January 20, 2009
- 11:00 am
By Kathryn S
Dear President Barack Obama,
I know you’re just moments away from being inaugurated, but in my opinion, the Bush era has been dead for awhile now, and you have been the prez since the results were announced. I figured out how to fill out an absentee ballot for you, Mr. Obama, and I can’t even handle bills that come in paper statements, so that’s saying something. The day you were elected, Mr. Obama, my roommate and I screamed and jumped up and down on our futon like we’d just watched a really hot episode of Gossip Girl. One of my friends from the bloody United Kingdom texted me to congratulate me on our country’s finally making a good decision, even though it was about 4 a.m. in his time zone.
There’s a lot riding on your presidency, Mr. Obama, and while I have enough faith in you to fill out that freaking absentee ballot, I would also like to give you some tips, so you take the same downtrodden path that so many of our past leaders have taken. Read More »
Tags: 2012, barack obama, Bill Clinton, Bushism, George Bush, inauguration, Kirsten Dunst, liqour tax, media, michelle obama, monica lewinsky, oval office, politics, president, richard nixon, satire, scandal, speech, Teapot Dome, Ulysses S. Grant, Warren Harding, Water Gate, Whiskey Ring, white house
October 10, 2008
- 5:00 pm
By CC Staff

The election is less than 4 weeks away, which, obvi, everyone knows since the campaign commercials/ mailings/ phone calls/ SNL skits are EVERYWHERE. All the time. I even hear “I am Barack Obama and I approve this message,” in my freaking SLEEP.
It’s crunch time and Barack Obama and John McCain are popping into new cities every day to tell Americans what they plan to do when they move into the Oval Office.
Which got us thinking.
We know that we could never run for president (there are waaaay too many Facebook albums that could be used as blackmail), but what if we could? So, we asked our writers to weigh in on their Presidential Plans: If they were elected president, what is the first thing they would do? Read More »
Tags: Alaska, barack obama, campaigning, college, Congress, economy, elected, election, government, john mccain, legalize marijuana, man boobs, manolo blahnik shoes, marc jacobs bag, minor in possession, nuclear, oval office, president, underage drinking, universal health care, white house
October 10, 2008
- 10:30 am
By Lauren - University of Michigan


I love Barack Obama. LOVE him. I love his policies, I love his speeches and I love the way he looks in a bathing suit. If Michelle hadn’t already nabbed that guy, I would definitely take him home for myself. And, yes, he may have made it into one (or many) of my “do me on the desk in the Oval Office” fantasies.
And now I can live out my fantasies….sorta. Read More »
Tags: barack obama, debate, dildo, election, fantasies, masturbation, michelle obama, obama, oval office, president, Sex, vote