See ya later, Single Status!

It’s weird how it happens. One day you’re screaming “THIS IS MY SONG!” every time “Single Ladies” comes on at the bar, and the next…well, you’re doing the same thing, but it’s not actually true. After just over two years of being the most single person on the planet, I actually took the dive. It happened really unexpectedly with a cute acquaintance I have known for years. We started talking a little more, and things took off out of nowhere.

I used to want to jack people in the face when they said, “When you stop looking for a boyfriend, you’ll get one.” And even though that is exactly what happened, that’s still really annoying advice. I think I hate it largely because it takes the situation out of your hands; as if you have to be in some sort of cosmic state of perfect personal balance just to get a damn date. I think a better way to phrase the advice is this:

Beating yourself up over not having a boyfriend or becoming depressed that “there’s no one out there” isn’t going to make your perfect mate appear out of thin are. There are times when 5 guys ask you out in a week, and there are times when your only male interaction for months is with your Environmental Science professor (hopefully not the wrong kind of interaction…). You can control your love life, but only to a certain extent. You don’t completely control who you meet, when you meet them, or (even as much as we try) how they feel about you. Read More »

Sex is kinda like a cell phone. You can live without it, but in the end, would you really want to? Like our cell phones, we all end up taking what we can get in a pinch. We may not be happy with the phone (or person) we choose, but sometimes anything can be better than nothing.

I’ve taken the liberty to analyze the various sexual shenanigans we get ourselves into, and I think I’ve come onto something. I’m starting to think that our sexual partners closely resemble that of our cellular telephone devices. Think I’m full of s**t? Well read on, nonbeliever.

The Crap Nokia aka The One Night Stand

So you’re hovering over the frat house toilet seat, trying not to get an STI or pee on yourself, and your phone slips out of your back pocket and plops into the water. Suddenly, you’re out of a cell phone and you need one, STAT. Just like getting dumped or running into your ex, I would think of this as a rather desperate situation. So what do you do? You go for the next easy thing that comes along and satisfies your basic needs. Just like your friend’s gigantic Nokia phone with Snake and an antenna, a one night stand will be there for you when you need one thing and one thing only. You may use Mr. Nokia for a night or two, but you can bet you’ll toss that puppy as soon as something better comes along. Read More »

Even though I vowed to keep my vajayjay away from my good friend / potential lover, the holidays and spending four weeks cooped in my parents’ house with my Mom blasting Fleetwood Mac at ungodly hours left me few options. So, when the boy called and asked if he could host my vacation to the city (Oh Columbus, how I love thee!), I accepted. I packed a pair of black high heels, a toothbrush and a bottle of red wine and I was ready for my own little holiday fling.

There were a few things, however, I forgot to consider. For one, I’ve known this guy, like, forever. I know every girl he’s ever dated (and all the not-so-awesome deets about each breakup), his favorite foods at each of our fave places to eat, hell – I even know the names of the majority of his extended family. This means that he, too, knows almost as much about me. Although this does mean we get to skip the whole awkward (but sometimes exciting) getting-to-know-you stage, and jump right into the much more exciting getting-to-know-your-favorite-sex-position stage, this breadth of knowledge about each other did create it’s own awkward situations.

Basically, the filter that you normally have with new lovers when you’re trying to both impress them and butter them up was completely removed.

So, with help from my good friend/holiday hookup and other boyfriends past, I present to you my list of the top five things you never want to hear from your (new) lover. Read More »

[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

My roommate Jeanenne thinks I don’t play “the game” enough. According to her, the only game I play is “let me drop my pants for you.” Yeah, ouch. After such an accusation, I decided to go out there and see what this game was all about. I wasn’t really sure what that meant – or why I needed to play if I was doin’ pretty well without it – but boy did I play that game.

I went out and started partying at 10 AM like any normal (game) day, and vowed to be “coy,” “mysterious,” and “un-slutty” – basics in “The Game,” but pretty odd concepts in my book. What this essentially meant was me going out, getting wasted, and not talking to any guys. (Okay, so I did talk to guys, but I didn’t heavily mack on them per usual.)

And you wanna know what happened? I didn’t get hit on. Not once. Read More »

Sup 2nite? U wanna go 4 drinks?

It’s official. Text messaging is ruining dating.

In all honesty, I completely understand that it’s less pressure to send a text message and get a non-response than to call and have to deal with a person’s voice saying ‘yea-or-nay’, but it’s made the entire process much less personal. It feels a bit corporate, to say the least, if you’re doing more than setting a date.

In which case, let me check my Outlook calendar, I’ll get right “back 2 u.”

Don’t get me started on the lingo. I’m a chronic abbrever (see? Just abbreviated ‘abbreviator.’) and I’m a fan of acronyms, but let’s get serious. If you can’t be bothered to type out an entire word, do you really want to be bothered meeting up later? Have you seen “You Can’t Text Message Break-up“? If you must make texting part of dating, learn some ground rules: Read More »