Rember that scene from ‘The Sweetest Thing’ when Christina is dreaming about receiving oral sex every hour on the hour while eating mountains of ice cream void of any calories? Yeah, that’s pretty much paradise. It shouldn’t shock anyone to hear that girls enjoy oral sex just as much as guys. And you better believe girls will talk about any guy that’s really good (or really bad for that matter) under the sheets. I don’t think most girls would say oral sex is a deal breaker, but if a guy is good, it’s a definite bonus. And if he can take all the calories out of ice cream, he can marry me now.

Each woman’s body is different, and there is no Rosetta Stone of oral, but here are 4 pointers that shouldn’t offend too many ladies:

1. Tease her: Make your way down between her legs slowly. Kiss softly. Let her pantie line be the guide, and actually follow all the lines. Keep her panties on for a bit and kiss her on top of them. The warmth will give her chills and her anticipation will make her restless. You’ll feel her excitement when she has a hard time laying still. Wait til then to slide her panties off, but keep her wanting. Kiss all the same spots you just hit before the undies were gone.

2. Use your tongue: A slow build up is good, but merely kissing and breathing on our lady parts isn’t going to do much for us. Clitoral stimulation is just as important (for some ladies more important) as actual vaginal penetration. We don’t want anyone to be too rough, and super soft is a good as a teaser at first, but eventually there needs to be some pressure from your tongue. You’re doing the right thing if she’s clenching her thighs or thrusting her hips. Don’t be afraid to ask her for some direction. Faster? Softer? Harder? She’ll tell you.

3. And your fingers: you can stimulate her clitoris with your tongue while penetrating her with your fingers. This takes some coordination and rhythm, but I’m sure she won’t mind letting you practice for a while.

4. Be steady and consistent: if you keep sporadically jumping around and doing different things, it will be pretty difficult for her to get off. She needs a steady build up to climax. This doesn’t mean you should stick to one move the entire time. Make sure there’s a steady rhythm to whatever you’re doing and transition slowly to a new thing.

You should be able to tell when she’s close to finishing, and you can be sure she didn’t fake it if after the big moment, her vagina starts pulsing a bit. Let her just lay there for a good ten minutes, and I’m sure she’ll be more than willing to return the favor. And again, every girl is different, so ask her what she likes.

What do you think ladies? Give us your pointers below!

And don’t forget to see what He Said over at COEDMagazine.com

[lead image via hotflix.com

My enthusiasm for blowjobs is a recent occurrence. A couple of years ago, I was fairly neutral on the act. When I was in high school, I was absolutely adamant that I would never, ever, in a million years, give one. I thought they were degrading, uncomfortably submissive, and something only women with no self-respect would do (I’m utterly ashamed of my younger self). Now, I see them in a different, vastly more positive light. Here’s why:

1. They’re easy.

There is an absurd amount of blowjob tutorials out there, making it seem like oral is akin to rocket science. When I first starting giving oral, I used to obsessively read how-tos written by guys and blowjob queens alike, and it was so overwhelming. It felt like a chore when I was down there, because my head was swirling with so much info. But really, it’s simple – find your rhythm, keep your mouth wet, be enthusiastic (but no need to pretend you’re in a porno), and when you get tired, start incorporating your hands.  Of course, there are a ton of other little “tricks” to spice it up, but really, in my experience, guys are not that pressed. They’re generally just stoked that you’re down there. Read More »

As wonderful as men are, I can’t help but bring up a few…areas for improvement, shall we say…in the bedroom. Guys, I know it’s not easy guessing what your partner may or may not like — it’s not easy for us girls either. But, here I will suggest a few things that we would like less of. Now before you get your knickers in a twist, a few caveats: no, not all men do these things all the time – but there are some guys out there giving the rest of them a bad name. And secondly, no, not all women will agree with these suggestions, so really you’ll have to apply these on a case-by-case basis. Cool? Let’s continue then.

Less of the Axe deodorant.

You are not 14 anymore. As long as you shower regularly (and if you don’t, you should), there’s absolutely no need to drench yourself in that noxious gas which, despite what the ads may tell you, will not entice hoards of ridiculously beautiful women to throw themselves prostrate at your balls. Read More »

This morning, a post over at Em and Lo caught our eye. They featured a comment from one of their readers on a post about oral sex. To be more exact, it was a post called “How Do I Tell My BF He Sucks at Oral?” Here’s what the comment said:

I’m an Old Guy, 70 to be exact. I have over 50 years of experience going down on women, and I can say without hesitation that each woman is different. Patience young men (and young women, too!), patience and a willing heart combined with a woman who feels SAFE telling you what she wants and can do so clearly…that is the key to bring many women to peak passionate release. For me there is nothing quite like pleasing a woman; first learning about her, and then pleasing her.

I want younger men and women to know that when I say practice and learning and all that, that I am not talking about years or even months. You can earn – as I did – the appellation of “an educated tongue” within a few hours or a few days. I was 23 when I was told for the first time – post cunnilingus, of course – that I had an “Educated Tongue.” And she wasn’t talking about linguistic facility in Mandarin. But she WAS talking about communication, that is communication between us via my tongue, lips, chin (yes boys, chin) and…this may be the most difficult to imagine without guffawing: my nose. (Settle down, Children, settle down…) Read More »

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I could write a book filled with my friends’ hook up horror stories, but that would be ugly and unproductive. So in the spirit of Liz Lemon, I decided to make a list of deal breakers to prevent said horror stories. Unfortunately, many of my friends have followed through with a hookup despite a definite deal breaker (I have not of course, because I am perfect and never make mistakes). Enough is enough. Some things are just plain unacceptable and must be addressed.

However, I didn’t just write this list for girls. Pass this post on to a guy friend. Gentlemen, please pay attention. I’m trying to help you.

1. The Head Move

Head has two meanings here. If you’re a girl, you know exactly what I’m talking about already. The guy you’re making out with places one of his hands on your head or shoulder (barely a step up) and proceeds to gently push you downward. Subtle.

Out of all the over-eager pushy moves guys pull, this has got to be one of the most disrespectful because it wanders into the area of coercion, which is NOT ok.

At best, this tactic epitomizes the male sex’s inability to communicate. Why does the necessity to constantly talk about sex only disappear when you’re actually in the act?  USE YOUR WORDS. So many of my friends have encountered the head move that I’m starting to think guys genuinely believe it to be smooth. Why? How? NO. It’s rude and awkward (more awkward than simply speaking up. Shocker.). You might as well say “Hey, ya know what? I really don’t want to look at your face right now. So if ya don’t mind…”

WE KNOW WHERE IT IS. Please, just ask or let us offer.

2. Overly Aggressive Dirty Talk

On the other hand, a guy who enjoys using his words a little too much can also be a problem. One of my friends was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he suddenly said something so atrocious I don’t feel comfortable quoting it. All I will say is he spoke in a deep, husky voice “reminiscent of Buffalo Bill from ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ ” and ended his exclamation with “BITCH.”

They were about 5 minutes into making out…

Guys, you want to make a girl feel sexy, not like she’s about to be murdered, skinned and then sewn into some socio-path’s lady-suit. So, think before you speak, especially if it’s your first time hooking up with her. She may not even be into that, so try and pull it back…especially if you’re both still fully clothed.

3. Bad kissing 

OK, we can handle the cheesy dance moves or all around lack of rhythm. These tend to be less consistent gauges of a potential hookup’s prowess. However, we cannot and will not tolerate questionable kissing skills. Let me put this into perspective; the guy doing “the fishing-line” on the dance floor has a significantly better chance at catching some tail than the J.T.-in-training who kisses like a trout. (Sadly, the later will not be “rocking” anyone’s body anytime soon. Cheesy enough mixed metaphor for ya?). There is NO excuse for still being a bad kisser by the time you’ve reached COLLEGE.

And no, we don’t care this much because a great make-out is just sooooo romantic and swoon-worthy. We care because if you don’t have that fundamental step down, you’ll most likely disappoint past that point.

4. Overbearing and Over-sharing

One of my friends had been hooking up with a guy for only a couple weeks when he gave her a toothbrush so she could “start staying over all the time!” Yay? As she so eloquently reflected, “2 fast, 2 furious.” Coming on too strong, too soon can make a girl very uncomfortable.

This also includes the often drunken over-sharing. There’s a difference between opening up and word vomit. Girls can make great listeners, but don’t abuse this quality. There is a time and a place…and, hey, probably another person that you could talk to. Pre or Post-hookup, we don’t want to hear about your friend drama, and, please, don’t ever bring up your ex-girlfriend. TMI is a turn-off. Remember, if she was your shrink, you’d being lying on her couch, not her bed.

5. Overconfidence

True, some girls find copious amounts of confidence irresistible, but if you use pick-up lines seriously or refer to yourself in the third person, most girls are just going to think you’re an ass. Worst-case scenario: we find you funny (in a laughing at you not with you sense).

Another friend of mine was once hooking up with a guy who suddenly stopped to ask her, “So, how many times have you climaxed so far?” Did I mention they had been having sex for maybe 10 minutes?

Dude, too soon. What’s next, a Steve Jobs joke?

(She told me this story crying with laughter. At least he did that for her…).

6. Super Sketchy Secretive Behavior

I’m addressing this section mainly to girls. To a lot of us, this is a red flag. However, some girls don’t see a guy’s shenanigans as sketchy, but as mysterious and exciting. I know girls with 4.0’s that fall into this trap. It has got to stop. He is not James Bond, and you are not a Bond girl. So beware of the LATE night texts, secret meeting places, lack of public interaction, and overall treatment of your hookup as a covert operation.

You are not role-playing. HE’S PROBABLY MARRIED.

7. Wanting to Go Condom Commando

This shouldn’t even need an explanation. Girls, don’t give into this pressure by any means. What guy is going to say, “Ok, well I’d rather not have sex at all then”?

If by some off chance he does, he’s an idiot. Sucks to suck.

8. Extreme Drunkenness

Ladies, if he went to the bathroom to “take a piss” and returns with a minty-fresh mouth, he probably wasn’t handling his beer breathe for you, he actually just tactically vommed. Sound cynical? This has happened to more than one of my friends (and they only knew the truth because the fellas fessed up). Get out. Get out immediately.

Guys, extreme drunkenness can lead to not only sloppy seduction, but also disaster. Remember how Jonah Hill head-butts Emma Stone in “Superbad” because he passes out as he leans in to kiss her? Well, even if you make it past your fellow fallen soldier, as long as you too are extremely intoxicated, you’re not going get much further. A girl doesn’t have to be psychic to predict that the hookup will most likely be super bad in other ways.

Bottom line: No girl wants to feel like a sexual predator…or Snookie’s handler.

Of course this list could go on-and-on and get strangely specific. For example, I could add “playing weird mood music” (cranking up the Sarah Bareillis doesn’t exactly set the scene for seduction. Yes, this too has happened to one of my poor friends). However, I trust that the eight deal breakers above cover more common ground. That being said, I recognize that every girl has her personal preferences, and that’s awesome. Just make sure you’re getting what you want out of your hookup experience.

As for the lovely upstanding gentlemen who took the time to read this post, I’d like to impart to you the secret to improving in all the aforementioned areas:

Stop it.

Every once in awhile, I’ll hear dudes lament how handjobs became obsolete past high school. It’s true enough, I suppose. At some point, oral and intercourse replaced the handy. In theory, I totally understand why some dudes miss the HJ – I still enjoy a good fingerbang probably more often than is “normal” for someone over the age of 17. But I refuse to do my part to bring handjobs back. Occasionally, my boyfriend asks for one, and I’ll oblige, very reluctantly. But honestly, they suck. And here’s why…

They’re hard work.
Blow jobs have the reputation for being arduous, but either my hands/wrists are weak, or my mouth is unusually strong. Seriously, within minutes of commencing a HJ, my hand starts cramping, my wrist gets sore and I’m not mentally engaged enough to want to continue. I can’t help but look around the room, think of my grocery list and wonder if Ryan Gosling asks his ladies to endure such torture. Read More »

Getting to know someone else’s body is a learning process. Sometimes there’s a very steep curve, depending on level of intuitiveness, experience and communication. Some people can pick up cues far quicker and better than others and all is well, while sometimes…you’re laying on your back, staring at the ceiling and thinking of your to-do list for the next six months. Five behaviors I’ve had the displeasure of enjoying enduring are…

1. Sloppy kissing
Kissing is a truly crucial component of hooking up. In fact, I’d go so far as to call it a crucial life skill. While we all have different kissing styles, and sometimes they won’t align. Things like too much drool, excessive suction and a complete inability to find a good angle are obnoxious to endure. Read More »

I’ve got to be honest…I hate giving oral sex. If I’m going to be sticking a massive sausage down my throat, it better at least be edible.  (And no, unless the stuff that comes out is BBQ sauce, it doesn’t count). But just because I don’t like it, doesn’t mean I haven’t done it before. If the guy loves it and I love the guy, well then, consider it me giving him a gift each time. Otherwise, dude, my hand or your hand works just fine! Or if my guy and I are already having sex, let’s just get straight to that instead. Nevertheless, oral sex has become a part of our sexual culture and it seems to be the norm and at times, precursor to sex. So for those of you who have given oral and made up your mind about it, you’ve got your own opinions on the etiquette of giving oral sex. That said, here are mine:

• Yes, you may play with my hair or lightly caress my head, but if you push my head down hard towards your package (gently is fine, that way I know I’m doing a good job…but if it’s an aggressive push…) that’ll be the end. As said before, I’m giving you something, don’t get carried away now.
• If it lasts longer than five minutes, be a doll and just let me stop. Please. Five minutes is way too long to have something jab at my throat repeatedly.
• Don’t be offended if I spit. Let’s be real here, if his man-juices tasted like a strawberry-banana smoothie, things would be different. Spits or swallows baby, it’s the ladies choice.
• If both partners are performing oral, let the guy give it first. It’ll make him more aroused and that way he won’t get impatient with you later. Read More »

It’s Saturday morning and you’ve just woken up from your usual Friday night routine; hung-over, regretful, half your makeup on your pillow, the other half on your cheek. Your roomie bursts into your room, camera in hand and tells you, “You have to see the pictures from last night, things got pretty crazy!” In a daze you agree. As you peruse the photos, one passes where your face is squished up against a random dude’s, sweat beads cover your upper lip and your teeth are purple from too much vodka cranberry. Oh dear God, that’s the guy! (Screw the fact that you look like a hot mess). You quickly hide your head under the covers and shout to your roommate, “That’s him! That’s who I hooked up with!”

So what exactly is your definition of hooking up? Could it mean a little bumpin’ and grindin’ followed by a sloppy make-out sesh? Does it mean crawling into a cab with a guy, knowing good and well that you’re going to “get your kicks” (thanks Rizzo from Grease for that one) later that night? Or does it mean bypassing first and getting right to second base?

Since I was given this topic of discussion, I’ve had numerous conversations with friends and one in my Human Sexuality class about how to properly define hooking up. While my friends (guys and girls) define hooking up as anything from kissing to sex, my professor seemed to think hooking up can only mean one thing: doin’ it. Read More »