Where are the non-creepers?

As a woman in the prime of my single-dom, I am fixated on having fun, and – in the midst of my fun – wouldn’t mind finding Prince Charming. You know, funny, passionate, driven, cute.  The traditional barf-inducing list could go a mile long.  But lately, I have been noticing a recurring trend in the battlefield of love (aka local bar/library) and it has been happening to me a lot lately (insert sad face).

The scenario goes a little like this: guy approaches me at the bar, we make small talk, I calculate he is not my type.  The next thing I know, he is following me around the bar as if his goal in life is to creep my socks off, or fall madly in love with me.

And that’s the end of my story… and my interactions with the opposite sex.

When I eventually ditch the creeper and head home to scarf down some Domino’s (alone) while my girlfriends are off with their so-perfect-it-hurts boy toys, I am left wondering:

Why do all of the wrong guys like me?

I can’t count how many times I have (mistakenly) given out my number to someone who quickly turned out to be oh-so-wrong. Picture texts of men posing with their shirts off, suggestive texts begging me to send them pictures of myself, guys with girlfriends – I’ve seen it all.  And if it’s not a creep, it’s a nice guy. A too-nice guy who may be perfect for someone else, but not so right for me.

It is frustrating and leaves me wondering what I’m doing to attract the wrong dudes.  Do I have a post-it on my head that says “I want to see your lack of arm muscles in a Picture Text message later?”  God, I would like to think not.

Some people tell me that I’ll find my guy when I’m not looking. Others tell me I have to put myself out there. But no matter what I do, I still end up running away from some weirdo at the bar and coming home to an empty bed.

WTF, cupid?

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Don’t get me wrong, I love me some sexy time, especially early in the morning. But as much as I love to kickstart my day with a roll in the sack, there is nothing I heart more than a really good cuddle sesh. Totally girly, I know.

How can anyone not love it, though? Just laying around, feeling the adoration of your partner… It’s what sets the one night stand apart from the real I’m-totally-into-you relationship and, in my opinion, the most intimate act a couple can do.

Everyone knows that guys don’t feel the same way, though. If you’re not boinking, they want no part of it. But why is that? And how do we get our dudes to devote some quality time to being the big spoon? I asked and a dude answered. Here’s what he had to say:

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2009/06/10/he-saidshe-said-cuddle-time/feed/ 5 ccandystaff cuddling_intro cudding 1 cudding 2 cuddling 3 cuddling 4 cuddling 5 cuddling 6 cuddling 7 http://collegecandy.com/2009/05/11/im-torn-friends-or-more/ http://collegecandy.com/2009/05/11/im-torn-friends-or-more/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 17:00:52 +0000 Alana- Boston University http://collegecandy.com/?p=29360 ]]>

[Life isn’t black and white. As much as we wish we simply loved or hated things, there is often that whole annoying gray area in the middle. Like how we love the idea of a monokini, but we just don’t know if we can pull it off. Or how we love making money babysitting, but hate giving up a Saturday night. Damn you, gray area; you make decision-making that much more complicated!]

Guys, I have a problem. Like a really big problem. A few weeks ago, the most wonderful boy ever made his move and kissed me at a party. It was something I’d been waiting a year for. He’s sweet, kind, adorable and fun. Oh yeah, he also wants to be in a relationship. With me. Sounds perfect, right? Only problem- he’s my best friend.

Obviously, I like the kid – a lot – but I’m scared to potentially ruin things with the person I turn to for everything. I am utterly and completely torn.

Love It: I’ve known this guy for a little over a year. We started out as “just friends,” but it’s been escalating into something more for a while now. We get dinner together once a week and he ALWAYS picks me up at my dorm beforehand.  He’s the quintessential nice guy that every girl should date. He gets along with my girl friends, is easy to talk to and will occasionally watch chick flicks with me. We also have amazing chemistry. If that’s not perfect, I don’t know what is…

Loathe It: What if it doesn’t work out? I’ll lose the friendship of the most amazing boy I know. Plus, being with a nice guy makes me really uncomfortable. I look at him and think about my uncertainty about our future and think wow, I’m going to hurt this boy. A lot. He’s so sensitive and has been hurt a lot in the past; I can’t bring myself to hurt him again. Plus, I was really looking forward to being single this summer. I want to be able to go out with my girl friends and have fun. I’d love to casually date someone right now and not jump into anything serious, but that’s not really an option in this situation. We already know so much about each other, we don’t really need to date. Moving forward with this boy would be an insta-relationship. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t think I’m ready to make a commitment with someone I care about so much. But then again, if I don’t jump in, are things going to be ruined anyway?

So ladies, what should I do? Do I take a huge leap into a new relationship with an old friend, or keep our friendship the way it is? Help. I’m torn. Really, really torn.

Just like we are always wondering what guys are thinking (which usually consists of sex, sports, beer and sex), guys want to know what’s on our minds. What do we want? What do we like? What the hell do we mean when we curtly say “it’s fine” after they get all pissy when we hang out with our guy friends?

Contrary to popular belief, they care what we think. Not only because they want to please us, but because they want to woo us, lure us…and get us into their beds.So, we at CollegeCandy decided it was time to let guys know exactly what we like/hate/and dream about at night. So, vote, comment and pass this on to those boys in your life. And remember: unlike sex with most college men, this is all for you in the end.

When it comes to dating, do you find yourself drawn to the boys who play the games (and play ‘em well), making you chase them all over town? Or are you more into the straight up, honest, nice boys who call when they say they’re gonna call?

Just like we are always wondering what guys are thinking (which usually consists of sex, sports, beer and sex), guys want to know what’s on our minds. What do we want? What do we like? What the hell do we mean when we curtly say “it’s fine” after they push us to order the salad instead of the pasta?

Contrary to popular belief, they care what we think. Not only because they want to please us, but because they want to woo us, lure us…and get us into their beds.

So, we at CollegeCandy decided it was time to let guys know exactly what we like/hate/and dream about at night. So, vote, comment and pass this on to those boys in your life. And remember: unlike sex with most college men, this is all for you in the end.

When considering a boy-toy, which do you prefer: the sensitive guy who is in touch with his feelings, or the strong guy with the tough exterior?

[For more dating and relationship fun join the CollegeCandy Facebook group!] 

Nice guys think they finish last. Assholes think they finish first. As Dane Cook would put it, “What about the whole middle ground here where YOU’RE AN IDIOT!?“

There’s more to it than good guys and bad guys. I’m sick of hearing nice guys complain that so many of us girls choose to date jerks. Screw that. It’s just that the nice guys, the REALLY nice ones, are disguised. “Nice Guys” are the ones hovering over your desk at work, telling you:

“You know, I’M A NICE GUY, but you girls only like dirtballs.”

See? That “Nice Guy” thinks he’s one thing, but in actuality, he’s a creep. He is a lame, lame creep who hangs onto something he learned from his mother when he was young about being nice to ladies. He might always pay for meals and he might always make sure you get into your home safely after a date WITHOUT inviting himself in…but that’s not all that it takes to be a nice guy. For all I know, Mr. Self proclaimed “Nice Guy” is actually an axe murderer who likes to feel like he can save the day. You can’t fool me. I watch Dexter.

A genuinely nice guy doesn’t need to go around bragging about how he’s a nice guy. A genuinely nice guy demonstrates this through his actions and everyone around him, especially woman, can see right to his core. A genuinely nice guy can pick up on your tone when you had a weird day and need to talk about it. A genuinely nice guy won’t have sex with you if he doesn’t have time to hang out afterward (unless you’re totally all about it). A genuinely nice guy will find ways to show you that he supports you and cares about you without having to buy out advertising space on a highway sign for his creepy smiling face with a headline that reads: “Looking for a nice guy? Well! You found one!”

So yeah, that “Nice Guy”, that one who thinks he is entitled to all women out there…he is the worst kind of guy. Girls, if you’re looking for a good catch…you need to look up, down, and through every aspect of a guy’s life. And if he decides to pronounce to you that he is a “Nice Guy”…I would write him off immediately.

…Unless you prefer your compliments with a side of jerk.

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All differences aside (aren’t they what makes the world go around, anyway? Of course!), I believe those Nice Guy Vigilantes will have a hard time saying stuff about this recent CL Posting.

This post comes from a 63 year old M4W in Long Island. It’s titled “Little One“.

Are you creeped out yet? You should be.

“I am still disappointed that we couldn’t get it together last Fall.”

Really? Still disappointed? It’s Spring, dude. You’ve been feeling disappointed for 7 months about a liaison that happened last Fall? Let me flip through my Weird Stalker Dictionary and see if this…ah, yes! Right here. It says you should MOVE ON.

“Your behind could have been hot and red all this time.”

I’m assuming he means ass, but decided to go with behind because it sounds just that extra bit CREEPIER. I’m assuming he’s trying to sound like an old guy reprimanding a little girl. I’m assuming he’s totally into spanking. I’m assuming the sudden slight nauseous feeling in my stomach is directly related to reading this…

“Since everything seemed ok, how could we have made it work?”

Well, I’m no sex therapist, but did you ever think of calling her, instead of posting a random 3 sentence message on CL?! Things may have worked out better then. Also, props on getting all concerned and gentle after talking about wanting to spank her ass.

Look. Going all Old Man / Young Thang in your bedroom [as long as it's legal and not anything morally wrong] is essentially completely fine, but fretting over why the object of your butt obsession hasn’t contacted you since last fall on Missed Connections…well, that’s just plain STRANGE.

A few months ago, I went on two dates with a perfectly nice guy. There was nothing wrong with him. In fact, on paper, he was very much my type. But the sparks weren’t there and I just wasn’t very excited by him. So, when he called for a third date, I didn’t answer. He called again and I didn’t answer again. I picked up the phone several times to call him back, but then I just didn’t.

I went to my friends for help and they offered a variety of different opinions. Some of my friends said I should just call him and say my schedule suddenly got busy and I didn’t know when I would be free. Some said to call and be honest telling him I just wasn’t feeling it. And some claimed it was OK for me not to return his calls. “He’ll get the point,” they said. “And nobody has to be made uncomfortable.” Not one to make people uncomfortable, I took their advice and continued not calling him.

After attempting one more phone call to me, he got the point and didn’t call again. My life went on. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel like a bad person, but I try to remind myself that I saved us both a great deal of discomfort.

So what that I live in constant fear I could run into him at any point? I took the easy way out and it’s better for now. I’ll worry about seeing him when I see him.

Now excuse me while I hide behind this lamppost.