"So....Emmy....where's your boyfriend?"

Like nearly every other college student on the face of the planet, Thanksgiving Break is something that I am eagerly anticipating. The dorms are always busy and fun, but everyone appreciates a little break now and then. There’s nothing quite like going home, eating my dad’s brownies, watching movies with my sister, and taking my dog along on runs.

I do love the holiday of Thanksgiving as well. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pie, and my little cousins dressed up as pilgrims, all my extended family gathered into my Grandma’s kitchen to say grace. I am blessed with a crazy bizarre extended family, the best kind to have in my opinion, and they are always the highlight of my holidays.

But as much as I love them all to death, sometimes their questions can be a bit too much. While I appreciate their interest in my life, I don’t feel the need to explain the details of the break up with my long term boyfriend to my uncle while waiting in line for cranberry sauce. Similarly, having my conservative aunt question me about boys that I might marry while she calmly serves out pumpkin pie just takes away my appetite!

Now, I understand that my aunt grew up in a very different culture than I do. Yet it truly does make my stomach full of turkey turn to hear this woman I am related to tell me that the most important thing for me to do in college is to meet the man I am going to marry. I love my aunt, but this idea of success disgusts me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely picture marriage eventually in my life plan. And I have nothing against people in long term relationships. Up until recently, I was one of them myself! Read More »

pass it.

Well my favorite holiday is here. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas cookies; I love pumpkin pie; and I also love dressing up like a slutty Dorothy, cat, nurse, (insert random noun here); but there is nothing I love more than the 20th of April.

You may not usually celebrate this joyous occasion – I have actually only had the pleasure of celebrating it once – but one time was all it took to become an ardent supporter. In light of this, I thought I’d bestow some of my favorite stoned activities with you all so you have some options to spend  the best Monday of the year! So pull a Michael Phelps (read: hit the bong) and enjoy any of the following: Read More »

I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is – in a word – whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

In this March’s “The New Attitude That Drives Men Wild,” Molly Fahner attempts to dissect the fine art of playing hard to get. Oh, you didn’t see that coming from the title? Don’t worry, me either. I like to reflect on the hidden meanings of the cover story articles, because they are so very often not what you think they’ll be (aside from the “596 Sex Tips We Publish Every Month”).

I imagined that Cosmo had discovered a rare personality trait that those girls who’ve consistently been in serious relationships their whole lives possess. Perhaps the Cosmo labs had created a mutated DNA strain that lured smart, funny and successful hotties from miles away. I at least hoped that the article would not use Madonna as an example of who to emulate when browsing for a guy. Read More »

(We’re back with another weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff]. This week, we’re honing in on Frat Pack hottie, Vince Vaughn. Not only is he smokin’, but he knows how to party… and will still laugh at fart jokes. What more could a college gal ask for? )

Call me crazy, but I’m bored with college guys. It’s just that they’re…guys. I want to have fun, but is it so much to want to party with a real man? Is there anyone out there who can be mature when he needs to be, but still laugh at my potty humor? I used to think I’d never get my wish, but then Vince Vaughn came into my life.

Let’s think back for a moment to Wedding Crashers. I remember seeing that movie for the first time and thinking, “Where’d Vince Vaughn come from? Hellooooo hottie!” He dropped in on my fantasies as quickly and suavely as he did the Cleary wedding. He was sublimely clever in devising wedding crashing rules, and was equally as impressive with his devotion to the cause. Major bonus points (or shall I say, effability points?) for fidelity.

Vaughn emerged as a major comedic force among the likes of Will Ferrell, the Wilson brothers, and Steve Carell, particularly in the earlier release, Old School. Since then, he’s shown his multi-faceted (yet always effable) dating persona in The Break-Up with Jennifer Aniston, whom he subsequently dated. Their relationship was major tabloid fodder while it lasted, but now he’s been linked to Ugly Betty star, Vanessa Williams.

Never fear! Though he may appear to be off the market, Vince’s effable self will still be featured prominently in the new comedy Four Christmases with Reese Witherspoon. After watching that trailer, I know I’ll be asking Santa for a chance to eff Vince this holiday season!

You know the scene: you are six drinks deep, the music is blaring and suddenly that beer bottle you are holding becomes a microphone. You throw your hands in the air (and wave ‘em like you just don’t care) and sing whatever song is on as loud as you possibly can.

“OMG, I LOVE THIS SONG!” You scream to your friends, as you all begin singing and dancing in a circle.

While all songs are “the best song ever” when you are drunk, there are those certain special tunes that get you every time. This week, we asked our writers to weigh in on their favorite drunk jams. Note: Journey must be proud.

Beata: It’s totally a Notre Dame tradition, but I love “Midnight Train.” And, of course, “Since You’ve Been Gone.” Gotta love those memories of screaming at the top of your lungs in a dark, sweaty dorm room.

Elise – UCLA: Don’t Stop Believing – Journey.

Jill – University of Wisconsin: “I Want it that Way” is a great – it makes me want to put on a glow necklace and a t-shirt that says “I got Jammed all night at Aaron’s Bar Mitzvah.” Oh, and “Disturbia” is also a fist-pumping winner.

Ali – Syracuse University: “Shoop” by Salt n Peppa… yeah I have it memorized

Lauren – University of Michigan: “The Gambler.” It’s always the last song at the bar and a sign that I really should go home. But, man, singing that in a circle with my friends…such fond (hazy) memories. Read More »

Men have always ruled the comedy scene. From dynamic duos such as Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello and Jay and Silent Bob to teams such as the Happy Madison boys (Adam Sandler, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Peter Dante, Allen Covert and Nick Swardson) and the Frat Pack (Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Owen and Luke Wilson and Steve Carrell).

There are virtually no female comedic ensembles who can sell movies like these guys can.

In the stand-up circuit, men generally receive the biggest reception. Recently, I went to a stand-up comedy review that featured twenty comics in one night. Of those twenty, only three women took the stage. Three. WTF?

Women are pretty damn funny, so why don’t we get the same appraisal as men get? Films like Old School put the Frat Pack on the map, while the hysterical chick flick The Sweetest Thing flopped at the box office. The Wedding Crashers cast has people rolling in the aisles, while far too many people have never seen Christina Applegate, Cameron Diaz, and Selma Blair sing The Penis Song.

I took this assignment to cover the 5 Funniest Women out there, but quickly realized there is just too much talent to narrow it down so far. That said, what follows is my personal list of five of the wittiest women in the world, along with some honorable mentions. I welcome feedback, comments, and nominations, because I’m sure I’ve missed some ladies that can more than keep up with the boys. Read More »

I know people who look back at high school and wish they could go back. I know people who want to leave it in the past and never look back. And I know people who could really care less either way. I don’t really know where I fit in that, but I know that my high school – the second one, since I transferred halfway through – and a few of the teachers had enough of an impact in my life that I feel like I at least owed them a visit. So I did.

Now, let me explain something real quick to you guys; teenagers scare the living shit out of me. No, really, they do. After being teased and taunted for years, a group of teenagers giggling and laughing anywhere near me automatically puts me on edge. But I was willing to walk through the halls infested with these loud cockroaches to see my old teachers.

I went to a school with a mild crime problem, so of course there was a security van parked in front. When I passed by, the guy honked at me, and I groaned to myself. I really didn’t feel like dealing with security, but I turned and went over to the car. Turns out it was one of my favorite guards, and he greeted me pretty happily before I went in.

I made the rounds to my favorite teachers. Two of them – two of the most important to me – weren’t there, so the chances that I’ll go back to see them before the year is up are pretty high. I was surprised how everyone remembered me so well. Probably the funniest reoccurring question was, “Are you seriously a senior?” Three years didn’t really seem like a lot, but it was. The auditorium and the music wing were both redone, and all of the kids had LAPTOPS. At the risk of sounding like an old grump, when I went to school, we didn’t get laptops. We had to crowd around one of the four computers in the room and share. Dang nabbit. Read More »

• Don’t fall into this cuddle-trap, ladies. You’re all better than this. (COED Magazine)

• 73 year old man kicks ass, takes names. Awesome. (10tv.com)

• The pope has a cat? The cat is writing a book? My brain just exploded. (Yahoo!)

• An alert official suspected there may be something sinister behind Mr. Potato Head’s toothy grin. Yeah, Ecstasy. (AFP)

• This is why you don’t plan your wedding on Craigslist. (KATU)

• Looking to finally get healthy? Do it the old-school way! (UK Dailymail)

Like most people, I saw Blades of Glory over the weekend. For those of you who haven’t, I suggest you do for a good laugh.

While it’s not quite as solid as recent college favorites, like Anchorman, Old School, and Wedding Crashers, this movie will have you cracking up and asking, “what the f$#&?” after everything Will Ferrell’s character, Chazz Michael Michaels, says. Most of the time, he makes no sense – but that’s what makes him the funniest character in the movie.

Jon Heder plays the straight man in Jimmy MacElroy, and does a pretty good job. Every so often, Napoleon shines through and leaves you wanting a good, “Tina, eat your ham.” But alas, there is no Tina, and there is no ham. There is only a funny blonde haircut and some sweet reactions to Ferrell’s comments.

The hidden gem in “Blades,” for me, is Nick Swardson. He plays Hector, MacElroy’s crazy-stalker-fan who wears amazing one-piece ski suits from the ’80′s. I love this guy. He’s funny in everything, especially Grandma’s Boy. Another college favorite that slipped under the radar in the box office, it recently became popular to stoners, frat boys and partiers alike, as a rental. Watch it!

So, if you’re looking for a fun date movie or wanna catch a flick with the girls, go see Blades of Glory. Then, when your friends tell you they wanna “get inside your face” or say, “You’re welcome, Stolkholm,” you’ll appreciate the references.