What do I get my new guy for Christmas? We’ve been dating for a month and a half. I don’t want to come on too strong but I also don’t want to look cheap. Thanks!
Gifter
Dear Gifter,
Okay, I love it!
You’re totally right. You don’t want to come off as a creepster. So no, like, gold watches or new Adidas or helicopters or something. But you’re also right you don’t want to look disinterested by getting him, like, a plastic piece of poop. So walk that line!! Here are some guidelines lil’ ol’ Tuffy done thought up:
1. Keep it around $30. That’s the right amount at this stage. It’s thoughtful but not over the top.
2.Keep it personal. Think about something he told you he liked. Loves a sports team? Get him a team jersey. Extra points if you can get a signed ball. Does he like hiking? Get him a new backpack. He will be so thrilled you were listening (and you better be listening!!) and that you went out of your way to get him something he’d really love.
3. No personal hygiene products. Magazines tell you he’ll love it. Magazines lie. He wants something that’s fun. He’ll brush his teeth after the New Year.
4. Tickets are generally good. Tix to an event that HE is interested in (very important that HE is interested in the event!!!) that you can get to together is a totally sweet surprise. For the ticket thing, you can go a little over $30 if you need to, since you’ll be sharing in the gift. HOWEVER!!! Do NOT get anything too far in advance — too clingy! The event should be within the next few weeks from when he receives the gift.
5. Be genuine. Get him something because you WANT to. If you find getting him a good, personal gift to be too much of a chore, maybe it’s time to break the floop up and find someone you really care about.
The beginning stages of a new relationship are always the best. Thinking about the other person gives you butterflies, every date is an exciting new adventure, and you aren’t close enough for him to start discussing his farting habits with you.
But it is also a little scary. You want to show that special man who you are, but not enough to scare him off before you have the chance to steal his super-comfy sweatpants. And you find yourself constantly wondering if he thinks about you as much as you think about him, why he hasn’t called yet and if he minded that you screamed really loudly while watching Saw 3 the night before.
When I was younger, the scariest part of a new relationship – especially with someone I really liked – was walking the line between being myself and doing/saying things that I thought he wanted to hear. I know it sounds pathetic, but you know you’ve been there too; telling him you love Bob Seger only to freak when he asks your favorite song. Or pretending to be obsessed with The Sopranos and then wondering what station that show is even on.
Now that I am approaching adulthood (graduation is coming at me quickly!) I have finally come to terms with who I am on my own and in a relationship. I now realize that there are plenty of really good guys out there for me so I don’t have to settle for that douche bag who pops his collar and wears a giant gold chain.
But, I can’t be too stubborn. There are a few things I will tweak for a boy:
2. Music Preference: Not that I will ditch my own amazing music collection (ranging from the tunes of Sister Act to the infamous Beastie Boys), but being in a new relationship is all about experiencing new things. Plus, it makes the option of a cuddly concert date much more probable. Read More »
Wanna get your question answeridoed?! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for the answers to your unmentionables. And whatnot.
Dear Tuffy Luv, I have been with my boyfriend for a couple weeks now. We are still getting to know each other and trying to take it slow. He is a 21 year old that has a steady job, his own place and a nice car; he’s definitely got it together. He’s planning on going back to school for his Master’s next fall. Here”s the problem: he is an ex gang member and I`m pretty sure he used to deal drugs as well.
All of that happened when he was fairly young, I wanna say maybe when he was 13 till he was about 16 or 17. He was very honest about his past and the way he explains it is that he had friends who did it and so he got caught up in it as well. He’s by no means proud of his past but he is definitely willing to talk about it if there`s questions. He has tattoos, most of which are not visible but he does have the three dots on both hands representing the gang he was in. The tattoos are very faded now, but if you pay close attention you can see them. I really like this guy and believe that people can change, especially when they have done something like that at such a young age. He basically moved away from all the gang activity and drugs to start over.
My only concern with this entire situation is that he may one day go back to all of that. Also, how will all of this affect him in the future? How will it affect our relationship? His past worries me because of what my family is going to think about him. How do I prepare them for him and his past? How do I go about this so that they dont freak out? I’m sure once they meet him they’ll think differently but until then they wanna know about him and this is something I can’t keep from them. What should I do?
Thanks,
Does the past really stay in the past
Dear Does the Past,
I gotta level with you. When I saw the phrase “ex gang member,” my heart sank.
This is dangerous territory, honey. Gangs are nothing to be messed with. So let’s look at this from a couple of angles:
(1) He may still be in a gang. From what Tuffy understands, it’s really, really,really hard to leave gangs once you’ve joined them, especially if you were involved in stuff that was illegal. You need to find out the truth here. Sit him down and have a real heart-to-heart. When did he last work for these people? What, exactly, was his involvement? Did he ever do anything violent? Did he ever go to jail?
From there, you need to decide if he seems like he’s still violent (if he ever was, chances are he still has the capacity for violence) and whether or not you believe that he’s really done with that gang lifestyle. You didn’t say what he’s doing for a job now, but you did imply he’s got money. Make sure it’s really coming from his day job.
You do NOT want to hook up with a guy in a gang. It’s very dangerous. Don’t get yourself into a situation you can’t get out of.
Or:
(2) He really has left that all behind him. Look, sometimes bad things happen to good people. Maybe his childhood was less than desirable and he got caught up in some shiz he now, as a good person and functioning adult, regrets. If this is the case, there’s no reason to be embarrassed of him. If he really has reformed, what does it matter what he did for three years of his teens? As long as he would never, ever, EVER go there again, there shouldn’t be a problem.
But! If it is number 2 and you still find yourself being ashamed, there’s no point in continuing the relationship. If you’re not okay with his past, you shouldn’t string him along hoping you’ll eventually get over it. At this early stage in the relationship, it’s all about your comfort level, baby.
Be careful, girl. I really hope he’s legit and cool now and that that’s all behind him. Just make sure you know for real before you start investing too much into a guy you may or may not be able to trust.
Alcohol is one hell of a substance. It tastes sorta gross, costs sorta a lot and makes you do things that you obviously would have decided against sober. More often than not, a night of drinking leaves me with a hangover and a WTF moment that makes me want to crawl under the covers and never come out.
Like that time I let my best friend make his way downtown (if you get what I mean) and my other friends caught us mid sex act.
Yeah, just like that time.
My best friend is a guy who we’re going to call Dean. Once upon a time, actually right when I first started dating my now very ex-boyfriend, Dean accompanied me to a party held by another one of my friends. A casual house affair with lots of liquor because, well, that’s how we do. My new boyfriend at the time decided not to come me with me to the party because he didn’t know anyone that would be there. So Dean came with me because, he’s my best friend…and also because there would be booze.
After way too many shots the party started to die down and the guests stumbled out. I was having difficulty standing, so the party host asked me and Dean to stay over. Dean was slowly fading as well, so we took her up on the offer.
Did I mention that when I’m drunk I get pretty touchy feely? Or that I was pretty pissed off at my boyfriend for not coming? Yeah, still does not excuse what happens next. Read More »
Often when friends break up with their boyfriends, you have to chose whether or not to remain friends with the Ex. From years/months/beer pong matches together, you have developed a friendship with said Ex…so does the end of the main relationship mean you have to break up too??
Or can you go on as friends?
Flip the situation a bit:
You best friend has broken up with a boyfriend and is now in a very happy and loving relationship with someone else. Meanwhile, you have continued cultivating a relationship with her Ex and have stayed great friends. A year later, he tells you he’s “always wanted to be with you.”
Now, your friend is in a healthy/happy relationship with someone new. Are you allowed to date her Ex or is he still her territory??
The beginning stages of a new relationship are always the best. Thinking about the other person gives you butterflies, every date is an exciting new adventure, and you aren’t close enough for him to start discussing his farting habits with you.
Wanna get your question answeridoed?! Email 
Alcohol is one hell of a substance. It tastes sorta gross, costs sorta a lot and makes you do things that you obviously would have decided against sober. More often than not, a night of drinking leaves me with a hangover and a WTF moment that makes me want to crawl under the covers and never come out.
Often when friends break up with their boyfriends, you have to chose whether or not to remain friends with the Ex. From years/months/beer pong matches together, you have developed a friendship with said Ex…so does the end of the main relationship mean you have to break up too??
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