Well boys and girls, we’ve come to the fourth and final installment of “What the hell did I get myself into?”: Online Dating Edition. It’s been a whirlwind of a month, and I am sad to say (spoiler alert) that I did not find a boyfriend. Cue the tears, cue Adele, and cue me shoveling Ben and Jerry’s down my throat. I’m okay though really. No tears for this girl. I might sound a little cocky when I say this, but the reason I didn’t find a boyfriend wasn’t because I couldn’t get a guy to look in my general direction. I got several messages from men throughout the day, everyday for four weeks. I had many guys interested in “me”, and I put “me” in quotation marks because I’m not sure how many of the guys really wanted to get to know me or just have sex with me (and I guess I’ll never know!). The reason why I didn’t come out of this challenge with the desired end result is because I realized that I don’t want a boyfriend.

I repeat: I do not want a boyfriend.

I am not saying that I don’t have those moments when all I want to do is cuddle up with someone cute and have him play with my hair while I drift off to sleep. I have a deep desire to eventually find “The One” and have a marriage and a family. I will never let go of that dream. I will always have that dream. I think what I am saying is that I do not have a desire to pursue that dream right now.

I came across several men that were sweet and sexy, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I was really into Mitch for a few weeks, but I soon realized that there was no chemistry there (I know, that sounds like a cop out, but it’s true!), and he also looked way too much like my ex-boyfriend. I thought I could get over it, but I cannot. After our second date, he leaned in for a kiss. I accepted. When I opened my eyes, I saw my ex. I did not see Mitch. My sight was blurry. Once I re-focused, I knew it wasn’t going to work. Not only because Mitch was a clone of my ex but because I wasn’t putting my whole heart into it. I wasn’t fully there. I did not want a boyfriend.

Though I didn’t get my “happy ending”, being a member of OK Cupid did open my eyes to a lot of things that I had never really thought of before. One huge revelation was that there are so many men out there. And yes, there are going to be some creepers and guys you’re not attracted to, but let me tell you, there are a lot of guys on OK Cupid (and other dating sites, I’m sure!) that have attractive, sweet, educated men that are looking for the same thing that women are. You might wonder, “Why is he trying online dating? What is wrong with him?” The answer is nothing! You’re completely normal (minus the standard level of crazy that each and every girl possesses, let’s be real) and you’re searching through dating profiles on OK Cupid too! Therefore nothing wrong with him. There is nothing wrong with you.

Some people just need a little help.

I hope you guys enjoyed my small stint in the online dating world and learned a thing or two in the process.  I definitely wouldn’t steer people away from online dating after doing this one-month challenge because my mind has truly been changed about the whole process and stupid stigma that comes with dating on the internet. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not pathetic. It’s not desperate. It’s just another way to meet a person that you might build a relationship with and maybe fall in love. Now what doesn’t sound good about that?

Last week, I realized that I’ve basically (and pathetically) dabbled in online dating since I had access to a laptop. You guys remember Tagged? In middle school, I talked to a high school football player for precisely one week. I was so proud of myself – I even printed out his picture to show to my friends! Eventually, he stopped answering my calls and sent a culminating email calling the whole thing off. At least they learn early, right?

In the ninth grade, I had a Myspace fauxlationship with another guy. We exchanged messages for a good two months…can you believe that I actually considered him my boyfriend?! I was number two on his Top 8…a very big deal, indeed. And now as a college junior, every single date I’ve been on – all two of them – were provided by the net.

I really should close my damn laptop and give this stuff a rest, but I have two good reasons that stop me from shutting down. Dating online is so much easier for me because I’m chronically shy. I’d probably drink unfiltered Hudson River water before approaching a guy in class or at the bar. I’m just way too afraid of rejection. In online dating I’ve learned that there’s still plenty of rejection, but it’s much easier to face in pixels than in person.

My other reason is the fact that online dating has a lot of shiny success stories that give me a glimmer of hope. My friend’s sister Shana met her fiancé on OkCupid. Last year, the sisters visited Europe for a summer trip and Shana started chatting with her man before they set sail. My friend said they met up and grew inseparable through Skype and occasional visits. A few weeks ago, an Instagram flick popped up on my feed – her hand had a glistening engagement ring attached! She did it…she found love on the wild, wild web.

Whenever I get discouraged by my lack of messages or views, I often think of Shana and all of the other happy couples that met on the net. Every time I meet a creep who wants to send me peen pics or get ignored by those cute and artsy NYU hunks, I know that somewhere in the world my fiancé awaits on his MacBook Pro. But maybe one day I’ll muster up enough courage to step away from my laptop and find him in real time.

CollegeCandy, what’s your stance on online dating?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via Yuri Arcurs/Shutterstock]

This past week, I’ve been getting the same old shtick from the guys on OK Cupid. Some are creepy, some are nice, and some are just not my type, but it is what it is. I stopped messaging guys I thought were cute/interesting/worthy of my time, because I am still really interested Mitch. Am I kind of defeating the whole purpose of this task? I’m supposed to be shopping online for a boyfriend right? I feel like I’ve been walking around the store, browsing all the stuff, trying some of it on, but I’m still holding onto that one really cute shirt I loved. (Just haven’t made it to the check out to purchase it…) Will I ever be ready to purchase the shirt? I don’t know.

I was out of town his weekend and unable to communicate with Mitch much, which was kind of a bummer, because we had a good flow going, but we are planning another date soon. I think there is something different with Mitch. And I truly think it has a lot to do with OK Cupid. It’s nice to talk and communicate and see someone’s photos and bios. It’s different than someone’s photos and bios on a Facebook or Google+ page because on OK Cupid, everyone is looking for a similar thing! Whether it’s marriage material, a fun fling, a nice date, friendship, etc. I never thought I would be saying these things, but now more than ever, I truly get the phrase, “Don’t knock it ‘till you try it!” I’ve been converted.

So now that you guys are caught up on how I’m feeling about the whole concept of online dating, I thought I would share a pretty hilarious/weird/interesting anecdote from this week that I took mental note of, because it was just too good to keep to myself and not share with the entire Internet. That’s another great thing about online dating—nonstop entertainment

That time I got matched up with my best guy friend…

 So, I was just trolling OK Cupid, minding my own business when I get a notification that OK Cupid has some new matches for me to check out. I went to check it out, and what do I see? I see my best guy friend in the world’s face staring back at me. I didn’t even know what to think at first. I had about a million thoughts running through my head. Why didn’t he tell me he was on OK Cupid? Why was he on OK Cupid in the first place? How did we get matched up? And obviously the most important thing: Why did he use a photo of us for his profile and then CROP ME OUT? I’m allowed to be offended about that, right?

I immediately called my best girl friend to tell her about this kismet moment, and when she started cracking up, I loosened up a little. I guess it was kind of funny. She recommended that I tell him I’m on OK Cupid, too, before he finds me just like how I found him, because he might feel as weird as I did about it. And then she asked me a really strange question–“Are you mad that he’s on OK Cupid?” Was I mad? Why would she even ask me that? I guess I should preface that this best guy friend and I have had a pretty complicated and long “friendship” for years. Basically consisting of love confessions (both of us at different times…), love rejections (both of us at different times…), and drunken hookups (both of us at the same time, obvi). I guess I kind of always had this notion that he needed to be in love with me forever (even if I didn’t love him back), and he was supposed to pine over me for eternity and go to his grave never loving anyone but me. That’s fair, right?

In the end, I respected his decision to look for love other than me, and told him that I was on there too. He seemed kind of embarrassed (because of the dreaded Online Dating Stigma), but then questioned why I was on it. I told him about the CC article, and that I was doing it for my art (not fully true), and he just rolled his eyes. He told me he’d been on a few dates, but nothing serious. Then I started getting this weird feeling in my stomach—jealously pangs. Guys and girls can’t be friends, can they?

So guys, here I am, wondering if OK Cupid just led me to where I needed to be a long time ago—with a guy I’ve known for years. We did get matched up after all, and I have always wondered what it would be like if we finally took the plunge and started dating. We made plans to go out to dinner later this week, and I’m not sure if I should say something or if this is just my head playing tricks on me. Did I find my future boyfriend on OK Cupid after all? What about Mitch? This is turning into a daytime soap, guys! I’ll keep you posted! Until next time!

I’ve heard this story way too many times: Two people meet online somehow. They exchange contact info, and they fall into a loop of talking to each other all day and night via texts, IMs, and/or phone calls. Maybe they end up meeting in real life, but the vast majority of their communication is virtual. They feel like they’ve really scratched the surface and gotten to know each other on a profound level. Naturally, there’s probably some sexting, maybe even declarations of love. There’s definitely some semblance of a bond there. Then, one person reveals they weren’t nearly as invested as they appeared to be. They have a significant other or they suddenly start becoming a vulgar Twitter flirt, or they just decide to fall off the face of the earth. And then the other person is left hurt, confused and disappointed.

I would never deny how wonderful technology is. It’s awesome that I can easily contact my friends 2000 miles away, that I can quickly shoot a text off to my boyfriend asking him to bring home gummy bears, that I can meet new friends via social media. It has truly enriched the world in a way that I could never properly express. That said, technology can also create a connection that feels deeper than it actually is. The thing about written words is you can attach meaning that isn’t there. It doesn’t help that our language is riddled with hyperbole. That chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is amazing. That new episode of Parks and Rec was phenomenal. My new skirt gives me life. Of course this hyperbole extends to the way we communicate with each other, and when you’re in that heady honeymoon period of crushing, you don’t realize that “I love you” doesn’t necessarily mean “I love you for all that you truly are” – it actually means something closer to “I love the idea of you that I’ve built up in my head because you’re more of a fantasy and not a real person with real person feelings.”

Technology can warp the way that we relate to each other. It lulls us into opening ourselves up far more quickly than we would in real life, creating an elevated sense of closeness, while conveniently allowing us to mask the worst parts of ourselves and gloss over our flaws.  At the same time, getting swept up in a relationship is more exciting than acknowledging that no one is nearly as perfect as they may try to present themselves. It’s important to approach online relationships with a healthy skepticism. If they flourish into something more substantial and real, that’s awesome. But at their core, they are superficial and barely scrape the surface.

Have you ever been in a virtual relationship? What do you think makes them easier than “real” relationships? Can they be successfully transitioned offline and into the real world?

[Lead image via Andy Dean Photography/Shutterstock]

So another week has gone by since I started this journey into the world of online dating, and I don’t even know where to begin. There are so many things I want to touch upon and so little time! For this post, I decided to break it down by questions I’ve come across while toying around with the OK Cupid site and meeting (yup, I said meeting) men from this site.  There have been some funny (and not so funny) bumps in the road since I started my new online life, but I’ve realized a lot of things too. Like how it’s almost impossible to really judge someone’s personality (or looks for that matter!) from an online dating profile or how you’re going to get inquiries from a lot of men that aren’t your type and this will lead you to get very discouraged and frustrated.

I’m still not 100% sold on the concept of online dating, but I’m getting more and more used to it as the days go on. I even downloaded the OK Cupid iPhone app, which is pretty useful and fun. I get notifications anytime I get a message from someone or when someone who is a good match for me is “checking out my profile”. It’s also super easy to use, and I’ve found myself browsing through some men when I’m bored in class.

It’s been a pretty active week in my OK Cupid world, and I have definitely come across some pretty great anecdotes and random thoughts. I thought I’d let you guys in on what has been going on with my dating life. I would also like to note that names have been changed to protect the innocent because I am not completely heartless.

That one time I realized that over 50 guys look at my profile but only 10 messaged me…

OK Cupid notifies you of every single member who looks at your profile, and I get a lot of views, but about 1/5 of them actually message me to say hello. What gives? I guess I need to realize that not every single guy is going to find me attractive or think my profile is funny. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t put that much effort into my profile so I can see why a guy would probably be like, “What is this girl’s deal?” I also realized that I look at a lot of guys’ profiles but rarely go ahead and message them hello. I guess I’m doing the same thing these guys are doing. This is a realization that I have overcome. See guys, I’m growing!

 That one time I got asked for a “body shot”…

I put up eight or nine pictures on my profile. Some of them are up close of my face and some of them are farther away because it’s a group shot with a bunch of my friends. The other day, I received a message from a guy asking me if he could “see a body shot”. A body shot? You want to do body shots off me? Oh, you want to see what I look like in a bikini/naked. I am not the skinniest person in the world (or the largest for that matter). I have a pretty normal build for a 23-year-old girl, and I am okay with how I look, but I am not about to send some creep a picture of myself just so that he can validate me. No thanks, bro.

 That one time the only guy I liked on OK Cupid was a clone of my ex-boyfriend…

As I was looking through some of my matches on OK Cupid, I stumbled across a photo that really caught my eye. Why you ask? Because this guy looked eerily similar to my ex-boyfriend—my ex-boyfriend that ripped my heart out, threw it in a blender, and then drank it like a smoothie. (Too much?) As I read this guy’s profile, I immediately hated him just because he looked so much like my ex. They even have the same profession and enjoy the same tastes in music. I did a double check to make sure that this actually wasn’t my ex because they were so eerily similar. But even so, I couldn’t stop myself from chuckling at all his answers to the profile questions. With each sentence, he started to remind me less of my ex and more like the guy he was. He was funny, he was charming, and he was about to get a message from little ol’ me! His name is Mitch, and I am really enjoying where things are going with him. We messaged back and forth and a bit, became Facebook friends (so we could really see what the other was about), and now we have begun texting!

And hey guys, guess what? We went on a date! We had a great first date getting a little frozen treat at my favorite fro-yo place. He was a perfect gentleman and there was not one awkward silence the entire time. Maybe that’s because I never shut up (seriously, ask anyone who knows me), or maybe that’s because we had some chemistry. And I’ll tell you something else, I didn’t think of my ex one time even though they could be twins. Now, I’m not saying I’m in love or even if we’ll go out again, but I can say that OK Cupid has led me somewhere. And it wasn’t to a state of crippling depression or an axe murderer’s house, but rather to a great date with a nice guy.

I think, with time, I’m learning that I was really judgmental of online dating websites. I am finding out every day that tons of my friends have actually tried it and some have succeeded in their trials. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this, and I also appreciate you guys commenting with words of encouragement and advice! Keep them coming!

I’m sure if I looked up the top five mistakes you could make on a first date, the following things would be on the list: ditching your studying to go out on said date, allowing the guy to handle your drink without keeping a watchful eye on it, riding in an unknown man’s car, going to his house in the middle of nowhere and letting him blow shotgun kisses into your previously unkissed mouth.

So much wrong in one night.

After we got into the car, I felt relaxed. I thanked my Carrie Bradshaw guardian angel up above for sending me a nice, polite, attractive, well-dressed, date-paying, college educated, law school-pursuing, job-having and car-owning young man. He was totally second date worthy, I thought.

We laughed a lot and talked about almost everything! No awkward pauses. I mentioned that it was 4/20 and asked Tonio if he smoked. I mean, I was just trying to keep the convo rolling. Bad move on my part. I think he took my question the wrong way…by the time I finished asking, he had his lighter in his hand! Damn. I wanted the date to go more John Legend than Bob Marley, you know?

Before I knew it, we were on our way OUT of the way. I don’t drive, but I could tell that we weren’t headed to D.C…the city skyline and outlines of all the monuments started fading far into the distance.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Just a little lounge by my place,” he answered breezily.

But how come he couldn’t tell me that from the beginning? I knew we weren’t going to a damn lounge as soon as he pulled into his nice, manicured neighborhood. Even though the homes were really cute and the area was seemingly safe, I didn’t feel okay with going to his place so late.

He parked his car in front of a playground where he proceeded to spark up.

“Want some?” he asked, waving the blunt in front of my face.

“Nah,” I said. “Not my thing. Lots of studying to do!”

Maybe he misunderstood me, though. He pressed his lips against mine and blew the smoke into my open, surprised mouth. Four times. My very first kiss…tainted with tree.

I grew even more nervous. I knew that if I got really comfortable with him, things could go bad. He kept on trying to get me to sit down next to him and chill out…”just relax!” he kept on telling me. I politely asked him to take me home.

On the ride back, he pouted the whole time. I got him to crack a smile by the time we got to my friend’s place, but things definitely weren’t the same. “So…can we do this again?” I asked innocently.

“I mean yeah, but it’s you with the busy schedule and everything…” he drifted off.

Yep, that was over. He gave me a half-assed hug and drove off, not even making sure that I got into the building safely.

A few days later, he hit me with the booty text. “U tryna chill??” We went from flirting to first date sparkle to friends with benefits. Never okay. He stopped texting me for good last week.

So whoomp, there it is. It really sucks when a guy is looking for more than you know you’re offering. If he were honest about what he really wanted from the beginning, I wouldn’t have gone out with him in the first place. But hey, c’est la vie. You live and you learn. I see all of my mistakes and from now on, I’ll know how to separate a crush and a conquest. I guess.

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via Yuri Arcurs/Shutterstock]

I have been single for almost two years. It’s been good. It’s been bad. It’s been lonely. It’s been fun as hell. Every single day, I gather a different opinion on the subject. Sometimes there is nothing I love more than going out with my other single girlfriends on a Saturday night and talking to different guys. No strings. No one to answer to. No games. No jealousy. No worries! I am I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T!

And then there are the nights when I’m not so happy. My bed seems bigger than usual, and for some reason all I want to do is cuddle.  I want someone to go to the farmer’s market with me on Saturday mornings. I want someone to call when I find out I got promoted/demoted/too much foam in my latte/whatever. Someone who will always pick up the phone and deal with my bull. And for almost two years, I haven’t had that person.

Many women make their whole lives about men. Finding a good man, getting a man’s validation or approval, marrying a man and having babies with that man. I’m not going to sit here and say that I’ve never had that idea in my head or that a man has never defined my self worth—they have. I’m not doing this 30-Day Challenge because I think that a man or a boyfriend is the key to my happiness or any woman’s happiness for that matter, but sometimes it’s nice to have a companion. It’s nice to be taken out for a date. What’s better than the beginning of a new relationship? You’re up in the clouds. Love drunk, as I like to call it.

So I have decided that I want to be love drunk once again! Since I only have 30 days to make this happen, I thought I would dive head first into the dating pool, and we all know what that means—online dating. Now before you yell at me, hear me out! I know I’m only 23 years old and probably should wait a little bit before I do online dating, I decided to change my beliefs for the sake of this experiment.

Online dating is weird. I am not even going to lie and tell you guys that I think it’s a totally normal thing. But I joined OKCupid yesterday. I made my profile, which was so easy. I was shocked at how simple and easy it was. You make an “About Me” page just like you would on Facebook and then answer a bunch of questions. OKCupid uses these questions to help find you matches. The more questions you answer, the more accurate your matches will be. The profile/homepage looks something like this:

Now like I said, I started OK Cupid yesterday and have already received many messages from men saying they are “interested in getting to know me”. Well that’s nice, I thought to myself. When was the last time I met a guy in person who said he just wanted to get to know me? The thing that I’m still kind of iffy about when it comes to online dating is that most of it has to just be based off the pictures we post. I posted about 5 pictures (obviously flattering ones) and I can’t help but wonder if the men messaging me even read my profile. These messages that I received were nice, but kind of creepy. There were a couple times yesterday where I wanted to just give up this whole challenge because the creep-level was just getting to be too much. Here is a perfect example of the creepiness that I am talking about:

“I’m just looking at something that I would bite, I meant that I like.”

WHAT? No thank you. You may not bite me. You may not like me. In fact, stop looking at me! Then there was this guy who just pretty much told me exactly what he wanted:

This was the point where I kind of just started laughing to myself and asked myself what the hell I was doing. I was only getting messages from guys like The Biter and The Friends With Benefits Man (Don’t we need to be FRIENDS first?), so I decided to take matters into my own hands. It was time to send out some messages myself.

With the help of my best friend, I concocted some pretty decent messages that I sent to guys who looked normal in their pictures (no mirror shots, etc.) and their profiles seemed interesting (They listed at least one book they enjoyed reading). I have not heard back from said men, which makes me feel super good. Is there anything worse than Internet rejection? I don’t think there is. Granted I think I need to give myself a little slack because it has only been a day since I sent these messages. I just want somebody to love! Is that so much to ask?!

I’m happy that you guys are along from the ride with me on this one. Online dating is definitely new territory for me, and while I do not expect to find the love of my life or even a serious boyfriend out of this, maybe I will just get to go on a few dates. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. I’m really planning on going on dates if I find some normal guys who don’t want to murder me with an axe. And in that case, I cannot wait to come back to CC and tell you all about them because, knowing my life, there will something worthy to write about! Until next week…

How do you feel about online dating? Do you have any tips to share? Wish me luck!!

[Lead image via karen roach/Shutterstock]

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A girl that I know got an awesome, highly coveted summer position at a magazine – a magazine that I’ve always admired. Though I already have a really great internship secured, I still lamented my feelings to a friend over the phone. “What made her application stronger?” I wondered aloud. Then my friend asked me the unexpected…“Is she a really pretty girl? That’s probably why she got the position.”

I instantly saw red and felt like hurling a Lil’ Wayne-inspired string of expletives at her. Instead of doing that, I called my mom in tears. Why would a friend say something so careless and just plain mean? “Your friend wasn’t insulting you,” Momma Undateable explained. “It’s the truth. There are benefits to being attractive.”

Yeah, I know mom.

The data is right there in front of my face. Countess polls and surveys show that attractive people have a better chance at getting jobs and raises at work. It’s the same story outside of the office as well – just ask London’s Samantha Brick. Though she emphasizes the downside of being desirable in her infamous article, it didn’t stop her from describing the beautiful benefits that she’s reaped over the years – gratis train tickets and cab fare and plenty of free drinks. It must be nice.

I admittedly struggle with my self-confidence – it’s been a waging battle ever since grade school (hey, kids can be really cruel!). Sometimes I feel charming and confident, ready to take on the world. Other days I just want to hide underneath the covers and borrow Beyonce’s glam squad. Sometimes, those second grade insecurities come back whenever I have an interview or if I have to find a source for the story. Will they deny me because I’m not a supermodel?

If I ruled the world, I’d make employers value the quality of an applicant’s work, not judge them through a hot-or-not rating. I’d make them look beyond the bad hair days and examine the brain inside. Look at my past internships and clips instead of my figure and my face, I beg of you!

So yes, I was a little bit salty, but I know that my friend deserves her coveted summer internship because she’s a great writer, because she’s persistent and because she put in time and effort. That’s how I got my internship. And that’s just the way it should be.

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via stryjek/Shutterstock]

Across the border in my home country of Canada, rates of STDs have rapidly been increasing since 2000. Syphilis cases have increased 10 times over, while chlamydia rates have increased 66 percent. Public-health experts are saying that this can partially be attributed to the popularity of online dating.

The problem is that people get to know each other in advance, so by the time they meet there are already increased levels of intimacy. Because of this felt intimacy, people are less likely to have a conversation about safe sex. Add this to the decrease in condom use among female college students, and it’s definitely something we should be talking about.

Public health agency statistics indicate that the more the HIV epidemic appears to become a thing of the past, the less people focus on a message of safe sex. There are, of course, other factors than just online dating, but the response should be the same. Communicate with your partners, practice safe sex, and get tested.

In California, the public health department is encouraging online-dating site owners to allow daters to have a safe-sex option in profiles and link to local HIV-testing venues with the option to send e-cards to past partners when results come in. It’ll be interesting to see if this ever happens.

Leah has her Bachelor of Journalism in sight with just over a month left at Ryerson University in Toronto. When she’s not working on the Ryerson Review of Journalism she’s baking tasty cupcakes and hunting for a job (hopefully that pays). Follow her @Elleandbee. 

[Lead image via badahos/Shutterstock]