Here at CollegeCandy, we are all about girl power. We love a good power suit, an intelligent woman with strong convictions and all of the college girls with passions and dreams.

But with all the homework, internships, jobs and stress, it can be hard to stay positive and motivated.

This morning, as we waited for the espresso to surge through our bloodstream, we came across an elderly woman in the news who really inspired us. It got us thinking about all the old women who continue to accomplish great things and make an impact on our world.

Sure, they may look frail, fragile and on the verge of breaking into a million little pieces and, yeah,  we may mutter an expletive or two if we get stuck behind one of them on the highway, but we all have to admit, these old ladies freakin’ rock!

Fighter
Isadel Gooden, 98, fought off robbers who broke into her house by hitting them over the head with a stick. For real. If someone broke into my house I’m pretty sure I’d start screaming like a little girl and dial 911 ASAP. Then possibly wet my pants. But not Isadel; at nearly 100 years old she took matters into her own hands and beat the crap out of someone! And now that guy needs to spend the rest of his life knowing he was beat up by a girl. An old girl.

Record Breaker
Ruth Frith, 100, won a gold medal in shot-put at the World Masters Games, setting new world record. This woman trains five days a week and lifts 77 pound weights….which makes me double think skipping the elliptical tonight…and slightly embarrassed by my baby 5lb weights I usually use. This woman is a true testament to the fact that you truly can accomplish anything you put your mind to. And that old ladies are fierce.

Aiding a Cause
Lan Yin Tsai, 85, biked 150 miles to benefit multiple sclerosis research…in heels. Yes, heels. She claims she rides her bike to church every weekend in heels, so why would she wear anything different for the race? This is my kind of woman. Except the whole biking part. And the heels. I can barely walk around my room in those things without crying.

Bachelorette
Wang Guiying, 107, is currently seeking a husband to get married for the first time. She has survived as a farmer for all these years living on her own, but now that she is too old to work she is finally ready to put a ring on it. (Perhaps her ripe old age suggests something about a life free of a lazy husband demanding food and sex? We’re just sayin’). It’s awesome that despite her age she is putting herself out there to find love, and that she has lived an amazing long life as an independent woman! You go, girl.

College Grad
Nola Ochs, 95, is currently the oldest college graduate, obtaining a degree in history from Fort Hays State University in Kansas. It took her over 30 years to graduate but she finally did it, and we think that’s awesome. She even lived in an on-campus apartment, writing term papers from her room and pulling all-night study sessions just like the rest of us college students! What are her plans now? She is seeking employment on a cruise ship…this may be the coolest old lady on the planet.

Well folks, she’s preggers.  At 66, Elizabeth Adeney is set to be Britain’s oldest woman to give birth, beating the previous record holder by a whopping nine years.  Um, gross?

Stories like this are destined to send shivers down your spine and flash disturbing images of your mother and/or grandmother doing similar things before your eyes.  There are things that we just don’t want to see old (not older, old) ladies doing and getting knocked up is definitely one of them.

Here is a list of 10 more things that old ladies definitely SHOULDN’T be doing:

1.  Having Sex: Worse than just talking about sex, the fact that old ladies have sex is just plain awful.  Just think of the wrinkles and folds and floppiness…oh gawd.  Curse the day when pharmaceutical companies decided that it was okay for old people to get it on.  Curse it!

2.  Wearing Mini-Skirts (or any variation on that fashion): Hey, if you’ve got the legs, show ‘em off.  Just realize that they have an expiration date and it’s usually around the age of 40 (unless you’re one of the lovely ladies on Sex and the City).  Old ladies be warned.

3.  Talking About Sex: Nothing is worse than the moment your  mom sits you down to explain the “facts of life” to you.  Oh wait, unless it’s your grandmother or some other older lady…and she’s talking about her personal experiences. Welcome to way-past-the-point of blissful ignorance.

4.  Posing Nude: I’m having trouble even justifying the fact that old ladies have to be naked at all, much less reveling in it and making other people watch (you hear that, Janice Dickinson?!).  I can’t even to begin to describe my revulsion.

5.  Dancing (anything but the waltz): A waltz between old people is fine, precious even.  However, a club?  No, thanks.  If my mom feels a groove thing coming on, I hope she would get herself to a gym and spin it out there instead of heading down to a hot club and shakin’ it on the dance floor.

6.  Using Slang: Slang is a possession of the youth culture and, guess what?  We don’t like to share.  When old ladies try to use the words and phrases from our generation, it just sounds wrong.  No one wants to make plans to meet granny for lunch and have her respond with, “Fo Shizzle, Nizzle.” That’s not even cool anymore, grams!

7. Enhancing Their Assets: Let’s face it – wrinkles and a push-up bra are a toxic combination.  No matter how far those suckers fall, grandma just better let ‘em hang, ’cause I am so not down for seeing any part of your 70-year-old knockers.

8. Wearing Bikinis: A family vacation at the beach or what-have-you is cute.  Including grandma in the vacation is even more quaint.  However, when grandma packs her new thong bikini?  Vacation just got real.  Too real.

9.  Shopping at Victoria’s Secret: Everything in that store is going to lead to flirting, dancing, sex, or other activities restricted to young hotties like ourselves.  No old ladies allowed. (See above. Yes, all of it.)

10. Facebookin’: Getting status updates from my friends every five minutes is enough; I don’t need to see what some old lady is cooking for dinner (at 4 pm), or all the pictures she has from her latest reunion with the grandkids. Stay off Facebook, old people. That’s ours!

Here’s how it would go. They would befriend some poor homeless guy, put him up in an apartment, and get him to sign a life insurance policy listing them as the beneficiaries. After waiting a couple of years (as an immediate death would raise the insurance company’s suspicions), they would drug him senseless, run him over with a car that — presumably — would not be traced back to them, and claim the payouts.

Helen Golay and Olga Rutterschmidt evidently did exactly this in 1999, and got away with it. Then they did it again in 2005 and got caught. Even weirder — both women are in their 70s! These are serial-killing grannies we’re talking about!

Serial-killing grannies with expensive habits, evidently: A letter from Helen to Olga talks about Helen’s plastic surgery (at age 72!) and how painful it was. Since this letter was written in 2002, it was probably the first man’s murder that paid for said plastic surgery. Morbid to think about it, isn’t it?

The article in the Washington Post talks about how the story is just like something out of Arsenic and Old Lace, except without Cary Grant. That was before my time, but the point of the comparison transcends generation: This sounds like something out of a really twisted movie.

Actually, that’s a great idea for Helen and Olga’s next ‘rocking chair fund’ (or ‘get out of jail fund,’ as the case may be): selling the movie rights to their story!