This blows.

Ah, Spring Break. A time to relax, to de-stress, and to recharge for classes after midterms have drained us of our livelihood. Some people go on vacation to cut loose, some go home for a little R&R, and some even enroll in a short course to catch up on credits or work on a project with their favorite professor. Whatever your plans, Spring Break is you time.

Or so you thought. Then your professor assigns a paper. And another gives extra problem sets. A third wants you to read an entire book, and a fourth wants you to make an exact replica of Michelangelo’s David at a .22 scale. Suddenly, your days of rejuvenation are long gone, and you’re stuck trying to figure out how to fit that brick of an organic chemistry textbook into your suitcase without going over the weight limit and having to pay more.

Worst of all, your workload ruins everyone else’s break too. You might go to the beach with your friends, but how much fun is it going to be when you bring your textbook as a beach read? And that certainly isn’t going to attract the cute guys playing volleyball nearby- or fit into your adorable clutch when you go to the bar at night. Read More »

Many years ago, I decided to make a major career change, and, oddly it was just when I finally began my career as a professor. At the same time, two life major events happened. First, my mother suddenly passed from away colon cancer – the deadliest of cancers. She was diagnosed and died three months later, marking the exact day of the doctor’s discovery.

On top of that, and, as the cliché goes, my big “3-0” was right around the corner. Like most vain woman, the mere thought of turning thirty made me frantic, and despite my youthful appearance (I was still lucky enough to be carded for cigarettes!), I was resigned to the idea that Botox would soon be part of my regular regime for maintaining my present natural beauty.

At least I could claim to be happily married, a rare gift that I possess to this day, so I knew there were other qualities besides my looks that I had going for me. And, despite my looks, I am not the most exciting lover. Nevertheless, I knew that my new job, that of being a junior professor, meant that I’d be drowning in more work than I had had previously.

I was in the first stages of becoming a young scholar, but given my mournful state, which was becoming an ever increasing strain on my personal life, I had serious doubts about this chosen career path. Up until that time I had always planned on becoming a scholar. After all, my own mother had been a leading scholar in feminist studies, and she had made it clear that I too was destined to become a professor, just like her. She was my goddess, so why would I have ever doubted this plan that she’d laid out for me? Read More »

What’s more comically traumatic than getting a rash “cut it all off” haircut that makes you look less sexy and fierce and more gender-ambiguous? Getting it against your will on national television, ANTM-style!

That’s right, it’s the episode of reality television that I look forward to most…the makeover episode of America’s Next Top Model!

“Like a butterfly, a true top model must be willing to undergo a total metamorphosis,” reads the TyraMail, sending the girls into a chorus of excited screams and giggles, which of course will soon turn into tears, sneers, and perhaps a nervous breakdown, if Tyra has her way!

Tyra shows the girls what to expect this time, with the help of digital imaging, and off they go! Read More »