So, how casual is your sex life? You’d be surprised to know that 8 out of every 10 women up to the age of 63 have had at least one casual sex encounter. Sheesh, that’s a lot of hooking up! Lots of girls are taking part in this no strings attached lifestyle, and they’re revealing all the juicy details in this latest survey from TrésSugar & Self Magazine. For climax confessions and one-night-stands gallore, check out the survey results for yourself. Happy humping!

Prep your purse
Besides your phone, camera, keys, and wallet, there are a few other things you may want to pack in your clutch. Like condoms. Under no circumstances is this trashy or tacky. It is a completely responsible and admirable thing to do. Other people, especially strangers, may not have any regard for your health, but you definitely should. To avoid that grungy morning-after feeling, throw in a mini tube of deodorant, some breath stripes and a pack of wipes.

Get a second opinion
Obviously, your sex life is ultimately your own business, but it might be a good idea to have someone else confirm your prospect’s attractiveness (those vodka soda goggles fall off at the most inopportune times), and gauging level of availability (maybe your best friend sees that guy every day…canoodling with the same person in the student union). At the very least, make sure someone else knows where you’re going, not only for safety concerns but also for the sake of your friends not frantically having to search for you at last call when you peaced out an hour before.

Open yourself up
I would never deny the importance of boundaries. Having them is incredibly empowering and strengthens your sense of security and control, and engaging in a one night stand does not invalidate your right to set boundaries at all. At the same time though, one of the great things about a one night stand is the freedom to do things you wouldn’t normally do. So go for it. Practice your dirty talk, try a new position, let go of some of your inhibitions. One night stands are about pure, unadulterated, stringless pleasure, so make the most of it.

Don’t beat yourself up afterward
One of the things I struggled with when I was engaging in casual hookups was an overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I would wonder why these guys didn’t like me and I would question my self-worth because I internalized some of the insanity our slut shamey culture propagates on a regular basis. I felt like I was leaving pieces of myself with guys I’d never talk to again and I didn’t feel comfortable with that at all.

I eventually came to the conclusion that one night stands aren’t personally my cup of tea, and maybe you’re the same way. Regardless, I learned a lot about myself that I might not have learned had I not hooked up with those randoms, so I ultimately don’t regret anything I did. And as for that feeling of “incompleteness,” I realized that I was attaching too many expectations to these particular sexual experiences. There are times when sex should be laden with emotions and significance…and one night stands are not it. They’re bursts of superficial pleasure, and that’s fine. Sometimes you want a gourmet meal and sometimes you want McDonalds, but when you start assigning gourmet ideals to a Big Mac, that’s when your feelings get hurt.

Having casual sex is a perfectly valid lifestyle choice and there’s no reason to be ashamed, so I fully support taking as many steps as you can to ensure it is as enjoyable as it can be. The walk of shame, however; well, you’re on your own for that one.

So there’s been a lot of talk here on CollegeCandy lately about slut shaming, casual sex, and what exactly defines a girl as “whorey.” Instead of clearing all of that up for you with this post, I’m probably just going to create another grey area, but hey, that’s what life is all about, isn’t it?

Right. Okay.

So I want to talk to you ladies about one night stands. Casual sex. Hookups. Booty calls. Those guys you sleep with once and probably never see again. The reason I want to talk to you girls about this is because a lot of you are probably cringing right now, recalling your last one night stand, the last time you slept with a guy and then walked home in last night’s clothes, the last time you had casual sex and then felt guilty about it. In fact you’re probably feeling guilty all over again right now. And I want to tell you to stop. Stop cringing. Stop feeling guilty. Stop second guessing and over thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Because you know what? Casual sex is okay. And you know what makes it okay? The fact that you wanted to have casual sex.

Because when it comes down to it no one can set your boundaries for you but yourself. You define what is right and wrong for you, good and bad for you. You’re in control. And if you’re okay with it then just be okay with it. Don’t try to justify your actions or your reasons to anyone but yourself. If you’re okay with the way you live your life, then, really, that’s all that matters.

Not being all that big on the one night stand myself, it took me a while to figure out how I wanted to approach this post. And of course my musings (just like everything else in life) brought me back to Carrie Bradshaw and Co. The Sex and the City girls. If anyone could make you feel less guilty about doing what feels right in the moment and going after what you want it would be these ladies.

I thought back to the episode where Carrie was featured in a photo shoot entitled Single and Fabulous. But at the end of that title there stood a question mark (Single and Fabulous?) rather than an exclamation point (Single and Fabulous!) and all of a sudden Carrie had herself questioning whether or not she believed there should be a question mark or an exclamation point at the end of that sentence. So, Carrie goes out and has a few drinks and she meets a guy. A guy she flirts with and kisses and almost takes home. She doesn’t. Because she realizes that if she slept with him she wouldn’t be sleeping with him because she wanted to but because she felt like she needed to prove something to herself, that she really was single and fabulous.

So Carrie goes home alone that night, but she doesn’t always, not when she doesn’t want to. And for Carrie that’s why casual sex is okay, that’s why she doesn’t feel guilty. She’s had more than her fair share of one night stands, and she’s okay with that because when she brings a guy home she does it because she wants to. She doesn’t feel guilty about the casual sex she has because she is in charge of her choices, she makes her decision. She defines her own boundaries and does what’s right for her. (That being said even if you’re not feeling guilty after a one night stand, but you’re still feeling unhappy you might need to reconsider the reasons why you’re gravitating towards casual sex. ) You shouldn’t feel guilty about indulging in a one night stand. Why?

Because you had fun. Because you weren’t expecting it to be anything more or anything less. Because casual sex is okay. Because you define your boundaries and no one else. Because you enjoyed it. Because you wanted it.

So if that’s what you want, go out there and get it. Do what you want to do.
Just do it safely.

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However, neglecting your sheets for too long can result in some icky, unwanted guests– and I don’t mean the one-night mistake you made last Saturday. Here are the five nastiest things that should inspire you to grab the Tide and make a date with the washing machine.

1. Bed Bugs

Reports of bed bugs are rising on college campuses and even if you’re particularly clean, you may not be safe. The little bastards can catch a ride to your room on luggage, clothing, and old furniture (e.g. your hand-me-down futon). Plus, they can live up to a year without a feeding, so they could have been hiding out in your empty dorm room for the whole summer just waiting for you to move in and unpack. Luckily, pest control on college campuses is prepared to snuff the buggers via steam, extreme heat, or pesticides. If you wake up with little red welts from bedbug bites report it immediately before the infestation spreads down the hall.

2. Your Personal Sheddings

When we hit the sack every night, we shed dry, dead skin and hair. Gross. I gag at the site of a hair-clogged shower drain, and sleeping with hairballs seems just as unappealing. Girls with long hair shed a lot, so there’s also the chance that you’ve left your mark in your man’s bed as well. Of course, dead skin and strands of hair are a breeding ground for microorganisms, so bacteria can escalate after just a few nights of shedding in your sleep.

3. Bodily Fluids

Not only do we lose skin and hair while we sleep, but we also sweat every night. And that’s just one of the many bodily fluids that can collect in our sheets. We’ve all heard horror stories of hotels that don’t pass the black light test, but all of the things that go down in smarmy motels go on every night in college dorms, where there’s no maid service. Whether you’re snoozing in a sea of sweat or semen, or you are notorious for drooling on your pillow, soaking your sheets after a particularly hot night (or a hot one night stand) will flush out the bacteria.

4. Scabies

Another member of the bug family, scabies is caused by eight-legged parasitic itch mites. Though it is hard to catch scabies from brief physical contact, it is still possible to contract them from shaking hands or sharing infested bedclothes. Speaking of which, the most common form of transmitting scabies is through sexual contact, an act we all know runs rampant through college campuses. Scabies can produce small bumps or blisters, which are accompanied by relentless itching. Luckily, scabies can be treated fairly easily through mite-killing creams and sprays, and your sheets and clothes can be taken care of with one simple wash.

5. Whatever You’ve Been Carrying Around Campus

Good Morning America recently tested the sanitary habits of University of Maryland students. The students rubbed some lotions on to their hands and continued with their day. Hours later, the students’ hands were put through a black light test, which revealed how often the students had washed their hands after touching doorknobs, using the bathroom, eating lunch, and working on computers that thousands of other hands have touched. The black lights revealed remnants of the lotion around fingernails, crusted around bandages, and caked next to rings and watches. The lotion also proved to spread like bacteria, and showed up on clothes and other parts of the students’ bodies including near eyes and noses where infections could develop.

That said, all of the germs and bacteria you encounter each day as you trek from class to class sharing desks, computers, and books with hundreds of thousands of other students can ultimately end up in your sheets. Your bed is your final destination at the end of the day, so while it’s a good idea to keep your linens fresh, it’s also a good idea to go to bed clean yourself.

I don’t know what it is about today, but somehow we have come across some seriously gross sh*t on the internet. Maybe we have too much time on our hands? Or maybe Tuesdays are just unlucky. Whatever the reason, we can’t keep it to ourselves. It’s just too….gross.

We know you are all out there taking a break from the summer classes/laying by the pool/that awful summer job and you need soemthing to do. So, here it is.

Click with caution. Oh, and learn from our mistakes: put down the snack foods, ladies. Somehow that Oreo Cakester just isn’t as tasty when accompanied by incest, moose knuckles and old lady hoo-hahs.

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Suzanne Sommers flashes her vajay on TV. So….old.

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I don’t know why, but this just makes us want to vomit. Because obesity wasn’t already a big enough issue.

The best reason NOT to bring a random home with you from the bar. Seriously. SICK.

So, 1 Sparks, 3 Stellas, 2 Jello shots, and 3 Jager shots later, Brent and I were having the most mind-blowing sex of my whole life. In the afternoon. His sheets smelled good and he had pictures of his family on his wall and his body (every last bit of it) was PERFECT. It was wild and hot and ridiculous and straight out of my fantasies.

Then I took a nap.

I woke up and Brent was having some friends over for a BBQ. He came into the room and closed the door behind him and smiled at me. (And this boy has dimples, so when he smiles, it’s like cute little daggers made of bunnies and rainbows are shooting through my heart.) He, dressed, came and laid down to me, naked, on the bed.

“Can you stay the night with me?” he asked.

Well, of course I f*cking could. I didn’t have a car to take me anywhere else, did I?

“If you want me to” I responded, with a smile; unlikely as cute as his.

“Good.” And he started kissing me. Sweetly — in the way that makes your heart stop. Not at all like the kind of kiss you’d imagine a boy would give a girl he just had circus-sex with.

He asked me to come out and meet his friends. I tied my hair up messily and didn’t even bother with makeup. Something about that post-greatest-sex-in-my-life glow makes makeup seem really unnecessary.

I sat on his lap and he held me while talking to all of his friends about how awesome I am and how randomly our paths had crossed that day. When the party began to die down, he took me by the hand over to his hammock. Tied to grapefruit trees and under the stars, we made out like we were being filmed as Zac and Vanessa for HSM4. That’s how cheesy it all felt.

We started talking about all of the “important” stuff. Ya know, god, sex, exes, existentialism, blah blah blah.

Brent turned to me, “How did I not know you were so awesome when I met you the first time? We’re so much alike. I wish you lived here. If you did, I would date you…like…every day. Don’t go home.”

I was enamored at the thought of having my week long trip turn into a hot romance. What can I say? I’m a girl.

Back in his room, we had even hotter sex than before. Then we cuddled and he fell asleep first, holding my hand. All through the night, he’d wake up to kiss me, and then fall asleep again. We woke up together eventually and had 3 more sex sessions.

“Do you want to build a bonfire on the beach tomorrow?” he asked me.

“Why not?” I responded.

“I don’t know…I just…I want to see you every day before you leave. Can we do that?” he said, while seeming more vulnerable than healthy.

“Okay,” and I smiled. Because…why wouldn’t I? He was gorgeous and nice and…he liked me.

When my friends came to pick me up on their way to the beach, he got dressed to come out and meet them. Naturally, they loved him. We spent the day at the beach talking about him and discussing how cute he was for wanting to build a bonfire. I was smitten.

And then I didn’t hear from him all day.

Or night.

Or all morning the next day.

Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday.

He never called.

I finally texted him, utterly disappointed in myself for having expected him to NOT treat me like dirt.

“Well, Bye.”

I never got a ‘Bye’ back.

Nothing.

So, now I’m angry.

What the f*ck? Why couldn’t he just have sex with me? Why all of the lovey-dovey talk? Why couldn’t he just straight up ignore me? Why all of the keeping-me-hanging banter?

I know it sounds crazy, but I would have been OK had he not planted the seed that there could be something more. But he did. And then he let me down.

I’m so frustrated. Is it as simple as I just got played?

10. Long term relationships make you fat. Birth Control + Getting too comfortable = Letting yourself go.

9. The amount of effort you have to put into a relationship is directly proportional to the chances of said relationship failing. Don’t get me wrong, every single relationship takes effort and compromise and there has never been an easy relationship in the history of the universe. What I’m saying is, if you are trying really, really hard to make the relationship work, that probably means that there is enough wrong with said relationship to warrant a breakup. It also probably means that your significant other is not trying as hard as you are and is, therefore, less invested in you. And you should breakup sooner rather than later. (see #3)

8. If a guy doesn’t want to ever go down on you, he’s a scumbag. Dump him immediately.

7. Breakups with guys you like can be almost as, if not equally painful than breaking up with guys you love. Not necessarily because you are heartbroken, but because guys you like (not love) tend to affect your ego and your pride more than your heart and can, thusly, f*ck you up in a whole different way.

6. Enjoying single life is the best way to find a mate. Ever heard the expression, “You’ll find someone as soon as you stop looking?” It’s absolutely true.

5. Your boy/girlfriend thinks about having sex with other people. And so do you, so get over it. Monogamy doesn’t mean that we never think about other people, it means that we care enough about one person to keep it in our pants.

4. It’s better to be miserable and alone than with someone who makes you miserable. Because at least you have some self respect and have taken the first step towards shaking off all that misery and drama: losing the zero. (see #3 again)

3. Breakups are not the end of the world. Sounds really obvious and oversimplified, I know, but what I’m really trying to say is that there is always someone else in the world that can and will make you happy. As perfect as you thought you were with your ex, someone else can and will be just as perfect. There isn’t one person in the world that is right for you, there are thousands.

2. All Relationships Fail until, as the illustrious Dan Savage says, one doesn’t. Bad, scarring relationships are the norm, not the exception, and as such they should be embraced as part of the growing and learning process. I had about ten awful relationships before I had a good one and you may have thirty, but eventually a flower will grow in the turd of your lovelife.

1. The most important thing in a relationship is laughter. You can have the most functional relationship in the world, but if you don’t have a sense of humor or at least one comparable to your lover’s, what’s the point?