writer, not an editor, and when you freelance, you have to write full-time for awhile before you start to earn a living wage, so I knew that if I wanted to be able to support myself after college, I had to get acclimated with publications early.  We’ll see what happens!

8. What advice do you have for college-aged women who have a lot on their plate and can’t seem to manage it all?

Two things: first and foremost, I would recommend that girls take a look at their schedules and see if that they are making tasks bigger than they actually are.  I met a lot of Supergirls whose only commitments were 15 credits at school and participation in one student group, but they were mind-blowingly busy 50 hours a week, because they made every little task into a giant production because they wanted everything they did to be perfect and because they felt like they were valuable if they were busy all the time.  So I would encourage girls to consider whether they’re making themselves busy, and why being busy is such a big part of their identities and their sense of self-worth. Then, I would encourage girls to block out some time in their schedules, whether it’s Tuesday evenings or Saturday mornings, to be specifically for doing some completely fun and savoring their success–make yourself your favorite cocktail and watch a DVD marathon of your favorite show, or get a pedicure with your student discount, just for fun!  Girls need to cut stress out of their lives and reward themselves for their successes!

9. If you had one book to bring with you to a remote desert island, what would it be and why?

This is such a great question–and a hard one!  I’m debating between bringing a book that’s super long or one that’s super-complicated. It’s a tie between the 7th Harry Potter book or The Great Gatsby.  The 7th Harry Potter book is huge and has a lot of layers, so you could spend a lot of time reading it and thinking about it.  With the Great Gatsby, you could read that book five or six times and still pick up on some new detail or plot layer in the story every time you read it.

10. Name one person, living or dead, with whom you’d like to have lunch. What will you talk about?
I would love to have lunch with Katie Couric.  I have a feeling that she would have such fascinating insight as to women’s roles in society and the corporate elite, as well as world issues.  Plus, Katie Couric has mastered that tricky balance of having the best of feminine qualities (being relatable, funny, and charming) and also being a professional powerhouse.  I think there’s a lot we can learn from her.

Seriously. There are a lot of us who actually ENJOY meeting – and dating – this special breed of douche.

Okay. I might be EXTREMELY overgeneralizing here, but I have seen a wide range of chicks fall for guys who treat them like absolute sh*t. I’ve seen girls who stick with their sub-par lovers for years and can’t give you a straight answer as to why they put up with it.

I probably fall into this category as well; nice guys like me all the time, yet I constantly shy away from them in favor of their more dramatic/mysterious/douchebag-y counterparts.

This might be like flossing a dead horse – or watching a Tina Fey as Sarah Palin SNL skit (again, not that I’m complaining!), but seriously, why the hell do nice guys finish last? And whose fault is it, really?

A few of my theories :

1. Girl mistakes cockiness for confidence. Because we live in an individualistic society that stresses the importance of CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM and GOING FOR THE GOLD (no matter how you get there), it is totally possible to perceive straight-up cockiness as a public display of confidence. However, in the case of the A**hole, the guy isn’t just confident – he’s practically narcissistic. He basically feels NOTHING for any other human beside himself. So, by the time the Nice Girl realizes said dude will never care about anything other than his hair, his car and sticking his you-know-what into every willing hoo-ha in town, she’s already said the “L-word” and picked out future children’s names.

2. Girl thinks she can change the bad boy. Women are natural nurturers. We like to take care of stuff, like our best friends and our nails and our MAC makeup collection. We play therapist to most everyone in our lives. It makes us feel good to make other people feel good. So, when Nice Girl meets a guy who has some issues – like being unable to emotionally connect with other people, and/or maintain a solid relationship, or has cheated on past girlfriends – Nice Girl always thinks that SHE is obviously the one who can change the A**hole’s deviant ways. Realistically, she knows this isn’t true. But we all want to believe that we are that special girl.

Eventually though, Nice Girl learns that A**hole will never change, but she sticks around because she’s still in love with the concept of who A**hole COULD be, if he only stopped hanging out with that crowd/gave up drinking/got a new job…none of which will ever happen. Girl digs A**hole because she genuinely believes that underneath all the B.S. there is a knight in shining armor just BEGGING to be set free and show up on her doorstep with a bottle of red wine and a copy of “Baby Mama.” There’s not.

3. Girl lacks confidence. Of course, we can’t blame EVERYTHING on the A**hole. According to The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” I don’t think I could have said it better. Sometimes, we find ourselves attached to the A**hole because we don’t believe that we can find anyone else, or perhaps we don’t even know anything better exists. It does.

4. Chivalry kinda sorta scares Girl. Although Girl doesn’t want to admit it, being treated well sometimes feels kind of awkward. When we go out with a Nice Guy, we know he’s going to do all the “typical” gentleman-ly stuff, like open our car doors and hold our hand while walking down the street. Sometimes, this is just plain weird and makes us feel kinda funny. Nice Guy virtually loses all unique points when he acts like this because Nice Guys all. act. the. same. way. They wait too long to make a move, they call too often and they are just too damn nice.

5. Girl likes the chase. Seriously, who doesn’t? Sometimes Nice Guys are just too easy. We like it when guys don’t give in to us right away. It’s exciting and it gives us something to daydream about when we’re bored in English Lit. Lame? Yes. Understandable? Definitely.

6. Finally, sometimes A**holes just really know how to play the game. They can thoroughly convince us that they are indeed a Nice Guy when the complete opposite is true. When our friends start to point out several signs of their douchebaggery, we have a “talk” with A**hole and he convinces us that our friends are batsh*t crazy and watch too much Sex & the City and that we have nothing to worry about. The A**hole will do anything he can to prevent Nice Girl from seeing his true colors….and he’s damn good at it, too.

That’s all I got. What do you lovely CC readers think – why do girls like assholes?

[Photo from kit haselden's flickr]

A new study, the results of which appear in the October issue of the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests that Facebook profiles can mirror the narcissism of their owners.

Besides being synonymous with being “egotistical,” “self-centered,” and “self-absorbed,” narcissism affects the ability of a person to form healthy, long-term relationships. According to W. Keith Campbell, a professor at the University of Georgia who co-authored the study in question, “Narcissists are using Facebook the same way they use their other relationships – for self promotion with an emphasis on quantity of over quality.”

You know those people that add you as a friend after a 30-second convo, or because you know one of their friends (or their friend’s friends?) The ones who have 10,562 friends…in their main network alone? These Facebookers also have a variety of photo albums on their page– most of which are full of self-portraits and glamour shots taken in the mirror. These are the FB users who most clearly exhibit signs of narcissism.

The growth spurts of social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace have grabbed the attention of behaviorists who want to explore how personality traits are expressed online. “We’ve undergone a social change in the last four or five years and now almost every student manages their relationships through Facebook – something that few older people do,” asserts Campbell. “It’s a completely new social world that we’re just beginning to understand.”

I wonder what else we can learn from peoples’ Facebook quirks. For example: what do we learn from the girl who changes her status every five seconds, so you always know EXACTLY where she is and what she’s doing? How about the guy you haven’t talked to in months, yet still comments on all of your new FB photos, your status, even what other people are writing on your wall?

What would you like to learn from Facebook? Do you agree with this study?