In my early teen years I’d hang out at the skatepark and take trips out of town with as many people as we could pack in a van to watch bands play; later, at the end of my high school career, weeknights were spent driving around, listening to jams and making pointless stops at WalMart, and weekends were spent partaking in outlandish late-night drinking shenanigans accompanied by board games.

Then I went to college. And while some of my best friends did attend the same school as me, and while I did meet a handful of fantastic new people, for the most part, I was pretty miserable. I went from a small town where I had known everyone for 5+ years to a giant school filled with rich kids from suburbia who wouldn’t know real fun if it kicked them in the teeth.

As I had thought since age 11 that this was where I wanted to go to college, for two years I gave it a go and tried my best to enjoy myself. And I did, to some degree: there were definitely some experiences at college that I wouldn’t trade for anything. But every time I went home, the fun I had at college paled in comparison. These were my people. This was where I belonged. And yet, I couldn’t stay in my hometown, what would I do with myself? Get married, get a job at the bank, and pump out some kids? That was not an option.

So eventually, I ran away, from both college and home, and went to New Zealand. And there, for a brief period of time, I kind of found My Home, Part 2. I was living in the staff quarters at a four star lodge in a national park, spending my off hours lounging on the beach or running in the woods or bonding with my incredibly chill, awesomely hard-partying international coworkers. For about a month, life was totally zen. Then, the winds of change started blowing again and I was off to other parts of the country, and then back, again, to my hometown.

That summer was like every other summer of my life – filled with campfires and swimming and boating and hiking and concerts and late night talks under the stars. But somehow, underneath it all was the sense that I was getting older, that we all were, and we couldn’t keep doing the same shit we had been doing since we were thirteen. Things had to change.

In the fall, I packed up my crap again and headed east, this time to New York, where I still am now. For the past seven months, I’ve looked for jobs, gotten jobs, quit jobs, gone to bars, gone to restaurants, gone to museums, met new people, had friends visit, stayed in, gone out, done all the things you do when you’re a young adult living in the greatest city in the world. And yet the only thing I can think is, is this all there is?

Is this it? Do we get older only to abandon the pure joy of living and become mindless drones who go to work and make money only to spend it on “going out” and “cultural experiences” and “long-term investments?” I like to think that I’m the kind of person who thinks outside of the box and seeks adventure; I mean, hell, I quit school and went to New Zealand and then moved out to New York City, right? But I can’t help but feel like I have reached the pinnacle of life that you aspire to reach when you’re a kid, that point in adulthood when you’re old enough to live on your own in a fabulous place but young enough to do whatever you want without a whole lot of responsibilities to worry about, and yet, I’ve never felt so…blah.

When I was younger, everything was awesome. Life was intensely interesting and every day was an adventure. The simplest activities were fun and exciting and my friends and I were always thinking of new and amazing sh*t to do. There was this sense that everything we were doing was the exact right thing to be doing at that moment, and everything in the universe was perfect.

And my friends! My friends from home, to this day, continue to be the most hilarious, fantastic people I have ever met. Which isn’t to say I haven’t met some great new people with excellent things to offer, because I have. But never have I met people quite as hilarious and insightful and genuine as people in my hometown.

So what to do? How do I handle this? Should I just buck up, count my blessings, and press on? If I tell myself that things are as shiny as I thought they would be when I was thirteen, will they be? Will things improve, or is this a permanent leveling off of my life that I’ll come to accept? Is this just what growing up is?

I know I sound like a spoiled brat, whining about a life I’m lucky to have. I guess I pretty much am a spoiled brat, whining about a life I’m lucky to have. But I suppose I’m writing this because I feel like I can’t be the only one going through what amounts to a quarterlife crisis, but feels like the terminal loss of true joy in my life. There have to be other people out there who have made it this far only to feel ultimately disillusioned with what life has to offer. Right?

Right?

And now the news with Kandy Korrespondent.

On Thursday, the Texas Third Appeal Court US ruled that officials had no legal right to seize 463 children from the Yearning for Zion compound in April. The immediate removal of children from their homes without a court order is only allowable if the children are perceived to be in immediate danger. The decision did not immediately order the return of the children.

The raid was prompted by call allegedly from pregnant 16-year-old who said her much older husband was abusing her. The raid failed to find the girl and authorities are now examining the possibility that it may have been a hoax.

The children removed in the raid were all placed in foster care, 100 of which have yet to be matched with mothers.

The Yearning for Zion sect belongs to the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) an offshoot of the Mormon Church. FLDS members believe that a man must marry a minimum of three times in order to ascend to heaven.

McCain has refused the endorsement of Texas pastor Reverend Hagee following the discovery of the later’s anti-Semitic statements. During a late 1990s sermon. Hagee stated that Adolph Hitler was used by God to expedite God’s will the re-establishment of the state of Isreal. He stated,

“‘and they the hunters should hunt them,’ that will be the Jews. ‘From every mountain and from every hill and from out of the holes of the rocks.’ If that doesn’t describe what Hitler did in the holocaust you can’t see that.”

In this writer’s opinion, the real story here is the fact that two extremists such as Hagee and Wright had endorsement power in the first place. I hope that the publicity over these two denouncements will cause the evangelical community to take a good hard look at whom they look to for leadership.

On Wednesday, a senior US official warned that a global ban on cluster bombs could jeopardize American participation in international peacekeeping and disaster relief operations. Cluster bombs open while still in the air and release hundreds of “bomblets”. Many of the bomblets fail to explode, presenting a deadly surprise for anyone who may come across them—most commonly playing children. The US military used cluster bombs during the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

The death toll for the May 12th earthquake in China is now at 51,151 with 29,328 still missing, 288,431 injured, and at least 5 million homeless. The New York Times has compiled a list of donors through which you can contribute to the disaster relief. Click here to access this list.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

In New Zealand, a woman fed up with wolf-whistles from nearby road workers took the drastic action of … stripping… entirely…. Apparently this unnamed Israeli tourist was about to use an ATM when the whistling started. She said that she had already been pestered by New Zealand men and had had enough. She calmly stripped, used the ATM, put her clothes back on, and walked away.

Okay so correct me if I’m wrong but won’t that simply encourage men to whistle even more? Sigh…

That’s the news!

It’s today’s news with Kandy Korrespondent!

On Wednesday President Thabo Mbeki announced the deployment of the South African army in response to increasing xenophobic violence in Johannesburg and surrounding cities. Foreigners are fleeing their homes for mosques, churches, community centers, and police stations. According to witnesses, mobs are roaming the streets armed with clubs and bottles attacking foreign-owned businesses and homes. The BBC estimates that there are between three and five million foreigners currently residing in South Africa. Many are refugees from Zimbabwe.

In related news, according to the International Crisis Group there is a growing danger of a military coup within Zimbabwe. Moreover, the ICG doubts that current dictator Robert Mugabe will allow a genuinely free and fair election to occur since, according to recent polls, opposition candidate Morgan Tsvangirai seems sure to deliver a resounding defeat. The report calls for joint African mediation.

In Other News:

On Tuesday, Senator Edward Kennedy was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. The diagnosis follows Senator Kennedy’s hospitalization due to a seizure on Saturday. Fifty percent of those similarly diagnosed die within a year, the rest pass away within three years. This type of tumor is always fatal.

Check out the National Brain Tumor Foundation to join the fight against this most deadly form of cancer.

The Israeli and Syrian governments confirmed on Wednesday that they have begun indirect peace talks in Turkey with the hope of reaching a comprehensive accord. Syria wants to regain the Golan Heights territory that it lost to Israel during the Middle East war of 1967. Israel, on the other hand, wants to end Syria’s close alliance with Iran and their joint sponsorship of Hezbollah and Hamas.

Warring groups in Lebanon have reached a power sharing agreement bringing an end to the worst internal fighting since Lebanon’s 15- year civil war. Hezbollah and its allies secured the power of veto over any cabinet decision.

And Now For Something Completely Different…

A New Zealand man was arrested after trying to barter pot for some snacks at a gas station. The man had already begun to eat when he realized he didn’t have any money. He then offered the cashier 12g of marijuana and a pipe—not realizing that a cop was standing directly behind him in line.

See you tomorrow!

Yes, we all know the supposed heart-throbs of our generation: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, blah blah blah blah. But aren’t there girls out there who yearn for a pair of boys with adorable accents, mad guitar skills, and who are also downright hilarious? If you answered no to that question, you need a wake up call, and here it is.

These two rather adorable boys are called Flight of the Conchords, and last Sunday they won a Grammy for best comedy album for their debut effort, The Distant Future.

They are, in their own words, “New Zealand’s 4th most popular folk/comedy duo“, and their songs are wonderfully quirky and insanely funny. In addition, they star in probably what is the most original show on television, called, you guessed it: Flight of the Conchords.

They star as slightly fictionalized versions of themselves, a folk duo from New Zealand trying to make it big in New York City. What makes this show unique, however, is the duo’s tendency to randomly burst out into song…about completely random topics.

If you need to be further convinced, please take a moment to watch this clip from their HBO show. A little backstory for you-the duo are about to be mugged by some street thugs in New York City, and they decide to be completely intimidating (and adorable) by beginning a rap battle.

The Hiphopopotamus and The Rhymenoceros

So get yourself ready to see a lot more of the Conchords in 2008: their first full-length CD is coming out in April, and their show on HBO got renewed for a second season. To get caught up, check out the first season of their show on DVD. I promise you, you won’t regret it.

(Editor’s note: For an additional burst of hilarity, check out this oldie but goodie FOTC clip, “Most Beautiful Girl in the Room“. I like the part about “kababs”. Mostly because their accents allow them to rhyme “cab” with “kabob“)

* People in Vancouver are sexy, virtual dorks. (Leader-Post)

* Kentucky pulls off the greatest upset since Appalachain State. (Courier-Journal)

* Dunder Mifflin needs your help! (DunderMifflinInfinity.com)

* “Mr Husband heard about the knicker crisis from his parishioners, decided to practise what he preached and so organised the volunteer knicker-runs.” Woo! Free underwear! (News.com)

* A New York man attacks a neighbor’s inflatable Halloween display: she heard hollering and swearing and looked outside to see Odee struggling with the giant pumpkin. “He was enraged. I could see that,” she said. (Yahoo!)

Vegans in New Zealand, however, are taking it one step further: They won’t even DO IT with someone who eats meat. Apparently, the vegansexuals are all over the Kiwi continent.

I understand completely someone’s personal decision to remain meat free. I was a non-red meat eater for eight years myself. There are a lot of factors and personal vindications that come with being a vegan or vegetarian.

My old rule used to be that if I wouldn’t kill it with my own bare hands, then I wouldn’t eat it (because, yes, if I needed to I would kill a turkey with my own hands).

This totally went out the window when I realized how delicious beef, pork and lamb were. Which works out well now that I work at a Texas BBQ restaurant. Mmm, meat.

But, I digress.

The whole vegansexual trend reminds me of this really weird article I read a while ago about a man dating a woman that required him to wear a full body condom-like plastic suits to have sex. And he did it. And he described it. It was totally weird.

Doesn’t that cut the whole intimacy thing out of the equation? I mean, who wants to feel nothing but rubber or latex when you’re doing it. Wrapping up the man meat is enough for me.

Which leads me to my point about the vegansexuals. While they’re attracted to meat eaters, they don’t want to have sex with them because they believe a meat eater’s body is a wasteland of dead animal carcasses. They literally believe that you are what you eat. Because of this theory, one woman “really struggled” with the bodily fluids of carnivores. Interesting.

By cutting out meat eating sex partners, they’re kind of wrapping their sexual desires in a full body condom suit. Its just sex. Sure, it can get messy but it isn’t dirty. The vegansexuals, like the plastic suit lady, are making our bodies seem like nasty objects—unless they’re totally clean, wrapped in plastic and free of all animal by products, of course.