CollegeCandy » orgasms

A couple of weeks ago, my editor forwarded me a fierce press release and asked me if I wanted to interview Dr. Jennifer Landa. She’s a gynecologist/entrepreneur who specializes in helping ladies get their sexy back. She encourages her patients to make healthy lifestyle choices – working from the inside out – in order to have a more fulfilling and exciting sex life. How could I not take the opportunity to talk to someone whose entire career is based on empowering women to have better sex?

Why did you go into your field?
So many of my patients had complaints that were so frustrating to take care of. The tools in my tool box weren’t working well. Hormones don’t address the problems with my patients, anything from PMS to low libido. So many women suffered, but I wasn’t well equipped. I was looking at ways to help patients by studying lasers and injectables. I did more research and came to realize the best way to attack the problems is to start from the inside out. Make changes in your appearance, your energy, your mood through nutritional supplements and through hormonal balance. Better energy, better sex drive, and overall quality of life.

What’s the most common problem your patients face?
Fatigue is one of the most common, as well as inability to sleep, lose weight, and sex drive.

Do college aged women often have sex drive problems?
I had problems with my libido starting at 28 years old. I do see younger women with trouble with energy and sleeping, nutritional problems, and a poor sex drive. The biggest problem that causes all these issues is stress. Stress is a sex-killer and energy killer. Improving your stress management and nutritional care can improve your health. Eating fast food is a stress. Keeping your blood sugar more stable and keeping your meals balanced makes a huge difference in college aged women.

Why do sexual relationships go sour?
Especially in terms of women, if we’re not happy with our partner, we’re not going to be amorous. A lot of people don’t realize their relationship isn’t what they wanted. I frequently have women who come in and think it’s hormonal, but they tell me they’re not happy with their partners, sexually. When we talk about it in depth, and they realize they’re not feeling it, I make referrals for counseling. The large majority of the women I treat are in their 40s and 50s, and the novelty as worn off, and you’re busy building your own lives and careers. The biggest most important thing is that couples need to make the time to be intimate. Scheduling date nights and scheduling good sex is important. It’s so unromantic, but everything else in your life is on a schedule too.

What is the anxiety you come across most frequently?

I have to talk to women and couples about the expectation of the orgasm. A lot of women think they’re not having good sex if they’re not having an orgasm, or if they don’t have a vaginal orgasm. The estimates are that orgasms with no clitoral stimulation is at 20 percent. The women who have those are outside the norm. They’re the lucky exception.

Straight from a doctor’s mouth, orgasms are not the end-all/be-all. Take the pressure off yourself to reach an epic finish, and just enjoy the journey. And in case you needed another reason to work out, eat more healthily, take time to relax, and remember your vitamins, just think of how sexy all of those great lifestyle changes can help you feel. If you are interested in more of Dr. Landa’s philosophy, she has a book coming out in February. I’ll definitely be checking it out, because if 2012 is indeed our last year on earth, I want it to be sexy as humanly possible.

Candy Dish: It’s…Uh…Miley?

Amanda - Wisconsin — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 15:01:09 +0000

Miley Cyrus, the stoner

Which of your favorite TV stars double as musicians

Stars take a tumble

Christian Bale gets candid about Batman

Can those extra pounds affect your orgasms?

This is how Abercrombie and Fitch celebrate the holidays

How to wear nude pumps in winter

Are you too comfortable in your serious relationship?

Candy Dish: Get Loud

CC Staff — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 14:00:51 +0000

10 clever ways to disguise sex noises

Stars are returning to the soaps that gave them fame

5 TV shows that never should have ended

An easy guide for making d.i.y. antique photos

First look at Missoni for Target

5 Things we didn’t know about our orgasms

Tips for looking skinny in photos

Sex never defines the relationship

How far would you go to meet your favorite celeb

Sexy Time: Orgasmic Issues in the Bedroom

Jasmine - Northern Arizona University — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 13:00:06 +0000

We let orgasms have too much power. If we don’t have them, we stress ourselves out and having one starts to seem like a chore instead of a pleasure. If our partners don’t have them, we start second-guessing our sexy talents. And if our partners (particularly the ones of the male variety) have one too soon, they’re basically devalued as being viable, legitimate sexual partners.

How depressing and thoroughly unnecessary. That said, there are ways to overcome these perceived snafus to create a much more relaxing, less pressure-filled sex life.

When you can’t orgasm with your partner.

It’s completely normal to not be able to orgasm during intercourse. Most women require clitoral stimulation, which intercourse alone can’t provide, so encourage your partner to use their hands more. If you find that it takes you longer to orgasm with a partner than it does when you masturbate, that is totally fine. When you’re alone and doing your own thing, you are relaxed. You have complete trust in yourself, and there is a lot less pressure than when you’re with a partner. Anxiety, whether it’s obvious or buried subconsciously, has an effect on your ability to orgasm. Being able to totally let go with someone else takes time. Talk to your partner about it and make sure you’re both on the same page. Remind them that they are great and it’s not their fault and try to impress upon them that you love what they do. That will go a long way in diffusing any tension that could build up.

When you can’t orgasm alone.

Orgasms are a delicate balance of mental and physical. You have to be in a relaxed enough mental space while making sure your pelvic muscles are tense enough (Kegels are perfect for this). The best time to “practice” achieving orgasm is to go solo. If despite your best efforts to orgasm, you can’t, you may have to see your gyno or your general practitioner — your birth control or your antidepressants could be responsible for inhibiting your orgasms.

When your partner can’t orgasm.

This can be a confidence-crushing situation, but it doesn’t have to be. Ask for honest feedback. Maybe your partner has really specific needs that you wouldn’t necessarily know how to fill. It’s also possible that your partner could be taking medications that interfere with their sex drive. Don’t put any pressure on your partner to orgasm and try not to take it personally, because most likely, it has nothing to do you. All you can do is support your partner and help them feel as relaxed and comfortable as possible.

When your partner orgasms too quickly.

There are a ton of tricks for guys to try when they consistently come too soon — like masturbating before sex and thinking of random unsexy things. There’s also the “stop-start” method, where you stimulate the guy to the point where he’s almost about to orgasm – and then stop. Doing this over time trains the penis to delay ejaculating. This can be a fun, teasing game when you’re giving him a handjob or oral. And once again, try to make your boy as calm as possible. His nerves could be totally getting the best of him, and making sure he knows that you’re not judging him can go a long way in alleviating his stress.

Ultimately, though, orgasms are not that big a deal. Of course they are awesome to have, and it can be fun learning new ways to get yourself off, but at the same time, it’s definitely not the end of the world if you or your partner don’t have one. Sex isn’t an all or nothing situation. It’s one scenario where the journey can easily be just as amazing as the destination.

10 More Things You Should Know About Sex

Jenn - Wagner College — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 19:00:51 +0000

So last time we ran a post like this, you ladies learned a lot about sex, even though you didn’t really think you needed to when you first clicked the link. 171 Facebook shares later, it was clear that you learned A LOT more than you expected. Even though we’re young, college girls living the college life, we don’t know sex like we think we do. Especially since the rest of the world keeps coming up with all this new (and sometimes useful) information. So check out the links below, and discover what you didn’t know about sex, the pros, the cons, and everything in between.

1. You are better than a booty call.

Because casual sex isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.

2. There is such a thing as mismatched libidos.

And they can cause a lot of dissatisfaction.

3. You need to stop faking it.

And apparently, it’s a 15 step process.

4. It’s not just people we can be attracted to.

I’m talking robots, ponies, and mannequins…

5. You can’t stop half way there.

Unlike men, unless women are continuously stimulated our sexual tension can drop instantaneously.

6. If you’re sexually inactive you can now blame it on your name.

A study shows that French women whose names end in “a” are more sexually active than others.

7. You don’t have to be on top. But you can be.

One woman talks about how she discovered that in the bedroom, she didn’t always need to be in control.

8. Sex can make you happier and healthier.

Sex can improve you mood, make you look younger, and give you clear skin.

9. It’s about compromise.

Lights on or lights off? One psychologists tells us how to compromise with each other without compromising ourselves.

10. Certain strands of HPV can cause oral cancer.

HPV-16 and 18 can cause cervical cancer, and now researchers say that HPV-16, transmitted through oral sex can cause oral cancer.

Want to learn 10 more things about sex? Check out the original post!

10 Misconceptions I Had About Sex Before I Started Having It

Jasmine - Northern Arizona University — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 18:00:19 +0000

Once upon a time, I was a very sheltered girl. Sex was the ultimate taboo – I thought it was dangerous, dirty, and I failed to understand how anyone could derive pleasure from it. In high school, when my friends started engaging in sexy time, their less than positive reviews of their experiences didn’t make sex sound any more appealing. It wasn’t until I got to college, and started meeting more experienced, sex-positive, empowered ladies that I started to cultivate a more positive view of sexuality. And when I finally started having sex with an incredibly sensitive man, I confirmed that a lot of my fear of sex was based on fallacies and lies.

Without further ado, here are some of my most misguided thoughts.

10. Tummy fat is kryptonite for guys.
I used to be absolutely terrified of getting naked in front of a guy. In fact, I actually lost my virginity while wearing a dress. I thought a dude would catch one glance of my layer of chub and totally lose interest. In reality, most guys are not that douchey, and when they’re that close to sticking their goods into your mouth and/or vag, trust – they think you’re the sexiest woman in the world this side of Megan Fox.

9. Small penis = no pleasure.
The average depth of a vagina is 6 inches. The average length of a penis is 5 inches. More than likely, whatever he’s packing is more than sufficient. But even if it’s not, whatever – a finger feels good, and the odds of encountering a penis any smaller than that is highly unlikely.

8. Liking rough sex means you have no self-respect.
I totally bought into the idea that a woman allowing a man to dominate her in bed was letting herself be degraded…and then I actually started playing with dominant/submissive role play, and it is the complete antithesis of degrading. As a consenting adult woman, creating a fantasy world with someone I trust, role play is incredibly empowering.

7. Condoms are uncomfortable.
I knew before I started having sex that I would always expect dude to wear a condom, as hormonal birth control is not an option for me. But I was expecting condoms to be instruments of evil. I mean, who hasn’t heard horror stories of condoms constantly breaking or condoms getting lost somewhere in the vag. But in my experience, condoms get an unnecessarily bad rap. As long as they’re put on properly, and smothered in lube, things should be fine. Sure, you may have to experiment with different ones to find one that is perfect for the guy and for you, but being baby and disease free is worth the extra work.

6. Having sex “too soon” ruins any chance of a relationship.
So…full disclosure – I had sex with a guy less than a week after I first met him. We’re now approaching our one year anniversary. I know a lot of you are side-eyeing me, thinking that my situation is an anomaly, and yes, I’ll acknowledge that there are tons of guys who wouldn’t consider me “girlfriend material”…but they’re clearly misogynistic jerks, so their opinion is very much null, void, and completely irrelevant to any self-respecting woman’s interests. If a guy truly likes you, he will have complete respect for you whether you sleep wi

5. You don’t have to work to have good sex
I thought sex was based solely on chemistry, and if the sex wasn’t immediately mind-blowing, it wasn’t meant to be. However, I’ve learned that’s an incredibly narrow-minded view. Okay, maybe if you encounter a guy who, like, doesn’t know he has to be hard to enter you (yes, this has happened to someone I know), it should be on to the next. Open communication is absolutely essential to have a dynamic, exciting sex life. If you can’t talk to someone about your fantasies or your needs, you really don’t need to be getting intimate with them.

4. Blow jobs are icky
Oh, yes. I was one of those girls. The idea of sticking a penis in my mouth used to elicit a strong hell to the no from me. I was afraid of the taste, of the smell, if I would be good at it, etc. Blow jobs are not rocket science (and a good guy is more than willing to give you constructive feedback to improve your performance). And as long as he showers regularly, you shouldn’t be gagging with disgust while down there.

3. Guys always want sex
I thought I would constantly be in these awkward situations where all I wanted to do was kiss and cuddle while a dude would be dying to go further. And, yes, of course I’ve encountered the douchebag who didn’t want to take no for an answer, but most mature guys value a mutually enjoyable, consensual experience, and if you encounter one who doesn’t, then it’s on to the next.

2. Good sex always ends in orgasm
I think there is far too much emphasis on orgasms. In my experience, orgasms are more like sprinkles on a chocolate frosted chocolate cupcake – a delightful little extra treat, but far from necessary.

1. Sex isn’t fun
Oh my god, sex is awesome. While I wouldn’t call myself a sex addict, my ideal weekend with my boo definitely involves a few rounds of horizontal tango. Three years ago, though? I would have balked at the idea that sex was anything more than an arduous chore, something that I would only do because I didn’t want to be seen as “damaged goods.” And while I would never condone having sex before you’re ready, it’s really important to have a clear perspective of what sex actually is like before you decide to have it or not have it.

Sexy Time: I Am VERY Thankful for Sex

Kelly — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 14:00:38 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving!

In the spirit of the holiday, I’ve put together a list of 10 reasons I’m thankful for sex. I’m sure we can all agree there are many more than 10 reasons to be thankful for sexy time, but there is football to be watched, online sales to be shopped and pumpkin pie to be eaten. There just isn’t enough time in this day to say all my Thank You’s.

So, here goes.
My big, fat thank you to fornication!

1. Orgasms. ‘Nuff said.

2. Sex releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. They also make your hair shiny and skin smooth.

3. Sex makes babies. Babies are cute (as long as they’re not mine).

4. Sex is free (usually) and fun (usually).

5. Sex helps me connect with people. And not just the people I have sex with. Sex gives me dirty details to dish to my friends, the Internet, or even strangers on the subway.

6. Sex gives me something to write about every week. Which looks good on my resume. Which will help get me a job. Sex will get me a job!

7. Sex gives me something to daydream about during my long, boring biology lectures. (My professor may drone on, but he’s banging and I can only imagine what’s going on under those pleated khakis.)

8. Sex burns calories. Up to 300 an hour! So after today’s feast, it will only take about 25 hours of sex to burn it all off.

9. Sex helps me fall asleep at night, which is a much healthier habit than relying on sleeping pills. Plus it’s more fun. See #4.

10. Sex made me! I’d rather not think about the specifics, but some day a long time ago my parents had (gasp) sex and now here I am. And that is definitely something I can be thankful for.

Why are you thankful for sex?