Rember that scene from ‘The Sweetest Thing’ when Christina is dreaming about receiving oral sex every hour on the hour while eating mountains of ice cream void of any calories? Yeah, that’s pretty much paradise. It shouldn’t shock anyone to hear that girls enjoy oral sex just as much as guys. And you better believe girls will talk about any guy that’s really good (or really bad for that matter) under the sheets. I don’t think most girls would say oral sex is a deal breaker, but if a guy is good, it’s a definite bonus. And if he can take all the calories out of ice cream, he can marry me now.

Each woman’s body is different, and there is no Rosetta Stone of oral, but here are 4 pointers that shouldn’t offend too many ladies:

1. Tease her: Make your way down between her legs slowly. Kiss softly. Let her pantie line be the guide, and actually follow all the lines. Keep her panties on for a bit and kiss her on top of them. The warmth will give her chills and her anticipation will make her restless. You’ll feel her excitement when she has a hard time laying still. Wait til then to slide her panties off, but keep her wanting. Kiss all the same spots you just hit before the undies were gone.

2. Use your tongue: A slow build up is good, but merely kissing and breathing on our lady parts isn’t going to do much for us. Clitoral stimulation is just as important (for some ladies more important) as actual vaginal penetration. We don’t want anyone to be too rough, and super soft is a good as a teaser at first, but eventually there needs to be some pressure from your tongue. You’re doing the right thing if she’s clenching her thighs or thrusting her hips. Don’t be afraid to ask her for some direction. Faster? Softer? Harder? She’ll tell you.

3. And your fingers: you can stimulate her clitoris with your tongue while penetrating her with your fingers. This takes some coordination and rhythm, but I’m sure she won’t mind letting you practice for a while.

4. Be steady and consistent: if you keep sporadically jumping around and doing different things, it will be pretty difficult for her to get off. She needs a steady build up to climax. This doesn’t mean you should stick to one move the entire time. Make sure there’s a steady rhythm to whatever you’re doing and transition slowly to a new thing.

You should be able to tell when she’s close to finishing, and you can be sure she didn’t fake it if after the big moment, her vagina starts pulsing a bit. Let her just lay there for a good ten minutes, and I’m sure she’ll be more than willing to return the favor. And again, every girl is different, so ask her what she likes.

What do you think ladies? Give us your pointers below!

And don’t forget to see what He Said over at COEDMagazine.com

[lead image via hotflix.com

My enthusiasm for blowjobs is a recent occurrence. A couple of years ago, I was fairly neutral on the act. When I was in high school, I was absolutely adamant that I would never, ever, in a million years, give one. I thought they were degrading, uncomfortably submissive, and something only women with no self-respect would do (I’m utterly ashamed of my younger self). Now, I see them in a different, vastly more positive light. Here’s why:

1. They’re easy.

There is an absurd amount of blowjob tutorials out there, making it seem like oral is akin to rocket science. When I first starting giving oral, I used to obsessively read how-tos written by guys and blowjob queens alike, and it was so overwhelming. It felt like a chore when I was down there, because my head was swirling with so much info. But really, it’s simple – find your rhythm, keep your mouth wet, be enthusiastic (but no need to pretend you’re in a porno), and when you get tired, start incorporating your hands.  Of course, there are a ton of other little “tricks” to spice it up, but really, in my experience, guys are not that pressed. They’re generally just stoked that you’re down there.

2. I get to be dominant.

So I generally prefer to relinquish control in the bedroom, but blowjobs are the exception. When I’m down there, I get to control the speed, the depth, and most excitingly, someone else is deriving pleasure because of what I’m doing. That is baller.

3. They’re less intrusive than intercourse.

I’ve hinted at my love of aggressive sex before, but one of the downfalls is that, well, it can be a little abrasive for my lady parts at times. So when I’m not feeling up to sex, but still want to engage in some intimate activity, BJs are an excellent alternative.

4. They’re selfless.

I never want to be seen as a selfish lover, but sometimes it’s easy to fall into that because, well, laying there and just enjoying the festivities is preferable to being engaged. But giving a good blowjob is a great way to combat these feelings, and I’m making someone else feel good. How charitable of me, right?

5. It’s easier to like it than to not.

When I first started giving head and I wasn’t that into it, I would get irrationally resentful of my partner. It’s silly, because I was not at all coerced into doing it, but blowjobs are nearly a default activity in nearly any sexual relationship wherein a penis is involved. And since I wasn’t morally opposed to it, nor did it really violate any absolutely set-in-stone boundaries at the time, head was going to be on the menu for the foreseeable future. So I learned to like it. Once I made a conscious decision to actively enjoy what I was doing, the rest fell into place.

[Lead image BestPhotoStudio/Shutterstock]

As wonderful as men are, I can’t help but bring up a few…areas for improvement, shall we say…in the bedroom. Guys, I know it’s not easy guessing what your partner may or may not like — it’s not easy for us girls either. But, here I will suggest a few things that we would like less of. Now before you get your knickers in a twist, a few caveats: no, not all men do these things all the time – but there are some guys out there giving the rest of them a bad name. And secondly, no, not all women will agree with these suggestions, so really you’ll have to apply these on a case-by-case basis. Cool? Let’s continue then.

Less of the Axe deodorant.

You are not 14 anymore. As long as you shower regularly (and if you don’t, you should), there’s absolutely no need to drench yourself in that noxious gas which, despite what the ads may tell you, will not entice hoards of ridiculously beautiful women to throw themselves prostrate at your balls.

Less of the awful underwear.

Again, you’re not 14 anymore. Satin boxers, particularly those with obnoxious, garish patterns and/or slogans, should be indiscriminately burnt in sacrifice to the undergarment gods. Acrid smoke in their eyes, teenage boys and 20-somethings who never grew up would weep over the ashes of their satin monstrosities. Seriously, though, chuck the heinous things out. Cotton boxers or boxer-briefs, thank you very much. And if you still wear daggy y-fronts, well, you know what to ask for next Christmas.

Less rubbing it ’til it’s raw.

For men it’s all about friction, right? Hm. It’s similar for ladies, but we like the friction a bit less intense. After a while it either hurts like only a pain in the clitoris can, or we’re so numb we can’t feel anything at all. Pro-tip: If she’s not enjoying it, it’s probably not because you’re not doing it hard enough, you’re most likely just in the wrong place. Move half an inch and try again.

Less asking for things we don’t want to do.

It’s absolutely fine for you to ask once, by all means! If you don’t ask, you won’t get. However, if you ask and the answer is ‘no’, drop it. Some guys will keep pushing to get what they want, but really it’s quite simple — no means no.

Less head pushing.

Yeah, speaking of pushing, PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. Pushing a girl’s head towards your crotch is just plain rude. Further to that, if a girl is giving head she’s probably doing the best she can without choking and/or gagging. We know that what you basically want is to f*ck our mouths, but unfortunately that’s not quite how it works.

Less grotty crotches

Look, I know most of you are probably conscious of this already, but it’s happened enough that it warrants mentioning — if you want us to suck it (or go anywhere near it, in fact), give it a once over in the bathroom, okay? No one likes a smelly dick in their bed.

Alright. Now that I’m done making all men sound like the absolute worst of the unwashed masses, let me repeat: I know not all men do these things all the time, but some do and they damn well deserve a slap. If you’re a culprit, sort it out. If you’re not guilty, keep calm and carry on.

Want to see what He Said would like a little less of in the bedroom? Visit COEDMagazine.com to find out!

[Lead image via artur gabrysiak/Shutterstock]

This morning, a post over at Em and Lo caught our eye. They featured a comment from one of their readers on a post about oral sex. To be more exact, it was a post called “How Do I Tell My BF He Sucks at Oral?” Here’s what the comment said:

I’m an Old Guy, 70 to be exact. I have over 50 years of experience going down on women, and I can say without hesitation that each woman is different. Patience young men (and young women, too!), patience and a willing heart combined with a woman who feels SAFE telling you what she wants and can do so clearly…that is the key to bring many women to peak passionate release. For me there is nothing quite like pleasing a woman; first learning about her, and then pleasing her.

I want younger men and women to know that when I say practice and learning and all that, that I am not talking about years or even months. You can earn – as I did – the appellation of “an educated tongue” within a few hours or a few days. I was 23 when I was told for the first time – post cunnilingus, of course – that I had an “Educated Tongue.” And she wasn’t talking about linguistic facility in Mandarin. But she WAS talking about communication, that is communication between us via my tongue, lips, chin (yes boys, chin) and…this may be the most difficult to imagine without guffawing: my nose. (Settle down, Children, settle down…)

Now using virtually all of your facial features to pleasure a lady may seem not only far-fetched but just plain weird, but I’m trying to stir your imaginations; women are happy if you just learn to use your tongue intelligently and passionately (really truly enjoy what you are doing, Boys!). But if you’re willing to put in the time, then you may one day be able to surprise your woman with a double-tucking chin push followed by a nose-over combination double-twisting tongue-flip. That’s what took me fifty years to perfect! And I am only being slightly silly there, Lads. Some of those things I can actually still do!

My first reaction was that this is kind of great. If only all guys were really willing to take the time to figure out how best to satisfy the lady they’re with! But then I got a little creeped out. This guy is almost old enough to be my grandpa! And thinking of cute little old men performing oral sex is just…a little weird for me. But you know what? I’m sure that if I were a 70 year old lady, I would love to find a guy like that. So I think I can forgive him for the over-share, and I’ll try my best to push the creepy thoughts away.

Garnet is a student at Columbia University in New York City. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also loves cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Follow her on Twitter @garnethenderson.

[Lead image via Pinkcandy/Shutterstock]

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Every once in awhile, I’ll hear dudes lament how handjobs became obsolete past high school. It’s true enough, I suppose. At some point, oral and intercourse replaced the handy. In theory, I totally understand why some dudes miss the HJ – I still enjoy a good fingerbang probably more often than is “normal” for someone over the age of 17. But I refuse to do my part to bring handjobs back. Occasionally, my boyfriend asks for one, and I’ll oblige, very reluctantly. But honestly, they suck. And here’s why…

They’re hard work.
Blow jobs have the reputation for being arduous, but either my hands/wrists are weak, or my mouth is unusually strong. Seriously, within minutes of commencing a HJ, my hand starts cramping, my wrist gets sore and I’m not mentally engaged enough to want to continue. I can’t help but look around the room, think of my grocery list and wonder if Ryan Gosling asks his ladies to endure such torture.

Guys don’t seem to enjoy them that much.
I’m sure well-lubricated strokes are pleasurable (hence why I use my hands during a blowie), but I have never seen a guy have the same kind of glazed over, semi-comatose, “I-saw-Jesus-even-though-I’m-Buddhist,” completely and utterly blissed out look they get during oral. BJs are way more intense, and the payoff is far bigger.

They’re messy.
I’m a swallower. It is a lot easier to do that when I’m already down there, as opposed to having to time it so that everything gets in my mouth instead of on him, the sheets, the ceiling, the floor…you get the picture.

Guys already do it themselves.
Part of the reason why I enjoy a good fingerbang is because I have a less than stellar relationship with penetrating myself, so when a guy manually stimulates me, it’s a totally different sensation than I’m used to. Whereas guys generally create a tight bond between their hand and their penis, and they know exactly what they like and can execute it better than any outsider.

They’re awkward.
Maybe it’s because they’re so strongly associated with adolescence, but every time I do it, I completely lose the sexual confidence I’ve been building up over the years, and I feel insecure, inexperienced and utterly juvenile.

Getting to know someone else’s body is a learning process. Sometimes there’s a very steep curve, depending on level of intuitiveness, experience and communication. Some people can pick up cues far quicker and better than others and all is well, while sometimes…you’re laying on your back, staring at the ceiling and thinking of your to-do list for the next six months. Five behaviors I’ve had the displeasure of enjoying enduring are…

1. Sloppy kissing
Kissing is a truly crucial component of hooking up. In fact, I’d go so far as to call it a crucial life skill. While we all have different kissing styles, and sometimes they won’t align. Things like too much drool, excessive suction and a complete inability to find a good angle are obnoxious to endure.

2. Not wrapping it up
Guys who don’t take responsibility for their role in pregnancy and STD prevention are trouble. Not wearing a condom or pouting about wearing a condom is immature and disgusting. No, condoms are not absolutely ideal, but neither is gonorrhea or a baby. Part of being ready to have sex means being ready to take on the risk prevention that is necessary to have a stress free sex life.

3. A lack of appreciation
I love to feel…savored. When a guy looks like he could easily spend the rest of his life getting familiar with every part of my body, that is super arousing. On the other hand, when a guy looks like he’s phoning it in because he’s thinking about his fantasy football league and is quickly going through the motions, I become equally as disengaged.

4. Insecurity
We all get nervous when we’re nude. That’s totally understandable and normal. But asking every five seconds “Do you like this?”, “Is this okay?” and giving me lost puppy dog eyes is thoroughly unsexy. I used to do this too, and it wasn’t until I was on the other end that I realized how off-putting it is. Communication is good. Constantly needing validation is not.

5. No reciprocation
I love to give head. I truly do. I think it’s fun and I feel totally sexy and submissive when I do it. So it’s not like I only give head so I can get head in exchange. That said…it would be nice.  Some people have a fear of cunnilingus and I get that. The vaginal area is not quite as straightforward as a penis. But how would you ever learn if you don’t practice, right? When a guy doesn’t even make moves towards going down on me, I become incredibly self-conscious. I wonder if I smell or if I taste “bad.” That doesn’t exactly inspire a ton of self-confidence and it definitely doesn’t conjure up positive associations with my partner.

I want your input! What are your ultimate turn-offs?

I’ve got to be honest…I hate giving oral sex. If I’m going to be sticking a massive sausage down my throat, it better at least be edible.  (And no, unless the stuff that comes out is BBQ sauce, it doesn’t count). But just because I don’t like it, doesn’t mean I haven’t done it before. If the guy loves it and I love the guy, well then, consider it me giving him a gift each time. Otherwise, dude, my hand or your hand works just fine! Or if my guy and I are already having sex, let’s just get straight to that instead. Nevertheless, oral sex has become a part of our sexual culture and it seems to be the norm and at times, precursor to sex. So for those of you who have given oral and made up your mind about it, you’ve got your own opinions on the etiquette of giving oral sex. That said, here are mine:

• Yes, you may play with my hair or lightly caress my head, but if you push my head down hard towards your package (gently is fine, that way I know I’m doing a good job…but if it’s an aggressive push…) that’ll be the end. As said before, I’m giving you something, don’t get carried away now.
• If it lasts longer than five minutes, be a doll and just let me stop. Please. Five minutes is way too long to have something jab at my throat repeatedly.
• Don’t be offended if I spit. Let’s be real here, if his man-juices tasted like a strawberry-banana smoothie, things would be different. Spits or swallows baby, it’s the ladies choice.
• If both partners are performing oral, let the guy give it first. It’ll make him more aroused and that way he won’t get impatient with you later.
• If you can, please groom properly so that the skin surrounding my mouth isn’t raw by the time I’m done. Likewise for the ladies on this one.
• Kissing after oral? Depends on how I feel about the guy. If I’m in love, I’m all for it. If not, let’s stick to kissing everywhere but there.
• For the guy, if you insist on finishing somewhere other than my mouth (he’s a keeper), my bed sheets are not an option. Grab a small towel or use your boxers.
• Please have showered at some point during the day. Thank you.
• Please let your partner know if you’ve got an STD in advance. Like, waaay in advance.

I know a lot of girls out there feel empowered when they’re giving oral sex, but I’m not one of those girls. I am not going to deny a dude of it if we’re at that stage in our relationship and he really likes it, but at the same time, if I knew a guy I was seeing hated going down on someone, I definitely wouldn’t push it. It’s simply a matter of respect for me.

Alright readers out there, I just gave oral sex a piece of my mind, so feel free to let me know what’s on yours with this topic. Be easy on me now, we’re all entitled to our own opinions.

And to see what He Says about oral sex etiquette (we really can’t wait), head on over to COED Magazine.

So what exactly is your definition of hooking up? Could it mean a little bumpin’ and grindin’ followed by a sloppy make-out sesh? Does it mean crawling into a cab with a guy, knowing good and well that you’re going to “get your kicks” (thanks Rizzo from Grease for that one) later that night? Or does it mean bypassing first and getting right to second base?

Since I was given this topic of discussion, I’ve had numerous conversations with friends and one in my Human Sexuality class about how to properly define hooking up. While my friends (guys and girls) define hooking up as anything from kissing to sex, my professor seemed to think hooking up can only mean one thing: doin’ it.

As I continued to contemplate the subject, I decided to hit up the trusty UrbanDictionary.com to find out what the world is thinking. The first comment, with nearly 2,500 “likes,” said, “An incredibly ambiguous phrase that drives me absolutely insane when people use it.” Yep, sounds about right! That got me thinking that people will say it so that it is ambiguous. As in, people will use the word “hookup” so that the person they’re talking to thinks they did more than they actually did. And unless you’re bff with the person discussing their hookup, I highly doubt you’re going to ask, “So by hookup do you mean you sucked face (or something else) or rolled around the sheets together?” …See what I mean?

I am one of those people that defines a hookup as sex, “hitting a home run,” doing the dirty, whatever you may call it. So where do those other possible meanings behind hooking up fit in? See below.

Making out — It is what it is. Kissing, a good ‘ole boob grab here and there and maybe a nice over-the-shorts rub down. Why not describe your kiss-fest as a simple make-out and put our imaginations to rest?

Messing around — Whether you’re getting “handsy” or testing out that Cosmo blow-job tip, messing around means that big leap after making out. Bra dropping to the floor, his sexy Calvin’s flying across the room and suddenly things are really hot and heavy but stop before the big bang.

Hooking up, aka “The Sex” – Go ahead and hang your “Do Not Disturb” sign (or a sock if that’s more your style) on the door handle because this is what I call an official hookup.

It seems this topic has an array of meanings depending on how you prefer to phrase your sexy-time. If you want to see what He Says on the matter, check out COEDMagazine!

What’s your take on hooking up? Do you agree or disagree with me? Let me know!

Fact: There is nothing more intimate than having sex with another person. After all, you’re completely naked and vulnerable, and everything is out in plain sight. So unless you’re that old, beer-bellied guy that is always alone and naked at the nude beach, that level of intimacy is going to make you a little nervous.

And then there’s the whole “performance” aspect (Are you doing it right? Does it feel right? Is that face sexy or creepy?), which gets enhanced ten-fold when oral sex is involved. Oral is pretty uncomfortable for everyone (mentally, hopefully not physically), but can get extremely nerve-wracking for most women. I get it; who wouldn’t be self conscious and wonder what her guy is thinking when he is up close and personal with her most private of areas? But all that thinking can really ruin a marvelous experience, and what’s the point of us putting in all that work if you’re not going to enjoy it?

So let’s take a moment to find out what your guy is thinking while he’s orally fixated on you so you can stop thinking and start having some fun.

1. Female Hygiene
This is at the top of every guy’s mind right before he begins pleasing a woman orally.  While he is kissing your stomach and trying to get directions from your body language, which at this point is practically screaming at him to go south already, he is also trying to figure out your hygiene situation. Two things are running through his mind before he gets too close to the promised land:

1) What’s the landscaping going be like?
2) Please let it be free of any odor.

Now, the latter is the real deal breaker for most guys (by most, I mean 99.9%. The last .1% of guys have stuffy noses and couldn’t smell if they wanted to).  Guys can work around different types of female grooming and truthfully, it’s like an exciting adventure. We really can’t wait and anticipate it like a surprise. Don’t worry if your landing strip designed to land a Cessna can now land a Boeing, most guys won’t really care and we understand that you don’t carry a razor in your purse. However, any kind of unpleasant odor and your chances for oral stimulation are out the door.

2. Technique
Guys are not impervious to insecurities like most women think. We want to please our partners and be remembered (and talked about the moment we walk out the door – yeah, we know how it goes) as great lovers. It is no different when it comes to going down on our lady. During the act, we are mainly concerned with how good our tongue technique is and if it’s delivering the desired effect.

Does it look/sound like she likes it? If not, is it oral sex in general or how I do it?
Am I doing it right?
Should I make her have an orgasm? Can I make her have an orgasm?

Hopefully, your guy answers “yea, yea, yea, and hell yea.” And hopefully he doesn’t get so into his thoughts that he forgets why he’s down there in the first place.

3. Reciprocity
There is one thought lingering on the back of your guy’s mind while he’s making his Southern Expedition and that is whether or not you’ll return the favor. This is anything but work for us, but we would like to be rewarded for our foreplay efforts with a little fellatio. And by “a little” we mean a lot. Guys love it (a lot a lot), but believe it or not, we’re sometimes too shy to ask for it.

So there you have it – the low down on the go down. When it comes down to it, all we really want to do it please you and while we may not seem to stress about it, we definitely think about it. Often. We ask our friends how they do it, if they do it, and when to do it. We try new things and hope for new results. We worry that we’re just not good enough. All because we want you to enjoy yourself.

Oral sex isn’t every guy’s cup of tea, so if your guy is taking the initiative to give you this kind of pleasure, embrace it and remember: don’t forget to tip.

[This story was originally posted by Cesar- University of Florida.]