You got a question for Tuffy?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and maybe get yourself some answers!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend and I constantly fight about sex. He’s my first boyfriend and I was a virgin when we met. After about a month of being together we had sex and in the five months we’ve been together we’ve only done it a few times. He wants it but whenever we do it, it still hurts a little and I don’t really feel anything. It makes me feel empty inside and I find myself wondering what all the hype is about.

We’ve tried taking breaks and now I feel that I’m truly ready so we tried again and same thing. He says we just need to do it more so that it gets better and that our love for each other should be enough to make it feel good but for me it feels better when we make out. I’ve tried getting him to understand and thought maybe we should wait a little longer before trying again because I also think he just wants it a lot (right before our first time he told me I’d have sex with him if I loved him and like an idiot I did it). And whenever we hang out it usually leads to something physical.

Am I getting played? I never thought I’d be one of those naive girls who lets a guy take advantage of her. I’m wondering if maybe I should break up with him. I do love him but we constantly argue about sex and I’m making all these sacrifices to be with him but when it comes time for him to wait to have sex he’ll do it but he’s complaining about it. Should I break up with him? Are there any other options?

– That Stupid Girl

Dear That Girl,

You’re not stupid. But, yeah–you should dump that mothapooper.

This is not a nice guy, That Not-Stupid-But-Perhaps-Somewhat-Naive Girl. This is someone who coerced you into having sex. Could you have said no? Of course you could have. But he made you feel that, if you said no, you were saying you weren’t into him. He manipulated your feelings, girl. And that just ain’t nice.

In terms of the actual sex, well, okay, there are two sides to this. At a certain point in an adult relationship, sex is expected. If you don’t plan to have sex with someone even in the long-term, you should tell that person really, really, really early in the relationship. Sexual needs must be met, so, if the needs vary, partners should know upfront so they can keep from wasting their time.

However, you clearly were not ready to have sex when you did. You don’t say your age, but I’m gonna guess you’re pretty young. Please, kids, don’t have sex if you’re not ready. It’s not gonna be fulfilling. It’s only gonna make you question if sex will ever be enjoyable.

The good news is, it WILL be enjoyable. But with the right partner, That Girl. Not some douchemonger who wants to have sex every time you hang out. Not some poopstick who doesn’t care about your sexual pleasure.

We all deserve good sex, kids. Use a condom and keep it real.

So, okay. If, for some reason Tuffy just cannot imagine, you are really intent on sticking with this guy, tell him you wanna wait on the sex and that first you wanna do the stuff that accompanies sex. You guys should play around with oral (CONDOMS!!! No one up here want the herp!!!) and fingering. And, really, just get to know each other better. When you’re both more comfortable with each other intimately, then you can try sex again. But only if you’re ready.

But, honestly, That Girl, this kid just ain’t worth it. Dump his sorry shoop and get yourself a new boy who won’t try to manipulate you into having sex. And this time, do us all a favor and take it slow, okay? If the relationship is meant to last, then what’s the rush?

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Last week I gave some pointers about how we girls can kick ass in the bedroom. This week, it’s the boys’ turn. My boyfriend is, by far, the best sex/oral I’ve ever had, and for a while I was actually freaked out that he would spoil me for life. To solve that issue, I had him write a guide on how to please to a woman (that I could assign as homework to any future boyfriends).

Since I don’t see myself dating anyone else any time soon (this Natasha Bedingfield song is totally my life right now), I’ve decided to share it with all of you so that someone will benefit from all this hard work.. So here it is, courtesy of Mr. Amazing himself, and edited with some careful consideration by yours truly.

Lesson One: Oral Stimulation

Kelly Says: Oral stimulation is ALL about the clitoris. Know it, love it, lavish it.

The Boy’s Guide:

1. Stimulate the area with your tongue, but do not apply direct contact to the magic spot until the end. Most women are too sensitive for direct contact right away, and the longer you tease her, the better she will feel in the end.

2. IMPORTANT: feel out what she likes. Pay attention to her bodily responses to various types of strokes and methods. It’s really not that difficult if you focus on her pleasure, rather than waiting for your own.

Lesson Two: Intercourse

Kelly Says: There’s much more to sex than in-and-out motion. Every girl will have different preferences, so try out different types of movements and notice how she responds.

The Boy’s Moves:

1. Ski Down The Mountain: Move your pelvis from side to side as you enter her, so that you enter her at alternating angles each time.

2.  Indicate Your Turn: Enter from the same angle a couple times in a row, hard and fast.

3. Drop The Hammer: Come almost all the way out of her then push all the way in.

4.  Search For Infinity: Make an infinity (sideways 8 ) with the pelvis. This will hit her g-spot and drive. her. crazy.

Lesson Three: Afterward

Kelly Says: The boy didn’t include this in his guide, but I think it’s too important to ignore: Intimacy doesn’t end when the intercourse does. Most women get a surge of oxytocin after orgasm, which makes them crave a bonding connection. You may want to roll over and fall asleep, but give her at least a few minutes of kisses and cuddling.

So there you go, time to go track down your man-of-the-hour and try it out for yourself. Keep in mind, though: good sex is a journey, not a destination. Keep trying new things and you’ll keep finding things you enjoy even more than the last!

Remember that Sex and the City episode when Miranda meets that guy at a Weight Watchers meeting? They head back to her place and get it on, but when he comes back up from downtown for a little smoochy smoochy, his face looks like it’s been dipped in donut glaze.

Vomit.

It was that episode that first instilled fear in me of kissing after a little downtown action. The whole after-oral makeout sesh grosses. me. out. But I also know many girls who will unleash the fury on their men if they don’t get a little thank you kiss when their (difficult…they don’t call it a job for nothing, right?) work is done.

Where do guys stand on this issue? We asked one…

What do you think?

[Wanna ask Tuffy Luv a question? Shoot her an email at tuffy@collegecandy.com and get an answer. Tuffy Luv is posted every other Tuesday. So emmmmaiiiiillllll!]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m dating this guy who is really great in (almost) every way. He’s cute, my friends all like him, and he’s a lot of fun to hang out with.

The only thing is, we’ve been going out for almost six months now and he’s never gone down on me. I’ve gone down on him at least ten times. I asked him what the deal is and he said he “doesn’t like the smell,” not of me, but of all girls.

What do you think?

Deprived Of Oral

Dear Deprived,

I think the boy better suck it up and be a man, that’s what I think.

I mean, look, Girl – it’s one thing if neither of you wants oral. And it’s another if neither one of you are doing it. But if one of you is only giving and the other is only receiving–well, it’s time to have a talk.

Is he not aware that his junk don’t smell so great either? Look, we’re all human beings–we can’t help but smell a little. But that shouldn’t stop us from sexually fulfilling our partners, especially in such a standard kind of way.

Or, if he’d like, he can forgo oral as well and then you’ll be even. But somehow I doubt he’ll do that. You know why? Because it feels flipping fantastic, and he’s being a greedy little b*tch.

To ease the baby into it, perhaps you could try the conventional methods of smelling better down there. For instance, wash immediately before he’s going to do the deed. Let him pick out a fragrance he enjoys. Hell, pick out a flavored lube together if that does the trick. Ask him what would make him comfortable and then do it. Because, honestly, honey, no one should have to go without oral sex if she wants it. Especially if she’s doling it out herself.

(And remember–always use protection!!! You can get STDs from oral sex, don’t fool yourself!)

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[Image courtesy of images.askmen.com]

For this week’s Wednesday Night Encounters, we’re going to observe Men Of Few Words. Not everyone finds it necessary to go on and on about what they want in a partner. Some people enjoy eulogizing for hours about their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams, their “future”, but these guys aren’t interested in bogging us down with such trivial matters. In only a few small sentences, they get to the heart of the matter. They know what they want…and they want it now.

Nice.

New York Guy Seeking a Chick to Kick the Sh*t Out Of Him (PS: he’s afraid of the word vagina)

I am looking for a dominant woman to smack me around a bit, and abuse me for her pleasure.

I want you to make me grovel at your feet, lick and suck your toes. Have you bend and make me lick you know where and clean you to show me my place.

Yes, I know, its extreme but damn it sounds fun, doesn’t it?

I am clean, nice and gl and wish to start fulfilling some fantasies I have had.

A plus if you are mature and a plus if a BBW.

‘Sopranos’ Extra Looking to Try Out His Viagra

Greetings and thanks for stopping by. what is super viagra? it’s a sexual stimulant that keeps me hard for hours… even after i’ve come! once i get off i’m yours to use any way you want plus, i have great hands, tongue and heart… oh and i’m also fairly well endowed. not huge but, as one lady friend once told me: ‘i’m the perfect size.’

funny thing too… the last lady i had a one night sand with… it lasted for five years! no, the viagra didn’t last that long!

I Can Haz Oralz?

let me get onto my knees. crawl under your desk. then lift you skirt up. pull panties aside. an orally plz you.

IF HE DOESN’T HAVE SEX NOW, HE WILL DIE. SERIOUSLY!!!

I AM EXTREMELY HORNY AND MUST HAVE SEX IMMMEDIATELY. I AM D AND D FREE AND COMPLETELY CLEAN THERE IS NOTHING. WRONG. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WTIH ME EXCEPT THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS HORNY AND I NEED TO F*CK IN AS MANY POSITIONS AS POSSIBLE.

I EVEN WILL WECOME MORE PEOPLE TO THE F*CKFST. WOMEN OF ALL AGES AND SHAPES ARE INVITED. PLEASE HURRY IF INTERESTED CALL ME AT 2 ONE 4 7TWO5 2SIXFIVE6 I WILL BE ANSWERING ALL DAY UNTIL 4. I WILL MAKE EVERYSECOND YOUR WITH ME HEAVEN. HURRY BEFORE YOU MISS YOUR CHANCE.

Give Him a BJ, Please? I Mean, The Dude Had To Move Back To His Momz!

im not looking for sex just a bj i just broke up wit my lady and it would help i hade to move back to my moms…ladies only plz know how to suck d*ck for real!

Katherin Heigl is all about the polygamy, baby

What guys really think of oral (or at least what this dude thinks)

Speaking of oral, watch out for freaking throat cancer!

What? No more random play on Facebook?!

Naomi Campbell is drunk and disorderly. Business as usual

Blueberry-Lime Margaritas. Oh yes

The economy f*cking sucks. But we’re still shopping like maniacs

Watch out, Dr. Drew. Tom Cruise will let his aliens loose on your ass

No one wants to wear Perez’s stuff.  Where are all those emo tweens when you need ‘em?

Before I delve into how much oral activity went on last night (on the show of course), the beginning of Nip/Tuck was utterly horrifying. Dr. MacNamara’s new leading lady sh*t herself in his hot tub and was from that point referred to as “the sh*tter.”

Is it just me or does this girl seem way too unworthy of dating such a hot doctor? I don’t care that she used to be fat. I don’t mind that she has some intimacy issues. What bothers me is that her personality sucks. What does he see in her? Especially now that she’s literally sh*t all over him. Uh, so gross. I did however find all of the poop talk hilarious.

My prediction is that MacNamara dumps her and gets it on with Eden, lesbian Olivia’s overly sexual daughter, who’s hair is out of control. And side note: Is this chick for real? I mean what is she? A teen dominatrix? You’d think she were a tease, but I’m seriously doubt it.

Now on to the oral. GOOD LORD, what a variety. First we have the sh*tter giving Dr. Mac a BJ. Then we have Olivia going down on Julia. And last, but I’m sure not least, Kimber and Matt giving us a full on oral sex show after they smoked crack. And while we’re on the subject of these two, I was like “WHAT?!” when I watched this scene.

Their poor baby.

Above all, I think one of the highlights of the episode was when Julia slept with Christian. I know I was probably as shocked as him when she flat out said she did him to be done with him. Dude, you. Got. Served.

Now that the whole MacNamara/Troy family is back together again, we are all in for some crazy ass drama. God, I love this show.

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We’ve all been there. Things are going well, he’s got a good rhythm going, and then somewhere along the line, he’s doing that thing that you hate.

You shift your hips, clear your throat, wiggle around, but for some reason, can’t bring yourself to speak up and say, “uh, about 2 inches to your left, buddy.”

Five minutes later, you’ve given up and are mentally compiling your to-do list until it’s over.

The more my friends and I started complaining to each other about this, the more I realized just how big of a problem it is. One friend of mine has just resigned herself to that idea that as much as she loves her boyfriend, it’s just not going to happen. EVER.

Another is convinced that there’s something wrong with her. But guess what? According to sex advice column Ask Dan and Jennifer, just only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm. The key word here is “properly.”

Maybe it’s just too many years of Sex and the City influence, but my girl friends and I talk about going down all the time—suction, speed, tips and tricks. We’re eager to please.

Hell, even my gay guy friends joins in for a guy’s perspective. So, what about our boyfriends (or un-boyfriends)?

But apparently, this conversation isn’t happening across town at guys’ poker night, as evidenced by the scores of unsatisfied women out there. Men, listen up. According to Dan and Jennifer, 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from oral sex, versus only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration.

If my math is correct, men should be spending a lot more time and effort down below. Discuss with your friends. Read a book. Study porn. Do something. Don’t get me wrong, I always appreciate the effort made. That slightly confused look of determination is really cute…but let’s be honest, determination alone doesn’t get anyone off. And there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris, more than on the head of the penis. There’s a lot of potential for pleasure there!

Of course, us ladies need to speak up a bit too and perhaps let him know that he’s about half a foot from where he should be. But you know what? We do just fine with minimal instruction from our men, so I think it’s only fair to just want him to figure it out by himself. It kind of kills the mood when you need to bark orders at him like a drill sergeant and put a metronome at the foot of the bed in order to get off.

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