Well, if you remember correctly, I was fed up with my smoking-only-when-drinking rule, so last week I went cold turkey. It went decently for a few days, until I craved and had one during a SERIOUSLY stressful day at l’office. I have had a few here and there, but I must say, the thrill and sensation of lighting up a smoke and taking that first drag is gone for me.

Now, I just have to get my brain to agree with the rest of my body.

I have come to hate the smell and, almost equally, hate the taste. When my non-smoker co-workers won’t come near me because I reek of smoke, it makes me feel a little embarrassed, so I have been working on not smoking at all. I’m a human and have a weak moment here or there, but, for the most part I am doing much better.

The thing is, I really want to quit. I know it’s a horrendous and dirty habit, not to mention completely unhealthy. That said, there’s still a small part of me that needs that smoke when I’m stressed or upset, which – granted – is not very often, but still makes me want that smoke when I need it. I need to find another outlet as a way to deal with my stressful situations that arise from time to time.

So far, I am less than pleased with my progress, but hey, it could be worse. This week I am focusing on trying to bite my cravings with gum or something else to stop my smoke craving. This morning I smoked one and was so grossed out I vowed to not smoke anymore the rest of the day. I know for all you non-smokers out there, it may seem odd that I just can’t quit even though I say I want to, but it’s more strenuous than it seems to be. When you’re body is used to something, cutting it out right away is hard to do.

So, I know I’ve been gone for a little bit, but that doesn’t mean I have given up on my quest to quit smoking.

It just means that I have been really busy/stressed/having a harder time reaching my goal.

I was doing pretty well there for awhile (I even had a few cigarette free days!), but between Thanksgiving (and the ever infamous Night Before Thanksgiving), school stress and that nagging in the back of my head to “just have one,” this whole quitting thing has proven more difficult than I thought.

I have gotten a bit better with the drinking thing, though. I took some of your advice and have forced my friends to police me when I am at the bar. Yes, I may have snuck away for a cigarette or two one night, but that is still a hell of a lot better than the half a pack I used to suck down on a given night.

As I said before, going to the bar is the hardest part of this journey, but I can’t give that up. I need to set a goal that is realistic and saying I am not going to drink is just not true. My goal for this week is twofold:

1. No more smoking unless I am drinking. You may think that is a BS goal, but I need to cut things out one at a time. And let me tell you; not taking a smoke break during exam time is going to be hard.

2. When I am drinking, I am going to limit my cigarettes to one. One and only one. I tend to smoke a lot at the bar because I can, but I don’t necessarily always want or need that many. If I can cut down to one, I can definitely cut down to zero.

We’ll see how that goes.