There is a reason why pro-football players aren’t actors. The same reason why actors aren’t pro-football players.

There is a reason we come into this nice, little world, with…gifts. And unless you’re some SUPER HUMAN FREAK, you don’t tend to have gifts that cross into a million different categories.

So when Vanessa Minnillo, used-to-be MTV VJ and super babe girlfriend to Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson’s former husband, announces she is making, “a film.“, I want to tell her to grab a microphone, bust out an ab-roller, do her hair, tell me what the number one video of the week is, and then-shut up.

I get that a job like VJing is, to most, a platform to a “greater success.” But when was the last time a VJ came out with an Oscar winning, or even bearable film that didn’t go straight to DVD? I don’t think ever? Or didn’t join some cheesy teen sitcom (One Tree Hill- Hilarie Burton)?

Come to think of it, its not just VJ’s who are overextending themselves, Hollywood in general is getting ridiculously greedy. Read More »

Welcome the first of many recap parties for VH1’s Rock of Love 2. I’d like to thank you for reading this because it means that on some level, you share a love (whether open or closeted) for craptacular television.

But let’s get started, shall we?

Episode one is almost aptly named ‘Back on the Horse.’ Certain gossip blogs were kind of enough to post pictures of the contestants before the show’s premiere. Neigh. Is that the sound that horses make? It’s been a long time since pre-school.

I must admit that I was pulling for Brett in the first season. Despite the fact that Poison sucked and that he at times looks like a transvestite when he removes the bandana, I thought among the strippers in the house he’d find one with a heart of gold. Well, he did, but I digress…

In the beginning of the episode, Brett pulls up to the mansion and his hair looks like it was made in the Mattel factory. The girls don’t notice how unnaturally long or synthetic it is and cheer upon his arrival. Read More »

Like nails scratching a chalkboard, I cannot stand PDA. Some call me cold. Some call me heartless. I call myself considerate of humankind.A peck on the cheek here and there, fine. You like each other. You’re having a lot of sex. I get it. But Lapdog Syndrome seems to be the STD plaguing my peers even more so than syphilis.

You know the symptoms: the girlfriend becomes a lifeless, glassy – eyed rag doll on the overprotective boyfriend’s lap. It’s more precious than erotic, but equally gag – inducing. It’s almost as bad as the patented crotch – grab. Read More »

If you’ve accidentally caught Paula Abdul’s new Bravo reality show Hey Paula, you know what a boring snoozefest it truly is. If you’ve spared yourself the misery, I can break the episodes down in one sentence: Paula acts weird, cries about people not understanding her, bitches about being tired, and claims she’s an amazing person.

Repeat that sentence fifty times and you’ve got yourself a series.

These days, if you’re a semi-famous celebrity, you’ve got a reality show. Careful editing and funny camera work makes you seem normal and almost endearing in front of a national audience, but as soon as the crews go home, you go back to being an almost nobody who has a big problem with something (which usually gets worse after a quick reboot of fame). Read More »

Uh oh.

Looks like Jessica’s new hair color wasn’t enough to convince John Mayer she was indie enough to be his girlfriend.

Everyone’s favorite gossip whore has just posted an exclusive clip about the break-up of one of the weirdest celebrity couples out there, J. Simpson and J. Mayer.

No clues as to why the relationship ended as of yet, but I mean, we can all guess, can’t we? Mayer, known for his musical talent as well as his thought-provoking lyrics and global awareness, and Simpson, known for her boobs, MTV reality series, and creepy, lecherous father, probably didn’t have much to talk about once they hopped out of bed. Read More »