School is almost back in session. Time to pack your bags, kiss your parents goodbye and head back up to the land of beer, boys and late night dance parties with your friends. Oh yeah; and learning.

Before you hit the party scene in search of that take-home hottie – or after-a-few-beers hottie – let me impart a little advice. There is no reason anyone else should make the same mistakes I did.

1. Lock Your Door: After moving into our phat new pad my junior year, my 7 roommates and I decided to throw a Welcome Week fiesta. During the evening, I met a boy and invited him back to my room to check out my brand new bed. We ended up giving it a test drive; clothes were strewn around the room and things started getting heavy.

I was getting ready to go downtown when the lights switched on and my roommate was standing in my doorway with a few friends she was showing around our new house. If that wasn’t awkward enough, on the way out one of them yelled, “Lauren! Did you lose weight? You look really skinny!”

2. Get the Guy’s Name: After celebrating the end of exams I hit the bar (hard) and eyed a cute boy across the room. I took him home, had my fun and he ended up staying over until the morning. Being the nice girl that I am, I offered to drive him home. Being the drunken idiot that I am, I forgot his name. As he went to leave my car he asked for my number and offered to give me his.

I didn’t want to ask for his name so I told him I was too drunk to type in the number. “But you just drove me home.” Talk about an uncomfortable silence. He got out of the car and never called. Read More »

After a month of sharing some good advice and a couple of weeks answering your questions about anything and everything, I’ve decided it’s time to open myself up to you guys a bit. Here goes:

Recently, I had what I’ve decided to call “Last Resort” sex, and I’m not at all happy about it.

You see, for the last year or so, I’ve enjoyed single life to the fullest extent. Sure, I’ve always been on the lookout for someone that I really liked, but for the most part, I never had any qualms about sleeping with a girl to whom I may not have been necessarily attracted. Girls often wonder how guys can sleep with girls they don’t like, and I guess I’ve just always been able to detach myself from the emotions that come hand in hand with sex. Read More »

I was sitting in a diner yesterday with a couple of friends, when two of the guys I was with got to talking about how they were certain that they could hit on/go home with/bang the hell out of their waitress. Apparently, their waitress had been giving them the eyes from the moment they sat down, and, while they didn’t feel that she was most attractive girl they’d ever seen, or even the most attractive waitress they’d been served by this weekend, they both thought it’d be fun to see if they could pull off the pick-up.

As it happens, trying to pick up waitresses is truly one of the fun pastimes for a lot of guys, because the waitress/customer relationship eliminates the potentially awkward and messy scene that often plays out when a guy tries to approach a random girl. In a restaurant, where the waitress typically starts the conversation, a guy will be more at ease, and will usually be much more comfortable spitting the proverbial game

Now, as far as I know, there is no correct way to try and pick up a server. The usual and easiest course of action is simply to get a pen and write your name and number on the receipt or a business card and then hope for the best. I’m not saying that this method is always successful; in fact, it almost never works. But if you’re going to try and pick up the person who is bringing you bacon and eggs, a witty note with a phone number is generally the best course of action. All of which brings me back to yesterday.

One of the guys, who we’ll call Guy A, wanted to write down his digits, but no one in our party had a pen. Instead of simply asking another employee for a pen (because, c’mon, that would have been FAR too easy), Guys A and B proceed to hatch what may have been the most elaborate (and idiotic) plan that I’ve ever heard. Read More »

It’s 10am on a Friday morning and you are walking to class, which sucks because who wants class at 10am on a Friday, but nonetheless you are walking to class.

You wonder what possible good could come from being up at 10am on a Friday (um, your education maybe?) and then you see a fellow student walk by you in the quad. Is she on her way to class? Not unless she is trying to seduce her professor for an A. Decked to the nines in a skin-tight mini dress, you (all the while admiring the dress) think to yourself “where does this girl think she’s going at this hour?”

Actually, strike that. You never think that. It never even crosses your mind; we all know where she is going at this hour. Home. Her own home that is. Smudged mascara, heels in hand, messy hair and eyes glued to her feet, this girl is a dead ringer for… you guessed it: The infamous Walk of Shame. Read More »

Finding a man at the bar is one of my favorite pastimes. I know what people think when they look at me leaving the party with yet another new man, but what can ya do? I love the chase…and the passion.

But even I have to admit the downsides to the ever-so-popular one night stand:

1. The period of time (about an hour) between returning home and ripping each other’s clothes off that is usually filled with obligatory and totally random conversation. You know, so no one feels like this is all about the sex….which we all know it is.

2. The awkward goodbye in the morning filled with clothing searches, phone number exchanges, and a long walk past the roommates.

3. Morning after poos.

Don’t even pretend that you don’t have ‘em. You know; the after-effects of beer, more beer, pizza, and booze. They are ugly, dirty, and very, very smelly. And if the boy sticks around long enough, someone is going to have one. And someone else is going to know.

Which is why I am totally obsessed with this fabulous new invention. This little toilet-seat-sent-from-heaven is the perfect solution to morning after poo’s. Or any bomb you have to drop with a cute man around. Read More »