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Friday Faves: Confessions of an Online Dater

CC Staff — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 16:00:19 +0000

I, Courtney, am an online dater. Many of you probably find this weird considering I’m in college, a place filled with more available men than a single woman could ever dream of, but I’m finding it’s more common than you think. The truth is, people just don’t want to admit it.

I first joined OKCupid (yes, that is the name) when I was 16. I had no intentions of dating anyone from the site, I just loved getting messages saying how pretty I was. And throughout high school that was basically what I used it for. I never really found anyone attractive at my high school, or even remotely tolerable, so online dating seemed like a good idea. At least for the confidence boost.

I didn’t rejoin the circuit until sophomore year of college when my friend found a site called Plenty of Fish (we obviously joined it just for the name). My headline for my profile was “I’ma hook, line and sink ya!” Again, I really didn’t have any interest in dating someone online; it was more of a procrastination tool than anything else. (There are a lot of hilarious weirdos out there!)Besides, I was more interested in a boy from one of my classes.

When 2010 hit, though, I started to actually take online dating seriously. I set up a real profile, responded to guys’ flirtatious emails and started going on dates. I became an online dater and while it hasn’t panned out into anything serious yet, I am glad i did.

I’ve always been really busy and haven’t had time to casually wait for some guy to sweep me off my feet. Online dating sites make the sorting process one has to do at a bar easier. And who wants to date someone they met at a bar anyway? With online dating you get to view your potential suitor’s height (always least an inch less than what they say), decent pictures, and (my biggest thing) you can see how they write. Do they know how to use “there, their, and they’re” correctly? Do they use “Z’s” instead of “S’s” or, my least favorite, are they too lazy to spell things out fully (“I lyke 2 go 2 the bar, u do 2?”)

Plus, I was tired of being set up by friends; how many more blind “dates” can someone handle? (And by “dates” I mean meeting up at a party and having him grab a beer from the keg for me.) It’s not like I have a problem meeting people – I’m surprisingly nice and friendly – I just have a problem meeting the right people. You know, the single good looking guys that find my dry humor charming. I also tend to take on the role of the girl friend (not girlfriend) with most of the guys I meet, meaning no chance for romance.

And that is where the Internet came to my aid. I’ve gone on 15 dates with 15 different guys since September. I’ve met a lot of great guys, had a lot of great (free!) meals and even broadened my music collection, thanks to suggestions made by different people from the site. And along with finding potential romantic matches, I’ve also made some decent friends.

So why are people being so secretive about this? It’s a lot of fun to meet people I never would have, but online dating isn’t for everyone. Just like not everyone is lucky to bump into a random person and form a romantic connection with them. But you shouldn’t judge before you join; it is not as weird as movies like Because I Said So make it out to be. Many people are on these sites because they miss being in a relationship but don’t have time or don’t know how to meet people randomly. Or they’re new to town. Or they too are over trying to find love over SoCo lime shots at the campus bar.

AND…isn’t online dating what any girl would want? It’s like online shopping, except there are really cute guys involved and you don’t have to pay for anything. You’ve literally got nothing to lose (either people will message you or they won’t) but a whole lot to gain; online dating has made me more assertive, given me better self-confidence and allowed me to truly flush out what it is I’m looking for.

So my advice? Don’t judge before you join. You never know who else could be out there, and online dating is a great way of testing the waters.

What do you think? Will you join?

[This story was originally posted by Courtney - Bridgewater State University]

Sex in the News: How do you want it?

Ashley - University of Michigan — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 20:30:20 +0000

After months of sexting dirty messages and shamelessly flirting together in the club, the night has finally come. You have put in the effort, worn the sexiest outfits and now it’s time for some no-strings-attached, get down to it, good ole fashion SEX.

Now the question is, how do you prepare for the big night? Should you fill the room with lavender scented candles and smooth jazz or take out the handcuffs, the whip and the slutty dominatrix outfit? What is your date going to want out of the night: raunchy ankles-behind-your-head sex or to partake in the sweet and sensual act of making love?

According to OkCupid, a start-up dating site complete with in depth statistical analysis, it is rather easy to figure it out. Certain words found within online personalities (Facebook, blogs, about.me profiles) can indicate whether your date likes it rough or wants it gentle. These words can help you plan better for the big night.

Women:

Prominent words suggesting rough sex:

-Damn -Nerdy

-Obsessed -Bored

-Shit -Opinionated

-Piercing -Internet

-Undergrad -Grammar

-Religion -Tattoos

-Grammar -Smoke

Women:

Prominent words suggesting gentle sex:

-England -Faith

-Dining -Sincere

-Church -Old-fashioned

-Gardening -Touch

-Crafts -Boating

-Volunteer -Cuddling

-Sensitive -Optimist

Men:

Prominent words suggesting rough sex:

-Ridiculous -Poetry

-Cynical -PhD

-Punk -Lame

-Tattoo -Asshole

-Graduating -Eccentric

-Atheist -Anime

-Comics -Bored

Men:

Prominent words suggesting gentle sex:

-Challenges -Creativity

-Boating -Television

-Regularly -Evening

-Limited -Western

-Missing -Cycling

-Sincere -Parks

-Faithful -Communication

Well there you have it. The ultimate list of words correlated with sexual preference. Now let me just cover my ass by saying that it is important to only use these lists as guidelines and to always act within your partner’s personal comfort zone. Nothing is clearer than a live personal statement of preference. And whether your date prefers the missionary position or the “face off’ (yeah look that one up), just make sure to enjoy the ride, literally.

Glamour Says The Darndest Things: September Edition

Jasmine - Northern Arizona University — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:00:45 +0000

I’m obsessed with everything about Rihanna’s look on this month’s cover of Glamour. Her bright and bold red hair, her sexy halter top, those sequin pants, her gorgeous smile…one of the best covers in recent memory, for sure. As this is the September issue, the mag is about three times heavier than usual, which means there are three times as many ads to dig through to get to the actual content. That said, I did want nearly every piece of makeup and clothing featured, so I can’t really hate too hard this time around. That made up for the questionable articles in the issue.

The number one thing a guy wants in bed? Is a blowjob. Really? I am shocked and awed. I had no idea guys liked getting head. So disappointing, I thought they’d at least take page out of Cosmo’s book and talk about doggy style or anal. There was a horrifying article about Female Genital Cosmetic Surgery, which is just as depressing as it sounds. G-spot collagen, vagina tightening and labia nip/tucks, among other procedures, were outlined. Because women really need another part of our bodies to be discontent with.

Moving on to more light-hearted territory, Glamour interviewed an OkCupid employee, who shared how you can find out sensitive information on a first date in really roundabout ways.

Glamour says: “If you want to know if he usually sleeps with someone on the first date, ask him if he likes beer. Beer lovers are 60 percent more likely to be into first date sex.”

Jasmine says: Duh, it’s not like anyone goes to frat parties for the stimulating conversations.

Glamour says: “If you want to know how smart he is, ask if he has a TV in his room. Men who don’t have a TV are 75 percent more likely to be intellectually sound.”

Jasmine says: I can’t fault a man who has a TV in his room because I love falling asleep to the sound of the Kardashians on E! And who knows, maybe he only watches TV for C-Span and the History Channel.

Glamour says: “If you want to know who he voted for in the last presidential election, ask if he prefers simplicity or complexity? Simplicity indicates conservatism and complexity indicates liberalism.”

Jasmine says: I don’t know, I’ve definitely spent more brain power trying to determine why we even know who Sarah Palin is than I have trying to decipher any of Obama’s policy decisions.

Glamour says: “If you want to know if he wants kids, ask him if he leaves a movie before the credits are finished.”

Jasmine says: If he’s anything like me and has a tendency to order a drink larger than his head at movie theaters, maybe you shouldn’t read too much into his answer.

Confessions of an Online Dater

Courtney - Bridgewater State University — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 22:00:24 +0000

So my advice? Don’t judge before you join. You never know who else could be out there, and online dating is a great way of testing the waters.

What do you think? Will you join?

Redheads Love Threesomes and Other Fun Facts About Sex…

Lauren - University of Michigan — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:23:26 +0000

OKCupid.com, an online dating site, recently surveyed a bunch of college kids to find out what everyone loves, hates, and does behind closed doors (or in corners) in college.

Their findings, highlighted on BettyConfidential.com, are surprising and hilarious. Here’s what you, college ladies, had to say:

Did you know that vegetarians enjoy giving oral sex 2.5 times more than carnivores do? (Dramatic pause as you snap a carrot from the crudites platter.)

Redheads are eight percent more likely to participate in a menage a trois than college students with other hair hues. Also, 24 percent of redheads have taken naked photos or posted sexy videos of themselves online. (Lucille Ball would be so proud.)

Lest you think carrotheads are the only kinky kids out there, nearly 60 percent of college students have participated in a one-night stand. And 41 percent have had sex while someone else is in the room. Sounds more risqué than it is, when you calculate the inevitable roommate factor. Ah, dormmates, the mother of exhibitionism.

Next time a friend or offspring announces her longing for a tattoo, throw some tat stats in her face. According to the study, students with tattoos are twice as likely to have STDs and take pregnancy tests than their tat-free counterparts. They may also be destined to a lifetime of boring sex, as tattooed folks prefer the missionary 2-to-1 to the cowgirl position.

Do you agree with these findings? And don’t you think it’s weird that people who don’t eat meat like to…well, you know.

Am I Crazy for Trying Crazy Blind Date?

Jess T. - Columbia University — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:30:39 +0000

More and more people are looking for love online these days and I’ll admit, I’m one of them. I honestly don’t know where else to find a date besides the typical bar/club scene, which seems much more conducive to finding a one night stand than finding love. I don’t work in an environment where I meet eligible bachelors, I pretty much know my friends’ friends so getting set up isn’t really an option. So where else do you look? People tell me I should do something I enjoy; a cooking class, hanging out in Barnes & Noble, join some sort of sports league and I’ll meet a guy who shares similar interests with me, but as social as I am, I’m not one to go to a cooking class alone, and I have yet to meet a guy in B&N. So that leaves me with the internet.

Sure, it’s scary and I’ve had my fair share of weirdos or guys who were several inches shorter than what they claimed, or sent pictures from when they were 10 years and 50 pounds lighter, but I’ve also been taken on some pretty amazing dates and met some really cool guys, some of whom I’ve remained friends with. Obviously, my prince hasn’t come along, but maybe the timing just hasn’t been right. I’ve tried a lot of the sites out there; match.com, Plenty of Fish, okcupid, Craig’s List, eHarmony and even Jdate (yes, I’m a shiksa who likes Jewish boys). Thus far, I’ve had the best luck on Craig’s List and the worst luck with match and eHarmony (the one that claims it’ll help you find your soulmate), but as I’m still single, I haven’t had the luck I’m really looking for, so I decided to try out a new site, it’s called crazyblinddate.com, and yes, it’s crazy.

Crazyblinddate.com is run by the same people who run okcupid and it works like this: You go onto their site and click which city you live in (so far they only cover Austin, Boston, Chicago, LA, NYC, and San Francisco), then you choose if you’d rather go on a single or a double date. They inform you that you will be set up on a date at either a bar or a coffee shop (your choice), but you won’t see a picture of them or have any communication with them before your date…can you say, yikes?!?

At this point, you create a profile. Your profile consists of the basics; first name, date of birth, gender, sexual orientation, height, body type, ethnicity, religion, and education level. After that they go into more in-depth questions; “You’ll know because I look like…”, “Things I’m good at talking about…”, “What I expect of a date…” and “Before we go on a date you should know…”. After you answer these, they ask you another series of questions, which they inform you your date will never see (why ask then?). Basically they’re questions about how picky you are when it comes to intelligence, attractiveness and how far you’re willing to go if a date goes well. After that, it’s time to upload your picture. Once you’ve got your profile done and have confirmed your e-mail address, you’re set.

You tell them when you’re available for a date (they’re usually pretty last minute, like that day or the next, though you can go for something further in advance) and you answer some questions about what your preferences are for location/area of the city and your date (ethnicity, height, education level, etc.). This is where I start noticing glitches.

They tell you that your date should not be too far away, but when I click in neighborhoods reasonably close to me, I am told that I need to broaden my horizons for a better chance at getting a date, didn’t they just tell me to keep the date in my ‘hood? Once I add a few more neighborhoods, they tell me I’m being too picky in my preferences and that I’m more likely to get a date if I’m more open-minded. Okay, seriously, I have height and educational preferences, I can’t help it. I’m sorry that I don’t wanna get set up on a date with a 5’6” high school drop out, but I know right off the bat it’s not gonna go well. So I keep my preferences the way they are and hope that they can scrounge up someone for me.

So far, I’ve been offered three dates; they both e-mail and text you when they have a potential date and you have to check them out and see if you want to accept. What you get to check out is a blurred picture of the person, and all the info from their profile. I must admit, reading these guys’ descriptions, I wonder how in God’s name I’ll recognize them in a bar (unless they’re the only brown haired, brown eyed, athletic guy at the bar). I haven’t accepted any of the dates, two of them didn’t work for my schedule and one of them I just got a sense wasn’t going to be a good match for me. So today I log on to see what they have brewing and I’m told that they “almost have a date” for me and there are 29 people they can match me with if I’m a little less picky. They suggest changing my required maximum age and minimum education level. Again, I don’t want a 42 year old who flunked out of college, sorry.

So now I continue to play the waiting game to see if they find a date I feel is worthy of my time and energy to see if it’s possible to find someone you click with if you’ve never had any contact with them or even know what they look like. The saga will continue once I find a date, so stayed tuned kids, things could get interesting…

My Online Dating Disaster: Prince Charming the Stalker

Carly - Grinnell — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 21:35:27 +0000

He didn’t look like a stalker. He looked like a nice, well-mannered twentysomething with a fashion sense that lurched toward the emo.

He didn’t sound like a stalker, either. He sounded nice, and friendly, and totally easygoing.

But even as I walked into the coffee shop and saw the sleek blond hair, the stylish hipster belt, and the anti-used-car-salesman smile of a nice-looking 23-year-old, there was still a little part of me that feared I was meeting with a middle-aged alcoholic in (a really good) disguise.

He was polite, funny, interesting, and sweet. He knew that the idea of dating someone I had met online scared me, so he did everything he could think of to make me feel more at ease. He opened car doors for me, he knew how to cook, he wasn’t messy, and he kissed exactly like how the guys in my Prince Charming dreams always have.

Thanks to OKCupid, my life had become one big Kodak moment—one big temporary Kodak moment, that is. I was scheduled to leave in three weeks for a semester abroad in China, and I wasn’t about to turn down any guys who’d offer to take me out for dumplings and tea there just because of some contrived connection I had with a dude I’d met online at home.

I sat Danny down a week before I was scheduled to leave. “I have to be single when I go to China,” I said.

“I completely understand,” he answered. “That’s fine.”

I got on the plane feeling great. Then I found out that as soon as I’d left, Danny ran out and bought a wall calendar and a thick red marker. “What’d you do that for?” I asked.

“To mark off the days until you come back with X’s, of course,” he said. “I already made plans for the day you come back, too. I can pick you up at the airport and then you can come back to my place and sleep until you’re not jet lagged anymore. You can just stay there for as long as you want!”

“Uh,” I said.

It only got worse from there. As I’d predicted, I met someone else in China before too long (I might be fickle, but at least I know it), and I called Danny to tell him. His daily “I love you” messages waited for me each morning on OKCupid, and even though I barely replied, he still didn’t seem to understand that we weren’t dating. How ridiculous was it, I thought, that I had to call and break up with someone on the other side of the world who I wasn’t even going out with?

The phone conversation was ugly, and I listened to variations on “How could you DO this to me?” for upwards of two hours.

When I finally got back home, I had a cup of coffee with Danny. Then, a couple of days later, I received an email from him that basically said, “Please never speak to me again.”

Danny’s reason for wanting a lifetime ban on my company was, as I understood it, because he was so desperately in love that any thought of me sent him into a tizzy of unbearable memories from the scant three weeks during which we occasionally saw each other. For this I can hardly blame OKCupid. No, I guess their only crime is not offering a Warning: May Cause Addiction disclaimer at the top of my profile.

Wanna Go On a Crazy Blind Date?

Jess - NYU — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 18:00:12 +0000

Blind dates can be scary. They can also be fun. The scary / fun part depends on your idea of a good time and your date’s idea of normal.

Most of us go on blind dates pretty confident we’re not about to meet our soul mate, but always hope there’s enough of a connection to make putting on make-up and those tight jeans worth it. Blind dates are our way of doing something fun and spontaneous, something slightly nerve wracking but full of possibilities, a reason to get out of the house or apartment and have a drink made by somebody else.

The only thing is, if you’re not big into internet profiles and don’t have a lot of friends trying to go all Yenta on you, blind dates don’t actually happen that often.

That is, unless you sign up for Crazy Blind Date.

Developed by the funny people behind OKCupid (a free dating site that’s big on humor and small on pretense), CBD is all about helping you “coordinate a date on extremely short notice.”

Connected for New York, Boston, Austin, and San Fancisco, Crazy Blind Date understands that some of us “just want to go out immediately, with reckless abandon”, and helps facilitate that want with instant blind dates through email and cell phones.

Once a person signs into the free service, they pick their city, area, and date type (single and double dates are available), and answer a few short questions detailing personality and possible date times. Without being able to see a picture, a person agrees to the possibility of a date that night with someone who’s been picked for them, and then wait until their email or cell phone tells them where to go!

Personally, I’m not a big fan of online dating, but the possibility of going out on a date instantly, whenever I feel bored, is definitely appealing—especially if I can bring a friend along for support! Since most people wax poetic and try too hard to impress when it comes to dating profiles, jumping into meeting someone with no pretense saves everyone time and undo disappointment.

Just go to CrazyBlindDate.com and check it out. The simplicity and fun of it might just have you moving your mouse and agreeing to a spontaneous shot at love (or at the very least, hilarity) tonight.