You make me wanna throw my pager out the window, tell MCI to cut the phone calls. Break my lease so I can move ‘cause you a bug a boo, a bug a boo.

Leave it to my honorary auntie Bey to break my life down perfectly! I decided to reactivate my dating profile last month out of 75 percent boredom, 25 percent desperation. And I’ve already experienced 100 percent failure. With helpful tips from an anonymous (and awesome) editor, I declared that I wouldn’t take everything so seriously this time. It’s just dating! Every guy I reach out to won’t write back and every guy that talks to me won’t be Michael Ealy. You win some and lose…umm, most.

On New Year’s Eve, I got a message from a 6’1 self-proclaimed local “rapper.” He wasn’t my usual type, but whatevs. I’m down for almost anything at this point. He could read and write and knew how to upload pictures – sadly, that was good enough for me. Read More »

Hablar con la mano, bro.

Have you ever been at the receiving end of some romantic advances you just weren’t that into?  Did you try to throw out subtle clues that “short and middle-aged with two kids and alimony payments” wasn’t your type?  Did this dude just not quite get it?

Well, a new study has found that men deemed as having “aggressive” pickup tactics just don’t always receive the not-interested memo as quickly as their more in-tune counterparts.  Fear not, gals, for I’m thinking you need to up the ante and throw out the most obvious “NO!” you can conjure.

Short of shouting in his face, here are a few tricks that shouldn’t fail you (and shouldn’t fail to give your onlooking friends a laugh).

Stop Him Mid-Sentence and Break Out the Faux Sign Language
Unless he volunteers with deaf children on the weekends, he’ll have no idea what’s going on and not want to find out.  Think this is an incredibly insensitive and inappropriate move?  Well think about how incredibly insensitive and inappropriate it’ll be when broseph decided to slip his hand down the back of your jeans.  You’ll be glad you whipped out the big (finger) guns.

Refuse the Drink He Just Bought You
Sometimes you’ve got to play the bitch in order to escape.  So you told him “No, thanks” when he offered to refresh your gin and tonic.  But he ordered it anyway.  Then you said “No, thanks” when he slid the new drink your way.  But he still placed it in front of you.  Don’t drink it and look in the opposite direction.  911 eye signals to your best buds should bring in the reinforcements, leaving you with a new circle to talk to. Read More »

One of my biggest pet peeves with the male population is when a guy doesn’t call back. Yes, I know that I should take a hint from He’s Just Not That Into You and know that no call = no interest, but it still makes me mad.

If a guy says he’s gonna call, then he should call. And if he’s not interested, then he should just suck it up, be a man, and tell me. I’m an adult – I can handle it. I who would rather have a definitive answer than be left wondering.

And wonder I do.

I can’t help it. As much as I know in my head that guys would call if they are interested, my heart takes control of the situation and I am left laying by the phone, willing it to ring. Or running to it every time it does in hopes that said boy has finally mustered up the courage to give me a buzz, only to be left disappointed when it’s my mother…again…calling to ask me what I thought of American Idol.

And then the tables turned.

I met a boy at the bar and in my booze-y haze I thought he was charming, cute and hilarious. We talked the whole night, went home together and had some fun in his living room. Why we couldn’t wait to take it to the bedroom I’ll never know, but I learned a valuable lesson that night about sex on a leather couch: don’t have it.

But I digress. The point is, after spending some time with him in the morning I realized that he was none of the things I was attracted to the night before. I just wasn’t that into him. Read More »