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Look, I’m all about being an American, but if there’s one other place on this planet I’d want to live, it’s Australia. Not only is the country beautiful, but it’s given us KugelHopf, a Mary Kate and Ashley movie, Kangaroos and, of course, some very delicious eye candy.

And as today, January 26th, is Australia Day, it’s our duty to honor the land of Oz. But since we can’t hop on a plane, fly 24 hours and present the country with balloons and a cake, we’ll do the next best thing: ogle our favorite Aussies. And embarrass ourselves misusing Aussie slang.

G’day mates!

This week, the Golden Globes happened along with a lot of other fun stuff! Celebs got pissed, celebs got engaged, celebs broke up, and some celebs even had secret babies! All in all, a well-rounded week, I’d say.

Back To The Semester Parties

1. You’ll probably never see Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes again. Despite the fact that he did a hilarious job of hosting the Golden Globes, which would have been utterly dull without him, Ricky Gervais’s jokes are being slammed by the majority of Hollywood. Why? I guess because he made fun of both Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp within the first five minutes (I guess Hollywood royalty isn’t used to being picked on…), he trashed the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press, and according to some people, he just went ‘too far’ with the jokes he made about Robert Downey Jr., Bruce Willis, and Tom Cruise. There were tons of rumors that he was asked to never return – but apparently, Ricky has made that decision on his own. Can we pull the stick out of Hollywood’s Botox-injected butt, please?

2. Halle Berry is having baby daddy drama. She’s going into a custody battle with her ex, Gabriel Aubry, over their daughter Nahla. He wants to be officially declared the father, and wants joint custody of his daughter. Can’t really blame the guy, can you? Their break-up seemed pretty friendly, but let’s see what happens when the court gets involved.

3. Anne Hathaway had a great week – not only has it been announced that she’ll be making an appearance on Glee, but she was also cast as Catwoman in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises. I guess we’ll find out if Anne has the vocal ability to hold her own on Glee, and the body to pull off that catsuit. All that and the fact that she gets to host the Oscars with James Franco AND got to make out with Jake Gyllenhaal for a movie makes me kind of hate her… and want her life.

4. Kanye West is PISSED. Earlier this week, the rapper made a little joke on his Twitter about Britney Spears: “I’mma let you be #1, but me and Jay-Z single is one of the best songs of all time!” Britney’s manager replied with, “Thanks for letting us be #1. Much appreciated.” The whole thing was obviously a joke, with Kanye kind of making fun of himself. But the media blew the entire thing out of proportion (WHAT? I know, that never happens), and Kanye was not very happy about it. He wrote a little blog about it, saying “This sh*t takes the air out of my lungs sometimes from blogs to news reports… enough already!!” Amen, Kanye. AMEN.

5.  Nicole Kidman had a secret baby. Kind of. She and Keith Urban welcomed a daughter born through a surrogate mother. No one knew it was happening, so it was pretty random. Too bad this didn’t happen last week, when everyone in Hollywood decided to get pregnant.

Back To The Semester Studying

1. Regis Philbin is retiring. He’s leaving his long-standing post as the host of Live! With Regis and Kelly. Everyone is already wondering who will replace him… but no one seems to be too surprised. That dude is OLD.

2. The Coachella 2011 lineup was announced. If you live in California or near this area, just know that I am extremely jealous of you. Set to perform are Kanye West, Arcade Fire, Kings of Leon, Lauryn Hill, Interpol, Neon Trees, Jimmy Eat World, Duran Duran, and soooo many more. Tickets are almost $300 for the 3-day concert, but it’s also an amazing celeb-and-music filled event that everyone should experience. Like I said… jealous, from cold New York.

3. Jake Gyllenhaal was spotted with Camilla Belle, and the dating rumors immediately flooded the Internet. It WAS kind of a weird coincidence that right after he breaks up with Taylor Swift, he was spotted with her reported ‘enemy’. Oh man, I can’t wait to hear this song.

4. Don’t worry, ladies and guys – Pauly D is still single, as is January Jones. January Jones and her boyfriend, SNL star Jason Sudekis, broke up this week. Honestly, I had no idea they were dating (shameful for me to admit as a gossip blogger), but that sucks because she’s beautiful and he’s funny. And if you were hoping to run into Pauly D at a club and make out with him, you still can. He denied that he’s dating both Chloe Sevigny and Brittany Gastineau.

5. Two more Hollywood engagements: Jodie Sweetin, former Full House star, got engaged. Aw, Stephanie Tanner! But I can’t say I’m happy for these other two – Jesse James and Kat Von D. Ew. You deserve each other. (Sandra, you’re so much better).

Lately, it seems like celebrities are doing things in groups more than usual – one week it was engagements, the next week it was breaking up, and this week, it’s all about babies. Add in some relationship rumors and Britney making yet another comeback, and you’ve got a pretty good week for Hollywood.

A Snow Day Filled With Long Naps

1. Britney’s back, bitches! You didn’t expect her to be gone for long, did you? Britney released her amazing new single, ‘Hold It Against Me’ this week, and it immediately made it to the top of the iTunes charts AND broke radio records. It leaked on Monday afternoon, even though it was supposed to be released at midnight. I, for one, cannot wait for the music video. In more awesome Britney news, she’s rumored to be performing at the Grammys. Yet another reason to watch.

2. Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are both having babies at the same time. With different people, obviously. Kate announced her unplanned pregnancy with her boyfriend, Matt Bellamy from Muse. I’m guessing this means no A-Rod reunion any time soon. Owen announced he was going to be a father on Monday, Jan. 11, with his girlfriend Jade Buell. Do I hear wedding bells in the future for either of them?

3. Jewel and Tia Mowry AND Selma Blair are pregnant also.At least these two of those three are married, right? Jewel announced her pregnancy with her husband Ty Murray shortly after Owen Wilson did, and Tia Mowry followed close behind. She’s expecting her first child with her husband Cory Hardrict. Congrats and please, let’s not all give them weird names.

4. Justin Bieber and Zac Efron will be among the presenters at the Golden Globes. In an effort to ensure that every teenage girl in America will watch the Golden Globes, they made this announcement. I have to admit I’m pretty excited about it. The Biebs and Zac BOTH presenting? Even though Justin has absolutely nothing to do with movies (although I’m sure he’ll star in one soon enough), this is a pretty good marketing ploy.

5. Are Ryan Philippe and Amanda Seyfried dating? The latest relationship gossip went from Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams, to Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, and now to Ryan Phillippe and Amanda Seyfried. Any other single hot Ryan’s out there that need to be paired up with a cute actress? Anyway, the two have been spotted together looking adorable, and a source told People that “they’re really into each other”. They’d definitely have some cute blonde babies, that’s for sure.

A Snow Day Spent Catching Up On Work

1. You HAVE to watch these hilarious Golden Globe spoofs. Popeater.com put together this amazing list of spoofs of the best movies from 2010. These spoofs are actually hysterical, more so if you’ve seen the movie, obviously. They’ve got Inception, The Social Network, Black Swan, The Fighter, The Town, and Toy Story 3. Ladies, keep yourselves entertained and ready for the Golden Globes.

2. Nicole Kidman admits to using Botox. Well, I mean… obviously.

3. Blake Lively is kind of the luckiest girl ever. She dated Penn Badgley, is pretty much Karl Lagerfeld’s muse, and has been romantically linked to Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Adrian Grenier and now… Leonardo DiCaprio. The two were spotted together at a party and the rumors began. Life is just not fair sometimes.

4. A.J. McLean is going back to rehab. He didn’t give any reasons for checking himself back into rehab, but he’s been there twice already for substance abuse and drinking. Aw, A.J…..

5. Pretty Little Liars was picked up for a second season. If you’re not watching this show, please start. It’s kind of awesome.

When you think about it (and maybe after 3 cups of coffee, two red bulls and a bowl of cocoa puffs you’d draw this connection too) Hollywood is kind of like a continuation of high school. All the pretty girls get to hang out together and the weird girls get thrown out of the slumber party just because they brought their stuffed elephant named Sammie. Oh and the whole gossip, secrets, lies, and rumors stuff thrives in Hollywood, just like it did in the high school halls.

Hollywood is full of secrets…and publicists who get paid the big bucks to slowly leak those secrets to US weekly, OK, and Lifestyle. But sometimes, we find a celebrity, who for some reason doesn’t want the public to know about a deep dark secret. Then one day they wake up and decide they want to share their secret with the world, preferably on the cover of People, but they’re willing to accept any major tabloid. But most of the time, it seems that these big shocking secrets aren’t all that shocking. In fact they probably would’ve been better off leaking them before every other blogger on the internet posted something about it.

Need some proof that celebrity’s have no real secrets?  Just click on anyone below to start believing.

It’s the perfect day for some online shopping.

Nicole Kidman needs a new makeup artist.

Soothe that dry skin this winter.

Melissa Rycroft has her happily ever after.

7 party perfect nail polishes.

OMG. This story scares me.

Of course, before we got to meet the new designers in the main event, we had a little taste of some of our favorite designers from previous seasons in the Project Runway All-Star Challenge. I was more than happy to spend two hours with Chris March, Santino Rice, Daniel Vosovic, among others, but after seeing the snooze-fest of a cast that is season six, I wish I hadn’t been teased with such greatness.

Yeah, I said it. I think this season’s cast is bo-to-the-ring. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

The All-Star challenge was star studded (Nicole Kidman, what?!), suspenseful (“Project Runway on steroids,” according to Uli), and fun to watch (except for Jeffrey’s new ‘stache – what the eff was up with that?). And it had a fantastic ending for my favorite designer in PR history, which I won’t share here in case some of you missed it. (It was Daniel! Sorry, I can’t keep it to myself. I just love him so much and he should have one the first time around!!)

Once King Daniel was crowned, it was time for the real deal: the Project Runway Season 6 premiere. I ran to the bathroom quickly (turning the TV up loud enough so I wouldn’t miss a moment), then grabbed a snack and settled in for amazingness.

And I waited.
And waited.

Yup. A full 60 mins went by and I got nothing. Sure, some of the new designers proved they had the talent to be on the show, and some of them brought the weird, but did any of them have a Christian/Santino/Jay McCaroll personality? One word: nopers.

Granted, I did enjoy watching the challenge. In fact, I was quite relieved when I heard it was to design an outfit that showcased who these people were as designers and innovators, because in the past the crazy-weird challenges sometimes led to early dismissals of people that could’ve stayed longer. This was an open challenge and really let us see what each of these designers were about. And what did we learn?

Apparently Johnny is all about crying.
Ari is all about being a super-freak.
And Mitchell is all about showing off his model’s lady parts.

And who got to judge all this madness coming down the runway? None other than Lindsay Freaking Lohan. As in repeat-rehab, fire-crotch, tanorexic Lohan. I couldn’t believe it! Lindsay Lohan…was working! And she looked good! And she spoke eloquently! And I seriously had issues wrapping my mind around the fact that this girl – the queen of the crotch shot – was judging other people’s designs. But she did a great job and gave some pretty good feedback.

Even to freakaleak, Ari.

For a moment I thought she was going to love that spacey soccer ball design because:
1) It’s super short, which is perfect for vajayjay flashing, and
2) Ari looks JUST. LIKE. SAMANTHA RONSON. Did anyone else see that? OMG, it was eery.

Anyways, Christopher ended up winning the challenge because of his cute black ruffle dress (which was one of the only memorable ones, right?), but I also LOVED Ra’mon’s (love his name too) navy asymmetrical gown. It just screamed Red Carpet.

And while I’m sad the biggest freak of all got sent home (seriously, that girl wanted to make clothes that could turn into tents with water filtration systems??), I’m not sure I could handle her spandex onesies for another episode. Auf….er…See ya later, Ari!

This past Monday, season five of Weeds premiered on Showtime and reminded me of one of my biggest girl crushes – Mary-Louise Parker – who plays the sassy, snappy California soccer mom turned rebellious drug-dealer on the television mega-hit. Beautiful, talented and unafraid to show off her stuff (Parker posed nude in advertisements for the third season in 2007 and appeared naked in a bathtub in the season 4 finale… not bad for 46 years old!), Mary-Louise has come a long way from her hometown of Fort Jackson, South Carolina.

In addition to earning acclaim as Nancy Botwin, Weeds’s pot-pushing, Mexican-border-hopping protagonist, Parker has demonstrated that she is well suited for the stage. In 2001, she won a Tony award for her Broadway performance in Proof (which was then turned into a movie and snatched up by Gwyneth Paltrow), and she received both a Golden Globe and an Emmy for her work in the HBO miniseries Angels in America. MLP added to her Emmy tally, and added a Screen Actors Guild Award to her resume, for her guest performances on seasons three through seven of the political drama, The West Wing.

In 1996, Parker met and began dating heartthrob actor Billy Crudup, who ended the relationship while Parker was seven months pregnant with their son in 2004. He started dating Clare Danes immediately after the breakup, although he maintains that his decision to dump Parker on her pregnant booty had nothing to do with the beautiful blonde actress. Tom Brady, anyone? Since then, Parker has dated Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz, actor-director Timothy Hutton, and Weeds co-star Jeffrey Dean Morgan, to whom she was engaged for a few months in 2008.

Mary-Louise Parker will continue to give hope to horny little potheads (and, um, normal 21-year-olds like myself) through 2010, as Weeds is confirmed to run through then. Perhaps she’ll help lead the efforts to legalize the happy green plant in the US?

“I’m really in favor of legalizing marijuana,” she said after accepting her Golden Globe in 2006. “I don’t think it’s that controversial.”

I was born with a skin-tone that falls somewhere between “fresh milk” and “blank paper.” I’ve heard every “where are the Seven Dwarves?” and “Ah! You’re blinding me!” joke in existence, replacing my joyful anticipation of summer with an ominous dread. As girls with non-glow-in-the-dark skin flounce down the street in their shorts and minis, my legs have been relegated to hot, dark jeans.

In years past, in order to reach the deep, savage “normal-people” color I have so longed for, I have resorted to the religious application of self-tanners, which, while making me darker, have also made me smellier. And we all know nothing is more appealing to a man than a girl who smells like chemicals and has weird, orange-streaked sheets. And to top it all off, after my daily self-tanning regimen, there would almost inevitably come the cruel mockery of the phrase “you’re so light!”

Sigh.

And so, after too many self-conscious summers, with my shorts (and skin) hidden away, I have decided to forget my regimens, leave the jeans at home and embrace the light. That’s right, I’m pale, so suck it! White is in this season!

Sisters of the Pale Force, let us unite! Forget about smelly self-tanners and tedious bronzers; slap on some sun screen and go. Go out in your shorts, your skirts, your tank tops and bikinis! Stop risking your health, your money and your time trying to be something that you’re not. Fair skin is beautiful and we should embrace it, not hide it! After all, in 20 years all those perfectly bronzed girls will be getting Botox and we’ll be getting the younger men!

I don’t know who decided that tan is beautiful; clearly they had never seen Dita Von Teese’s porcelain skin. Or Nicole Kidman’s. Summer ’09 is the season of pale, so bring. it. on.

And to anyone who has a problem seeing past our legs: put on your sunglasses, that’s what they’re for.