What is my favorite thing about both my roommates going out of town for the weekend? Being naked. Nothing feels better. Oh, I want a glass of water? No, I won’t put on pants for that. Don’t get me wrong, I like fashion as much as the next girl, but my days and nights would be so much easier if I never had to think about clothing again. I don’t like the time (and sometimes the agony) it takes to plan out an outfit, I don’t like that my bra always shifts to the right, and I HATE when I get a wedgie. Living in New York City means never having an opportunity to inconspicuously pull out a wedgie. It’s a real problem. If I could, I’d go commando in nothing but a sundress all the time. I’m not saying to be irresponsible about it! There are a great number of things you can’t do when you’re going fancy free in a dress or skirt–things that would be painful and shameful. Don’t worry, I made you a list. Do not partake in the following activities, and you can enjoy a easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl day in the sun.

initiating the gallery...

I don’t know about you, but if I were Taylor Momsen and I was about to appear on TV (yes, even It’s On With Alexa Chung), I’d probably change out of my one-night-stand’s military button-down before I went on air. That is, if it were appropriate for my 16-year-old self to be putting out in the first place.

But not dear Taylor. Our favorite-turned-most-annoying Gossip Girl star showed up to the MTV studios looking like this. Naturally, I have many questions for this good-girl-gone-whore:

1. Did you honestly wake up, get dressed, look in the mirror and say “Yes. This looks good.”
2. How did you justify this look: It’s OK if your shirt doesn’t cover your vagina since your sunglasses/hair cover half of your face?
3. If Miley can’t dance on a stripper pole, do you think you can walk around Manhattan looking like you just had wild sex?  The walk of shame does not become you, Taylor.
4. What do you have against pants?
5. From where does your fashion inspiration come? Ashley Olsen-meets-Lady Gaga?
6. Good call covering your nips with that fur collar. It gets cold strutting around NY in the fall half naked. (Yeah, that was a statement and not a question, but that really was a good idea on her part.)
7. What look were you going for with this? Homeless girl sells pants in order to purchase a Starbucks coffee to warm her half-dressed body?
8. How much do you charge for a quickie?
9. Uh, aren’t you in middle school?
10. Seriously?

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Time for roommate confessions… and you thought you had it bad.

The other night my mom called me to ask about some singer (“GooGoo? FaFa?”) that was performing on TV with “panty hose on OVER her thong! I could see her butt!” I kindly explained to my mother that her name is Lady Gaga (“Mother, it’s Gaga. GAGA!!”) and that maybe that was just a costume for that particular performance.

But then I went online to avoid listening to my boring Physics lecture to check out some of Lady Gaga’s jams and realized that this girl really hates wearing pants. I mean, she never wears them. Not just for performances – never. Not on the streets, not at parties… ne-ver. It’s like that bad Britney phase.

I mean, the girl has killer legs, but this is a little O.O.C. (Out of control, people; keep up!) She’s getting dangerously close to camel-toe land. I swear, “Just Dance” should be called “Just (Take Off Your Pants and) Dance,” or “Just Dance With Your Goodies Hanging Out.” Although those wouldn’t have quite the same ring.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself: Read More »