[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Why's my BF being so cheap?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dude!

My best guy friend and I recently acknowledged that there is a sexual attraction between us, and have transitioned from flirting to making out. We were on the way to officially consummating the relationship the other day when hormones and nerves caused my rational thought process to shut down and I made a joke that backfired and killed the mood. As a result, he was unable to perform.

I know that he is embarrassed, even though when we talk thing seem normal. I am struggling with how to address this, if I should address this, or just let it go?  The last thing I want to do is to make it worse. I am embarrassed by my inability to think before I speak, but I don’t want to make it about me, so not to cast myself as the damsel in distress, but “Help me dude, you are my only hope.”

— Red in the Face Read More »

Are you looking to invite that hot guy over for a sexy sleepover?  Make sure your oral technique blows his mind so he comes back for seconds and thirds.  After all, studies show that sex makes you smarter.

Or perhaps your relationship has hit a rut.  What happens when you want it all the time and he wants it…not so much?  Make sure you make the most of sexy time by making it feel better for you (some solo experimentation required).  If you’re shedding tears of pain instead of joy after the dismount, see what the sexperts have to say.  Maybe you should give up the hunt for the elusive G-Spot and focus on finding your PS-Spot instead.

[We ladies spend a lot of time wondering what guys are thinking, most often over stiff drinks or soupy ice cream. Unfortunately, besides The Dude, we don't often get the chance to really find out. So we continue speculating, wondering and growing more and more self-conscious by the minute. Not anymore. CollegeCandy's got a new guy in town who is going to open up his man brain and enlighten us as to what exactly goes on in there. Prepare yourselves, girls; I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting ride.]

Fact: There is nothing more intimate than having sex with another person. After all, you’re completely naked and vulnerable, and everything is out in plain sight. So unless you’re that old, beer-bellied guy that is always alone and naked at the nude beach, that level of intimacy is going to make you a little nervous.

And then there’s the whole “performance” aspect (Are you doing it right? Does it feel right? Is that face sexy or creepy?), which gets enhanced ten-fold when oral sex is involved. Oral is pretty uncomfortable for everyone (mentally, hopefully not physically), but can get extremely nerve-wracking for most women. I get it; who wouldn’t be self conscious and wonder what her guy is thinking when he is up close and personal with her most private of areas? But all that thinking can really ruin a marvelous experience, and what’s the point of us putting in all that work if you’re not going to enjoy it?

So let’s take a moment to find out what your guy is thinking while he’s orally fixated on you so you can stop thinking and start having some fun. Read More »

While perusing (and by “perusing” I mean obsessively checking and re-checking) Facebook for the fourth time yesterday, I noticed that no one had done anything since the last time I logged in (an hour before). In a fit of never ending boredom that made signing off impossible, I decided to look at pictures of me.

Of the 300ish photos of me, 250 involved drinking and 249 of those involved me making some sort of awful face. Not like “I wasn’t ready for the camera” awful; more like, “I am going to make the ugliest face I can think of” awful. The sad part is that I can distinctly remember taking most of those pictures and consciously making the faces that are now staring back at (and horrifying) me.

I even giggled as I made one of my uglier faces and poked my head into what would have been a cute picture of friends. Why did I ever think that was a good idea?

Self Reflective Beer Goggles, that’s why.

It’s like the minute the beer hits my lips, I am somehow unable to take a picture without doing something completely stupid. Whether it is an awful face, mimicking oral sex with a beer bottle or thinking of a ridiculous scenario (“Your boyfriend just asked you to pee on him”) before snapping a selfie, I always look horribly, terrifyingly, bad. Read More »

Question for La Tuff? Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to be featured in this column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

The last two years have been a whirlwind for me. I was really overweight pretty much all throughout high school and was really shy/awkward towards anyone who I didn’t know very well. A year after I graduated high school, I decided to start losing weight and since then have lost nearly sixty pounds. I still have a little weight to lose, but this new body of mine has definitely caused me to feel more comfortable with myself, and the male attention has increased drastically. I didn’t date in high school because I felt so bad about how I looked, and only until this year did I start going on dates. Since then, I have dabbled in oral sex with a few different men I knew casually but I never get off from receiving it. Actually, it has never felt good receiving, but I still continue to do it in hopes of that changing. I never went all the way with any of these guys, partly because I am not still not 100% okay with how I look yet and I would silently freak out and back off. I am turning 20 in August and did not want to be a virgin when my teen years came to an end.

So, after not being able to go through it with any of the men I had gone down on, I decided to take action and find a random guy I would never have to see again on Craigslist. Well, I found the right man, we talked for about a week, and we met up, hung out and had sex. That’s where the next part, and my problem, comes in. It didn’t hurt at all, but it didn’t feel good either. I could feel him but there was no pleasure. I saw him again a few days later and nothing, even though I’m highly attracted to him not just physically but I felt mentally as well from what I did know about him. I even suggested he take off the condom the second time we were together thinking maybe that was the problem, but nothing! That was nearly six weeks ago, and I have since slept with two other guys who have approached me and it is the same thing. I am attracted to them and I like going down on them, but I have yet to receive any pleasure when it comes to receiving oral and intercourse. I feel hopeless. I was not expecting fireworks or anything, but no pleasure from any of these encounters is leaving me frustrated and insecure. Is there something wrong with me? I finally have had sex and it is such a major let down.

Can’t Enjoy Sex Read More »

I seem to be on a roll with the truth telling lately. First it was semen myths, and then it was the things we believe about sex before we start actually having it. This week is going to be short and sweet (because I’m exhausted from my summer job. Why did no one warn me it was going to be so awful?); I’m going to tackle why size doesn’t matter.

So listen up. Maybe it’s time we all stop hating on the little guys, K?

The top two-thirds of the vagina has no nerve endings. Really. We only have a couple of inches that can feel what’s going on (that’s why you can’t feel a properly inserted tampon). If you’re only going to be feeling 3 inches, what difference would a 5-inch penis or a 9-inch penis make?

“It’s not the size of the boat…” Plenty of well-endowed men have no skill (trust.), and many men with smaller equipment know the right things to do. It’s not fair to generalize either way, really. There are plenty of men who are larger who think that just because they’re big they don’t need to try – well, that’s not the case (trust). And many men who are aware and possibly self-conscious of their smaller penises will try extra-hard to make it that much better (trust). Everyone is different, it’s not just size that determines a good sexual partner (amen).

A big penis is more likely to hurt you than an average sized one. Ripping, tearing and general discomfort are more likely the bigger you go. If you are with a guy who’s on the bigger side – use lube, and lots of it. Read More »

I’m slightly ashamed to admit that while asking for opinions on what to write about this week, this topic was suggested by my best friend’s “little” (17-year old) brother. He brought to my attention the plethora of lies that men tell their partners to get them to swallow and/or do a multitude of other things with their manly fluids. While we’re all aware of some of the more commonly used fibs used to get women to do such things (I know a guy who likes to tell people it will help them lose weight) how many of these things are actually true?

1. Semen may lower blood pressure. According to MSNBC,  ”some studies” show that ingested semen may help lower blood pressure and significantly decrease the risk for pregnant women to develop preeclampsia. Don’t ask me how this works, but I’ll take MSNBC’s word for it.

2. Swallowing semen will not get you pregnant. I’m not even posting a link to this one because it’s just common sense. Your stomach and your uterus are not connected in a way that you can get pregnant. There, now you know. Read More »

I just finished my freshman year of college and I have never had a boyfriend. In fact, the most experience I have sexually is making out. This is not due to religious beliefs, being a prude, or anything like that. I went to an all girls school on the west coast since kindergarten, and I was just so busy all the time, I never really had the chance to start a relationship. My problem is that I really want to be more experienced. I don’t even want to think about how depressing it will be if I go into my junior year still a virgin. I at the very least don’t want to go through much more of college having never given a blow job. The thing is, I am nervous. Not nervous like I don’t really want to, but nervous that I will be so awful I won’t even be able to get him off. Any tips for the first time dabbling in oral sex? Or “manual sex”? I am freaking out here.

My first sex question! Someone wants MY advice? Sweeeeeeet!

Well, first off, I feel obligated to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. It’s something that just hasn’t happened for you yet, and that’s fine… so I’m hoping you’re not feeling too badly about it. That said, I understand that you just want to go for it. My advice? Watch lots of porn. I’m sure you’re smart enough to realize that sex isn’t going to be the way it looks on screen, but you can get a general idea of how things are done (I’ve had friends who’ve had girls just put it in their mouths and sit there… don’t do that).

If I were you, I’d put my energy into looking for a guy I could have a relationship with instead of just someone to have sex with. Not that there’s anything wrong with just having sex, but being in some kind of a relationship with the person is going to a) make you a lot less likely to regret anything, and b) make you feel more comfortable explaining that hey, you don’t have a lot of experience, but you really want to try this out so maybe be could talk you through it. One thing I wish I had been told is that a guy won’t always finish every single time — if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen, and try not to take it too personally.

As for the HJs, try it out and see if it’s something you’re interested in. They can be kind of awkward, even for the most experienced, and you might decide that you’d rather move on to other things. Read More »

Earlier today, while procrastinating on that whole “find a summer job” thing, I came across an article on Glamour.com entitled, “11 Things Men Want You to Do More Often—in Bed and Out.” At the top it says something about how men aren’t so different from women after all, because all they really want at the end of the day is to be pampered and loved!

So apparently (according to the article) your man wants you to remind him how hot he is, relinquish control of the remote, pick up the tabs and giving him frequent massages and blow jobs. What fun!

The list is honest and endearing, but there’s one major problem: most women don’t receive half of these courtesies in return. So now that Glamour’s gotten the convo started, here are some things I wish guys would do more often:

Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like colleges giving out condoms!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

We all have our own definitions of what does and doesn’t count as sex. There’s the classic, “just the tip doesn’t count” or the frat party anthem, “if I can’t remember it, it doesn’t count” or, my personal favorite, “he didn’t get off so it doesn’t count.” But apparently there’s a whole new level of not counting at college – according to a survey at the University of Kentucky, only 20% of students think oral sex counts as sex.

On one side, I get where they’re coming from. Truth be told, I’ve never really thought of oral on the same level as “real” sex (aka penetration), and most of the girls I know wouldn’t include a guy in their “number” if they had only given/received head. Whenever schools or parents or after-school specials talked about sex, they always meant horizontal mambo, baby-making sex; I don’t think I even knew oral existed until all of the guys started snickering about it in middle school. And once you got old enough to actually be doing dirty deeds, getting an Australian kiss always seemed more like foreplay than actual legit sex. After all, we were always taught that sex was about emotions and how it was an expression of love, which, I guess shoving your head between someone’s legs kind of is, but it was never the romantic sort of thing that movies and TV shows call sex, so why should it count? Read More »