Paris buys a brothel…surprise surprise

Becks and Posh are leaving us…but they’re coming back! PROMISE!

Move over, Palin! Obama’s taking over Saturday night!

Zac + Johnny= hotttt pirates!

Janet’s not making ends meet?

Audrina in a dunk tank. ’nuff said.

Some candy for the men…Angelina’s boobies!

What is with the Hogan parents dating people that look like their children?!

Aunt Becky’s boobies are timeless…

Mistrial shmistrial – Brit Brit’s lookin gooood

We thought it was only appropriate, then, to honor these fallen celebrities. For without them we would never know the repercussions of driving drunk, grabbing the breast of an underage girl, or buying and selling drugs from the back of a limo. These celebrities have taken the fall so we don’t have to. It’s as if they are channeling Jesus and sacrificing themselves for our sins.

Ok, maybe not. But their mugshot pictures are pretty badass.

There is really nothing better than seeing an ultra glamorous superstar looking like a hot mess at the police station. Especially when that superstar is strung out on some really strong sh*t. So, we took it upon ourselves to pull our Top 10 Celebrity Mugshots together for your amusement. Scroll through, enjoy, and practice your voting skills for this year’s election by choosing your favorite to win the 2008 CollegeCandy Mugshot of the Year award. (There is really no prize, award ceremony, or thank-you speech, but we still want to know which hot tranny mess is your favorite.)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Which mugshot is your personal f-a-v?

Splenda may kill you, but it’s not as bad as the other stuff you’re using!

A how-to guide for sex in some very public places.

The 12 Types of Beer Pong Players.

Prada runway roadkill.

Funniest ad ever…or most offensive?

Melissa Joan Hart can’t even get on Dancing With The Stars? HAHA.

In case you were wondering: Martha Stewart’s thoughts on long weiners…

Mmmmm. Breast milk ice cream?

The Britney Spears comeback continues. Next up: sell the house.

Nick Hogan is gettin’ out of the clink early. Shocking!

Mama Spears always has something to say.

Please, please go away.

I’m not asking much. I’m just really tired, Hogans. I’m really, really tired of seeing your creepy mugs (and arms and abs…Linda, cover it up!) all over the place, doing and saying more ridic things by the minute.

So, like, two years ago, you were happily filming VH1′s Hogan Knows Best. You seemed like a normal enough family. Hell, that was the whole premise.

And then, It Began.

First there was the separation. Linda and Hulk, I thought you guys were forever! Well, frankly, I was sorry to hear it. I felt bad for you that things had gone awry.

Then Nick got in an accident. At the tender age of 17, he had his first precious DUI.  Not only that, but he managed to take out his best friend, putting him into a lifetime coma. It is a very sad story. However, Nick didn’t seem to feel bad for his friend at all. In fact, he has been too busy whining about jail and how awful it is. Yes, jail is horrible. That’s the idea. Don’t drive drunk and ruin your friend’s life.

But, look, he’s a kid. Not only that, he’s a celeb kid. I figured maybe he just needed a little tough love.

But then – THEN – Linda, you said you had it worse than the other boy’s mom! Your son is in jail for a few months, Lin. The other boy will never recover. I can’t even believe you thought it, no less said it out loud for all the world to hear.

And then (Hulk) some remarks were made about this situation making both Nick and the other boy better people! Honey. HONEY. THE OTHER BOY WILL NEVER RECOVER. And it’s not his fault Nick was driving a bajillion miles an hour with alcohol in his system. How is he benefiting from this situation at all?

In the meantime, Hulk finds himself applying sunscreen to his daughter’s private parts, all while dating little Brookey’s doppleganger, Jennifer McDaniel. Hulky! Why are you perving on your offspring?! Haven’t you got enough trouble?

And Linda is dating a 12-year-old. Okay, fine, he’s 19. But he also happens to be a former classmate of Brooke and Nick’s, just one grade below B and one above N.

And, yes, that’s gross, but Brooke! How can you speak out against your mom like that and then add a passive-aggressive assertion of support? Brooke, you haven’t done anything that wrong. You’re certainly the least offensive of the Hogan bunch right now, and, frankly, that scares me, because, you attempted to make it as a pop star.

In conclusion, you’re all terribly frightening and I wish you’d go away.

Also, please stop with the buffed out Aryan gig. We get it already.

Love and pleas for mercy,

Sara

[Photo courtesy of http://www.hilaryshepherd.com]

Clay Aiken is having a baby. With a women. Which is weird. Someone call Maury or direct these two to a Duane Reade.

Douchiest douche in the world

Nick Hogan, I hate you. Are you basically blaming your friend for his current vegetable status? Because he’s a negative person? That’s why he’ll never be able to feed himself again? Oh, and make sure Daddy sets you up a with a “real-ality” show the second that you’re out. DOUCHE.

Fashion

The Good

I’m loving SJP’s dress at the New York premiere of the “Sex and the City” movie .

The Bad

Is Kim Cattrall’s the worst look of the week? The dress has pockets, does something weird at the breasts, I hate the length and the shoes – ugh.

Hottie of the Week

John Mayer’s Penis. This is week old news you say? Nay, I say. A big penis never gets old.

Song of the Week

Again, it’s Lil Wayne Featuring Static Major “Lollipop”.

In news that’s totally not news, Ashlee Simpson is knocked up.

Kim Kardashian’s ass: is it real? Is it fake? Why is she famous again? Oh, right…

Pirates are nothing like Johnny Depp in real life

Politics

Obama is in fantastic health. Did you release this so that John McCain might indeed look like a ‘wal-mart greeter’ in everyone’s eyes?

George Clooney is single again. But he’s 47. And even if you find him attractive, you’re never gonna date him anyway. Sorry to be a buzz kill.

Well, Nick Hogan is saying otherwise.

What? He’s trying to tell us that jail is like…bad?!

According to a report in Page Six:

“‘Nick’s doing really bad. He’s struggling to even form a sentence,’ one friend said. ‘They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is until now.’”

So there you have it; jail sucks. Well, now I guess Nick will know for the next time he decides to race his Toyota Supra while drunk, leaving his friend in a permanent coma. And shouldn’t he be thrilled he’s in a cell by himself, isolated from the other inmates? I’d count myself lucky to be roommate-less and alone in jail. It could be so, so much worse.

Dude, your friend is in a coma forever because of YOU. You’re in jail for a measly 8 months and you have the nerve to complain about it? Maybe you should take this time to quietly meditate on what you did and stop acting like you’re too good for jail. You destroyed a life and in 8 months, you’ll have your own charmed one back.

I think you’re pretty damn lucky.

Have something to talk about to all those new Freshmen you’re meeting this week. (NASA)

100 years, 170,000 cigarettes and she’s never inhaled. I admire this woman’s dedication. And ignorance. (UK Daily Mail)

The Japanese make everything look cool! Even these God-awful things! Wow! (Ping Mag)

This is just like Office Space except kind of more legal. It makes me feel warm inside. (PoliticalGateway.com)

Don’t worry guys, Nick Hogan is going to be okay. I’m pretty sure the Hulkster had something to do with it… (BumpShack)

AmGlad is back?! This is the best news I’ve heard since I found out Nick Hogan is going to be okay! C’mon everyone, grab your NERF guns and meet me in the backyard! (Best Week Ever)