There were a few things, however, I forgot to consider. For one, I’ve known this guy, like, forever. I know every girl he’s ever dated (and all the not-so-awesome deets about each breakup), his favorite foods at each of our fave places to eat, hell – I even know the names of the majority of his extended family. This means that he, too, knows almost as much about me. Although this does mean we get to skip the whole awkward (but sometimes exciting) getting-to-know-you stage, and jump right into the much more exciting getting-to-know-your-favorite-sex-position stage, this breadth of knowledge about each other did create it’s own awkward situations.

Basically, the filter that you normally have with new lovers when you’re trying to both impress them and butter them up was completely removed.

So, with help from my good friend/holiday hookup and other boyfriends past, I present to you my list of the top five things you never want to hear from your (new) lover.

5. That girl is so sexy. Some of you might disagree with me on this. However, I am slightly neurotic and although I will totally smile and pretend that I, too, find whatever girl my man is ogling with his eyes a real bombshell as well, I don’t like to hear it. Think it, fine. Tell your boys, fine. But don’t. tell. me.

4. You should really wear your hair curly again. It’s so beautiful. When your hair is in fact, straightened for the first time in four weeks because you finally decided to dig your Chi out of all your unpacked, unorganized luggage. Is this supposed to be flattering? Couldn’t you have told me that you love my hair curly when it actually IS curly? There are also other variations of this too, like, “Maybe you should really dye your hair again. It was so pretty blonde,” or “How about you get that tattoo removed? Your lower back looked so sexy without it.”

3. You’re crazy. I’ve written about this before. And trust me, I really don’t care if it he means crazy-sexy in a Marla Singer sorta way. There is nothing at all flattering about being called crazy by someone you trust with your innermost thoughts, feelings and neuroses. Nothing.

2. You’re a much different body type than I’m usually attracted to. So, he either means that you are a lot larger than his normal type (which is obviously not fun to hear) or a lot smaller than his usual type (which – in my mind at least – is a huge RED FLAG because it seems that most guys do stick to their particular “type”). Above mentioned dude actually said to me last week and I really didn’t know how to respond. He said he was normally into girls who had those big, muscular, soccer player legs and that mine were small and uh, soft. Thanks?

1. You remind me so much of (insert any other woman’s name here). Whether it’s his mama, his ex flame, his sister, his old best friend, that girl from Psych 101, this never makes anyone feel good. It makes us feel paranoid that he will leave us for whatever person he is comparing us to (well, uh, unless it’s a relative – then it just makes us feel homely and naggy!). Why can’t guys just love us for the unique, special, beautiful, flowers we are and quit comparing us to every other Brittany, Tiffany & Jenna they know?

Honorable mentions: “You have on too much makeup” and “If you’re gonna wanna do that, you’re gonna have to shave.” Ouch.

Alright girls, it’s your turn! What’s the worst thing you’ve heard from a new (or old) lover?

[ photo from michaelhyatt.com ]

I bet your roommate sucks. Don’t worry, I understand. I have a twin sister and therefore have had to share living quarters with another girl for my entire life.

It’s cool and all when you’re six years old, and sharing space meant sharing Barbies, but once you hit 18 and it’s time for college…you’re probably going to want your roommate out during playtime.

You’ve probably already set up your dorm room, but there’s always a chance it could be set up better,with more of your own space, and with something we all desperately need.

No f*cking drama.

First things first:

No bunk beds. I know, I know, they save space and all that, but top bunk is only cool at summer camp. Plus with your roommate’s bed literally attached to yours you might as well be attached at the hip too. And can I just remind everyone that there’s nothing sexy (or mysterious) about climbing into a top bunk with a guy you’re hoping to bone.

Just trust me.

Keep your desks on opposite walls. This keeps your backs to each other when you’re studying or writing a paper, but also maximizes your own personal space because it limits the chances that your inconsiderate roommate will allow all her sh*t to overflow into your area. Bonus! You won’t have to worry about her peeking over your shoulder should you peruse some, shall we say, private sites.

Keep tabs on your stuff. It sounds a bit neurotic (and hopelessly obvious), but have separate spaces for your things and her’s. Make sure you take a second and make it known to one another that one side of the room is yours and vice versa. If you have to resort to using tape to divide the room…so be it.

What about the space you’re forced to share? Sure, you’re both using a dorm fridge the size of a shoebox, but keep one shelf for you and the other for your roomie. If you’ve just spent your last 10 bucks on some peanut butter and a six pack, and one goes missing, you’ll know exactly where it went.

Seperate the closet into 2 different sides, and don’t fall into the trap of thinking that just because you’re roommates then it means you’re best friends too and thereby allowed to borrow clothes at will.

You won’t get that sweater back at the end of the semester.

Don’t be that passive-aggressive girl. This means angry looks, talking behind her back, and leaving notes with no explanation. For example: I shared a suite-style dorm my freshman year where I shared a bathroom with 3 other girls. We had to clean that crap-hole ourselves and being the stupid 18 year old girls we were…we just didn’t.

One day, me and my roommate got fed up with the funny colors the shower was taking on, took a night and made the place spotless. But not before we took “before” pictures, put them on our computer, and made a little sign that said “CLEAN THE BATHROOM”. Then we posted it on our bathroom door where our suitemates found it and got pissed…obviously.

Being passive-aggressive is totally lame. Plus, I can guarantee that you’ll find something missing or broken in your room the next day…I miss my desk lamp.

Devise a list of house rules. It’s going to be the worst 15 minutes of your life, sitting down with a girl you only kind of know and writing down all the stuff you’re not cool with. But you know what’s worse? Dealing with your roommate who’s PMS-ing and pissed at you for using her shampoo. Hell hath no fury like a premenstrual chick with dirty hair.

The best piece of advice for someone who can only live comfortably alone and with a full size bed? Don’t let anything fester. Having a roommate is like having a live-in boyfriend, except worse because you’re dealing with a woman. You know what I mean.

If you let everything slide and never utter a word to your dorm mate, life will be a silent, awkward hell where you’ll be counting the days until Winter Break.

And if you’re school was anything like mine, Residence Life is a pain in the ass.