This was a week for decisions. Major decisions. And boy, did we make them. We elected Barack Obama as the 44^th (and first African-American) President of the United States. And though we didn’t directly choose Michelle Obama (or any of the First Ladies), we did decide who’s hot and who’s not.  We chose between working out at the gym and at home, between babes and nerds, between trendy skirts and patterned leggings. On the relationship side of things, we decided to make the jump from friends to lovers, and subsequently from lovers back to friends. We learned that guys get off on porn (really?), and girls become more fertile by watching Sex and the City. We decided that you shouldn’t spend too much money on dating, and on the proper prep work for losing your v-card.

And now that it’s Friday, take a break from all the deliberations and enjoy the weekend!

I just read the beautifully written (but also mortifying) novella by Ian McKewan, On Chesil Beach. It’s a lovely little book, with well-drawn characters, but I think the main reason it’s been pretty famous this year is because of its infamous sex scene, a scene in which two inexperienced virgins get just about everything wrong.

Without giving it away, I couldn’t help laughing even as I blushed. At the same time, I learned a lot about what NOT to do when the realities of our bodies inevitably trip us up.

1. You must talk about sex. On Chesil Beach is set in the early sixties, a time when it was “simply impossible” for anyone to discuss sex. It’s the ultimate taboo subject even when people are married, and as a result, couples who get together barely know what to do with each other or even what to expect.

In the book, Florence is given a brief pamphlet about the bare bones of sex, but she still doesn’t have the first clue of what to do or what will happen on the man’s side of things. Because of this huge taboo of talking about sex, neither of them can talk healthily about it when things go wrong. Times have changed a lot since then, but I still think the taboo stands in a lot of situations. We’re not supposed to say certain words, protest if something hurts, or talk about what we want. But without having these difficult and embarrassing conversations, people will end up being disappointed, hurt, or just plain confused.

2. Don’t feel ashamed. A powerful sense of shame is another reason why Florence and Edward feel paralyzed in McKewan’s book. When things go wrong, Florence immediately assumes it’s her fault, she has done something wrong. Edward similarly feels ashamed for having “failed.” In reality, sex the first time is harder than TV and movies make it out to be. It takes a little finagling to get the jigsaw pieces together, so to speak, and if either girl or guy feels shame about this, it will taint the whole experience. Read More »